Barred from another topless club
by Jack Corbett

It is one thing to be thrown out of clubs for fighting or manhandling the dancers but somehow I manage to get thrown out just for being me--right in the middle of having a pleasant conversation with a girl or two. Been kicked out of clubs just for bringing one of my novels into the club such as what happened to me at French Quarter a couple of years ago. And I wasn't even trying to sell the book....Just showing it off to one of the dancers who seemed interested. Then, several months ago, I went into C-Mowes and was asked to leave by the bartender who had been asked to evict me by the owner. Turned out someone had written a bad review on the place in the Ultimate Strip Club list and I got blamed for it as if I was behind everything in the adult entertainment world on the Web. Happened again just last night. But this time it was the owner who told me "Jack, you are barred. Now leave." This particular owner was one of the main reasons I kept coming into the club in the first place since I found him entertaining and interesting to talk with. Still.....I got the boot. For raiding the club I'm sure. Once again, I'm innocent and if you don't believe me, here's the story on this one.

First.....let's face certain facts. Dollies gives me a phone line for Internet use. I can bring my computer in no matter who's managing. Take pictures whenever I want as long as I follow certain guidelines. If I want to sit in the corner and start writing a chapter in my next book I can do that. Guys come in and buy me beers. I am friends with the managers and at least a couple of the girls. Moreover, management will often ask me to take a girl home, knowing that the girl can trust me. At least I won't make serious moves on them. Now if the girl is cute enough and she makes the moves, that's a different matter. In general, the managers are very competent and have excellent senses of humor, often getting into my picture taking sessions or taking pictures for me when I'm in the pictures with the girls. The club has become like a private headquarters for me. Go there at night and there's a fair chance you will find me there. To say I'm partial to Dollies is an understatement. I can act crazier at Dollies than I can at any other club and the best part of it is, I have lots of accomplices there from the managers, doormen, dancers, to the men and women who come from other clubs, who come in as customers, or who just come in from wherever.

But no matter how much one might like a club it is nice to have other places nearby. One's favorite girls might not be in the club or the right girls might be there but things just aren't going right. Or I get the urge to go somewhere else if only for an hour, then come back later on. Another thing......if a man lives on the St Louis side of the River----especially if he lives forty-five minutes from the club----he's going to want to have several clubs to choose from. If only one club existed it would not be enough of a draw. The music is different from club to club. A bad night at one's favorite club might turn into a great night at a man's second favorite club.

So I'm not about to raid a club to steal it's dancers for another club. It's unethical and bad business for me. Still....it happened. Guess it all started when I went into Chameleon one night and found Linda working there. Now Linda goes back several years with me. She used to work at Dollies where she hung around Mary and Katt. Back in those days Mary would be my designated drunk driver, driving me from Dollies to her place or a motel where she and two other dancers used to stay. If I stayed at the motel I'd hand twenty bucks to whichever girl I was staying with to halve her room expenses and mine.

Katt was living in Livingston, Illinois around thirty miles from Dollies. One afternoon I got a call from Mary. She had it all planned. "Hey Jack...I'm going to stay in Livingston and we can get two Dollies girls to come over to your farm, get them on the computer, into the chat, and then take pictures." "Sounds good," I told her. Several nights later I picked Mary up in Livingston and that's the night I met Linda since Katt, Mary and Linda were all in the same place together.

I was driving this little Mazda 323 that night so two of the girls got in the back seat while one of them sat up front with me. Twelve miles from the farm I saw something high up in the sky. It was picture perfect. Too good to be true but it was. "A flying saucer." We had other people meeting us at the farm and I was in a hurry to get there. "Big deal," I told myself. "It's only a flying saucer and the way my life's going right now, this is normal stuff." I kept driving while keeping my eye on the thing up in the sky above the car, expecting at any moment for little green men to come out of the saucer.

"Pull over Jack. There's a flying saucer," I heard one of them call out from the back seat. "So I wasn't crazy, " I told myself. Still, I was in a hurry and I had driven farm tractors, taken the controls of airplanes while flying in the sky, had sky dived and skied off of cliffs so a flying saucer was no big thing for me. Now all three of them were crying out...."Pull over so we can get a better look at it." When three women get on you at the same time it's time to listen up so I started slowing down. "It's streaking by," one of the girls said. "Gone," said another. "Can't see it anymore."

Back then there was this gal living with me. Platonic kind of thing. Started when Greyghost and I were getting together every night working on computers, doing drawings, and planning the web site. This woman used to be a girl friend of his before he got married and one night he just brought her over with him to drink beer and laugh it up. I needed a cleaning gal since I usually had one come over every two weeks to put four hours of cleaning in. So I started having her come over to clean my place up. And then her mother would start calling her. Abusive woman that mother. She's say..."Come get me right now." And I'd have to take the girl home, then run out to get her again to finish her cleaning. After this happened several times I told the girl....."You don't have to put up with that crap from your mother. Just grab a bed room upstairs and move in for awhile. " Which she immediately did which was pretty cool since Greyghost, the girl, and I were getting together practically every night by then and the girl was doing a lot of work for the web site.

