The Looking Glass Horror Scope is unlike those Mickey Mouse horoscopes

I see all and it is Eye Who see your future

If you don't like what you read here, who cares. After all, it's the truth. Unlike all those other Mickey Mouse horoscopes, which is no more than a single writer's inept ramblings about something he thinks he believes in or has "seen" in the stars we are giving you what all of our writers see at once in our simultaneous vision quest as we tune our minds and imaginations into what the Cosmic Void osmotes to our collective consciousness.

Each month your Horror Scope will be delivered unto you by one of our writers. But you won't know which one, will you? This is being done so we can give you what you deserve, a true vision into what you can hope for, or dread, without our writers feeling any fear of recrimation from you.

Just remember, we didn't invite you here. You came because you wanted to.

December 2001 Libra

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)

2002 is shaping up to be a wishy washy year for you Sign of the Balances! The plaent Veunus sees you weighing the pros and condos of two different paramours. Unfortunately with the Halebo comet making a quick passage thru your sin in the 3rd week and you lose both loves. Why ou ask? Because you took too long to make a decision and the aliens that live on the comet came and stole your brain! Use my column wisely Libra and save yourself by using your scales wisely and make the choice between being a Smart Ass or a Dumb Ass.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)

Scorpio I wouldn't goff off thinking Iwas king stinger thismonth Scorpio. The planet Venus traverses your 7th house of luck and money the second week of the month. It signals there're bigger bugs out there than you and they are looking to make a meal of one of the little guys. And I can't forget that quick passage of the International Space Station through your house of love and sex. Keep your stinger in your pants boys and girls of the Scorpion persuasion. Trying to do all the United Nations in one week can lead to some very poor international relationships!

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)

Ahhhhhh
the arrow of love finally hits the archer right in the Ass! And it's about time! Once again Halley's comet makes a peripheral pass by of the 6th house of Sagitarius and puts the Archer in a rather delicate situation. On the 7th of this month you meet the person of your dreams.

Unfortunately that means you have to get rid of all the other Mr/Miss Perfects you have strung along. Decisions, decisions. Take heart Sag baby, if you just make it a point to be honest with yourself and see yourself as the player other see you as, you'll be able to come to a conclusion to your dilemma.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)

Capricorn What can I say. The New Year has said that you must stay in the United States forever because they love their goats. But never fear, a shift in the alignment of Saturn shows that you may have a chance to travel before
the month is through. The moon shifts into your 9th house of travel at the full cycle saying head south. Mexico it is!!! Just remember Virgo,
don't drink the water and if you decide to play with the local indigenous species double bag it. A slight passage of Uranus through you 3rd house of love and sex says Be careful of your back door

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 19)

Aquarius The Sign of the water bearer!!! UUUUUhhhhh yeah right! Are you sure you're not retaining it?? The beginning of the New Year sees you all bloated and puffy from too much booze. Did you do a Coyote Ugly on New Year's
day? Now you don't wish you'd made that resolution not to drink so much? You'd have an arm left if you'd listened to me in the first place!!! Before the end of the month the full moon sees you sober and noticing the wierdos. They look familiar &; of course they do! They're you're drinkin' buddies

Pisces (Feb 20-Mar 20)

Pisces I's not even spawning season yet and you're already swimming upstream looking for some one to mate with. In this day in age don't you know the water is pretty polluted? The moon in your sign on the 15th says you should be going to your local bait and tackle and stocking up on little fishy protection. You never know what's out there these days! Around the fooloops..full moon you might want to stay below the falls as you might end up. Up the creek!! And there's lot's of big fishies in the big house who'd love to make a little fishie like you their next catch.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Aries If Aries has been the smart sign, you will have heeded my advice and made the resolution not to be so hard headed. The planet Mars moving through your sign in the second week of this month sees you battling the urge to be physical. Take it to the gym, not out on some living being. Use your brain, not just your head. And I ain't talkin' the lower one!

Once again the full moon shoves a surprise in front of you but take a good look at it. Is it a good surprise or a bad surprise? What kind of bad surprise do I mean? You know…the one where the doctor takes you into his office and says…Surprise!!!.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Taurus Ahhhhhh the sign of the bull. This new year sees you taking the Shit out of your sign. You get your shit together, you don't take no more shit, and you certainly won't be shittin' on anyone. You've been a good barnyard critter and cleaned up your act. Just be careful around that nasty old full moon. You might get caught letting off too much methane and someone might think you are full of shit. So be careful of what you say around the time of full moon as you don't really know what end your shit is going to come out of!

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Gemini Venus plays a prominent role in your sign this month Gemini. You finally meet that special someone. Only problem is you don't know which side of yourself to present. The nice you that you the person will like, or your evil twin which you think attracts the person who's looking for the wild child. Hold on to that darkside Gemini. Take stock of what you yourself would want to meet. And if you decide to go with the Evil Twin…Well then you are more schizophrenic than we thought were! Seek help as soon as you can!!

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Cancer Did the new year find you a little crabby on New Year's Day? Mercury in your sign in the first week of the month speeds you up on a path of action. Just make sure you make take the right path. Is the easy road looking good cause there's someone waiting at the end of it for you? Does the harder road look kinda tuff and maybe there ain't noone there for you? Well do some heavy thinking, is that person at the end of the easy road definitely the right person for you? Or is it someone you'll settle for cause your too buried in the sand to get off yer ass and look. Think carefully. Some times the easy road ain't the best one!

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Leo The golden child of the Zodiac gets a kick in the ass on New Year's Day. You wake up to find your partner's arm chewed off at the elbow!! OH NO!!! You are the Coyote Ugly!! Now with your deflated ego the new year is not starting out as you'd thought. The planet Pluto passing through your 4th house for the whole month makes you take stock of all the egotistical things you done and said in the prior year. Maybe you'll realize that "you ain't all that and a bag of chips". It sucks being on the other end of chewed off arm don't it? Pluto makes you see yourself as the dog you are!

Virgo (July 23-August 22)

Virgo Who you trying to kid Virgo? The first month of the new year finds you getting caught in your own trap. You played up that person over the holidays, telling them you were sweet and innocent so you could get into their pants! Now with Saturn sitting comfy cosy in your 11th house you find out you been played! You now have to make the decision wether to come clean that you ain't as virginistic and squeaky clean as you made yourself out to be; or take the lumps with pride and enjoy the dirty fun with your scummy new partner.

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