I am calling this place,, the Fun House. First because “Welcome to the Fun House” is the title of the second novel, the one I recently finished. The second reason is because this the place I’m living in–the Fun House which is in Pattaya Thailand which goes by several different names. One of them is “A Disneyland for Adults.” Another is Sin City. Now most of the guys who own condos in my building come from all over the world. There’s over a half a dozen Germans, only three Americans including myself, unless there’s a couple of recluses in Hibernation. A Canadian, possibly half a dozen Brits, several Australians, a pair of Kiwis from New Zealand, one Norwegian, one Finn, a Russian couple above me, and so on. Most of them are older men such as myself who are trying to inject as much excitement as possible into the golden years.
It’s warm here although it’s not nearly as hot as some people might think.. The average winter temperature and do keep in mind that winter lasts all of three weeks, is just 8 degrees colder than the average summer temperature We can ride our motorbikes all year long which is so much fun except for the streets being so deadly. The police here are really the opposite of what American police try to do which is to serve and protect. Here, it’s let people do everything they want to do no matter how unsafe or unsound it is because the police are alright with that so long as they are getting as much tea money as they can along the way.
No one knows how many bars are here. Some say it’s over 2000 while others put the figure at 4000. There’s over 100 go-go bars in town, which are a lot like American strip clubs. But whereas a lap dance in the U.S. costs $20.00 and up for just a 3 minute song, here you can take a girl out of the go go bar for $18.00 and after that it’s between you and the girl although the last time I was into that scene I was giving the girls $30.00. But that’s just the way it is here where everything is for sale and everything has its price. I’ve had the same girlfriend for over 2 1/2 years so now my life has become a model of respectability. She is thirty-eight years younger than me.
My friend Ross and I agree that the Thai women are the best looking women in the world and we should know because we get to see all kinds. We live n Disneyland where people come in from all over the world. The place has gotten to be flooded with Russians by now and there’s a lot of shapely Russian women here, but most are with their husbands or boyfriends and nearly all of them have hardened looks in their eyes. And if anyone likes Chinese or Korean women, when you stack them up against the Thai women the Thais have them beat by a mile. Ross keeps telling me he’d hate to be living anywhere else. Anyway, there’s a huge assortment of beautiful women to choose from here so between having warm summer days all year round and getting to ride motorcycles everyday, having between 2000 and 4000 bars, over 100 strip clubs and getting to actually go out with the most beautiful women in the world even if you are starting to get old and crusty like me–this isn’t really happening- I cannot be living around here, but I am and that’s why I’m calling this place the Fun House.