Actual Picture of Dancer Sporting Her Leech
Boyfriend
Satirical look at
relationships: 'Actual Picture of Dancer Sporting Her Leech Boyfriend'
explores the Human Kingdom of Leechdom in a humorous light
Rules of the human kingdom of
Leechdom as published in adult magazines by Jack Corbett
Just don't try to worm into her life. The worm got there
first.
Do not drive a nice car around her. Instead get a $300
car that proudly announces your arrival as a leech
If you have a job, hide it from her
Do not be nice to her since she will only think you want
to fuck her. Instead be mean and cruel so she will think you are being
sincere.
Woo her with drugs, then cement the deal by threatening to
cut her off once you get her hooked. (Does not work on all victims susceptible
to leeches)
Act helpless so your topless dancer girlfriend will think she needs to fix you...posing
as a drug addict, alcoholic, homeless, and/or chronically unemployed will
help here. (See Corbett's masterwork
"Goodbye
Darwin)
Ask her for her money whenever possible and never, never
volunteer your own since she will not respect you
Never be gallant in any manner and whatever you do, don't
open doors for her, send her flowers, pull out her chair for her, etc
Make it a habit to always be late. If you arrive on time
she will think you are weak
Get her pregnant as fast as you can. She will feel eternally
grateful to you for ruining the rest of her life
Never forget that the main reason for your miserable existence
is to get your victims pregnant so you now have a job of babysitting the
baby leeches while the bread winner is working to support everyone else.
But take heart even though down you know you are not worth a shit. You
get to fulfill your life's ambition to watch television while drinking
the beer someone else has paid for while pretending that you are
important (after all, you are now a father).