Over twelve years ago Jack Corbett and his editor were writing their Dick Fitswell and Backdoor Man stories for "Xtreme Magazine"


Letters from the Backdoor Man
by McTeague


Episode 8 of The Trailer Park Momma, "In Search of the Holy Tail"

"......Well, I ain't superstitious......When a black cat cross my trail......"

Howlin' Wolf still cranking it out for me while I let the night air cool my hot, sweaty skin. Amanda on the back of my bike holding on tight, and not acknowledging much, just very quiet. Good thing too; cause the last thing I need right now is some bitch jacking her jaw off in my ear about what went down in that crazy ass town back there. Shit, I still don't even know what went down. All I know is the shit is tripped out. A fuckin' wolf sent from the realms of the undead to kill me; "Pussy Gatekeeper" what the fuck does all that shit mean; "I been sent for you boy!" Yeah, who the fuck sent you is all I can keep thinkin' about.

I always knew that fuckin' all them Ho's would lead me down an evil road; just like that old Blue's man Robert Johnson. Sometimes deemed as the Father of the Blues. The legend says that motherfucker sold his soul down at the Crossroads; ol' boy met his fate in a harsh way too. He was known to be a womanizer and always messin' around with them cheatin' Ho's. But one day that boy screwed the wrong Ho! Just a bad day in Ho-ville I guess. His career flourishing, and then wham! He became a victim - a victim of evil pussy!

A Bar owners lady at that who used to book Johnson as a gig. Johnson would be up there this dudes juke joint singing "Traveling Riverside Blues," or "Come in my Kitchen" and drinking that whiskey he loved so much. This guitar slinging sinner was livin' too close for comfort in this man's establishment. It wasn't long before the Bartender became the key to this great Blues singer's fate. He set up a lethal mixture of whiskey that poisoned Johnson so bad, that it took him two days to die. And no fuckin' Doctors would come out and see him; cause Johnson was a negro, and back in those days white Doctors sure as shit didn't make no house calls to the brothers! That man died hard. One witness, who visited him early in the second day of his decline, saw Johnson foaming at the mouth and deliriously in pain. The poison was boiling his intestines away. Mental note: Don't go fuckin' no bartenders Ho! Shit, and here I am cruising down the highway with yet another Ho! Man, bad habits are hard to break.

We came to a four-way in the middle of nowhere, and I stopped for a moment. It's dark out, but I can see fields of Sunflowers swaying in the moonlight. Ginsberg tried to form his own verbal variation of its beauty, but I don't see any Sunflower Sutra here, what I see is fascinating beyond his melodramatic descriptions. Something that has to be visualized within the flesh. I am no stranger to this beautiful flower that thrives out West. I've been here many times; all roads are familiar to me. I see hundreds of them growing in rows eight to ten feet tall. Amanda taps me on the shoulder and says, "Hey, I know a neat little place a couple of miles away from here. It's a very pretty place; lotsa deer walk around, and there is a big dam with a gorgeous waterway. We can sit under the moonlight all night and watch the sun come up tomorrow morning."

Still mesmerized by the tall, soldier like sunflowers, and having a subtle realization that came and went as fast it appeared; making me believe that I may know who sent the Wolf; I dreamily responded, "Good idea." And it echoed over and over in my brain as I eased up on the clutch like a zombie, and started rollin' again. I'm unfocused at this point. My body is drained and weak with relaxation. I feel pure with its exhaustion; it is almost a reward. My reward for surviving Death; a reward that I am getting used to receiving......

We pulled up to the edge of what looked like a huge reservoir; she told me to take a right and go down below on the other side of the Dam. The light from the moon and stars reflected off the water and eased a little dinner light against the rocky inclines, like something out of the work of Deliverance. As we rode down into the small valley she started to rub my cock, and gently kiss the back of my neck. I noticed she was right about all the deer. They were everywhere; feeding off the side of the road; near the water, and crowded in the treeline. Their eyes glowing from the reflection of my headlight. For idle conversation as we took our time around the winding curves of the road, I couldn't help but ask, "Where'd you say your man went to this weekend?" She paused briefly and said, "Who? Oh, he went fishing with all his buddies. A bunch of drunk assholes is all they are."

"Oh yeah Baby?" I said. "I know all them men are the same huh?"

"I don't know, and I don't give a fuck!" she said kind of amused and pissed off. "What I do know, is none of those men are going to be getting a piece of me tonight! And I can tell by the stiffness of your cock right now, that you think your getting a piece of this hot, wet pussy. But if you keep bringing my old man up for conversation, you're going to start to blow my high, and you won't be getting a little bit of nothing, fast."

"Damn Bitch, calm the fuck down. I'm just busting your ass!"

Yeah this bitch would be a nightmare to be hooked up with once she started raggin'. But I ain't too concerned about all that right now. This chick wants to fuck around and start yelling and shit, well then she's about to get fucked --BackDoor Man style!

