From club to Club, the search for strip club nirvana.
By: Don Smith

Welcome to the newest and best (my opinion of course) addition to The Looking Glass. My name is Donald Smith but you can call me messiah or just Don. Being the newest piece of an already functioning unit, I was told to introduce myself and be creative so I will attempt to do both shortly. Where are my manners? My name is Donald Smith, shit I already said that, huh? Well, now you know the name, how about some information about the man, the legend?

I am the product of middle-American thinking and 1950's ideology. Being raised in the suburbs wasn't all candy, bicycles, and little league. We had porn and lots of it. To some, this is perhaps disheartening or somehow untrue. I assure you however that porn is everywhere in the suburbs, look hard enough and you'll find it. I did. I still remember my first encounter with porn vividly but I won't bore you with the details. We'll say this though, I was young and still remember it so it must've had an adverse affect on me.  So, now you ask, what the fuck is this that I am reading right now and where is it going? What you are reading is an introductory paragraph to a series of articles that may help change, shape, create or inspire quality strip club experiences. How so? Well, let's just say that I have some experience in the field and can smell bad strip clubs with the ease of a drug sniffing dog but, I have been trained to find vaginosis. I am sorry for the last comment but I am here to "shock" or at the very least, make an impression. Have I done so yet? No. Fine, read on.

Cut and dried, this column is going to shed some light on which club potential customers should visit. There will be no kind of pandering to club owners, unless that of course involves oral sex of some kind, or contrived, redundant phrases like, " Rockin'", " two-thumbs Up", or the like. There will be content and no filler (again unless oral sex is involved) to sway which way you spend that hard earned cash. I will present objective reality rather than subjective, so you will begin to completely trust me and possibly resort to idolatry or other techniques used to achieve higher consciousness. But, that's okay I don't hold it against you. Well, maybe.

So why would I go far out of my way to expound my own potentially subjective opinion on what is "good" and "bad"? I see it as money in the bank. I want to write Time magazine so fuck it, I can make shit up as I go along. That is obviously NOT the reason for sharing my view with you, just in case you didn't get the sarcasm. No, I wish that I knew good club to go to rather than blowing my cash on sub-par strippers, food and drink. Think about it, how many times have you traveled far away in the hope of finding a great Friday night only to have reality kick you in your already blue, balls? If only there was a way for me to get some of the money I wasted on shitty strippers. Well, I can't be so lucky but now you can forego the same pain that I have endured over the years.

Does anyone want background at this point or have alienated everybody reading this already? I am going to apply communist doctrine here and take away the choice that was superficially just offered to you. There is no democracy on the Internet anyway just free speech. Well, that and entirely too much porn. However, I am struggling to keep the digressions to a minimum so I will just merely stick to background information and save the self-righteous Internet porn diatribe for another time.

Working as a strip club DJ for over four years now, I have come to work with some of the biggest feature entertainers in the adult film industry. I make my " DJ magic" at Club Alex's in Stoughton, Massachusetts. Club Alex's is among one of the oldest and best strip clubs in the area. The only downfall, which isn't really their fault, is the state mandated no contact rule. We still have fun though with a fresh feature entertainer every single Thursday through Saturday, amateur and18 plus nights, girl-girl shower shows, friendly bouncers, good music, and some of the hottest dancers in the state. If that sounded like an ad to you, it is. I wouldn't say anything bad about the place due to the aforementioned blow- job rule. Seriously though, stop by and say hello sometime.

Next month, we'll discover more pearls of wisdom and enlightenment to hopefully influence your night out in a positive way. The destination next month, you ask? The Foxy Lady in Providence, Rhode Island. So we'll get into it next month and I'm telling you this, get ready for oral sex swayed subjectivity and lots of it. Until then, be good.

Don Smith is the founder of NDSMusic.com, a weekly online magazine devoted to underground genres of music and non-traditional journalism he is also a DJ, producer and writer. Check out the debut release by The New Digital Sound at: http://www.cdbaby.com/newdigital . Don's dream is to someday own a pony much like Cindy Brady and other young girls the world over.

 

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