Category Archives: Soi Six Bars

There are around 50 bars on Soi Six. Most are air conditioned with closed doors to the outside with short time rooms upstairs.

In the Soi Six bar police catch Billy Bob with his pants off

In the Soi Six bar police almost catch Billy Bob with his pants off.  And that would be me.  Uncle Bufford’s disciple.

Soi Six bar police almost catch Billy Bob naked
Damn, that was sure a close all with the Soi Six bar police. To find out more about me, check out the Uncle Bufford advice column.

Notice that I changed one word from my title.  That is the key word almost.  I said the Soi Six bar police catch Billy Bob with his pants off just to get your attention.  Because it should.  Police harassment of Soi Six bars is getting to be that serious.

Here’s how serious the situation is getting.  Out of the 75 units in my condo building, the police have put 5 of our residents in jail.  These are only residents that I know of.

But what you really came here for was how at a Soi Six bar police almost caught me with my pants off.

Here’s how the at a Soi Six bar police almost caught me with my pants down.  Right after I copulated.

Now this girl must be about the most slender gal I’ve ever met on Soi Six.  The first time I saw her, another girl at her bar tried to pull me inside the place.  To buy her a drink.  But when I saw her, I thought she was about the cutest thing on two legs.  I had to have her.  So I ignored the first woman.

I looked her in the eye and she looked right back at me.  Our eyes were riveted together so much that it took just a single motion of my eyes to tell her I wanted to buy her a drink.   I wanted the other girl to get lost.

This girl was even prettier than the Doll House go go girls. But the Soi 6 girl had a toothpick frame for a body.

We sat down at the bar together, and she got busy before our drinks even arrived.  I felt small hands on my balls, and I knew right then that I wouldn’t waste any time.

She was 160 centimeters all.  Which comes to about five foot three.  But she admitted to weighing just 40 kilos or 88 pounds.  So she looked a lot taller than she actually was.  In her clothing she looked very shapely and had a fine ass.  Looking as tall as she did she almost looked stately.

But my God.  When I took her in the shower and stood naked with her, I nearly changed my mind.

She was so godawfully skinny.

Honestly, she looked like she had just come out of a concentration camp.  I almost took her back to ask for a refund for my money.

The room set me back 300 baht.  Which is typical for Soi Six.  Reluctantly I took the girl over to the bed and lay down with her.

But brother, did she get active.  She went down on me like an impact drill.  And she kept at it, and kept at it, until I nearly came in her mouth.  Then I turned her over and went down on her.

By now I didn’t even notice how skinny she was.  She tasted good.  And she got really wet real fast.  Her box lunch was mighty fine.

When I started to bang her, she curled her little body right into mine.  Her head was small.  I started to rub her hair.  Then her neck.  We took a long time together before I turned her over.  So that she straddled me.

She had thin toothpick legs.  Her hips were narrow.  She fit right between my thighs while straddling me in the female superior position.

Pulling herself right into my groin brought us right into each other.  I had maximum penetration you would never get from a fat woman.  Or even a normal woman.

So let me tell you guys who like a woman who’s got enough meat to hold onto.  Well, you guys don’t know any better.

And as for all of you who like big tits.  Okay, they can be nice.  But silicon?  There’s nothing worse than silicon.  But take a set of nature well formed tits.  Well, okay, they can be kind of nice.

But not essential.  Now this slender little thing’s practically got no tits at all.  But the little bits that she does have expand and start to fill up my mouth.  I can feel her little body tightening up against me as I suck her little tits.

To make a long story short, I come and I’m pretty damn sure she does as well.

But now it’s time to get back to the Soi Six bar police and how they almost catch me in the act.

I think it was the 3rd time I took her upstairs.  By now I had found out she gives an incredible blow job. She doesn’t hesitate to suck in all my cum and swallow.

The long and short of this is, we’ve just finished whatever we’ve been doing.  I’ve had an orgasm, and I’m still butt naked.  I have left a half empty bottle of beer on the headboard, and I’m about to swallow the rest of my beer.  Then

Suddenly, three Thai women rush into the room

The police are coming.  You must leave.  Quicky, they tell me in loud voices.  My underwear pants are on the floor.  So are my sandals.  I reach town for my underwear shorts.  Then I try to put them on.  I can’t get the hole my dick comes out of to match up with my dick.  The women are frantic.  And so am I.

