Lost Angels topless dancing awards

Some general notes which by weekend we will update considerably. First...notice that no results have been tabulated for dancer of the year. It was a landslide for Alex. Second--Although both Alex and Jack have collected votes in the different categories, for most categories both are out of the running. Both would have likely collected more votes in many categories, Jack because he is the owner and web master of the site and Alex because she's dancer of the year.

Alex as dancer of the year embodies exceptional qualities which might have made her most highly visible dancer in the Lost Angels chat or which might have made her winner of "Most entertaining dancer" for instance. Jack would be expected to be most visible male in the chats since he's the web master of the site.

For now--this is what we have. Look for the final results this weekend. And one more thing-------if you were not able to participate or view last Sunday's nominations and voting in the Lost Angels, you can view the html file now by clicking here. Just remember to scroll down to the bottom of the messages and start reading from bottom to top just as you normally would when looking at the messages in the framed version of the Lost Angels.

This is about as good as it gets if you missed it. Why would those participating nominate Dollies bartender, Nightshade, as the female derelict of the year? Or what makes Dollies dancer Angie so entertaining, or Dawg the best male bullshitter in the Lost Angels group? Who's the most unreliable male or female we've encountered in our strip club escapades? Who's front runner for leach of the year-----a guy who lives off his girlfriend's lap dances and privates?

Still............some comments of my own about the categories and some of the front runners.

Pl/One and I both voted for Seeker who came into the Lost Angels chats a year and a half ago. Seeker struck new lows in Lost Angels lore, striking out blindly at several dancers in the group by telling them they were destined for the fire and brimstone of hell simply because they were dancers. Seeker accused several males in the group of being homosexuals, stole the handles of key members of the chat, posted under their names which qualified him for law suit city for libeling men and women both. We had to kick him out of the Lost Angels. At the time we had another forum called the Sanitarium. Since Seeker could only watch the rest of us post our comments in the Lost Angels, but could not post a single message in rebuttal, he went into the Sanitarium where he tried to blast the members of the group who had abandoned the Sanitarium. Like a crazed dog baying at the moon, we left him to rant and rave. Seeker then sent out tons of email, primarily to Katt, PlOne and me. We finally grew tired of him and removed the Sanitarium from the site since we were no longer using that forum. Not heard from him since.

That was a year and a half ago so Seeker cannot quality as 1998's most obnoxious male which leaves Dawg as the clear winner. But here we have to be clear on one thing since Dawg is a good friend to many of us. It's not Dawg we find obnoxious but that damn sex machine of his..the jetaime----which he's constantly extolling, while looking for "models" to ride the dildo rider with its 16 inch dildo and ultra powerful washing machine motor.

Bill deserves special mention here------among other things cutting himself in on five days of partying in Toronto, then arriving in Canada without a single phone number of one of our many Canadian members. He did not endear himself to our Canadian hosts because of many posts he made bragging on himself among other things.

Most obnoxious femaleMistress Mary is winning hands down. When you find her posting in the Lost Angels you will see why. Tales of bondage and her whips and chains just for starters. Nightshade is the runner up. A Dollies bartender who sometimes parties a little too hard (don't we all?), Nightshade has made her presence felt many times. Squirting customers, dancers and everyone in sight from behind the bar is one of the many reasons Nightshade deserves an honorable mention in this category.

No question on this one. Heaven all the way. Heaven's been an active member of this group for over a year and a half, is a fine writer, like Alex, and a good friend to many members in the Lost Angels. She represented the Alpha Pro booth at the 1998 Las Vegas Gentleman's Club Owners convention. Both Alex and I felt Samantha was right up there with Heaven so we split our votes declaring the match a tossup. Heaven's a blonde and a damn fine looker who's imaginative and talented so don't hold this against her. Bottom line is she takes the best pictures according to those who voted in this category.

In the eyes of most of us Heaven was already fulfilling her promise as a beautiful model and unforgettable character in the Lost Angels chat which is why I asked her to represent the Alphapro booth in Vegas. Meanwhile there was another rising star on the horizon named Alabama, a young 21 year old Dollies dancer.

