Uncle Buford Pattaya Go-Go Bar Reviews

Air Port A Go Go

This go go bar obviously looks like the inside of the fuselage of a passenger liner. Now I knows Billy Bob disagrees with me but it kind of reminded me of one of those gold diners where they used to serve chili and burghers before McDonalds came along. But when you go inside you notice right off how narrow it is. There's a single long stage and both in front of it and behind it are all these little tables and chairs in two single long rows. It kind of reminds me of the Junior Prom where all the girls sit on one side of the room and the guys sit on the other. There was over fifty girls here including lots of service girls and although all the babes have to wear these sexy little uniforms like airline attendants do, they dance right in front of your nose and this gives you a chance to look right up their legs. Maybe it was the angle, me looking up at them this way but I got the impression that there were lots of nice looking slender girls in this place, which is the way I likes them cause fat women belong in a barn yard, not in a go go. There were some nude gals here though, towards the back of the room either in a Jacuzzi or on a single large stage that looked like a trampoline. There was one utterly sensational service girl working here with these incredibly gorgeous eyes and I still can't get my mind off of her. Girl quality is a solid 3 or above out of five. Some were stunners. A lot of guys here which means it's not really a buyer's market. I mean who needs the competition from a bunch of tourists. Beers were 85 baht for a large glass.

Baby Dolls

I'm calling this joint the Dog House. That's because most gals here might look even worse than the customers. Well, maybe that's going just a stretch too far, and speaking of stretch marks, there's enough of that around here to make the place look like a road map. If ya ask me what I thinks, Baby Dolls is a great place for perverts to go who lack self esteem. Now, I'm a saying this cause a lot of my friends keep draggin my ass here and I haven't seen nuthin very pretty here yet. So ahm thinking such friends of mine are thinkin they they don't have a chance with pretty wimmen such as you are going to find at Super Girls and Super Babes so they gotta comes here to get the retreads. Or maybe it's all the perverted shit the girls are doing here like beating each other with whips and going down on each other. Which means if these friends of mine don't lack self esteem they gotta be perverts and really should be taking a hike down to the Windmill Club.

Beach Club (4/22/2011)

Usually the high point of the Beach Club are its 59 baht draft beers. And although there's often some pretty hot babes in the place, showing off their pretty little bodies at your individual table with its very own dancing pole with the gals alternating, usually it's nothing doing here. I was a sittin across from Billie Bob and Big John and suddenly this cutie came over from the stage next to our table. So I'll be back and look her up again. To make a long story short, she kept comin back to me and we did some kissin and massagin. I got great vibes from her so I'll be back.

Carousel

I've been here about four times lately and each time there just wasn't much to look at. This time there was a couple of cute ones and what the hell, the beer was just 59 baht a draft. Best part was the Ass Girl. She was kindof small but she had the cutest little ass and it was so nicely shaped, it had to be made expressly for the rear entry position. She wasn't ashamed of showin it off either because whenever that stage rotated in front of us and she came before our admiring eyes, She'd bend way over and stick that ass up in the air towards us as if she were invitin us inside. Now I don't know what gives such girls such mighty fine asses. The only thing I can make out is she must use one of those porcelain squatter toilets whenever she has to take a dump which gives her a lot of exercise in the right places.

The Cavern A Go Go

Walking into this place is like going into Lucifer's Disco's dwarf cousin. You've got all these rock studded walls all around you and you start ta thinking, if Revel had these little plastic model kits for go go bars instead of ships and airplanes, this is what the toy manufacturer would have come up with. The beers were cheap enough at 59 baht per glass. But there were only around 15 babes in the place. Billy Bob and I wound up sitting at the stage looking a little sad and lonely and not one of those gals tried to help us. We give the girl quality coefficient here a 2 1/2 out of five. There was not one stunner in the entire place--otherwise I'm sure Billy Bob would have done a little Jack Wah action on himself.