I do not want the police to find me butt naked in a Soi Six short time room.  It’s likely to make the paper.  The same way it happened at the Windmill Club when the police caught a falang in a short time room upstairs with one of the Windmill girls.  They published the guy’s name and picture everywhere.  Then the police closed the Windmill down for a whole month.

I looked down underneath the bed.  But there wasn’t even the smallest space to crawl in there where I could hide from the police.

I still kept fumbling with my underwear shorts.  Finally I gave up and one of the women took them from me.  Then I pulled my shorts over my naked ass and dick, and shoved my feet into my sandals.  Putting my shirt on was my last act before I headed down the two flights of stairs down into the bar.  I managed to get three buttons buttoned so my chest was showing through my shirt.  But no matter.  I was down into the bar at last.  The girl followed me and took a bar stool next to me as I sat down.

Ordering two beers.  One for her and one for me, I started to relax and wait.  But the police never came.

Later, I heard that the military was accompanying the police as they raided many bars in the area.  The politicians had arranged a big push to show they had big face.  And that they were ridding Pattaya of all vermin, such as me.

I narrowly slithered out of this one.   But I have a lot more to tell about what I’m now doing to avoid Pattaya’s finest men in brown, but that will have to come later.

But for now, what all you guys need is to realize that in these parts of the woods money is number one.  So before you even consider being with any Thai girl you need to get the Bible.  That’s it.  Money Number one.  And don’t ever leave home without it.

Money Number one is the Bible

Related posts about Police crackdowns on Naklua red light areas

Police catch naked British tourist in Pattaya Walking Street Windmill go go bar

To watch the video about the infamous Windmill raid click here.

 

Don’t be a  Walking Street sucker with Pattaya Bar Girls

Uncle Bufford says, don’t be a  Walking Street sucker with Pattaya Bar girls.   Be tough.  Don’t let any of these wimmen run you.  I will give you five examples of what I’m talkin about.

I am not a Walking Street sucker
Above all, don’t fall for these cute little things. Focus on what’s really important. Tits and Ass. Yes, that’s the ticket. Get as much as you can. If ya falls in love with only one, you ain’t going to get too many

But first off, I didn’t do all these things Billy Bob did.  This is his story

Girl number 1. The go go girl who apologized.

Ever notice very few Thai women from all these bars never apologize? This is a matter of face. And in my opinion in this part of the world, money is not number one as Neil Hutchison says in Money Number One.

Money Number One is no longer sold in Thailand because certain illustrious Thais felt the book’s cartoons gave Thais a bad image

It’s number two. Face is number one. The Thais we keep meetin in Pattaya have this huge desire to be number one. They don’t want falang tellin them what to do. This amounts to too much Xenophobia (dislike or fear of people from other countries). Or Thai always right. Foreigner always wrong. This time my sexy go go friend broke the mold.  I’m calling her, Noi, which isn’t her real name and it’s not her stage name either. That’s because not all of you reading this are the nicest people. So I want to be protective of the people I like.

So here I am in this here go go bar. I”m not going to tell ya the name of the place. I like to keep certain places to myself. Keeps the riffraff out.  I kind of like to keep the good places to myself even though this here is a go go bar. The manager usually buys me and my friends drinks.  Anyways this girl is kind of special. I first met her workin on Soi Six which means she has some values. That’s why I bang her a lot.

Use this line to avoid being a Walking Street sucker

I’m buying her tequilas and beers and then she decides to bring her friend over. I keep tellin them all, “Look, I’m fuckin her, not you. I buy drinks only for the girl I’m banging.  What are you doing for me? Do you think I’m a Walking Street sucker?”

I keep tellin her she’s special. But then she points across the room at another girl and asks me, “Buy friend me drink?”

I tell her no. But she does not let up on me. “But she my friend,” she replies.

“I don’t care. I only buy drink for you.”

But her friend comes over to our little table lookin for a handout.

“I tell both girls. “She my friend,” as I point at Noi. I know her for long time.”

“My friend no have drink. No money,” the ex Soi Six girl explains.

That does it. I catch the eye of a waitress who promptly comes over.

“Check Bin Kap.” I tell her.