Alabama was the most popular dancer with both the staff in her club and the other dancers. And with good reason. In fact, we've never seen a more popular dancer at any club. A brilliant actress Alabama is hard to not like. A striking face, set off by a nose she considers (we don't) too long and long blonde hair, Alabama has a look few can match. But that's not all......her sense of humor sparkles as she pokes fun at herself more so than others.

I couldn't wait to put her on the Dollies web site. She would often post from a computer at Dollies and somehow acquired a computer at her home. Once Alabama put one of her poems....a damn good one.....on the Dollies dressing room wall. I waited anxiously for more poems from her. Only a week or two after taking center stage on the Alphapro and Dollies web sites, she went offline.

In 1997 two girls represented the Alphapro booth at Vegas.......Stimmelators dancer Angie (that's where Heaven now dances and Dollies dancer Satin. Heaven was going and I wanted to take Alabama too. But I ended up in a Vegas hospital with a blood clot in my leg. Alabama and I were not communicating effectively for a few weeks prior to the convention. I asked club manager Howard to represent Dollies at the convention and that was that. But Alabama is a rare woman of exceptional beauty and talent which is so far unfulfilled. Surely a contender who has the talent and magnetism to win at anything she goes after.

Gotta be Jade although our dancer of the year might give her a run for the money here. But remember, the dancer of the year can only win one category. It is assumed she could easily win a number of other categories or be a strong runner up. But Jade's a one of a kind. A loyal friend, she's combative, aggressive, and will stick to her guns. Will take on woman, man or beast without hesitation. But don't take this wrong......our Jade's no fool.

Dawg voted for Misty for having the guts to change her life 180 degrees around. Living with a husband who was uncaring and abusive, Misty has recently moved from Pennsylvania to northern Indiana where she can be with our good friends Doctor Doom and Sam Stimmel. No question about it, she's got guts.

This is a difficult one to call. Alex cannot win this category since she's already dancer of the year. Sher largely for her leading the Wednesday night recovery chats wins the laurels on this one.

So far this one looks like a tie between PlONe and FM who has recently joined the group. However, PlOne's been here far longer, being a key member of the group for two and a half years. We will announce the winner Sunday.

Normally Pl/One would win this one hands down. But Sher's leadership in the Wednesday night recovery chats gives her the edge....and the votes. I cannot overemphasize how sensitive and gut wrenching these Wednesday night chats must be for her since they involve Sher's literally baring her soul and heart before the world. Now that takes courage of a very special kind.

Looks like I would get this one in a runaway election. Certainly have done far more than my fair share of practical jokes. Life is too damn serious involving dying, pain, heart breaks and all kinds of nerve wracking experiences. So you might as well enjoy it and not take it too seriously since we are all going to end up being swamp ooze at some point. So if you really like someone, play a good practical joke on him/her. Take my word for it. It's better than money in the bank.

What's the world coming to? I'm in there in a tie with the Beater. I'm honored. However----the great Beater himself would gladly give the trophy to Philip21 who leveled everyone in site just a month ago for his stellar performance in Beatermeat II. If we were to evaluate this one on a single unforfeitable week of total abandonment and dereliction Philip21 would win. However, for consistency over the long pull, the Beater's hard to beat.

No question about it-----------Dollies bartender Nightshade not only shines but obliterates the competition. Can't wait to tell her-------"Nightshade, you did not win the best bartender award but you are the most derelict woman we know." Looking for volunteers to accompany me at Dollies when I give her the news. Enough volunteers to keep her from leaping over the bar to get at me. But in all dead seriousness, if Nightshade did not exist we would have to invent her. Nightshade...when you read this just consider it an honor just as I do to be ranked up there with Beater and Philip21.

That must be my que to quit drinking if my friends are going to put me right up there alongside Beater. Clearly Beater outdoes me here since he starts early in the day while I"m still drinking coffee.

We are letting Canada have this honor. Chid----carrying the flag for Canada. He's got the votes and I've got this perfect picture of him in my mind. Tori up with him in Canada. Hopelessly infatuated with Chid, Tori's got to get back to the U.S. to be with her son. And here's Chid, in bed, hopelessly hung over. I've already booked Tori for a flight leaving Detroit mid afternoon. Got 106 bucks on my Visa too. Chid's promised Tori to get her to the Detroit airport which is a four hour drive or so from Toronto. And does he come through for his new girl friend? Hell no. He's laying around in bed and she's calling me to get the job done.

