At the Pattaya  Hell Club I Meet Chiang Mai Kelly

At the Pattaya Hell Club my interest became immediately piqued by a man my own age.

 by Jack Corbett

I don’t often get down to the Soi Bukow area but two years ago, I went to the Oasis Go-Go bar with Uncle Bufford where I met a young go-go girl who had titillated me to the moon the first time I had brought her back to my condo. It was time for sex so I had showed her my Jacuzzi where she started to take a shower. Asking me to hand her the little purse she had put next to the commode she stood in the center of the Jacuzzi, with her head underneath the showerhead. Tall for a Thai girl she had an exquisite body but what really got my attention was her taking a razor out of her purse which she put to immediate use shaving off her pubic hair. The act, which she repeated every time she came to my condo, got me coming often to the Soi Bukow, LK Metro area to pick her up for hot steamy sex. Once or twice I had gone to Oasis and found she had gone awol. Without her, I found the pickings were slim so I’d wind up looking for a girl in the bars in the area. But I came up empty until I found a bar on Soi Lek Metro across from the Hell Club where my interest became immediately piqued by a man my own age sitting at the table next to mine.

Four girls came out of the Hell Club, spotted him drinking his beer, then all three joined him. One of the girls picked up the man’s beer bottle, saw it was nearly empty, and ordered another from the waitress. By the time the waitress brought the four go-go dancers their drinks, an older woman came outside the club, and motioned for them to go back inside the Hell Club. My first beer went down easy and fast. Without thinking, I ordered a second Heineken from the waitress. I had been wanting to get back to Naklua to hit a bar or two but the waitress was just too cute to ignore so I stuck around until my fourth beer. And then I saw the four go-go girls come out of the Hell Club to rejoin the man sitting close to me. Once again one of the girls bought the man a beer. Then the older gal came outside, this time yelling one of their names. And the girls scurried back into the club.

Figuring the older woman to be the mamasan I wound up leaving the bar with the waitress who ended up showing me a delectable time at my condo. And so began the Soi Buchow period of my life, all three weeks of it which had me going from the Oasis go-go girl to the waitress, then back to the go-go bar dancer until I wound up settling for a not so nice Naklua bar girl who ended up living with me for ten months. In the meantime I watched a rehash of the four go-go girl dancers joining the older man and buying him beers two more times before deciding to follow him to the next bar. The man always left around midnight but I had gotten the feeling he was not finished with his nocturnal activities.

Telling the waitress to take a motorbike taxi straight over to my condo when she got off of work at 2 a.m. I followed the guy to a bar only two blocks away. He recognized me straight off and gave me a funny look as I approached him sitting alone at the bar staring off into space.

“Mind if I join you?” I asked the man. 

“Not at all,” he relied. “You gotta be American.”  

“Why do you think, I’m American?” I replied.  

“It’s the hat. It’s like an English hat but it’s more like the kind they wear in the U.S. on the East Coast.”  

“I’m American, alright. Look, I followed you over here to try and learn your secret on how you could get not one, but four girls to keep joining you at the bar, and not only that, but actually buying you your beers.” 

 “It’s really no big deal. My name’s Kelly by the way.”  

“And mine’s Jack Corbett. It just seems to be a little unusual to me,” I replied. I’ll get you your next beer to learn how you do it. I then motioned to the waitress that I wanted two beers, one for myself and one for him.

We had just gotten our beers when a motorbike taxi driver pulled up and the driver took off her helmet and came up to the bar to join the man. The woman waied Kelly, exchanged a few words with me once Kelly had introduced us, then promptly drove off.

“What was that about?” I asked Kelly.  

“Girlfriend number two.”  

“Aha. I would hope you have at least one more because I think you can do better. So what’s going on?” I asked Kelly.  

“You are about to be engulfed. Are you in or out?” Kelly asked me as he pointed up the street at a group of girls converging on us. “That’s the Hell Club mafia coming right at us. It’s going to cost you about 1500 baht. That’s half the bar bill if you split it with me.”  

“They are coming here?”  

“Yes. All of them.”

There were about eight or nine girls altogether zoning in on us, like blood hounds on the scent. A quick glance told me there were two or three I wouldn’t mind taking back to my condo. “I’m in Kelly.”  

