January 2002 Horror Scope, Xtreme horoscopes from The Looking Glass Magazine

If the Looking Glass Magazine January 2002 Horror Scope is too extreme, it should, because the editor of Xtreme Magazine wrote it.

Horror Scopes by Nostrildumass

January 2003 Predictions

For most of you 2003 will be a welcome reprieve from 2002.... Anything is better than last year....

If you had a great year in 2002.... Fuck you !!! I'll do anything in my power so that this year is not a kiss-my-ass happy re-run of some "Leave It To Beaver" episode that would make my dick soft wacking to my favorite Disney porn !!!! Gracious me ... Was I raving ? ....

Predictions:

1) I still cannot be President.... Not the United States, not the local 4-H club... Sorry about the sheep thing , Jack dared me !!!!

2) My articles will be AT LEAST one day late no matter when I write them (sorry Jack)....

3) I will continue to be fucked by the technology God Appleanus ( I hate this iMac piece of shit, but my Microshit cluster fuck .... (Please see last sentence in intro and once again I apologize)

4) I will learn not to apologize or at least how to spell it...( where's the spell check on this piece of shit?)...

5) We will all have another birthday unless I hang myself with this cable no one seems to know what it does...

6) Iraq-niphobia will obsess the spineless who won't just " PUSH THE FUCKING BUTTON".... Did I mention I won't be President in 2003?...
7) If I get married , I'll get divorced... (again)

OK enough with the predicktions (intentionally mispelled for a change) ... Let's cut to the chase... (What the fuck does that mean anyway?)

January, 2003

It is here where you cannot escape the eternal truth being revealed

January:  You would say anything or do anything to get in the pants of whoever your hormones tell you... You're harder to detect than a Leo , because you are a player.... Game on !!!!

February:  You would say anything or do anything to get in the pants of whoever your hormones tell you... You're harder to detect than a Leo , because you are a player.... Game on !!!!

Just because someone is nice to you does NOT mean they are in love with you !!!! Deal with it.... Although you are not afraid to have sex with anyone .... Male, female, sheep, goat, etc. .... (Be careful with the badgers they bite....HARD!!!)

March: Your primadonna attitude is what makes you think you're cool.... Look around ... If you ain't sucking dick , people disappear real fast after they catch a self-rightious, holyer-than-thou, obvious bullshit scenario on how you're here for the greater purpose.... Keep it to yourself , you sound much better gagging on my cock....

April: You are a fire sign.... BURN !!! BURN !!! BURN !!! I have limited experiance with Aries people as far as I know.... So you're either really unnoticable or all of you need to come out of the Aries closet !!!! Shit it's just your birth sign, it has nothing to do with the 666 birthmark on your ass....

May: If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring? .... Pilgrams !!!! Quit hanging out so close to the Aries fucks .... They're sucking the life right out of you.... Take a stand... Moon a cop !!!!

May-June:  Ahhh yes ... The twins.... Are there really twins or is one of the voices in your head just louder than the rest ?!!!! Everybody likes you because you are bi-sexual.... Hey , it should be easier to keep your dance card full !!!!

June:  You're basically a good , kind person who drinks to much and wakes up in the wrong house frequently.... Your strong suit is that during the span of your sign is THE FOURTH OF JULY..... Party on dudes !!!!

July: Your kiss ass attitude has absolutely no one fooled.... You are a cut throat piece of shit who would set a nun on fire if it would get you a job promotion !!!! Some day you'll find happiness when you get the top job RUNNING THE GATES TO HELL !!!!

September:  Shit, would you stand up for yourselves !!!! Pick your battles, not your ASS !!!! For a refreshing change... Be the one who goes to the busiest truck stop , shits in the sink, and wipes their ass on the roll towel.... Wake up... People are using you !!!!

October: You guys rule !!!! You got Halloween, damn near Thanksgiving, and you put out !!!! For everyone !!!! Let everyone you fuck know they're just a number and that way you stand less of a chance getting gunned down in your sleep!!!

Until next time.... Look to the stars and shoot the moon....
Nostrildumass

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