Action counts with Pattaya bar girls.  Words don’t mean squat

“Five minutes later, I’ve settled my bin (bill) with the waitress. Then I turn to Noi, and tell her, “I only buy drink for you. Not for friend you, sister you, mamasan, papasan. I go now because you not listen to me.”

The next time I visit her bar, she makes a big display of being very happy to see me, and lets the whole bar know it. We start off having a beer together.

Don’t be a  Walking Street sucker

Walking Street Sucker
Believe it or not, most men coming to Pattaya leave their brains at the airport.  Incidentally, I ripped this cartoon off from Neil Hutchison’s Amazon listing for his book, Money Number One.    Think I can draw cartoons this good?  No way.  I admonish any man coming to Pattaya to buy Neil’s book and to make it your bible on how to deal with these wimmn.

She’s not one of these worthless go dancers who keeps insisting on me buying her these no alcohol lady drinks they all make 50 baht commissions on.  As I  keep having to explain so many times, “This is the name of the go go game, to get stupid falang to buy as many drinks as you can get from them. That’s why all these wimmen keep insisting that you buy drink for their friend, their sisters who ain’t their real sisters, and all these voracious mamasans.”

But this girl is very different. After all, I met her from Soi Six.  Sittin next to me, she says, “I sorry about night before. Wanting you buy drink me my friend.”

She never tried that stunt again.

Girl number 2

This one’s from Soi Six. Which is going to show all of you, that you never can tell. I love Soi Six best of all. And I like Walking Street girls least of all. This one’s one of the better looking Soi Six girls. She’s got a great attitude. Gives me a nice little massage while we lie naked together just before we get it on.  BUT:

I must have fucked her about six different times. Then I text messaged her to meet me at her bar at 11 a.m . She text messaged me back: “Yes.”

So the next day I arrive at Soi Six at 11 a.m. I call her. It’s obvious that I’ve just woken her up. “Can you wait half hour for me,” she tells me.

“Okay, I have breakfast. See you in one half an hour,” I reply.

So I have a breakfast at a nearby restaurant and call her back.

“I have customer now,” she tells me.

I didn’t miss my turn.  That Thai girl missed her turn with me

That was about one month and a half ago. And I haven’t given her one baht since.  They say when you have missed out that you have missed your turn.  But I see it my way. Whichever customer took my turn has probably not been with her very much. He’s probably a tourist.  She could have been a regular of mine and I live here all year round.

I liked a lot of things about her and was about to replace my number one Soi 6 girl with her. But now she’s missed her chance. But oh well, “Birds in the attic but nobody at home.” But stay tuned for my sequel on her.  I’m not a Walking Street sucker.  And I’m not a Soi Six Street sucker either.

Girl number 3. The very sexy massage girl

Trouble with most massage girls is nearly all of them are butt ugly. I haven’t had that many massages in the last several years. And I haven’t had a happy ending (where the massage girl massages her customer’s penis to orgasm) for over two reasons. I used to have a pretty massage girl give happy endings. Trouble was she was a bit fat, and not really a match for a couple of my Soi Six favorites. Also, the Soi Six girls gave me number one boom boom. Not to mention terrific oral sex. So I’d always choose gettin it all from girls with wonderful bodies over getting a hand job from someone who’s body didn’t match up to what I was expectin.

But this massage girl has one of those slender wonderful bodies that really turns me on.

I get the best massage I ever had

Upstairs there was just one room. I think this must be the only room in which they give oil massages. There is just one narrow bed on it and there’s a lock on the door.

She puts me on the bed lying naked, face down. I am putting my head down into the plastic pillow that had the breathing hole in it so that I have my face pointed down towards the floor. And then she starts playing with my ass. She grazes my ass hairs lightly with her finger tips.  Which is so exquisite that I get an immediate erection. God, did she know what she was doing.  In less then five minutes I jerk myself into an upright position and then I did something I had never done before.

I ask the first massage girl ever for sex

“I want you to do everything with me. I want you to smoke me and fuck me with all your clothes off.  You get 1000 baht tip to make me come.”

“Okay. 300 baht for the oil massage, but you must pay me 1100 baht tip.”

“No, I give you 1000 baht tip. Same same I pay all ladies.”

“You pay me 1100 baht this time. Next time you pay me 1000 baht.”

