It is Canada versus the U.S.

Howard in danger of losing his title

Howard the popular club manager at Dollies has won the coveted title of Studmuffin twice in a row beating as many as eleven challengers when the voting took place on the Alphapro web site at https://alphapro.com

Since then Corbett's web site became truly international. The Canadians started to arrive en mass.

It all started when Jack met the self proclaimed number one strip club junkie of Canada, the infamous Inferno, and the two of them started cyber drinking together. Then the Interno started bringing his Canadian buddies onto the Web Site and they all became Cuervo cyber buddies.

Drunk one night at Dollies the two planned the First International Stud Muffin contest ever to be run and Beater somehow came up with Dawg as the challenger to Howard-the same Dirty Dog who has tried to kidnap several Dollies dancers to do porno movies for him in Canada.

(To be continued on page 3)

The Dirty Dog

Dawg we meant. That was just a typo. What do you expect here anyway? This newspaper is free.

We expect the Canadians to cheat big time in this election. Otherwise a Dog like this Dawg could not possibly mount a threat to Howard's Stufmuffin title.

Studmuffin Contest Rules

We are trying to keep this contest honest but that should prove to be practically impossible. Already the Canadians are showing us that they are cheating. We might have no recourse than to cheat as well. After all, as the late Vince Lombardi said, "Winning is not the most important thing, it is the only thing."

There will be two "Impartial Commissioners", one Canadian, the other American. Both women are women representing the dancing profession.

Jack took Kwinn at her word believing her to be a woman of integrity. But already some of the American girls in the Lost Angels group have raised serious questions about Kwinn's impartiality.

Already she has turned a blind eye into Beater's compilation of a mailing list that is email based. Ex Dollies and C_mowes entertainer Jade said it best--------"This method of voting is elitist and would eliminate most qualified voters as the venue for voting has been put together by the Beater and his nefarious colleagues." Then Alex who once performed at Dollies, Chameleon and C_Mowes brought up Inferno's and Dawg's visiting her in club where they proceeded to tip her heavily.

Heaven, who represented the Alphapro booth at the 1998 Gentlemens Club Owners Convention was even more skeptical predicting that Kwinn would end up dating the Inferno or Dawg or both.

An American Savior Needed

To save Howard's ass, that's what we need. To reestablish good photography in the topless-bottomless industry. To promote Budweiser Beer over that inferior slop produced by Canadian breweries.

An American commissioner must be found...and soon. A woman whose purity is unquestioned .

And whose virtues reach the absolute pinnacle of sanctimonious righteousness.

Because of the world threat that Canada presents if it should win the coming Studmuffin election we are undergoing serious negotiations with Alabama who played the wayward Nun, Sister Margarita in the Dollies Trendy Toilet Sex Series as presented on the Alpha Productions Internet Theater known as the Lost Angels.

We hope she accepts this position of being the American Impartial Commissioner. It is merely a question of price now.

"Howard in Danger of" (continued from page 1)

First the Dirty Dog tried to get Brandy to leave Dollies to do porno movies for him in Toronto. Calling her at her home he said: "It only hurts for a little bit honey. The Chinese will love your pictures however." She refused.

Dirty Dawg then called Alabama at Dollies. Now just imagine what gall that took, asking a nun to do a porno flick? Worse....He is reported as promising her--"Honey, once you let me get into the habit you will always want me."

The Inferno and Dirty Dawg are a serious threat to Howard's world championship as reigning Studmuffin. They are well financed by leading pornographic concerns both in Canada and in Amsterdam and they are rumored to be buying a Bangkok bordello.

We are not sure of our facts on this one..so don't sue us or we might just have you drowned in the Mississippi River but our sources tell us that the duo plan on kidnaping American entertainers and shipping them off to the bordello in Thailand where they will be forced to compete with 12 year old Thais.

Another important source for their funds is the "Never Last" Rubber company a leading firm in the prophylactic industry.

The Dirty Dawg and his campaign manager, The Inferno are going to need all of this money because they sure as hell can't take pictures.

Still-----this threat is so real and so terrifying that Jack Corbett will be on his way to Toronto, Canada to do his own private investigation of their highly illicit activities putting his life on the line by drinking with The Inferno and his minions. To stop Corbett, Beater has commissioned Angel, a young college coed to take care of him, whatever that means.

The Canucks are calling us names

That's right and we are not going to put up with that.

First, they don't call us Americans. They call us Merikans which makes us out to be bloodthirsty savages.

(Continued on page 4)

The Canucks are calling us names (continued from page 3)

The Canadians headed by Big Mike, Sickboi, the Inferno, Dirty Dawg, and Kwinn are casting us as a bunch of Budweiser swigging gun toting barbarians who live on dirt floors.

They claim we keep goats in our rooms and that they won't let us bring our goats with us when we visit them.

What we are calling the Canadians

Communists and socialists. It is getting to be country against country. Their beer is slop. They don't have the common sense to carry guns. And the men prefer sheep over goats.

Passions are riding high on this one

Dirty Dawg (continued from page 2)

So there we have it. Dawg is after the St. Louis Metro East girls on the pretense of paying them well to do pornography.

His real intentions are diabolical. Using the vast sums of cash he has available to him he wants to get them to Canada then ship them off to

Bangkok where they will be made into prostitutes with no escape in sight.

Howard represents a basic goodness that stems from his being an ex over the road truck driver. He is so good hearted that women cannot stay away from him.

The question is, can he survive this well financed Canadian onslaught?

Howard is going to need the votes of every woman who can either get online or come to Dollies to vote on either the computer or the club's web tv.

Stay tuned and become unglued

This one's going to be a battle to the finish. Think the Cold War was something? Well, this one's a hot war. Just remember, you get it first in the Studmuffin Times.

The future of your children is on the line here as the upstart Storm trooper types try to march on every value system you treasured. Just remember that the little girl you are raising might be the next to be shipped to a Bangkok bordello. Unless you join forces against the Menace from the North before it is too late.

We have our secretive operatives in Canada doing the best they can. But they have their clandestine under covers in the U.S. Beater and the Canadian Dawg are too well financed not to.

So what can you do? When the time calls do your civic duty and vote for Howard, the true Studmuffin above all pretenders to his well deserved thrown. After all.....The future of the United States and the freedom of all Americans is at stake on this one.

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