Climax Go Go 4/22/2011

This club will remind you of Baby Dolls--a complete waste of time. There waz maybe 15 gals here some of them kindof good lookin, one very good lookin but the thing that got to me was when we check binned. There waz three of us, Me and Billie Bob and Big John and they gave us one bill for all three of us. Now that's complete bullshit. What--am I supposed to figure out what each of us spent when I'm the customer. Man, any place that treats you like that just pick up and leave and so we did---those lazy good for nothing motherfuckers.

Champion A Go Go

It's time for still another update for 4/28/2011. The music is once again terrific here. All our kind of music from the 1960's and 70's---oldies for Golden Oldies such as myself. They had some boxing matches on the t.v. which were fun to watch and once again there's the hands on we won't hold you back atmosphere here. Girls were not as attractive as before but as Billie Bob keeps saying...."The go go's are constantly changing. And what was great two nights ago might only have four girls in it tonight. Madame Crocodile was here, as always, and as always she came over and asked me for a drink, a tequila no less. Then she excused herself to go wherever and then she went back to the stage figurin she could maximize her networking with other guys and still get drinks off me. I ended up leavin and not givin her a tip. And only that one drink after telling her in English, "You blew it" just to amuse myself and my friends around me. So beware of the croc. You will know her right off because she will be the most aggressive pack animal in the place.

I'm calling this place Gonads and after you get done readin about it you will understand why. We knew we waz in trouble as soon as we came in here. For one thing we had come three or four times in the past month or two and I kept getting waylaid by the same gal who kept comin off the stage to sit next to me. She didn't miss me this time either cause as soon as we slipped in the door, I saw here lookin my way with a crocodile smile on her face just a thinkin about how many drinks I'd buy her this time. Trust me, that gal was sitting at our table even as we were being escorted to it and we hadn't even sat down yet. Billy Bob calls this place a Dirty Ole Man's Paradise. There was a fair amout of hands on action going on across the room from us with guys kissing on the girls sitting with them, feeling them up or getting felt up. They played a lot of fifties, sixties and seventies music as long as we stayed. I bought Madame Crocodile a drink and then she started feeling between my legs and she knew just how to do it as she played my with little thing the way a master violinist plays his instrument. After awhile she had to go dance up on the stage and it was about that time that Billy Bob spied a very pretty girl on the stage who had a great set of boobs. Within minutes she was sitting next to him. We both saw another pretty little thing dancing up there so we both motioned her over to our table. She wound up sitting next to me. Both girls were just 19 or that's what they told us. The girl next to me was shorter than five foot tall. She was very shapely with a great set of boobs also but everything was on a smaller scales. Me and Billie Bob got to feel both gals up to see how good those jugs were. They were terrific, especially the ones on the taller girl sitting next to Billy Bob.

Draft beers were just 50 baht. They also let us smoke here and even got us ash trays. So what's there not to like about the place? There were four or five good lookers here, three of them tantalizingly good lookin, the music's terrific, there's lots of groping going on and the beer is cheap. You might get a little lost in finding it though as there is this very long almost hidden hallway leading into the place.

Club Baccarat

This place impressed me, mainly because of its free buffet just in front of the club entrance. My brother Billy Bob didn't et anything tonight and brother did he pig out here. I had to hog tie him just to get him to go inside so we could meets some wimmen. Club Baccarat's got an upstairs and downstairs. There's fewer babes upstairs but at least we could sit down up there in front of the smaller of the club's two stages. None of the wimmen paid me an ounce of attention here although one did come over and sat with Billie Bob. And I mean none of them even smiled at me, unlike the ways they was a treatin me over at Super Babes. We then went downstairs to try and sit at the large stage down there only to find every seat in the whole place was taken. One of the girls finally moved over to allow us to sit down as she sat on the guy's lap who was buying her drinks. Beers here were only 59 baht a glass but I think they waz only 10 ounces or so. There's too many guys here to make this place the real deal so I'm personally not too interested in coming here very often.