She misses the flight and it is rescheduled for the next day. Someone has to get her to Detroit since flying out of Toronto at this ninth hour is around 600 bucks. Enter Dawg who checks up on the Greyhound schedules, picks her up at Chid's sister's place, and drives her to the Toronto Greyhound terminal. Once again things don't quite work out. It's a much longer bus ride than it would have been by car. Again....Tori misses a flight. Ends up sleeping at the airport in Detroit. And who does she call--collect--at 5:50 AM? Me. I'm hung over and don't even know my own name at that early hour.

Well...what can I say? She's still in love with Chid. I wonder if he's gotten out of bed yet.

They say dancers are unreliable and most of them probably are. But not the ones we hang out with. Then there's Leandra. And we hate to admit it.....she was a Dollies girl.

Now here's how unreliable she is. She only lived 15 minutes from the club whereas Alex lives something like an hour and fifteen minutes away. Yet Leandra very seldom showed up on time.

She was so bad she'd come up to you------and this would all be her idea, not mine----and say something like, "I want you so bad. You know what I want. I will meet you at your apartment and spend the night." Of course I knew better. Went home drunk on my ass and went straight to bed. Didn't give the matter a moment's thought and she was actually good looking.

We can go on and on about her. She could call you on the phone, then in the middle of the conversation forget who she was talking to. No wonder strippers get a bad name. But if there's one thing we like about her. She's actually pretty funny. In the same sense as a drunken canary can be funny to watch as it tries to fly around the room bumping into everything in sight.

This one's a total runaway and nearly a unanimous vote. And the winner is------shudder--Rocci. Alabama's boyfriend. He might not be anymore.

Now it takes a special kind of man...err boy----to get a woman pregnant and have her dancing on the stage in her seventh month of pregnancy while he loafs around. Most of us would do anything to avoid that....drive a semi, have two jobs...whatever it takes. She was after all 1998's most promising dancer. Most of us would cherish her but not a leech. I think that's an insect. Low step on the evolutionary ladder.

Kudos to Dawg. I don't know how he got this one but he's full of shit. The thing is...he can back himself up. Very humorous guy...his comments and stories well thought out and presented. Even if he's usually wrong.

We love him to death----still he's the worse bullshitter and managed to win this one hands down.....We are talking Voodoo here. No...that's not a language. The guy actually exists down in Carbondale, Illinois. Used to live in my apartment complex. Great drinking companion by the way. Trouble is he will often say...."I will be there for such and such or I'll be at the apartment tomorrow afternoon." Then not be there. But he's got a lot of good stories and he's entertaining as hell.

Hey girls...consider this one an honor. Looks like it's between Nipples in East St Louis, Heaven, in Indiana, and Mistress Mary who might or might not exist...that's how good a bullshitter she is. I used to go out with Nipples and she can entertain a whole table of men for hours with her stories most of which are untrue. In fact, we are not sure that Nipples knows what truth is. I remember once on a date with her and she was telling me about how much weight she had gained. She asked me how much I thought she weighed. I told her-"around 110." So she gets on the scale after telling me she weighs 124 pounds and the scale reads 108 pounds. But first we had placed a bet. She says....."That scale's wrong Jack. You get on it." So I get on that scale after she asks me what I weigh. I tell her--"Around 165". And sure enough the scale reads 164. "Scales all wrong, " Nipples yells. I weigh 124 pounds". Okay...you get the idea.

And we can't discount Heaven. Cause she's really full of shit. The only difference is she knows it and knows we know. She's fun and likely to say just about anything. But with Heaven it's like we are all in this together. The joke is one she shares with her friends.

Dead heat between Alabama and Leandra. Now how'd Alabama get in there? She's full of shit. I'll grant you that but most of us are. Alarmed that she would be right up there with Leandra I had a few with Howard the other night. His comment-----"They just don't know Leandra and they might not want to know."