Because I knew there would be a second time, and probably many times more, I agreed because I know that the right massage girl can be a real treasure. And here’s why.

Why the right massage girls are number one

Even the mediocre massage girls work hard. Most beer bar girls don’t have to. Now don’t get me wrong, some beer bar girls can be terrific. But a lot of them are just standing around, doing practically nuthin. Or joking around with their friends. And too many of them are on their smart phones which means they aren’t paying attention to me. This means they ain’t too smart. And if there’s one thing I despise is a woman who’s dumber than a milk cow.

But when you get a 1 hour massage, the girl is working on you 100 percent of the time. If the massage girl is even half good, she’s putting out a lot of energy giving you that massage. And let’s face it, she’s got to put up with a lot of very obnoxious guys 100 percent of the time she’s giving them massages. She’s got to put on a pretty face even if the guy she’s massaging has a bloated fatso body. Or the guy smells like crap. And I can assure you that most of the guys she’s massaging have terrible personalities. Many of them are just plain evil bastards. But it’s her job to always be pleasant to such assholes. And she’s got to be putting on her pretty face while doing it no matter how she’s feeling inside. These gals are queens I tell you. Queens.

Happy Endings

Then there’s the girls who are giving happy endings. Believe me, most of them are pretty damn good at doing it. And they are doing using only their hands.

Trouble is most of them are just plain whipped with ugly stick. Especially in my neck of the woods where I haven’t seen a pretty massage girl since the beginning of time. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s places in Pattaya that are pretty far away that have much better selection. I just don’t have the time to comb all those areas that are too far from home.

You might be hitting the jackpot if you find a pretty massage girl

But if a man finds a pretty massage girl, he just might be onto a gold mine. There’s a good chance she will want to continue to please him. And sex with her can be fabulous.

Which was what I was hoping it would be with this girl. When she took her clothes off, she was just the way I like em. She had nice shapely legs, was a bit taller than average for a Thai girl. She had nice shapely breasts too. On the whole she was pretty slender with a flat belly. Not real pretty in the face, but she was pretty enough and she had that very sensual look in her eyes.

She started to smoke me. I nearly came in her mouth, but I wanted to eat her so badly. So I went down on her. I don’t think I came up for air for over half an hour. I cannot be certain. After all, they are such damn good actresses, but she sure seemed to be having a lot of orgasms. By the time we started fucking we were kissing each other passionately.

Most Thai sex workers don’t like kissing their customers on the lips

I don’t think many bar girls like kissing their customers. First off, most of the men have shitty bodies. And most of them are old. Like me. It’s one thing to go down on a man’s dick. But I think it’s a lot harder for most of these girls to actually be french kissing a man they have no feelings for and no sexual attraction either. It’s like this, “I will let you come in my mouth because it’s my job. I must separate my job from my true feelings. I kiss my boyfriend and the men I am really attracted to. Or like. That’s why I’m turning my head aside when a customer tries to kiss me on my lips.”

Old Fart with a good body

But I have to admit that I have a damn good body. Even if I am an old fart. And when it comes to eatin a girl I’m very sexually attracted to, I don’t ever want to stop until her entire body’s coated with her cum. And then I still don’t want to stop until I’m all tired out.

Afterwards I go to the little bar that’s just two doors away. There’s four short time rooms in this bar and there’s another 14 short time rooms next door. It’s this bar that I like to take the Walking Street girl I’ve described earlier. There’s a Cambodian girl here who’s got good English skills and a great sense of humor. The Walking Street girl likes her just as much as I do. Here I can buy Noi beers for just 80 baht and if she’s not with me, I am buying drinks for the Cambodian girl.

Don’t smoke around bar girls you plan on boom booming

The Cambodian woman and I are having a cigarette together. I don’t really smoke all that much but I do enough. But I do know that most Thai bar girls do not smoke cigarettes and don’t like men smoking around them or smelling of cigarettes. I almost make it a cardinal rule not to be smoking around the girls I’m fucking. This is because I want them to be attracted to me. Cigarettes will simply make me repellent to a non smoker.

Suddenly the massage girl comes into the bar. It’s a small open faced beer bar and as I’ve mentioned it’s only 2 doors from the beer bar. And then the girl plants a solid kiss right on my lips. Since I don’t want her to taste the cigarette smoke in my mouth I suddenly purse my lips so that her tongue enter her mouth. I feel like a real asshole doing that.