The Doll House A Go Go

I was so drunk by the time we got here that I don't even remember what they waz chargin me for my beers. As soon as we started comin in there waz these greeter girls and most of the time some of the best lookers are just outside a go go trying to entice new customers to come in. Usually they won't go in there with you but this one did and in my drunken state she seemed pretty sexy and shapely. So we went and sat together at a booth inside around 80 feet from the stage where there were between six and ten girls dancing. We fondled each other a bit, not too heavy or anything and after awhile the girl wanted to go and dance on the stage. Billy Bob was already there and all these beautiful women were all makin all over him on account of his being the only customer sitting at the stage. When I got there and sat next to Billy Bob the girls became super friendly with me also. They seemed pretty good lookin to me but then I was pretty drunk by then so I'll just have to go back and check again.

The Dollhouse has a good web site which they've had for at least five years. Only trouble is it seems to be in Bangkok. Anyways, I thought I'd put it up anyway just so all you guys have something good to look at.

http://www.dollhouse-agogo.com/location.html

Dollhouse Agogo revisited 4/22/2011----Just so so. And I just noticed a bottle of Heineken is now 125 baht.

Fahrenheit

Lots of glass and chrome here reminding me of the movie I Robot. 60 baht draft beers but the glasses are small. Far as girl quality, I'd rate this place a 20-80 meanin I'd pass on 80 % of the gals due to their being unattractive but I'd consider the remainin 20 %.

Heaven Above (the clip joint)

I was going to give Heaven Above four or five stars but decided on giving it just one instead and the reason's simple. This place is a clip joint. There's a lot of terrific lookin wimmen at Heaven Above and they smile at you a lot more than the girls across the street at Super Girls. We liked it here because pretty wimmen would often come over and sit with us, hold our hands and do shit like that. But it's gotten to be almost a policy for two girls to come onto a customer at the same time and that's about like suckin all the soda out of a can with a straw cause the customer winds up losin a lot of money and have no girl to show for it. This is known as double teamin as both girls try and get drinks out of the customer then as soon as he starts to slow down buying them drinks both of thems leaves him and starts doing the same shit to other customers. Tonight this pretty girl comes over and sits next to me in front of the stage. I buy her a tequila, then a second tequila. This other gal comes over and wants to sit with me at the same time and I tell her I am with the other girl. I do not allow her to sit with me but she hangs around anyways and then she very quietly talks to this waitress and the next thing I know is I've got a third tequila charged to my bin.

It takes some real shitty management to allow its dancers to rape its customers like this. And here's another thing....a friend of mine came in here with me two months ago and he paid a 600 baht bar fine for a girl, then he hit a couple other go go's with us and when he came back for her she had already left with another customer. He got his bar fine back but let me be very clear. A girl who pulls this kind of crap needs to be fired straight off to set an example for the other girls. Heaven Above is the worse kind of clip joint in town--a place to be avoided at all costs.

Iron Man

This place is perfect for getting a handjob on accounts of its being so dark that you can't hardly see the dancers inside. There must have been about four or five stages all lined up with gals dancin on each one so when you walk in you comes to the first one and if you walk past it you comes to the second and so on. Well Lazy Louis sees this shit going on at about the third or fourth one so we head towards the back of the room and there's two nekkid ladies sittin on the stage right in front of us and ah do mean totally nekkid. One of them is hovering just by our heads all stretched out on this trapeze. My beer is 85 baht and it's most definitely larger than those chinzy drafts at Fahrenheit and Tiger A Go Go which are so small they won't even sustain a gold fish for long. So am drinkin my beer and look up and ah can't believe it cause one of the two gals is smoking a cigarette from her pussy. I mean here's this cigarette hangin out and it's going in and out gettin shorter and longer and there's smoke comin out. The other gal she's nearly on top of her helpin her along using her kind of like a blacksmith would a bellows. So Ah look at the guy next to me and he looks kind of Arab you know so I gets this idea cause if he's Moslem he's probably going to get real offended cause of what Am going to do next. I ask him, "You want ta smoke that cigarette now? He looks real repulsed and says no so I repeats myself and says to him, "Now that cigarette looks mighty fine. You sure you don't want it?" Once agin he says no so now I ask him, "Where you come from?" expectin an answer like Kuwait or Saudi Arabia or at least Iran. And he tells me he's from Russia. A little later this same girl she gets kind of thirsty so she decides to have a coca cola lite out of the bottle except she's got the bottle jammed down deep into her pussy. After awhile she pulls it out and she starts to squirt coca cola way up into the air like a fire hydrant. I give this place 2 1/2 stars even though Billie Bob hates it on account of the music being so loud and it being so dark you can't even see what you are groping.

