Dawg explains

And he sure has a lot of explaining to do.

In a move unforeseen by political analysts and students of the coming International Studmuffin contest Dawg has jolted both his friends and his critics by calling in his opponents campaign manager, Jack Corbett, just to set the record straight and to belay any doubts about his honesty. The interview that follows shows the real Dawg behind the man.

Jack Corbett________Got a beer Dawg? I've come a long way to gaze at your carcass.

Dawg______________Welcome to the Big City. Toronto's not like that little podunk place you seem to like so much...East St. Louis.

Jack Corbett__________Yeah...but the girls are a lot prettier down here than they are up there, Dawg. Must be those Canadian ice storms they have up here that permanently freezes their faces into masks of putty.

Dawg_______________I called you up here to set the record straight.

Jack Corbett__________You can't do that with a crooked record. Even I can't do that for you Dawg, no matter how much beer you give me.

Dawg______________Go ahead and ask me any question. My integrity rests on my answers and I am fully prepared.

Jack Corbett_________Okay. Did you torture Sister Margarita into sending out all those emails that portray her as a Judas betraying her American friends?

Dawg_______________Sure I did. Why do you ask?

Jack Corbett__________Why did you torture her?

Dawg_______________I like making young pretty girls squirm. Anything wrong with that?

Jack Corbett__________I think there is but I just can't seem to remember the reason right now. I had six tequilas before coming here.

Dawg_______________Okay....You got it out of me. I asked her to do porn flicks a year ago and she wouldn't do them. She really pisses me off.

Jack________________Hey now...You are talking about my friend now. Now we cannot even use her as the American commissioner. Her life's in danger. Ever since you sent those Plug agents out. By the way, can you explain exactly what Plug is.

Dawg______________Plug is the Canadian equivalent to the American CIA. The name originated with the Canadian breweries..Labutt and Molson and a few smaller ones. As everyone knows Canada's main claim to fame is its breweries so the breweries pretty much controlled things around here. Of course now I control just about everything now that the beer quality has gone down and the breweries have lost most of their clout.

Jack_______________Alright...we might just let you off the hook if you can call off your Plug watchdogs. Get them off Sister Margarita's back.

Dawg_______________I can't.

Jack________________Why not?

Dawg_______________I bribed all those guys with 1000 cases of Creedmore beer.

Jack________________No wonder you can't get them to stop stalking Sister Margarita. Those guys probably hate your guts. At least you could have sent them better beer such as Molson.

Dawg______________Creemore's the best. Every blue blooded Canadian knows that.

Jack________________It's horse piss and you know it, Dawg. Beater and I tried it one night. I almost got sick and he ended up throwing up all night long.

Dawg_______________Can't call them off, Jack.

Jack________________Why'd you do it? Does winning the Studmuffin contest justify terrorizing a sweet young thing like Sister Margarita?

Dawg_______________I will win at any costs. I will do anything to win. Howard must be stopped.

Jack________________Why? He's my buddy. Drinks tequila with me all the time. Why don't you just admit it. That he's got you beat. Do you believe in self flagellation? Why punish yourself? No one can beat Howard? He's the best Studmuffin yet. Even Casonova was a piker compared to Howard.

Dawg_______________I always win. I pull out all the stops and if you guys know what's good for you you will get a new candidate. Someone who's easy to beat.

Jack_________________Like who?

Dawg________________Why don't you run? Hardly any girls will vote for you.

Jack_________________Dawg--this whole thing is very important to the future of the United States.

Dawg_______________Why is it?

Jack_________________Because you stand for pornography and making all women into witless sex symbols.

Dawg_______________Porn is good.

Jack________________Okay Dawg.....Let's get to it. What do you like about porn?

Dawg______________It makes me feel important. Because when I am behind that camera I am the one who is in control. Besides, it often makes the girls so horny when I'm shooting them that they want it right then and there.

Jack________________Dawg-This whole Studmuffin contest has become a country versus country kind of thing. You seem to have something against the U.S.

Dawg_______________Sure I do. The United States has become a land of perverts.

Jack________________But you just told me you like to do porn. What does that make you?

Dawg______________I just shoot it. After that I am not responsible for what happens. These guys watch it. Makes them perverts.

Jack_______________Getting back to Canada. Why is it so important for you that Canada wins the Studmuffin contest?

Dawg_____________I think it is high time that Canada reaches its destiny as the finest country in the world. We have better scenery than the United States. Our women are nicer. We have a better health care system. Our cities are better kept up. Our toilets work better. Our sewers don't smell as bad. And our beer is better. It is time that Canada control the rest of the world.

Jack______________And why do you think you're winning the Studmuffin contest will achieve that?

Dawg_____________The world needs a hero and I think it should be me. Look at all these guys getting these gorgeous babes pregnant. Guys who can't hold a job. Who won't work. Who are whipped with ugly stick. Whose brains are rotted with stupidity. And these gals are fucking these guys. Can you believe it? We are truly living in a world of the anti hero. The stupider you are and the weaker you are the more babes you will get. It is up to me to reverse that trend.

Jack______________What about that dildo riding machine you have. The one that you put women astride and that vibrates them to an electronic frenzy.

Dawg_____________I think it's a good deal.

Jack______________Why's that?

Dawg_____________Because it is better that a woman ride that thing and stay with it than taking on the guys she's likely to end up with if she doen't get off on the dildo rider.

Jack_______________Can you please explain?

Dawg_______________I would say that more than half the women North America feel a lack of confidence with a real man...a man who is good looking, courageous, intelligent and a man of his word. So they end up going to the brain dead degenerates and create a race of retards. Far better for them to live with a machine like the jetaime machine. This is something they can feel confident in ..that won't abuse them, and that won't go to other women. So if they are too far gone to get a real man at least they can take comfort in a set of batteries.

Jack________________I guess I've had enough to drink. Thanks for the twelve pack Dawg. It was good going down. Great interview. I'd say I hope you win but Howard is going to win anyway.

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