But I become an even greater asshole later

When I first found that massage place a woman asked me if she could give me a massage. We talked a bit, and then I went down to the beer bar to drink with the Cambodian woman. It was a few days later that I actually met the slender massage girl I had sex with.

So, a few days after having all that wonderful sex with the massage girl, I came back from Walking Street where I had a few Gin and Tonics and a couple of tequilas. This is one of the reasons I was about to make one of the hugest mistakes I’ve ever made since moving to Pattaya.

The greeting me at the massage place just had to be the girl I had fucked. She didn’t look nearly as pretty, however. And since she was sitting down in a chair, I never had a good chance to size up her body. So I told myself, “she’s not wearing her makeup and she’s probably changed her hair.” After all, we all know how quickly all these Thai women can change their appearance.

Damn.  I had the wrong girl

So I took her upstairs to do an oil massage. But I noticed many things that were different about her. She seemed quite a bit heavier, but I knew that she couldn’t gain this much weight in just one week. But I was pretty drunk. As a matter of fact, I was pretty drunk the same that first night I got that oil massage. I took a shower which was very cold. Then I took my position on the narrow bed that I was going to get my massage on.

Did I say I was pretty drunk? I was very drunk. But I still can’t understand myself and why I did what I did next.

“I want you to take everything off I told the girl. I want you to smoke me. Then I smoke you.”

By the time she was on top of me sucking my dick I was sure I had the wrong girl. But as I just said earlier, these massage girls know just how to get you off in the shortest time possible. And she was making my dick pretty damn hard. Then I turned her over and started to lick her up and down between her legs.

By this time I was sure I had the wrong girl. But I came in her mouth anyway.

Back to the delectable Massage girl

A few days later, I finally found the girl I had total sex with. When I asked her to do an oil massage with me she said:

“You go with my friend before.”

What she meant was: “I lose face because of what you just did with her. So go ahead and do her again. See if I care.”

I replied: “I only want you.  No want her.”

I was finally able to convince her that I had absolutely no interest in the other woman and then we went upstairs. Seconds after hitting that cold shower she was on me like a female leopard. Clinging to me, she thrust her mouth into mine and started French kissing me passionately. Once again, sex with her was some of the best I had ever had.

We had sex together only one more time.

Then one night I text messaged her, “Are you giving massages at 11:00-12:00?”

“Yes.”

I should have been more explicit and messaged her either 11 or 12.  I intended to text message her again the next morning when I was certain about the time. But I didn’t and arrived at 11:10 in the morning.

She wasn’t there, but the other woman sure in the hell was.  The same woman who had me come in her mouth.

The other woman said, “She upstairs with customer. You want to wait one hour.”

I replied, “I no have time. I do not wait for anyone. Not ever.”

After I left the good looking massage girl text messaged me at 12:10, “Do you come now?”

I replied how I had come to see her at 11:10 and how I was informed she already had a customer.  Then I added, “I am too busy to wait for anyone.”

She replied: “I am sorry.”

I wrote:  “I am too. I thought you were an on time kind of lady. Some girls are.  Some aren’t.”

Then she text messaged:  “See you next time, Ok?”

To which I replied: “Next time is tonight. I don’t know right now who is going to be the lucky girl.”

The Lucky Girl

Or was it me, about to become the lucky guy?

I was pretty put out. The massage girl would just have to miss her turn. I just didn’t know who would wind up taking her turn.

Notice how much of an arrogant son of a bitch I am.

The Walking Street girl was a pretty safe bet.  She never thought of me as a Walking Street sucker.   I could text message her and have her meet me at the bar two doors from the massage place without paying a bar fine.  But then I’d be giving the massage girl that I considered her so important that I’d put another girl in front of her face to make her jealous. By the time I got on the baht taxi to head to erection nirvana (wherever the hell that would be) I didn’t really know where I wanted to go or who I wanted to do it with. By the time the baht taxi got to Soi Six, I decided to try to look up an old girlfriend.