By the time Linda, Katt, Mary and I got back to the farm house, the girl was already there and so was Greyghost. Johnny O joined us a few minutes later driving down alone from Springfield. Johnny O was a big black blues singer who had done a few gigs with Greyghost. Slow moving guy, he had this beautiful voice. Kept on saying he wanted to get involved with the web site. I couldn't see it since he seemed to have no interest in computers. Wasn't too long after I met him than his real motives became clear. He was interested in the girl who had moved in with me.

We all started drinking. Then I took the three girls into my little office where I showed them the computer. Much of the time Mary was in the family room partying with the rest of them. Katt seemed very interested in the chat and spent a lot of time in my office. Then she went into the other room for awhile and Linda came in. Sitting next to me Linda started dozing off, then fighting back sleep she would open her eyes to concentrate on the computer. It went back and forth like that...the battle between her interest in learning about the computer and the Internet and her wanting to doze off.

Finally Mary came in. "Let's take pictures," she said. Mary had these special outfits both for herself and for Linda and Katt. Long dresses. Three strippers in long dresses. But Mary had said she wanted to do classy pictures so that's what we did. I then did a few print outs of the chats. By then it was getting late and Linda started getting very worried about what her husband would do when she finally went home. Katt's husband, a loud mouthed blowhard called and tried to chew us all out on the phone. "Time for us to leave," Linda said.

Someone offered to take the girls home. Mary wanted to stay at the farm for the night. But Linda came up to me pleading: "Please take us back, Jack. My husband is going to kill me. You can explain it all to him." Then I turned to katt and asked: "What about your husband, Katt?" "Oh, I'm not worried about him," she replied. "His mouth is bigger than his bite."

"Hey Jack. Come back and talk to me." It was Johnny O. So we went into another room. "Listen up buddy. These girls and their husbands are all into drugs. You don't need to go back there. You are liable to end up getting shot." I looked at Johnny O and said----"Linda wants me to save her ass. Their husbands don't scare me."

So I take Linda and Katt home. Katt lived about a block away from Linda. "I'll just walk from here, " Katt tells me, but let's see Linda inside first. She's scared shitless about what her husband's going to do." The two dancers and I go into the kitchen where we immediately see a note on the table. It's from Linda's husband and it reads almost like a suicide note. Her husband's sacked out in another room on a couch and he's not getting up. The note starts off something like this-----"I will probably not be at home by the time you read this. I might do something crazy since you didn't come home."

The girls go into the other room and try to wake Linda's husband up. Doesn't move so I go in and try. "Hey.....gotta talk to you about what we've been all up to, " I tell him. No response. Again I try. "We have taken pictures, taken part in some chats and we have all kinds of print outs we want to show you, " I tell the inert form sprawled out on the couch.

Nothing. So I leave and go back to the farm to rejoin the rest of my guests. I hear later on that right after I left the girls that he miraculously woke up and beat Linda up. I guess we can call this one the not so Devine resurrection. A week later they have another argument and this time he puts her in the hospital.

So what does all this have to do with me getting barred? Everything. Linda and I go way back. And I often go into Chameleon to have a couple often cutting up with the club owner. One night I find Linda there and we start talking about old times. The club closes early that night and we go outside where we continue the conversation in the parking lot next to my four wheel drive pickup truck. There are three or four men and women in a car parked a hundred feet away from my truck. A dancer or two and a couple of guys who are about to leave the parking lot My Dodge Dakota four wheel drive is well equipped having lumbar support for the driver, cruise control, a nice stereo and keyless entry....that is from a distance I can use a special key and push a button on it to open and close the doors of my truck.

I'm anxious to get back to the Dollies Playhouse since I have people to meet there but I'm showing Linda some of the nice features of my truck. Finally we say goodbye to each other. Still standing close together I pull out my key and nonchalantly start to hit the little button that will open the doors. I've had a few so I'm being real cool and off the wall about it. Suddenly I see a girl hurtling at me only a few feet away. Surprised and caught off-guard with my hand extended and pointing at the truck as I click the little button that will open the doors I am unable to react fast enough. Expecting me to catch her in my arms Krystal hits me in the middle of the chest as she leaps forward and upwards. The impact puts me right on the pavement with the blonde stripper clinging onto me. Like a large pretzel I end up flat on my back with her on top of me and both of us break out laughing.

