Living with 6 Pattaya Go Go dancers

The First Episode

by Chiang Mai Kelly

It started out with a dream and the plans of a wise man and ended up with the heartaches of a fool.  I liked Chiang Mai but the business prospects in Chiang Mai are considerably less than Pattaya. Princess never liked Chiang Mai. It is hard to put a handle on exactly why but she never liked the place. She was excited by our move to Pattaya. I was resigned to the fact that to make money Pattaya was the place to be I called her Princess because that's the name she boxed under. The crocodile Princess from Phitchet. Before she danced she was a boxer.I thought I knew Pattaya but the reality of living there is a hard hot slap in the face. 5,000 bars and 50,000 bar employees. I knew all of the places on Walking street, Beach road and 2nd road but I moved to a quiet little street that I thought was away from all of the action. Soon I discovered I was only one block away from 12 Thai nightlife venues, even one Isaan karaoke bar.

Walking down a Soi Honey early one evening a small bar erupted in shouts and I got a little worried until I realized I didn't recognize any of the ladies. I know a few people in Pattaya and I was avoiding the areas where they hung out. Princess dragged me toward the shouting. I scanned the faces of the ladies jumping up and down, middle aged, middle weights with lots of makeup. I came to refer to them as the gypsum gypsies. In America they call it drywall, in Australia I think it is called gypsum. As the story unfolds with my limited understanding of Thai, apparently Princess, before she boxed was the leader of a high rise dry wall crew and these ladies were her apprentices about 10 years ago. I would imagine some unscrupulous bar owner went to their work location and kidnapped these middle-aged, rough-handed sex pistols and forced them into working at a bar at five times the wages they were making as laborers. In the bar these poor women with Gucci purses and 30,000 baht cell phones were being taken advantage of by palsied old men who could not walk without assistance and whose hands shook so much that they could not even light their own Cuban cigars. Normally the bargirls chant, “hello handsome man” as the Farang walk by but in this location the ladies yell, “Wait, wait I come get you and help you cross street. Her name was Pup, 44 years of age and loose as a goose with wrinkles and stretch marks to boot she was a friend of my live in, Princess. We paid Pup’s 200 baht barfine so the Princess and her could talk about old times and set out to paint the town. I asked her where she wanted to go and she confided in me that she wanted to see some young dick. Of course we all know that Thai bar ladies do not really like sex but I took her anyway. After an hour I had seen enough white jockey shorts to last me a lifetime and I moved the party to Sharks Go Go on Walking street.

Princess had to go to the bathroom and Pup her lifelong friend was on her knees in a flash under our table trying to unzip my fly. I jerked in surprise and she, startled, jumped up and bumped her head on the table and knocked over our drinks. This caused the dancer who was dancing on the next table to convulse in laughter and she lost her footing and landed upon the face of fat guy sitting next to us (I realized with sorrow that this poor young thing could not even afford panties to wear to work). The guy she landed on thought she was holding on to his head and forcing it into her crotch on purpose instead of for balance and grabbed her butt to assist. She screamed, he tipped her a 100 baht and the other table dancers seeing her success all screamed and jumped on the faces of the men they were dancing for.

Princess came back from the toilet.

The club was getting out of control. We left. I have a small home in a bad neighborhood. However, by bargirls' standards I am sure my home seems like a mansion. We weren’t in the house five minutes and Pup our gypsum gypsy asked if she could move in with her son who is a very nice boy, so she informed me and has never been in any kind of trouble and is very quiet. She offered to pay us 4,000 baht per month for our extra bedroom. She suggested the son sleep in our spare bedroom and she would share a king-sized bed with myself and princess.

I thought this was a good idea. Princess had a different take on the situation and was making gagging noises as her friend showed me her nice brown nipples that had suckled four children. Sensing my lady's concern she suggested we travel to a club where the bargirls went to unwind after a hard night's work. Coincidentally her son also worked at this club. I pointed out to her that it was 3 AM and no clubs were supposed to be open. She told me to accommodate the hours of the hard working bargirls the boys in brown (police) allowed some clubs to stay open till 7 AM. This was news to me. The latest I had ever stayed at a club was 6 AM.

We arrived at the location to find an upscale karaoke bar with drinks starting at 100 baht for the customers and 150 baht for the bar boys. The customers? Mostly bargirls and dancers who were not bar fined long time and a few young Farang women. From my conversations with the staff and customers I have came to the conclusion there are twenty of these clubs in Pattaya, all big, expensive and packed with bargirls every night in case you wondered what poor Ping and Pong do at night after work.his was a revelation to me. Not quite as startling as the revelation that if you cut a Viagra into three pieces and take them 20 minutes apart it works better but it was nevertheless a revelation. After a hard days sex bar girls went out on the town and had more sex. When these events happened to me I was not new to Thailand. I assumed that I did my part in saving Thai womanhood by donating short time and long time fees to the cause of family and farming and the general economy. I had no idea after doing me our dauntless ladies of the evening were just getting warmed up. There, waiting in the wings were skinny little muscled Thai boys in white jockey shorts waiting to pound their bloomers off for a price similar to what I had paid to fill them up in the first place. Oh the shame, oh the shock, the ladies of the night were not monogamous and didn't even really like Western men better than Thai men! But my adventure was just beginning. Yes I lived with 6 Pattaya Go Go dancers and am alive to tell the tail. I may be the only Western man to have survived the experience. More to come later.