Looking for the coolest Soi Six girl ever

She was the most wonderful Soi Six girl I ever met.  For one thing she had the most gorgeous ass.  She was great in bed.  Had a great sense of humor too.  She never called me because I told her not to.  Never text messaged me either unless I messaged her first.  Nan never cried about how bad things were or that she needed money.   But I screwed up a good thing by banging a girl who worked with her.  Not once but about 15 times.

I ran into her a couple of weeks ago working in front of the Soi Six bar I used to frequent where I had boom boomed her many times before.  But that was over two years ago.  She hardly went there anymore.  I suspect she had a long list of customers who saw whenever they wanted her. She had been one of the best ever.  But I had lost her phone number. Either that or she had changed it.

But she wasn’t there.  So I backtracked to another bar that I had never been in before.

The girl is almost too young and beautiful

I spotted the girl right off. As my eyes started to meet hers, another girl asked me to have a drink with her.

My eyes immediately met the first girl’s eyes.

“Want to have drink with me?” I asked the prettier girl.

“Yes.”

It was an open faced beer bar. There’s quite a few open air bars on Soi Six now. Usually there’s a door to an air-conditioned room inside, however. But this place was strictly an open air kind of place although it undoubtedly had short time rooms upstairs. Wanting some privacy, I immediately walked to the back of the room and took a seat at the bar where I could not easily be seen from the street.

The girl brought over two beers, one for me and one for her. Then she sat up close to me. She was pretty, and I do mean VERY PRETTY. But she was so slender that she seemed too fragile for a strong guy like me to boom boom. She had narrow slender shoulders and legs that were impossibly thin. But she had a good figure, a model’s figure. Whether she was too slender or not I found her to be irresistible.

Unbelievably Passionate

She didn’t waste any time fondling me between the legs. And then she started kissing me. French kissing me right at the bar. When I moved back from her to drink to attend to my beer, I noticed that she was wearing blue contacts. She was simply beautiful.

I didn’t waste much time paying the 300 baht for the room upstairs and paying my bar bill. But by the time she took me up to the short time room and we undressed I felt that I was making a big mistake. She was thin. I like them thin. The pretty massage girl was slender but this girl was just 40 kilos And she was five foot three.

Only 88 pounds and nearly as tall as the average American woman

Now believe it or not, the average American woman is not even five foot four. So this girl was less than one inch shorter than the average American woman who now weighs 170 pounds or five pounds heavier than me, and I’m five foot eleven. But forty kilos comes out to just 88 pounds. I mean I like slender gals but this was getting just plain ridiculous.

But in bed she was a tigress. She was beyond passionate. And she was just plain beautiful. By the time I was eating her I had a nice erection. I wound up coming in her mouth.

I finally wound up on Walking Street meeting up with my friends. But I wanted to find her again so I went back to Soi 6 looking for her. I didn’t see her standing in front of her bar, and I eventually wound up with another girl at another place. But that’s another story.

I saw the beautiful girl two more times.  If she wasn’t into me, at least she pretended to be. She would sit with me drinking her drink running her hands inside my shorts rubbing my penis. And she’d do it for an hour straight. Let alone all the making out we’d be doing.

Which brings me back to girl number girl number 2 again.

This time I rented a hotel room on Soi Six for 650 baht. The room gave me a perfect view of half a dozen bars across the Soi. From the room, I could see the girls coming onto their shifts between 4:30 and 5 p.m. There were already two or three good looking girls at the slender girl’s bar but by 5 she had not yet showed up. I had not shaved yet and had not brought a razor with me. So I walked half a block down Second Road to a Seven Eleven where I got a razor, some shaving cream, and several other small items I needed. On the way back to my hotel I wanted to avoid her bar. For the time being. It was just too early to be getting caught up with this girl. Especially since I already knew what the final results would be.

So I went to Soi 6/1 which runs behind and parallel to Soi Six. I call this Lady Boy Alley since the Lady Boys like to hunt down their prey here. Then I cut over to Soi Six far enough down the Soi so that my new favorite would not see me.

Several girls called out to me,

Wanting me to buy them drinks. Halfway down the Soi a pretty girl called out my name from the Lisa Bar. Like the others she wanted me to buy her a drink. But unlike the others, she most definitely seemed to know me. But I couldn’t quite remember. Not sure, but I think she was the one I took upstairs a couple of months ago, who I then looked for but couldn’t find. She was pretty hot. So I told her I might get her a drink later on.

