Pattaya Police give JB the Pattaya Breathalyzer test

Pattaya Police gave JB the Pattaya Breathalyzer  test for drunk driving not once but five times.  But JB had not touched one drop of alcohol.  In fact he had just done one hour on the elliptical machine, burning off 750 calories–good enough to negate the calory content of 7 beers.   His gym clothes were in his backpack, smelly and soaking wet from all his sweat.   He was just five minutes out of the shower at the fitness center and was now on his way to dinner at a neighborhood restaurant.

It was 7 p.m.  He was just one kilometer away from his own condo on his way to a relaxing dinner with his girlfriend sitting behind him on his motorcycle when four or five of Pattaya’s finest loomed in front of him.  But Pattaya’s finest incorruptibles stood in his way forcing him to stop.  Pulling out his Thai driver’s license, he told the Thai policemen that he had nothing to drink whatsoever.  So they gave him the Pattaya breathalyzer test making him blow into the scurrilous device.  Unfortunately for the police, the breathalyzer showed no alcohol in JB’s system whatsoever.  But the police were doing without so it was time to press the issue.  So the police officer with the Pattaya breathalyzer figured, “If at first you don’t succeed it’s time to try again,” so he told JB to blow again and to narrow his mouth more, which JB did, of course, out of due respect for the law.  But it was still not good enough for the policeman who asked him to narrow his mouth even more.  His mouth  just two centimeters wide, JB blew a third time, and once again the Pattaya Breathalyzer failed to show any signs of alcohol.  One more time the Pattaya Police officer asked JB to narrow his mouth even more.  It now took real concentration to blow.  Visions started to fill JB’s head of Gold Fish  and gay guys smoking lady boys with small appendages .  His mouth now narrowed down to form a 360 degree ellipse no larger than a straw he blew once more, but still no signs of alcohol.  Finally the police let him continue on to the restaurant.

But oh well.  Exercise is good for a man.  And it’s good for the soul.  So now that the police are out giving breathalyzer tests to motorcyclists, it’s a good time to get back to our roots and start walking those beers off.

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