Exclusive interview of Howard by the St Louis Postorama



Beater and Howard at Dollies Playhouse

Beater and Howard in better times at the Dollies Playhouse Strip Club

 

Background--Howard, ex over the road truck driver for over twenty years, now club manager at Dollies, has won the Studmuffin contest three times in a row, in the last contest taking the world title in an international competition in which Dawg from Canada dared to compete against the U.S. champion.

 

Beater, Dawg's campaign manager, has vowed to usurp the International crown for Canada after admitting to the Studmuffin Times that Dawg had duped him into acting as campaign manager.

 

Another trip is planned to the St Louis Metro East clubs by the Beater, who brings Jack's son, Chid, with him, the duo staying at Jack's apartment for a few days. Meanwhile Philip21 drives down from Indiana to join the group at the apartment. At Dollies the two Canadians meet Tori who joins the group cavorting at Jack's apartment.

 

The partying never stops. Jade, Derf, Alex and Mikey join them at the apartment, at Dollies and other hot spots in the Metro East.

 

This picture shows the Beater with Howard at Dollies, both men wearing the Beatermeat II t shirt specially made up by Jack for the occasion.

 

Within several days of the Canadians return to Toronto, Tori jumps on a plane and is picked up in Detroit and driven across the Canadian border. As this is being written Tori is dancing at Private Eyes in Toronto.

 

Losing one of his best girls Howard puts a price on Beater and Chid's head, then plans his revenge. Retribution is swift and certain. A special commando style raid brings two Canadian dancers to Dollies who immediately begin working for him. In an exclusive interview that Howard grants Whitey Limpdick of the St Louis Postorama Howard tells all.

 

St Louis Postorama--"Looks like you and Beater are buddies in that picture."

 

Howard--"Looks like doesn't mean is."

 

St Louis Postorama--"Then you aren't friends?"

 

Howard--"Not anymore."

 

St Louis Postorama--"What happened?"

 

Howard--"Beater and Chid stole Tori, and she was one of the best dancers to ever work for me."

 

St Louis Postorama--"But wasn't sending Carl out to steal two Canadian features enough revenge for you?"

 

Howard--"That's not enough. I want Beater and Chid's heads brought to me on a silver platter."

 

St Louis Postorama--"Why?"

 

 

Howard--"Take a look at this picture. Notice anything funny with my hair?"

 

Howard, manager at Dollies Playhouse

 

St Louis Postorama--"Oh my god!! How did they do that?"

 

Howard--"Wasn't easy. They drugged me."

 

St Louis Postorama--"You really look stupid without your hair."

 

Howard--"Hey buddy..how would you like a big fist in your mouth?"

 

St Louis Postorama--"I take it back. You just look different. How did they drug you?"

 

Howard--"They bought me six shots of Tequila and I had already had 37 shots. They then gave me a pill and I was too drunk to know the difference."

 

St Louis Postorama--"Then what happened?"

 

Howard--"I passed out and they cut my hair off. They then put a note and taped it to my back that read..."Don't fuck with Canada."

 

St Louis Postorama--"We heard you are not drinking."

 

Howard--"That's right. After they cut my hair off they injected me with another drug and that's what really pissed me off since if I drink anything during the next month, I"m going to die.

 

Lost Angeles Times--"How does that work?"

 

Howard--"It's something like diabetes artificially induced. The drug in my system inter reacts with alcohol causing a lethal condition."

 

St Louis Postorama--"So you really can't drink?"

 

Howard--It's worse than dying because I sure enjoy my drinking. I have to watch Jack get drunk and I can't even join him."

 

St Louis Postorama--"So what are you doing about it?"

 

Howard--"I just pawned my car for five thousand dollars. Anyone who brings me their heads gets the five grand."

 

St Louis Postorama--"What if no one brings you their heads?"

 

Howard--"If that happens I"m calling Carl. He's promised to crucify them. All I have to do is to say the word." to the cross."

 

Howard--"Sort of. Only I don't want Beater and Chid to get any big ideas."

 

St Louis Postorama--What do you mean by that?"

 

Howard--"I don't want them to think they are being Jesus Christ. So Carl has promised to nail each one of them to a pole without the cross piece. When he's finished with them he's going to bring me the nails as a souvenir."

 

St Louis Postorama--"That Carl. He must be a very good friend of yours."

 

Howard--"He's a real nice guy. Down deep that is. Some people think he's cruel but he's not. Whenever he kills someone he throws a party. And while he's doing it he laughs a lot. I like people who truly enjoy what they do."

 

St Louis Postorama--"What's in it for Carl?"

 

Howard--"What do you think? I'm going to be setting him up with my babes starting with those two Canadian features he's kidnaped for me."

 

St Louis Postorama--"That about concludes the interview. By the way, will you set me up with someone?"

 

Howard--"Do you own a chain saw?"

 

St Louis Postorama--"No. Why?"

 

Howard--"How about a rusty ax?"

 

"St Louis Postorama--"What are you getting at?"

 

Howard--"I want their heads and I want them now. On a silver platter. Not on a paper plate. Do that for me and I'll set you up with one of my girls."

 

"St Louis Postorama--"I 'm just a reporter. I don't create the news. I just report it."

 

Howard--"Then you are useless to me. Excuse me while I go into the office. I have phone calls to make." 

 

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