A few bars farther down the soi, another girl called out my name. It was girl number 2. I had not banged her for a month and a half. She had been fun and a great lay. I didn’t know if my new favorite girl would show up tonight or not so I decided to hedge my bets.

Smoke and Kisses

Had a small open air beer bar arrangement outside an air-conditioned room inside. We sat inside at a booth across from each other. I bought her a beer and one for myself but we ended up having two together.

After some conversation girl number 2 told me that she didn’t think I like her all that much. Keep in mind though that this girl had always been pretty frank with me even though she had stood me up for another customer. So I started telling her about a very weird experience I had only three days ago involving the police. But that’s another story that will come later in this blog. I did tell her that I had taken a very pretty girl upstairs from another bar after which all the weird stuff started to happen.

This Soi Six girl’s into self improvement

“Do you like this other girl better than me?” girl number two asked. I don’t mind your telling me the truth. I want to be better at my job.”

“I like you a lot,’ I replied. “But we not have sex for 2 months. The reason why is you were supposed to boom boom me at 11 a.m. but instead you went with another customer.”

I then explained what the pretty massage girl had done and I even showed her the text messaging we had that ended with my telling her another girl would be the lucky girl tonight.

“And I’ve not had sex with her either for two weeks. You see, she did the same thing to me that you did.”

Who cares if they love you or not so long as they act like they do

“But this new very pretty girl acts like she’s totally in love with me. I know that neither you or she really loves me, but I don’t care. Money is number 1. You know it. I know it and you know I know it. But she’s a very fine actress. And she has done nothing wrong yet.”

Somewhere during this conversation, another bar girl came up to our booth and started talking to girl number 2. Which was very rude. But we all know that most of these girls are very rude. True to form, girl number 2 suddenly turned to the other girl to converse with her in Thai. Whatever I had been talking to her about was now obviously forgotten. As I keep saying, “Birds in the attic, nobody at home.”

I promised to look her up later on if the pretty girl up the street didn’t show up for work.

Attentiveness to my dick is the key

But she did. And the entire time we wound up sitting together on our bar stools, her hands hardly left my dick. No one interrupted us. While she kept acting as if I was the most important thing in the world to her.

She had to get up several times to get us fresh drinks from the bar. She was wearing shorts that accentuated her slender body. They were neither expensive looking or cheap appearing. But she looked simply elegant wearing them. She’s just 23. Which is far too young for me. I really don’t like them much younger than thirty.

I don’t care too much for Walking Street go go girls either. But I do like girl number 1 who is 31. Who is a pretty straight forward kind of girl who feels much more at home at a nice beer bar than in a go go club.

I wanna be just like Errol Flynn when I grow up

Errol Flynn was well known to the point of infamy for his hedonistic ways.

I keep reminding myself of Errol Flynn, the swashbuckling move actor, who died in his early fifties, a complete physical wreck with his 17 year old girlfriend, Beverly Aadland close by.  Errol had been one of the most handsome men in Hollywood in his prime.  Flynn was such a stud that the gals would line up outside his hotel room.  Needless to say, he couldn’t handle them all.  So his buddies fucked all the excess women.  They used to call Error’s buddies, Flynn’s Flying Fuckers.

Back to Flynn’s 17 year old

The 17 year old was a young woman who was far beyond her years in intelligence and emotional development. She loved Errol to the end. And that’s a fact. One simply never knows about these kinds of things.

Beverly Aadland was just 17 when she was with Errol Flynn. Precocious beyond her young years, it is my firm belief that she loved Errol in spite of his becoming a corpulent alcohol ridden shadow of his former self.

As for the Massage girl.

I think I’ll try her again to see what happens. Part of that whole story is my own damn fault. I wasn’t clear about the time, and I had gotten her friend and co-worker to blow me, which was not all that cool. Jesus…it still horrifies me to even think about that one. How could I be so utterly stupid?

But now I’ll continue this long story to tell you about four complete losers who I don’t care if I ever see them again.

The Young Girl with the Frog Face

There’s three go go bars that all have the same owner and management team. The bar fine’s 900 baht and there’s none of this crap so many go go bars keep trying to pull such as short time bar fine’s and long time bar fines of up to 1500 baht. Noi works at Sensations (which is a name I’ve made up to protect the innocent.) I’m calling this second go go bar, the Dog House to protect both the innocent and the guilty.

