Americans intercept incriminating e-mail documents from Alabama--Sister Margarita proving that she has been plotting to throw the Studmuffin contest to the Canadian Challenger, Dawg.

The true motives of Dollies Playhouse dancer, Alabama, are still not clear. What is clear is that she has been the impartial American commissioner bound with Canadian entertainer, the indomitable Kwinn, to judge the fairness of the anxiously awaited Studmuffin contest as the world awaits the latest news with abated breath. Certainly there will be a hue and a cry for Alabama's removal as the American commissioner since obviously she is far from being the fair impartial nun she has purported to be as Sister Margarita.

 

Dawg cannot handle all the women

It looks like a sex machine. It is a sex machine. It is the infamous Jetaime dildo rider employed by Dawg just so he can meet the many demands his Studmuffin campaign and writing ventures impose on him. At first glance it might seem that Dawg is some kind of pervert since he puts women on that 14 inch dildo rider, then pushes the button that pulsates them to electronic ecstasy. Nothing can be further from the truth. The fact remains that no man can get women up in Canada as fast as the Dirty Dawg can. Just as the famous American movie actor of the 1950's, Errol Flynn had scores of women line up to have at him in his motel rooms, Dawg has multitudes of women hanging around his place to get the first crack at his manhood. But whereas Flynn, who couldn't handle all his women, had his friends take on the excess..hence becoming known as Flynn's Flying Fuckers, Dawg is far more humane. In today's world life threatening diseases such as aids are rampant. Unlike Flynn, who didn't care about the women he couldn't get to, Dawg is a true humanitarian. Instead of letting other men have at the girls, risking aids and other sexually transmitted diseases Dawg has taken the much more responsible course by letting them be serviced by a sanitized machine. As Dawg put it so well on the BBC--"It is prudent for me to put these women on hold. Worse thing that could happen to them is they could end up having a baby with a man who is genetically inferior instead of with me. The second worse thing that could happen is for them to die of aids. I cannot allow this to happen so I let them ride these machines until I have the time and the strength to get to them all. " "In an uncertain world populated by all these scudball men I feel that this is the only prudent course of action to take. I believe that in the final analysis my countrymen will finally recognize me for being the true patriot that I am." There are some who really don't care what Dawg thinks. What does matter is that during the past month alone he has personally serviced 224 women while having 1067 others taken care of by the jetaime machine, burning up only 12 sets of batteries in the process.

 

On any given night there will be at least seven lookers at Dollies. As if that's not enough for Howard, the U.S. Studmuffin champion has started a cross club fan club which he and Jack are calling the "Future Mothers of Howard's children or FMHC. Girls from five other clubs have recently joined waiting their turns to be serviced by the champion. Howard himself said it best when he replied to a visiting CBS news team----"It is tough enough making it in today's competitive world without having all the advantages on one's side. That is why I finally woke up and saw the light...that I could truly make a difference. Only then did I decide to offer from my body the advantages that only a child by me can throw into the mix. I humbly offer myself to all those attractive women who want only the best for their children."

Dawg frames Howard

Note the woman's body in this picture with Dawg's head on it. The original picture was of Howard in the Dollies restroom with Diamond. In steps Dawg who will stop at nothing to discredit his opposition. Rather than to allow Howard and Jack to disseminate pictures showing Howard's undeniable appeal to beautiful women Dawg has stuck his own mug into the picture  in deliberate affront to this natural beauty while trying to characterize himself as being all powerful..this in itself being a compelling aphrodisiac to susceptible women across the globe.

We have traced such underhanded tactics to the secret intelligence agencies of South Africa and Saudi Arabia which it is rumored that Dawg has worked for prior to moonlighting as a contact agent for the Mossad, the dreaded thought police of the Israeli government. Unquestionably Dawg has his spies everywhere, his agents poised for the final showdown of Dawg versus Howard for the world title of Studmuffin champion.

 

The Incriminating email

First is the following email Alabama sent to Jade. It reads: "Jade...........I know that you have never met me but seeing that you were once a dancer just as I am now, I am confident that you will help me out. And I will reward you just as I have always rewarded my true friends. Jack and Howard are getting too popular here at Dollies. It is getting awfully tough for me to make the money that I used to. If Howard should win the Studmuffin Contest it is going to get a lot worse. For this reason I have decided to help the Canadians win the contest. I am now working for Dawg.   Dawg has promised me Canadian citizenship, a three bedroom condo in either Montreal or Toronto, a 28 foot cabin cruiser and a shot at being the April Centerfold for Penthouse if I can win this all important election for him. I know you are friends with Jack who is Howard's able campaign manager. I would like you to use your influence to convince the Dollies girls and any other dancers you might know to vote against Howard. But this is not enough. We have to be sure of the outcome in this all important election. I have a drug that I can give you which will make Jack lose it at important moments of the coming campaign. For a few hours at a time it will make his brain turn to jelly making him dysfunctional. I would give it to Jack myself but I know he trusts you. I don't know why he doesn't trust me anymore. After all, I am his true friend. As proof of my sincerity I am soon sending you a check for $500. After this  my friends and I will payoff your apartment rent each month once the election goes the way we want it to go. In the meantime..."All power to the Dawg." Alabama.     Then there is the message she sent to Angel, the new cover girl for the Alphapro web site. "Hi.....I am Alabama and I am sure you have heard many wonderful things about me. Hope you will have had a good time in Hawaii. This Studmuffin contest is getting to be pretty serious and I think that it would be a terrible misfortune if Howard should win the contest with Jack's help. The future of Dollies is at stake here and I am just afraid that a success in this all important election will make Howard the new General Manager. Now...the fact that Dawg has offered me Canadian citizenship, a three bedroom townhouse, a new car, and a nice 28 foot cabin cruiser has little to do with it. I believe Howard would mismanage Dollies if he should become General Manager. I have a far better idea and that is for me to become an assistant manager at which point I will make myself the club's DJ which is an all important step to me becoming first the General Manager, then chief stockholder in this club. I am hoping that Jade can give Jack some drugs that will cause him to mentally malfunction at critical points in the coming campaign. However, I am unsure whether she wants to or can get the job done. I know I can count on you however. I want you to lure Jack back up to Canada where I will have him assassinated. This will ensure Howard's defeat. Then, after I live in Canada in that three bedroom townhouse for awhile I will move out and give it to you along with the cabin cruiser. However, I will keep the car, thankyou. As General Manager at Dollies and later on as chief owner I will have the upstairs of the club remodelled into a four bedroom apartment for me. Alabama

 
 

 

Studmuffin Times Editorial This paper urges every woman to vote for Howard for Studmuffin and to renounce forever Dawg's claims on the title. The issue if one not only of who is the most attractive to women....Howard or Dawg but one of moral superiority. Obviously Dawg and his consort, Alabama, have struck new lows in electoral campaigning. Dawg has deliberately altered those beautiful loving pictures of Howard and Diamond in the Dollies bathroom to win the election. He has also been successful in bribing Sister Margarita or Alabama into stabbing her American friends in the back. Alabama's complicity in this heinous plot reaches new lows in diabolicalness. Not only has she plotted to drug Jack, turning his mind to silly putty...she has also attempted to lure him into Angel's Canadian arms so that her accomplices can assassinate him in Toronto, a far off place where her trail of treachery would never be discovered. The Studmuffin Times urges that the women in the Lost Angels group immediately revoke Alabama as the impartial American commissioner and replace her with new Dollies dancer Alex, whose fairness, impartiality not to mention her friendship with Jack is beyond reproach.