Living Dolls I

I am upgrading the joint from 2.5 stars to 3.5. First off they waz playin Golden Oldies Rock from the 60's and 70's and when they played this great tune from the Animals I really got into when I was 18 in abouts 1966, I thought, "any place that looks out for us old farts like us and plays our kind of music deserves another star. Second--I had just come out of Super Girls that waz playing synthesized bullshit muzak the girls couldn't begin to dance to where I had just paid 120 baht for a bottle of Heineken. Now, some places that don't have the good lookers Super Girls has are now having the balls to charge as much as 135 baht a Heineken. Living Dolls as usual had another drink special in store for us and I got a two for one special for 145 baht. Two stiff Vodka tonics that were well worth the money. So okay.....from now on, a place does their shit right and Uncle Bufford's going to tell ya about it. A place plays music for decadent youngsters such as da da music and it's getting a definite "Let's fuck that place off" from ole Bufford here. Same as that modern sythesized shit that too often now replaces elevator music such as all those Koreans must like.

A lot of guys keep wanting to come back here for one reason or the other. There's always around 30 babes or so in the place but I've felt most of them were a little on the chunky size. Tonight seemed to be better in the girl department, but I said to Billy Bob I thought once again the place was lacking. Billy Bob commented that the gals put a lot of energy into their dancing and that it was one crew of happy campers with good attitudes. Fair enough, but when we waz leaving Billy Bob tole me, "There's not one stunner in the place. Not one." So what does that tell you? But ever since I started coming here they've always been good with their drink specials and tonight was no exception. There was a two for one special. I wound up having two vodka tonics for just 120 baht and believe me, by the time I left Living Dolls I was raring to go.

Living Dolls 2

At 135 baht for a bottle of Heineken this has gots to be one of the highest priced go go bars on Walking Street. There's only about twenty girls workin here and some of those are what they call Show Girls. This means you can pay more money to bar fine them. As for the show, they had the same show they had over five years ago with this babe crawlin bout the stages like she's in sheer pain while this other gal follows her beatin her with this whip. Reminds me of Uncle Tom's Cabin with Simon Legree havin tits. Me and Billie Bob are sittin off for aways from the stage and these two gals come sit with us. One next to me is feelin my leg and having me put my arm around her. I buy her a drink. She's not bad but she's not real great lookin either but she's kind of a good hearted soul.

Relaxxx

Relaxxx is a new club on the other end of Walking Street where Catz and Club Boesch used to be. When we walked in there was only about 4 customers or so and around 15 to 20 ladies. Soon as we got seated, Billie Bob says to me, "Here they come." Thing was, must have been bout six of them flocked straight over to Big John, then Billie Bob said, "Must be that cologne Big John's wearing--"The smell of money." Straight off this cute little thing singles me out and comes onto me like a dog in heat and that's when Billie Bob says, "I feel like a meat bone in a kennel again." By the time we got out of there the cute little gal who must have been almost tall enough to reach my waist had been wetting her fingertips down in a glass of water so she could run her wet fingertips up and down my dick as she shoved her little hands up my shorts. Big John admitted to spending 1300 baht by the time I could get just 2 beers down.

