Observations From the DJ Booth

Sapphires Gentlemen's Club's D.J., Krazy Ted's indispensible advice on sound equipment maintenance for topless club managers and DJ's

This month I'm postponing the article I had already written.... This is due to 2 separate problems.... #1. I have not been sentenced yet and some statements may be inflammatory if read by the wrong people.... #2. THAT PIECE OF SHIT iMac of my Dad's dumped the last year of EVERYTHING I had in it !!!!!

Thus forth, this month's article is What's In The Back Pocket....

1) Always have something in your "back pocket".....

back pocket - (n) - 1. Covers your ass wearing jeans. 2. Having something to fall back on. 3. COVERS YOUR ASS (PERIOD) !!!!!!

2) Cover your ass in everything ..... Equipment, personel, supplies, hotel rooms, ...everything !!!!!

a) Gear if you don't have a back up CD player... Sony Discman's with stereo pins to RCA jacks are a life saver as long as no one bumps the fucker while it's running.... I've done it and have DJed touring shows (male and female) using only Discman.....

b) If someone says they will be there and you haven't worked with them before, have a back-up person for whatever the position !!!! Don't tell the person who's supposed to be there you have a back-up , and make sure your back-up knows you already have someone in place.... Power of knowing people...

c) Have one of everything no matter what.... Midol, tampons, ketchup packets, no slips, T-bars, knee-high boots (WHOA, WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM!!!!) ....

d) If you have a hotel reservation... CHECK IT !!!! OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER.....

3)Don't burn your bridges UNLESS they NEED to be burned!!!!!! Sometimes no matter how close you are to someone... you have to walk away.... Nobody said it was easy....

4) Never underestimate the power of a new alliance.... I met Jack less than one year ago and I look forward to every call, every e-mail, and can't wait to raise hell with him again... (Probably not at The St. Louis Botanical Gardens again) YEEeee HAaaawwww !!!!!!!

< Do you really think anything I would have said, in the article I had already written, would sway the judges' sentence after that?>

Next month or in August be prepared for the First ANAL " Lick Me Where I Shit " Awards !!!! That's right we have the Emmy's , the Grammy's, the Tony's (Hey ,What the FUCK are they for anyway?!?!), and the Oscar's...but, The " Lick Me Where I Shit " Awards are called 'The NARGY'S' !!!!!! Send all nominations to Ted's email box...All nominations must be people or associations who are notorious for fucking over people and truely deserve a " LICK ME WHERE I SHIT" Award....

Once again until next month...

Until next time...

Krazy Ted