Why the rest of the World won't play American Football
by Jack Corbett

Europeans won't play American football because they cannot match Americans genetically because they lost too many men in war.

Let's start with Europe because here in Pattaya you will hardly see much American Football on cable television and it's the English who keep watching that boring sport in Pattaya's bars that Americans call soccer but which most of the world calls football.  But Soccer's Europe's favorite sport.  Now I can understand why the Thais don't play American football and why they don't even like to watch it.  The Thais are simply too small to play it head to head against Westerners who are physically much larger.  So one cannot blame them for failing to appreciate a sport in which they stand no chance.  To a lesser extent the same might be said about the Koreans, Chinese, or Japanese who although   larger than Southeast Asians  still cannot quite measure up to Westerners. 

So we American expats living in Thailand must resign ourselves to watching soccer with the English being the worse offenders because they seem the most addicted.   Which is a shame because it's a god-awful boring sport watching all those undersized guys running around a field wearing those girlies shorts kicking a ball around with all that cutesy pie footwork.   When you compare it to American football, it's like comparing a man on sedatives to a raving lunatic on steroids.   American football offers extreme speed, brute power, and violence with the most scientific tactics and strategy that any sport demands bar none.   So why does the rest of the world play soccer instead of American football when it's no contest  which sport is more entertaining?  The answer is entirely due to genetics.  And it's because of genetics that no other country can begin to match the U.S. mano a mano on the American football field and that's why the rest of the world competes in a clearly inferior sport.  Other countries won't just as American High School Football teams would never dare to compete against an NFL professional football team.

Face it, for most of Europe, the cream of the crop of young men was killed off during the First and Second World Wars.   In World War I England and France each had over a million men killed while Germany lost even more.   Russia lost 9 million.   This would later be called the lost generation.  Then came World War II.  This time Russia lost over 30 million people while the Germans lost 5 million.  For the most part, the more physically fit men went to war while the weaker men stayed behind.  Meanwhile the U.S. lost only 50,000 men killed in World War I and just 300,000 in World War II.  This left the best sperm to be injected into women resulting in bigger, stronger and healthier babies.

I ran this by a German doctor friend of mine and he not only agreed with me, he also had a lot to add to my theory.

Jack Corbett:  "Dr. Huburtus, I'd almost bet that the average American is a couple inches taller than say your average Englishman or German."

Dr. Huburtus:  "Not only that but look at the Australians.  England sent their convicts over to Australia so that doesn't say much to say for the Australians being up to the American standard either.  And as far as we Germans or the English, the strongest and best from both countries emigrated to America where they became Americans because America was the land of opportunity."

Jack Corbett:  "I never thought about that.  This means that your own countrymen emigrating from Germany to the U.S. created a race of super Germans and that the myth of the super race is only a myth since they weren't in Germany in the first place.  I now have to add the second part of my theory and that's the concept of the Black Superman.  I'm sure you as a German who was born at the end of World War II can fully appreciate the concept of the master race.  We both know from History about how the slave traders raided Africa for the finest physical specimens who they then shipped to America to work on the plantations.  What this meant is today the finest black men come out of the United States because of at least a hundred years of slavery.  Once again the weakest people were left behind and ultimately many of the descendents of the weaker blacks found their way to countries such as England."

Dr. Huburtus:  "And not only that, you Americans bred them to be big, strong and fast."

Jack Corbett:  "Exactly. And that's why the rest of the world cannot begin to compete with American blacks in such sports as Basketball, Football, and Boxing.  Take basketball.  The U.S. might get beaten in basketball once in awhile by another country in the Olympics but we Americans don't mess around sending our best players to compete in the Olympics.  They stay in the U.S. where the real money is, playing as professionals."

Dr. Huburtus:   "Well, what about skiing.  Europeans do well there."

Jack Corbett:   "That's true, but it takes entirely different skills to ski well than to play football.  You don't have to be big to be a great skier.  So this gives say, the Austrians a chance to compete in a less demanding sport on an equal footing with Americans.  Which brings up an interesting point."

Dr. Huburtus:  "What's that?"

Jack Corbett:  "Did you know that aside from the U.S. the best potential players of the American football game are the Swiss?"

Dr. Huburtus:  "No, I didn't."

Jack Corbett:  "Once again the reason is obvious.  Switzerland was a neutral country during the world wars so there was no loss of life there and that means the Swiss men were allowed to grow to their fullest potential.  The result is that Swiss men have a higher percentage of strong physically fit men than there are in Germany and England for example."

Dr. Huburtus:   "It's just too bad that Switzerland is such a pathetically small country.  They only have about 8 million people compared to 300 million Americans.  So they simply don't have the numbers to field more than one or two good teams.  Which is one reason the Swiss don't  even do well in soccer and why they should just stick with skiing,  and making chocolates, watches and cuckoo clocks."

Jack Corbett:  "Well, I think the evidence is pretty conclusive Dr. Huburtus.  It is going to take the rest of the world hundreds of years to catch up with the U.S. so it is wise not to try to compete in American football with Americans."

That was the end of our conversation about sports.  After that  Dr. Huburtus and I took a long walk together in search of Thai massage girls to work on our aching backs.   On the way we saw many bars filled with Englishmen watching silly looking men wearing shorts playing English football much of the rest of the world plays while the strongest, fastest, most powerful men in the world play American football in the U.S.  I will call it English football because the English seem to be its most rabid fans.