But that wasn't the real cause of my being barred from Chameleon. It all started out last Halloween with Cyber Czech visiting me. I had gotten a heavy white terry cloth bathrobe from Famous and dyed it black. Then I used a heavy white rope for a belt. The bathrobe was hooded and the whole thing looked like the kind of thing monks would wear which is just what I wanted. I had welded two pieces of steel together to make a cross and painted it silver. On the cross I then painted "The Mothers for a More Boring Nation" I had then made a sign on which I wrote 1. Outlaw Nude Dancing...2. Stop all drinking...3. Close all topless clubs. Cyber Czech waited for me in the living room when I went into the bathroom to get ready for Halloween. I first put brown contacts in my eyes which changed my normal eye color from blue to brown. Next...I shaved my moustache off, then jumped in the shower and dyed my hair black with a temporary dye that I could later on wash right off. Using mascara I then darkened my eyebrows which also gave them a bushy appearance. I had also gotten a brown makeup concoction which I applied to my face, neck and hands which gave me a dark complexion. I now had to outward appearances the skin coloring many Mexicans or Arabs have.

First stop was Chameleon. Cyber Czech and I were to hit Dollies next. I walked inside the door followed by Cyber Czech with cross in my hands and the sign roped across my back. First person I saw was Tommy, the owner. Looking right at him, I said in a loud voice--"We are going to close this mutherfucker down." The owner took one look at me and said..."Okay Jack." Cyber Czech and I stayed a half an hour or so which was good enough for a couple of beers and the club's owner turned out to be the only person who recognized me.

I tried my hand at molesting a couple dancers as CC. Sat there at the bar and laughed at me. After all......that's what monks are expected to do with women, isn't it? Molesting them. A dancer gets up on the stage and I go over to her and shake my cross at her, yelling....."You are sinning and we are going to CLOSE THIS PLACE. One dancer was dressed like a nun and had taken a seat at the bar so I decided to sit next to her. My opening line----"Tonight, I'm only fucking nuns." The nun then invited me to go into the back room with her to do a private or whatever the hell they do in that back room. But tonight I'm a highly moral kind of guy and I tell her....."I will not go back there. There's something going on back there and we are going to shut this place down."

Across the bar sitting twenty feet from me is a pretty blonde sitting with a customer. But she's looking back at me wondering what I'm going to pull next. So I yell at her--"Hey bitch...turn around and mind your own fucking business because I'm just a normal kind of guy." But she keeps turning around and looks at me. So I yell across the bar...."I know what goes on in that back room but you had better tell me anyway because if you don't, I"m going to CLOSE this mutherfucker down. My brother in law is in the FBI and we will close this place if you don't tell ME."

The blonde turned out to be Krystal, the same Krystal who ends up tackling me in the parking lot. But it gets worse. After all, I somehow manage to be barred from this place which is hard considering the owner and I get along well. I like his jokes and he likes watching my antics. So how do I manage to get kicked out of Tommy's bar? Just read on. It gets worse.

Turns out that four or five Chameleon girls end up going to Dollies when their shift ends. Not four or five at once. Usually it's only two of them, one of them often being Linda. Sometimes as many as three will show up at the same time. I often end up doing Cement Mixers with them. This drink is supposed to be either a shot of Baileys or of Tequila rose accompanied by a shot of lime juice. You take the shot of liquor and drink it at once but you don't swallow. Instead you hold it in your mouth then continue filling up your mouth with the lime juice until you are holding both shots in your mouth. Now that's a trick and you had better have a big mouth to start with which I do. Which gives me the edge over most of the others----usually women. But over here at Dollies I've developed a refinement over the Tequila Rose or Baileys using straight tequila instead. You still end up with a shot of liquor and the shot of lime juice in your mouth and then you apply the finishing touch which you might call the coup de grace. Now this one you just have to do. Shake your head violently from side to side, then swallow the two shots. Goes to your head immediately and you start to feel real funny, real fast.

One night the two girls who usually come over from Chameleon come in but this time Krystal comes in right after them with a guy with her. Krystal takes a table with the man while the other two dancers hang at the bar. I end up getting Cement Mixers for the three dancers and me so Krystal comes over to join us for a very special toast which is so special that I've already forgotten what it was.

I'm now well primed and ready for a little stage action which is what most guys are after in a strip club. So I look across the room and seeing all these available dancers all over the place pick the one girl who has a date. Krystal. Well, you know how it is, I've gotta be different so I pick a girl who I know is different--Krystal. Besides, I really like her since I can always count on her to laugh at my jokes. So I go up to their table and decide to include the guy in so he won't be pissed. After all, you know how ugly this jealousy thing can get.



