No Money--No Honey for Pattaya bar girl customers
The Pig and Whistle in Pattaya is an English pub. It has guest rooms upstairs.
by Chiang Mai Kelly
The food is good and the staff friendly if a little curious about my comings and goings never once complained about me having four women staying in my room.
Staying on Soi 7 in Pattaya is an interesting experience as is watching the
punters with the ladies having breakfast in the morning at the Pig and Whistle.
Our first night there was a bit disconcerting. Princess had not mentioned to me that she had a close friend living in Pattaya.
Tip had recently returned to the city of sin after a three year Farang marriage which left her with two new cars, twin girls and a house. Not bad for a 23 year old Thai woman. She has also slept with every male member of Princess's family including, brothers, uncles and maybe her father. Drugs? Sure, she popped pills, smoked and shot up like kids eat popcorn at the movies. I took both of them to dinner and out on the town. Princess a 35 year old ex boxer and go go dancer from the Rainbow in Nana plaza and Tip a currently wealthy 23 year old crack whore and me, a 60 year old American recapturing his youth in Thailand. An unusual threesome? Not for Pattaya, typical, no eyebrows raised, we fit right in with the mix.
The next morning Dik, a singer/dancer who entertains Thai Army troops from Bangkok showed up and the three of us did the rounds. We hit half the beer bars between Soi Seven and Walking street. That's a lot of bars. That's a lot of money with three women who can drink like sailors on leave and eat like starving Ethiopians.
That was it for me. Something inside of me overloaded. I had spent a considerable amount of money entertaining everybody except my Mr. Happy.
I did my best impression of a twelve year old temper tantrum and everyone knew that I was extremely peeved. Not only did I take them out on the town but all the bar hustles were being played on my three ladies the same as a novice punter from Peoria. Bar girls were hitting them up for drinks, momma sans were padding the bills and they were losing at dice games.
I told the Princess she was just like a Farang and the bar ladies were ripping her off just like they ripped off Farangs and she wasn’t even getting laid in the process. I reminded her that I paid the bills and my cardinal rule no honey, no money. Now, I am not that cheap but if I'm a walking ATM I expect to get laid in the process.
I could have stopped there but I was wound up. I started with the, you have no friends routine. When you sick, who take care of you? When you want clothes, who buy? When you want to visit parents, who pays? You don’t even go to the cheap Thai hospitals, you go Farang hospital, same same Farang puying. You eat Farang food. You drink Farang Tequila. Damn woman, you are turning into a Farang. Next month you lose hair and grow pot belly just like Farang. She of course kept telling me to shut up because I was getting worse by the minute.
I finally went downstairs to the pub to cool off. An Old Speckled Hen took the
edge off my anger. While at the bar a whirlwind looking vaguely like the
Princess storms by me and out into the night.
A half an hour later I was engaged in
conversation with two older likable Brits about politics and bar girls when the
Princess made her grand re-entrance. And she was not alone. In tow she had two
ravishing creatures with hardly any clothes on. Slightly drunk they danced into
the bar with some remnants of Thai folk music playing in their heads.
She moved with her contingent straight
to my seat and requested very loudly, CHECK BIN Kap. The bill came in seconds
and she took out her purse and threw 300 baht on the bar; turned to the nice
English gentleman and said, Sorry Kelly not talk you now. Kelly go boom boom.
With that one grabbed my beer and the other two me and we headed upstairs to the
room. I have to give her credit. She is not a shy little flower. She never uses
a feather when a sledgehammer will do.
The next morning was not easy. Absolutely the only reason I got up before noon
was the thought of the sausages, tomatoes, eggs, baked beans and bacon for
breakfast.
Tip and Dik were gone; Princess not liking me having carnal relationships with her friends or afraid they might like it or some other example of Thai woman face saving rituals. Her two new bimbo buddies made sure I was kept occupied and not constantly questioning the cash flowing out of my wallet and into the entertainment venues in the pearl by the sea, Pattaya.
Living in Pattaya a man gets used to women playing with his dick while he drinks
a beer. At first disconcerting, later it becomes a habit. One on each side is
better and with three women there is one available to order drinks and change
ashtrays. Right now I want to state unequivocally that if your date in Pattaya
does not have her hand shoved down your pants at every opportunity get another
woman cause you are being short changed.
But the spending was skyrocketing. I realized the hotel and bar area was contributing to the high speed cash outflow and decided to move to permanent quarters away from the action as soon as possible.
I had been paying around 10,000 Baht a month in Chiang Mai for a one bedroom condo and wanted something similar in Pattaya but Princess had her mind set on a house. I found Frank from Scotland who had a three bedroom home for rent.
It was too much money, 18,000 baht per month but we moved in.
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