Okay...what are some of Leandra's worse lines? There's that business about coming to my apartment I've already mentioned. And I didn't even invite her. And how can we ever forget her falling in love with Howard, me and the Dollies doorman all in the same week. Even though she didn't know any of us very well. But here's the best one. She was telling us how she had dumped her boyfriend. She knew I had met him and here's her boyfriend sitting like a hang dog alone at one of the tables in front of the stage. Just waiting to take her home.

It takes a special kind of woman to tell everyone she's done with her boyfriend and there he is in full view of everyone. And not just that night but the next night and the night after that and the next week. I guess you can expect everyone to believe you just because words come out of your mouth. As if they were golden words. It's possible to fool oneself. Just don't expect us to keep from laughing at you.

Looks like it's Dollies bartender Dina. She's sharp as a tack, can shoot a mean stick of pool and still know what's going on at the bar. She can be a clown and she can be serious and she's gorgeous. Drinks like a fish when she wants to and this one can sure get everyone partying down. She's a ring leader and a shit disturber at the head of the pack. And we love her to death.

Looks like Nipples wins this one. She can drink a beer while hanging upside down from the pole but I've met a couple others who can do this little number. She's an exciting dancer to watch, her movements graceful and athletic at the same time. Besides, in my book "Death on the Wild Side" I portray her as being a dancer without peer. So ya just gotta believe me on this one.

I hate to say it but most dancers pick real scum bags to be their boyfriends. Most of these guys have the personality of a sedated pigeon, the looks of Humphrey Bogart's rear end which is real bad considering that Bogart's been dead for years and the get up and go of a caterpillar bloated from eating too many sunflowers.

Not Jade or Alex. Both Mikey and Derf are hard workers. Both men are terrific personalities and both men have hearts of gold. Enough said.

Although the votes on this one are scattered Angie's got it in the bag. Dollies gal by the way. She always seems to be up to something, whether it's wearing a cop's outfit on the stage, squirting everyone in sight with a squirt gun or putting a rubber on a beer bottle and shaking it till the foam flows around the rubber, Angie's a pistol. Also damn good looking.

Man......I even got a few votes there. What's wrong with you people? But the winner is PlOne although Km has given him a run for his money. Who lets a few friends use his server for their pictures? PlOne. Who helps so many of us with their computer problems? PlOne. Who stands up for most of the women giving them the benefit of the doubt? Pl/One.

Looks like this one goes to Jade and Derf. Jade was a Dollies dancer. That's where I met her. No longer dancing she can get her RN degree in 14 months. Now if we were to stereotype the typical dancer's boyfriend he would have to meet the following qualifications. 1. Has to be unemployed. 2. Must be living off the dancer. 3. Is most likely beating her up. 4. Cannot beat most men up. 5. Lacks the courage to even try. 6. Has to be irresponsible. 7. Been in jail at least once in the past year. Derf has a good job. Jade's taking care of the kids while Derf's working his ass off. Since I've never found marks on Jade and she's usually the one to be threatening to beat Derf up, we have to assume that Derf fails to meet number 3. Since Derf can beat most men up he fails on point number 4. Takes a lot to scare Derf, he is responsible, and to our knowledge he's not been in jail during the last year but if he has we won't hold this against him. Forgot to mention that Jade and Derf get along well.

Looks like Alabama and Rocci. No comment here other than to suggest--"How can being with a leech be anything other than being in hell?"

Looks like only two votes so far which ties Captiva with Marilyn Mynxxx. And since I forgot to vote I'm doing it now which throws the election to Marilyn. And Marilyn, if you ever wonder why, it's because of all those beers you bought me.

Tori by a landslide. One moment she's dancing at Dollies. Then she's staying at my apartment partying non stop with Chid, Beater, Philip21, and me. Several days after Chid and Beater head back to Canada and Tori's headed there to enjoy the frigid north land. Few days after arriving in Toronto and she's working at Private Eyes, a Toronto strip club. But don't worry------we've got her back and she's now safe and sound at Dollies where the Canadians can't get to her again.

So far it's even up between Beerman and Belnea. Now how'd we ever get foreigners in this contest in the first place? Beerman is in the running largely because of his graphical arts ability. In minutes he can take one of my pictures and make a girl appear to be a magazine cover girl. Belnea probably because she's English and says all kinds of funny things like calling guys blokes, overusing the word bloody, and calling driving on the left side of the road, normal.