Sapphires

After Baby Dolls we decided to give this new place a shot and right off I knew there it was head and shoulders above the Dog House. It's a small go go but there's a mirror on one side of the room that makes it look bigger than it actually is. There were several good looking babes here and they waz actually doing shows with two gals doing shit to each other and two of them was doing some really hot dancing that made me wish I was right between them like tuna fish salad between two slices of bread. Another gal was pretty striking looking like a cross between a barbie doll and Johnny Depp playing Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean on account of all the dark makeup she was wearing but I'll give her this--She was a lot better looking than Jack Sparrow. My draft beers were only about 65 baht so I was a pretty happy camper all in all.

Silver Star

I has to rate this place as number one out of the three places we hit tonight. There waz a lot of wimmen here. We sat right at the front of the stage. Someone came up behind me and started giving me a massage even though my girlfriend was sitting right next to me. Dancing right in front of us two gals really got my attention. One of them was a little odd looking in the face but she had this terrific bod when you saw her from the rear and she had the tightest shapely ass which put some ideas in my head right off. Later this older gal was dancing in front of me. I'd say she was around thirty and she was lathering her svelte body down with this oil that made me think all kinds of dirty thoughts. Next time I come here I'm leaving my girlfriend at home.

Star A Go Go

The best thing's about this place was the entertainin hawkers outside it. Me and Billie Bob had just hit four go-go's and lookin for another we runs into this young Thai guy the go go has hired to try and gits customers to come in. The Thai guy gives Billie Bob 5 baht to go inside but inside the place there's only two girls. We don't sit down, we don't order nuthin so's we leaves immediately and when we come out Billie Bob gives the young guy his 5 baht back.

Super Girls

As of last night 4/28/2011 I am downgrading Super Girls from four stars to three. First off I was the only non-Asian customer in the place and to be quite honest and xenophobic I just simply did not like the looks of most of the guys around me. I got the impression that many of them are unfair to their employees if they are in commanding places in the workplace and that they are (not all, because I'm generalizing) rather cruel to women. My friends who do not like Super Girls which I've often stuck up for went to the Dog House and being the man of principle that I am I had to show them that I'm not the kind of guy who's going to hang around in a dog kennel so I had them come by Super Girls when they had finished with the kennel. I had one Heineken here and as I came near to finishing it I was getting pretty bored watching far too many automatons on the stage. Sure....a couple of the girls smiled at me but they were pretty fat and I had not come to Super Girls to experience fatness on the slab--I could have just stayed in the U.S. I will also admit to having a full time live in girlfriend so I could not very well go back to my old Super Girls practices and started bar fining girls and bringing them back to my condo--so I was here for one reason..to look at some good lookin babes and possibly indulge in some conversation with a couple of gals or even customers so on that score I'd had to choose between Korean Male chauvinists and automatons (at least they are while on the job because management expects them to all act like the Steppord Wives to benefit the Koreans and Japanese.

Lastly....the dancing here is terrible and the music sucks big wong dong which is I suppose what the Asian clientele likes. It's that synthesized homogenized garbage. Later we went to Living Dolls 1 which had fared very badly in my reviews but which I am now upgrading a bit. This time the girls were more slender and attractive than before and they were playing 1960's, 1970's rock including something from the Animals. I figured any club that plays something by the Animals that was popular in about 1966 deserves another star. I finally went back to Naklua where I had parked my motorbike in front of a German Bar favorite of mine and this bar had a karioke bar playing golden oldies. So....Supergirls which is still a very good club in many respects takes a significant dive in stardom because it lacks the same soul that its customers lack.