But I'm smart enough to know that three's a crowd and seeing there's three of us I decide to make it a twosome--namely Krystal and me, but I have to think of a polite way to get him out of the picture so I come up with a great idea which comes right out of my mouth as--"Let's all three of us go to the back stage and do the pole together. "

Krystal's game and gets right up, saying, "You always told me you could do the pole. I've gotta see this." Which is why I picked her in the first place. She's an instigator from the get go and fun. The three of us go into the back room and Krystal and I get up on the stage together. Now I don't know if the guy was just too shy to try the pole or he just flat knew he couldn't do it. Krystal and I end up on opposite sides of the pole from each other looking into each other's eyes for the signal...then bingo...we are off and running--I mean twirling. We are levitating in tandem whirling slowly around the pole at the same time. But I know all about gravity and know we are going to come to earth soon. Which is three or four turns around the pole and once again just as in Chameleon's parking lot I've got Krystal right where I want her which is on top of me. Now I don't even know what happened to that guy. But I do know that Krystal and I were having a blast together so we kept doing that pole in tandem and ending up on top of each other in one another's arms which is probably where we both wanted to spend most of our time in the first place. We are just having a blast...often lying there next to each other talking--most likely sneaking a few kisses in here and there but I don't really remember. But Krystal's a pretty girl and I know me so I will just have to assume we did some of that too--but I still don't remember doing it.

I end up leaving the club early that night and Krystal's asking me----"Do you really have to go?" Which brings us to the next night that I see her. So back at Chameleon--around five nights later I see Krystal over at the back of the bar talking to another dancer. So I join them, somehow knowing that before long something's going to happen. Which is a helluva lot better than getting bored. And wouldn't you know it but Krystal and the other dancer are talking about quitting Chameleon and working at Dollies which is where I"m going next. Now this is a critical point. The two girls are already talking about it when I go back there. They've only been working around two hours into their shifts and now I'm sitting back there listening to them talk about walking out right then and there. Meanwhile Linda is sitting close to the other side of me with a man I knew pretty well. He's my doctor. And they are getting pretty cozy with each other. At first I'm talking with them, the next minute they are into each other so being the polite kind of guy that I am, I leave them alone which once more puts me talking with Krystal and the other dancer. They tell me they are leaving and I watch them walk out of the club.

I've almost finished my beer and I forgot to mention that the prettiest girl in the club has already told me to go to hell which is what a lot of dancers end up telling me so I'm used to it. I finish my beer and head out of Dodge and drive to Dollies which is where I'm heading anyway. Krystal and the other girl are getting out of the car as I pull up and the three of us walk in together, then have a drink at my little table as I go online with my laptop. They don't stay long.

Several nights later I once again go to Chameleon and the girl who walked out with Krystal is back there working. Taking a seat next to her at the bar she starts to give me the low down when I hear Tommy's voice behind me-----"Jack, I want to talk with you." I shrug my shoulders and immediately leave the girl to talk with Tommy.

"Jack...Is Krystal over there working at Dollies?" To which I reply..."Not as of last night she wasn't. Haven't you heard from her?"

"Then why did you walk out right after they left?" Tommy asked.

"I was out of beer Tommy and I was talking to them when I left. You know I always leave here to go to Dollies. Look.....I know what you are thinking. That I convinced them to leave your club. First...what's between you and the girls working for you is between you, not me. Second-----that would be unethical of me to do that. I wouldn't do it to you. I wouldn't do it to anyone but Bob Romantic."

"Jack----You are barred."

"What? Tommy, what would you do without me? And you know one of my main reasons for coming here is to talk with you."

"Jack...You are barred. Spelled....B..A..R..R..E...D."

"Okay Tommy. It's your club so I'm leaving but I'm calling you tomorrow."

I went straight to Dollies, looked across the room, and saw a new blonde working there. Krystal. I think she worked only that one night. A week later she was back working for Tommy again. I didn't call Tommy the next night since I had to farm and was out of town. But I called him a few days later on my birthday, said I was wanting to come in and have him buy me a drink. His reply...."I'll be glad to buy you a birthday drink or at any other time. Just so long as the place isn't my bar. You are barred."

Now this doesn't make a lot of sense because only ten days later I manage to get barred from Dollies which is even harder for me to accomplish than getting barred from my buddy Tommy's place considering I've been doing zillions of pictures for Dollies over a two year stretch, have my own private phone line to use with my laptop to get online not to mention a whole lot more. What I really can't figure out is why I would want Krystal to work at Dollies when I'm going to get kicked out of the place anyway? One of these days I'm going to be talking again to Tommy to see what he says about that. In the meantime I'll be soon writing my excuses for getting barred from Dollies which is what I'll carry around with me when I go to the next club. This way I'll be warning them ahead of time so when they bar me they can't say I haven't warned them.

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