In Pay Pal and Cambodia, Dick Fitswell tries to stop Pay Pal from 'bombing' Ankor Wat's ancient temple walls. This is outrageous satire at its best
Jack Corbett
Because we were drunk while editing Corbett's story we couldn't really see any difference in Pay Pal's inability to determine between an individual's constitutional rights and Pay Pal's lack of respect for ancient civilizations.
"Here I am. Finally, Im set. Im a lawyer and my future is assured," Dick Fitswell reflected as he calmly considered the last three years of his life. “I dropped out. I no longer wanted to rule an island or run a whore house or even see how many girls I could fuck. Instead I devoted myself to seven hours of study a day along with more than four hours in the classroom for three long hard years. It’s about time I can devote myself to what I can do for humanity. And now, there’s that appointment with those lawyers from Pay Pal and Cambodia."
But there was to be only one attorney representing Pay Pal and Cambia in what could become the biggest supreme court case since the Dred Scott case before the Civil War.
Harvey Massablock, appeared to be the very personification of his name. His head was over a third larger than it should have been. He had heavy dark eyebrows that gave him a brooding appearance while his hands appeared soft and flaccid as if he had never done an ounce of physical work in his life.
Philip Mindlessgame, the CEO of Pay Pal, appeared to be Harvey’s opposite. Philip weighed 165 pounds, which was far too little for a man standing over six feet-six.
In fact, Philip cut such a thin figure for his height that he had once been mistaken for a water reed by a massive golden retriever which had smashed right through him as the animal sprinted out into a swamp to retrieve a bird one of Philip’s hunting companions had just shot.
Philip was just as uncoordinated as he was too slender for his great height. When the dog knocked him down in two feet of water Philip’s head went under. Both his head and body sunk underneath the surface at the same time. Philip tried to raise himself from the water by his arms but found he didn’t have the upper body strength to be successful. He then tried to regain his feet by using his lower torso, but was unable to manage that too. Had he been alone he would have drowned. But one of his hunting buddies ran over to him and jerked him to his feet.
Philip had swallowed nearly a cup of water which was enough to get him spitting,
coughing and gurgling. And as he coughed out the stale swamp water he looked all
about him through reddened eyes and swore: “I’ll get you son-of a bitches for
this!” he screamed. “I’ll have your heads on a pike so help me God. I’ll have
you in court for so long, you will wish you had all been still born,” he
threatened while still looking around him for imaginary enemies.
But the only things he could see were the hunting companion who had just saved
his life and the dog that had mistaken him for a plant. His other hunting
buddies were over a hundred yards away surrounded by thick swamp brush, their
visibility limited to only 25 yards.
By the time Dick Fitswell was ushered into the executive conference room at the
Pay Pal Needle Dome, Philip Mindlessgame had cooled down, but just a
little.
“I’m not in a very good mood right now, so let me cut this one to the quick,”
said Philip. “It’s those fucking Cambodians. They have violated our service
agreement when they started using Fuk Sam Bay to buy all those used tires from
the Cubans. So we are bringing them to court here in the U.S. With any kind of
luck we can freeze all their assets that are being held by the Bank of America.”
“And I am the attorney representing the Cambodians,” Dick Fitswell replied. “Now
could you please tell me how they have violated Pay Your Pal’s users’
agreement.”
“Well it’s pretty fucking obvious, isn’t it. It’s their goddamn temples at
Angkor Vat. They have pornography all over those walls. Sickening shit, it
really is. Those fuckers have no culture and no class. For years those pricks
over there in Cambodia have been poisoning the minds of American tourists with
all those naked breasts in all those Angkor Wat temple walls.”
“But I’m not so sure the Cambodians have enough assets in American banks worth
going after,” said Harvey Massablock.
I dont really give a shit,” said Philip. It’s the goddamn principal that
counts. Obscenity must be punished wherever we fucking find it
------to be continued in the
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