“I advise you to pick a girl.”  

“Maybe I’m not ready to choose one just now.”  

“I think you should because if you don’t, one is going to pick you for sure, and you might not like her so you will want to be quick.”  

“Gotcha. It’s really tough living in a land of oversupply. We staying here or we going somewhere else?”  

“We are going to Dom Non Issan. It’s behind Big C. A Thai place.”  

“The mob had descended on us. One girl stood out. A girl who probably wasn’t twenty yet, with the cutest face I had seen all night. And a body that begged to be tried out for size.  

“Paw, are you ready?” one of the girls called out to Kelly. “We want get drunk, have big party and have big boom boom.” 

“This is Jack, Kelly told the girls, while pointing at me. He make big boom boom. He no have boom boom for one week. He come with us.”  

Then turning to me, Kelly asked, “Which one do you want? Just keep in mind these are the Eden Hell House girls. Same group you’ve heard about in Bangkok where a guy comes into the bar and asks to have two girls at the same time and they ask him, “Do you want to fuck ass, do you want bondage, you can have anything.” So these gals who we will be with have already gone through hell. They’ve been ass fucked. They have been peed upon. They have been tied up and pummeled. And the only way to handle all they’ve been putting up with is doing lots of drugs and alcohol. These gals are ready to party hard. Which reminds me, which girl do you want?" 

“I like her,” I told Kelly as I pointed to the cute little thing I had been sizing up.  

“You gotta be shittin me,” said Kelly as he rolled up his eyes. He pointed at the girl I wanted who joined us along with two other girls walked as we approached several hard bitten Thai motorcycle taxi drivers. The taxi drivers took us to the club where we were immediately escorted to a table in the main room. Five minutes later two bottles of whiskey and ice appeared at our table and the bar girls proceeded to get drunk.

The young girl I had chosen had five drinks, one after the other before lurching off to the ladies room. She made it only a few steps before vomiting all over the floor. Suddenly Kelly appeared with an address he had written on a scrap of paper along with two thousand baht which he crumbled into my hand. “Please get her home, Jack. And I’d do it right now,” he said while making an obvious glance at something brewing behind us. Several people had started brawling. “I’d get going now.”

The girl was crumpled on the floor as two waiters rushed up to help. Pushing money at them, I said, "keep the change. Tip Tip.” They smiled at me as I picked the girl up and tossed her over my shoulder. The waiters smiled at me over their obvious good fortune since I had left them with far more than they would have given me back in change. We walked out of the club towards a group of motorcycle taxi drivers as I watched the girl Kelly had been with punching a man in the center of the stage as blood started to flow down the front of his tuxedo.

The motorcycle taxi driver took us to a house at the corner of South Pattaya Road and Soi Bukhow. I slung the girl over my shoulder and took her up the stairs not knowing who would answer the door, apprehensive that it might be her father who would rightfully view me as a child molester. But when I rang the doorbell, my jaw nearly fell out of its socket when I realized it was Kelly now standing before me.

“Want a beer?” Kelly asked me.  

“I think so. After all that. Certainly. Do you live here?”  

“Yes. This is my house. The lady you are carrying is my girlfriend’s daughter. Her room is the first doorway on your left.”

Kelly followed me as I walked through the doorway and gently deposited the girl on the bed. “Did you know she’d get this pissed and pass out?” I asked.  

‘Yes. Red Horse or Tiger?”  

“Tiger. And Kelly, where is your girlfriend.”

“Don’t know. In jail probably.”  

“Does this happen often?”  

“No. I’d get really pissed if it happened every night.”  

“You mean both mother and daughter both work at the Hell Club? 

“No, the daughter dances the early shift across the street at Oasis. She just went to the Hell club to pick up mom. I normally take them both out after work.”

We had finally settled down with our beers together when the phone rang. Kelly answered it and kept repeating “Kap, Kap, Kap.”  

“It’s the cops. I have to get down to the police station to pick momma up.”

The air was brisk on the motorbike ride home from Kelly’s house. I reflected on what Kelly’s life must be like living with six go-go dancers and decided I was glad to be living alone.