We pulled into a small clearing right near the banks of the water. The night was very still and you could hear the water gently rapping against the beach. Amanda hopped off the bike and ran into the woods to take a piss. My cock was still hard from her rubbing it. I reached into my saddlebag and pulled out some rope, and a fresh Budweiser; when I heard Amanda nervously say, "What's that for?"
"Well the beer is for us, and the rope is for you. Here take a sip." She took the beer with caution and laughed uncertainly. "Aw honey, don't worry. I ain't gonna do nothing crazy with this here rope. All I'm gonna do is tie you to that tree over there, so that your beautiful ass is perched up in the air. Then I'm going to pull your jeans down till they wrap around your ankles and leave them there. When I pull out my cock I'm going to smack it against your ass like a bullwhip, and then I'm going to stick it in your ass, and play with your clit till you burst down your leg. And after you take my hot load up your ass like a good girl should, I just might untie you before I leave."

"OOOhhh, that sounds hot!" she said, and licked her lips. "I knew you were the type who likes it rough and far out."

My patience was up and I said, "Well then, what you waitin' for? Get on over to that tree and drop your pants, panties and all." Her jeans were skin tight and she had a bit of difficulty sliding them down her hips. So I went over and helped her, just like teaching a schoolgirl how to get undressed. She bent over and gently fingered her asshole. "Yeah baby that's it, get that little thing warmed up."

I tied her hands around the tree and the bark flaked off to speckle her pale skin - she moaned and closed her eyes. I got behind her and pulled my cock out, lubing the head up against her dripping sex for easy entry. I pushed the head of it up against her asshole, nudging it to check its pliability. Her little asshole puckering in and out like some kind of fleshy magnetic vortex, making my cock twitch up and down, drawing it deeply into her Black Hole.

I fucked her hard and fast while the deer watched in amazement. Reaching around to her pussy I started to play with her clit and pounded her ass. It wasn't long before she sprayed her cum all over my fingers; and her asshole gripped my cock with a pulsating friction that sucked the fluid straight out of my nuts! I pulled out and spilled some across the small of her back. Busting a nut like that makes you weak in the knees, and I damn near fell to the ground.

All of sudden the cautious deer took off in a frenzy, and a bright light flooded the beachline exposing the both of us. It shone from a boat on the water. They'd probably been sittin' out there in the dark for a while thinkin' it would be funny to catch two people fucking in the woods. The glare was blinding, as I stumbled in the sand trying to pull up my jeans. And then there was just silence for a moment, and then a puzzled voice spoke: "Jed, isn't that your lady over there?" And then another dude on the boat started laughing --"Whooo-hooo! That shit is too funny! I always knew your woman was a pig man. I told you from the get go that bitch was a HO! Ah-Haaa!" The dude can barely breathe he's laughing so hard.

I heard Amanda utter sharply, "Shit! Why me, why me!" And then a third voice, a hostile and angry one: "What the fuck! What the fuck Amanda?! Where's my gun?! Where's my fucking gun, Goddammit! A man can't even go fishing anymore without his woman turning into a whore! Get the fuck out of my way!" he yells stumbling through the small fishing boat. His friends are trying to calm him down; "No Jed, don't do it man! It's not worth it!" "She's just a bitch man, ain't nothin' to go to prison for boy." "Shut the fuck up and get out of my way; cause I swear by God that I'm going to kill any motherfucker that does!! Ahhh, there it is!"

During the commotion, I was able to pull up my jeans. As I headed for my bike I could feel the wetness of her pussy juice drying up around my balls. Amanda screamed out, "What about me? Untie me! Don't leave me here!" I looked at her and said, "What Bitch? You think this is some kind of "Romancing the Stone" story, or some fuckin' "Jewel of the Nile"? I ain't no Michael Douglas!

The time I had left for safety was measured in the crack of a 9-millimeter that shot out and hit one of the trees nearby ricocheting sporadically. I started up my bike as Amanda struggled in frustration and she started yelling; "You're an asshole! All men are assholes!!" I looked into the sky and wondered when a brother will ever get a break. The two dudes managed to wrestle Jed to the floor of the boat and disarmed him for the time being. One of the dudes started screamin', "Ow! fuck! I got a fishing hook in my hand! Son of a bitch!" And I heard old Jed the whole time yelling in a hoarse excited tone, "Somebody's fucking dying! Oh man, I'm killing somebody! I'm killing somebody! You bitch - you betrayed me!

Realizing that time was on my side for a moment, because of the Larry, Moe, and Curly episode going on out there; I whipped a joint out of my stash; cracked my throttle a couple of times and lit the joint. The flame was tall and bright; and I stared through it directly into Amanda's eyes, inhaling deeply. Her wrists were raw from struggling with the rope; her high heels arched her ass in the air with a cumshot dripping off of it. I noticed something through her windows of the world. They were working into mine and I could see the reflection of the flame burning in them. I felt as if she were carving my intestines out with an imaginary knife; not budging; her look was of severe contempt, and then the flame dispersed leaving me blinded by the night. I let the hit of fresh herb escape my lungs, and then it came to me; the moral of the story that is: "Not everyday, is a good day for a Ho!" Peace people.......

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