Thai night club escapades lead to Penis Envy Blues
by Chiang Mai Kelly
Not our first time there (Cham Issan
night club) I was acquainted with the MC/comic and star lady singer.
Thai clubs have a house group of singers, dancers and house band and
rotate in Big Thai stars once or twice a month. Most of the time the out
of town acts bring their own bands and dancers. The restrooms are behind
the main stage and the performers change clothes both in and out of the
restrooms. You can time your trips to the toilet when they change for
another show. The singers and dancers are more amenable to propositions
when only wearing bra and panties if you are into booming semi amateurs
who can sing or dance for you after sex.
How do you proposition a star singer at a Thai night club? Easy. Start by handing them 100 baht bills made into a necklace.
Ten 100 baht notes looks bigger than one 1000 baht note. After you do this a couple of times you have their attention and the "back stage hit" is easy. Although why people want to do this escapes me. I guess it's to say you have had the experience like doing news readers you see on Thai TV. Not that good in bed but an interesting experience. Bragging rights at the bar I suppose.
The male dancers watched expectantly as we walked in knowing Princess was a soft touch for a free drink which they were not shy asking for. Since the ladies were buying the first bottle there was not much I could say. Tip and BB arrived as did a string of begging Thai men dancers and singers. Nice to me, of course, realizing I was the financial base and the hookers only having temporary flash cash. Male moochers nevertheless. I may be showing sexual preference here but I never minded females trying to mooch a drink in exchange for groping and/or conversation. An occasional lady boy is OK but I was never into paying for men drinks.
It didn't take long for the girls and their Thai mooching men to run through the first quart of whiskey. Adding this up in my head I knew they had spent around 2000 baht on booze and food. I discreetly informed the ladies they owed me 2000 baht and I would buy another quart of whiskey and when that was done we go home. I also told the guys to hit the road because this bottle was on my dime. Then began the ladies trying to sneak the Thai guys drinks when I wasn't looking or gone to the restroom.
The game is fun for a while but gets old quickly. It is fun being out with three hookers paying part of the bill but that is also tiring. In the back of my mind is the inevitable argument at check bin time. Seems policy that you can't pay a bill in a Thai club without an argument both sides trying to scam the other.
As the evening wound down the ladies drifted off and I was left alone at the table with Princess, Lek (the resident female club singer and star) and Benz (the male resident singer and dancer). Benz had on a white tux and pink pants with a matching pink scarf. For all of his dancing and prancing he didn't sweat much.
Boozed up late at night an old man's fancy turns to love and I was no exception. Benz was Princess's Gik or Fan or boyfriend whatever you want to call a male companion of a Thai hooker.
I was thinking of ways to embarrass him, shock Princesses and turn the night in general into a horror show.
You see, everyone had different views of reality. I knew about Benz and Princess. Princess and Benz did not know about me and Lek. Lek knew about Princess and Benz but didn't think I knew. Princess and Benz did not know I knew about them. Benz didn't know Lek had a big pussy. Benz didn't know Princess had a big pussy. He was a show boyfriend and not a sex boyfriend because he was gay and also had another Thai lady on the line with more cash than Princess. Princess told Benz I had a big dick. I never figured out why she told him. Drink I imagine.
So there I was trying to figure out how to do something rash when it came to me. Invite them all home for an orgy. Orgies in Thailand are not free. It is not like orgies in the West at swing clubs. We all talked about it and a fee of 1000 baht each for Lek and Benz was agreed on. I sensed Princess getting excited because she had never had sex with Benz before. She didn't know he had a micro dick. I did. He had offered a blow job a few months before on my birthday which I refused but did end up going out with his sister who was the drum player in the band. One of the endearing qualities about Thailand and especially Issan people are they don't resemble people from Kansas.
We made the short trip to my house and were sitting in the living room talking when I made a mistake. Benz and Princess insisted I pay him before the orgy. Never pay before. Never never never. But I did. Benz and Princess went into the bedroom and Lek put the moves on me but I was not into anything but some group action and dragged her into the bedroom. I was expecting to find Princess and Benz naked but they were sitting on the bed arguing about the size of my dick. It seems Benz was embarrassed to get undressed with his micro hung equipment. Princess was telling him in Thai what Western women say in English. You know, the, “it's not how big but how you use it” thing. To help things along I whipped it out and told Lek to pretend it was a Popsicle.
At this point I should mention Benz was a handsome young Thai man who was getting money from my live in girlfriend Princess.
Poor Benz was suffering from a full blown penis envy complex by that time and ran out the door leaving me with Princess and Lek. I hadn't paid Lek yet and I told her to leave because without my reverse cuckold, cuckold experience I was not into it.
Princess was angry at me, it's probably obvious why and she was also angry at Benz because she had anticipated what sex would be like with him but was not going to find out. I was drinking Red Horse and was at the point of no return when Pet walked in.
Pet interrupted Princess throwing empty beer bottles at me. I was shocked. It had been a couple years since I had seen Pet. She was only a month away from her 18th birthday. A good looking woman, Princess's daughter from her first marriage with a tall handsome Thai Army sergeant. She had come to Pattaya to become a go go dancer. She had come to Pattaya to become a go go dancer with her mother. Now this I had to see. |
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