Your
Horror Scopetology
The Looking Glass
Magazine March
2002
If you don't like what you read here, who cares. After all, this is the truth--unlike all those other Mickey Mouse horoscopes, which is no more than a single writer's inept ramblings about something he thinks he believes in or has "seen" in the stars we are giving you what all of our writers see at once in our simultaneous vision quest as we tune our minds and imaginations into what the Cosmic Void osmoses to our collective consciousness. Each month your Horror Scope will be delivered unto you by one of our writers. But you won't know which one, will you? This is being done so we can give you what you deserve, a true vision into what you can hope for, or dread, without our writers feeling any fear of recrimination from you. Just remember, we didn't invite you here. You came because you wanted to. |
It is here
where you cannot escape |
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Single: Theres
no need to spy on your favorite sweetie midmonth, youll only get
yourself in trouble! Just ask and theyll bare all.
Attached: Use your common sense when impulsive Uranus presses you into kissing and telling on t The 7th. |
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Single: Dump
the vanilla Nice Guy or Girl on the 13th. Their self-assured
friend is more to your liking and a lot kinkier! Attached: Spend
some time buying lingerie then have them do a strip tease for YOU on the
10th but You pick the music and the costume! On the job: Your need to take control kicks into gear when you take a new recruit under your wing at month's end. This is a prime time to suggest redecorating or trying a new more aggressive style.On the job: Your need to take control kicks into gear when you take a new recruit under your wing at month's end. This is a prime time to suggest redecorating or trying a new more aggressive style.
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Single: Put
your lovers tongue to use on the 23rd, when your dominating nature
spells sexual excess. Spanking is in the air Attached: Watch
out for your jealous temper on the 5th. There is no reason for your suspicions.
Eat more chocolate and On the job: Your volatile temper flares midmonth and the plot thickens.
Make sure to get your vengeance no matter howOn the job: Your volatile temper flares midmonth and the plot thickens.
Make sure to get your vengeance no matter how
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Single: Your
warm amorous nature attracts a potential romance around the 11th. Time
for champagne and sheets strewn with rose-petals. Attached: Lose
the flirt who is distracting you from your lover around the 23rd. they
have nothing to lose and you do! On the job:On the job: Dont
put in those extra hours for nothing at midmonth. If you need the rest
dont volunteer! |
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Single: One
of your more infamous filthy jokes attracts a bold new lover around the
9th who has a few dirty jokes of their Attached: Get
outdoors and get naked on the 22nd, Adventure steams your blood while
stripping out of all that heavy winter On the job:On the job: Take it easy. Your practical jokes could piss off the boss near the 15th. |
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Single: You
cant seem to make up your mind as to which potential lover to chose
around the 9th why not take both home with you?
Attached: On
the 11th Jupiter turns up your trademark sexual stamina. Your lover better
not plan on getting any sleep, you have needs to fulfill. On the job: Try something original near the 20th. Ingenuity and clever repartee will bring you lots of lucrative attention. |
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Single: That
shy young thing needs you to make the first move on the sixth 6th. Theyre
convinced that they havent got a chance with you. Why dont
you give them a pleasant surprise and ask them out?
Attached: You
suspect that your lover wants to experiment. Surprise them by offering
to play nice. Work: Dont panic near the 21st, youll do just fine. Youre better prepared than you think. |
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Single: Take
a chance for once and forget your rational side. When choosing between
a sensible sweetie and a power flirt
around the 20th, theres no need to make a final decision anytime
soon. Attached: Mars
ups your sexual self-assurance on the 7th. Afternoon delight strikes hard
and fast and often. Be demanding they can take it, or they can be taken. On the jobOn the job: Late nights and long hours pay off near the 29th with monetary bonuses -discuss a promotion and a well-deserved vacation
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Single: On
the 23rd, you'll play with a power-flirt, but they can't hold your attention.
You just know that they cant keep up with you. Attached: You
need to feel worshiped early in the month, so have your tall boots freshly
polished for sweet erotic kisses that On the jobOn the job:
Watch your mouth! Your chattiness will drive everyone insane on the 14th.
Call your lover on the phone instead |
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Attached: Cuddle
close with a sizzling erotic novel. Trading particularly interesting passages
of purple prose inspires your On the job:On the job:
Dont give in to your impulses to play Diva on the 22nd,
during Mercury's power play. Minor squabbles could |
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Single: Your
easy-going personality wins you an ardent admirer around the 1st.
Attached: Theyre
childlike behavior makes you feel naughty after the 11th. Do you need
a spanking? On the jobOn the job:
Watch out for accidents, bumps and bruises from the 25th on, when Neptune
increases miscalculations. Time to break out the tall boots and wear clothes
you dont mind rough-housing in. |
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Single:Single: Watch
out for players and cheating lovers on the 20th. Be careful of who you
date unless youre looking for merely fleeting fun. Attachment is
not in the air. Keep an eye out for old lovers looking to score and dump. Attached: Keep
your lover at home with a teasing hot phone call that leads to a ferocious
and wet tongue-lashing when you On the job: Keep your lips locked when rash Mars tempts you to leak secrets and tempers flare near the 15th. Dont be tempted to become a bit player in someone elses personal tragedy! Trust me they know whats happening and now is NOT the time to talk about it. |
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