I'm calling this place the Korean puzzle. That's because this go go used ta puzzle me and now I knows what's happened. Ya see, it's my opinion that management wants to bring as many Korean and Japanese guys into this place as possible. Well, most Korean and Japanese men have this fetish that they have to be in complete control and that their wimmen are these little doll like creatures with no will of their own. So that's the reason why most wimmen at Super Girls do not smile and don't even dance on the stage. Instead they just sort of sway back and forth while staring straight ahead. They do this because they are trained that way. Most of these wimmen even have these Japanese and Korean barbie doll like hair jobs. So now ahm going to tells you men something you are only going to learn from Uncle Bufford. That's right, you men out there should pay me for the advice I'm abouts ta give you. The problem with management's grand scheme of things is these wimmen are Thai wimmen, not Japanese or Korean girls. And because they are Thai they wants to have fun. Well, most Korean and Japanese men won't want to let them do that so that's where you have the edge in these places. My little secret is I break all these rules that cater to Japanese and Korean customers. I tries my best to get eye contact with the gals. Sometimes I even make faces at them. I play these little games these other customers won't even think of doing. Some of the gals ignore me. Others start a smilin and a laughing and then I've got them. Now I know that at 120 baht a Heineken the beers are high, but the wimmen are the absolute best lookin in town. And the management's policy here that outwardly speakin trains the girls to be stuck up and aloof keeps all the idiot low life trashy falang out drinking cheap beers like hogs at the trough in these lesser places as they keep tellin themselves the gals at Super Girls are uppity and unfriendly. So I'm a tellin you, that all just keeps more girls here for me.

Super Babes

Super Babes is my pick of the litter. It deserves my five star rating. It's the sister club for Super Girls across the street from it and like Super Girls it aims to please a Japanese Korean clientele. It's beer prices at 120 baht for a bottle of Heineken are some of the highest on Walking Street and that's good cause it keeps all the riffraff out Both of these clubs can afford to hire the finest stable of beautiful babes on Walkin Street and trust me, they do. Last night there was only a few customers here but there was lots of gorgeous wimmen. And they didn't treat us like they was the predator and we waz the prey the way they do at most places. Some of them would give us the cutest little smiles while they waz a dancing. Sometimes one of them would walk by and say something. What I like is if I like a gal I can smile at her or watch her attentively, get eye contact with her and she will often then act interested in me. So I can relax here. I can buy a girl a drink or not buy her a drink and I don't have to behave like a human fly swatter trying to swat the ugly ones away. The music is not bad either and it's not too loud so I can talk to my friends and enjoy myself.

Tiger

The good news is the beers only 60 baht a draft. The bad news is the glasses are punier than David was when he was fightin Goliath. So after swallowing one glass full in about fifteen seconds I asked for a bottle of Heinken which cost me 120 baht. There waz around 30 girls here tonight and they was mighty aggressive. I waz writin my review in my little notebook when this gal plumped down beside me and asked what I waz a doing. She actually accused me of putting down how many gals waz cute and how many were dogs. I bought her one drink and after awhile she had to go dance on the stage. I had momentary eye contact with another girl standing on the other side of the stage from me and next thing I knew she was standing next to me and right after that she's asking me for a drink. Billy Bob and Lazy Louie are sittin at this table with these other gals so being I can't stands the pressure with all these gals wantin me, I tell them I'll meet them over at Super Babes so that's where I went next. Where I could relax, look around the room, smile at a few babes and have them smile back at me.

Toyz

There was only eight girls here tonight. A couple of lookers so the place is promising. Draft beers were large, I'd say about 16 ounces a glass and they wuz only 65 baht. Club's down at the far end of Walkin Street just off a side street where Club Catz and Boeshe used to be. We were not pressured here by anyone so we could relax and enjoy ourselves. It's the luck of the draw so on a good night a guy might find a gem here.

Windmill Go Go Bar

This place is a dirty old man's paradise. i remember this old fart sitting at the stage and he had his fingers in every orifice of a gal's body, and I do mean openin. He had a finger in her navel, and he had a finger in her pussy and I even saw him put one finger up her ass. Over on that stage it's kind of like going to a drive in restaurant with the gals all eating each other out right in front of you. The other night I took a guy from Aussieland in there who had never been to Walking Street before and we watched one of the gals prepare iced pussy cause she filled her openin up with so many ice cubes. He loved it here. The place is totally depraved yet I'm still givin it three stars simply because the place does a good job at what it tries to do which is being as downright nasty as it can be. Beers are around 50 baht a draft if I remember right.