Two girls work at the Dog House. First one’s the young girl with the Frog Face. Second girl’s “A Japanese look a like.” That’s because she has a Japanese look about her. So I’m calling these two Froggie and Miko. There’s a third girl at the Dog House who doesn’t play a major part here. She’s 37 years old so I’m calling her Goodie as in Oldies but Goodies.

A couple of months ago, I pulled Goodie off the stage to have a drink with me. But it didn’t take long for her to get her leaching friend, Froggie, to join us for all the fun and games.

The game, “who’s feeling my dick now”, backfires

I don’t know where I come up with all these brilliant ideas of mine. They seem to be a good idea at the time, but usually they end up backfiring on me. It all started when Froggie took the stool to my right in front of the stage. Goodie sat to my left as we sat together at the stage. In no time both women started to play with my dick. That’s when I started to close my eyes as I tried to guess which go go dancer was fondling my dick.  I didn’t know it then, but I was setting myself up to be a Walking Street sucker.

Needless to say this created quite a Sensation at the the Dog House. Oldie was content to drink beers and tequilas with me. But Froggie wanted orange juice or coca cola. And probably because other girls had told her that she could maximize her tips at 50 baht a ladies drink if she never got drunk with a customer.  Although Froggie had a frog face she at least had a half way decent body. Nothing great but about what one would expect from a 22 year old.

I get targeted by the vultures

I didn’t spend a huge amount of money that night because I only spent an hour at this club.  But the second time I came, Oldie was not there, but Froggie sure in the hell was. Unfortunately she spotted me right off and descended down to me from that stage like a vulture, bringing a second girl who was just as young as her. Right off they both asked me to buy them ladies drinks.   Obviously they thought I was one of their typical Walking Street suckers.  I kept telling them they had to drink real alcohol because if they didn’t I sure wasn’t buying them kiddie cocktails.

I screw up by buying 2 go go bar nitwits kiddie cocktails

I finally relent and get them their girlie drinks. Then out of nowhere another girl suddenly appears for her free ride. But she agrees to drink a real drink with real alcohol in it. When the two young girls ask me for a second drink, I tell them both that I am finished with buying them kiddie cocktails.   So I start to focus on Miko.

My modus operandi with Miko was to kiss her lightly on her ear or her neck and watch her get goose bumps all over her legs and arms. As I remember we did this for a couple of nights after the first time I met Miko. But I wouldn’t stay at the Dog House for very long on account of my strong preference for Noi. The truth is  Noi has a wonderful body while Miko is only so so at best.

I’m going to get Big Ron to rescue me from this leech

But one of my best friends liked Miko. This is Big Ron who I am naming after the Big Ron character from Stephen Leather’s book, Private Dancer.  In real life Big Ron was a strip club owner in the U.S. from Texas.  So Big Ron asks me, “Do you want Miko, because if you don’t want to bar fine her, I’d like to.”

Which he did. Which was great for me because now I wouldn’t have Miko asking me to buy her any drinks.  But one night I went into the Dog House alone.

In the Dog House Peanut Gallery

I sat up in the stands which I call the peanut gallery and one of the girls joined me for a drink. But Miko saw me and went into the peanut gallery to mooch some drinks off me heedless of my already having a female companion.

When she asked me for a drink, I said to her, “Big Ron your tilak (lover) now. He come later I think.”

“Who is Big Ron?” Miko lied.

“You know Big Ron. You go with him Naklua Soi 18.”

“I don’t know Naklua Soi 18,“ Miko lied again.

But she just wouldn’t leave. Finally I asked her, “you like boom boom, Big Ron?”

“I never boom boom Big Ron”, she lied a third time.

“Liar.” But I never told her that.  Because I will have fun at her expense later.    From now on, I’m calling her Monkey Brains instead of Miko.”

At Sensations Go Go Bar with Big Ron

Several nights later, I hit Sensations with Big Ron.  Got four Gin and Tonics at their 75 baht half price Happy Hour deals too. Right off, Noi, joined me while a second girl jumped on Big Ron’s lap.

It didn’t take long for Big Ron to be up to his shit disturbing rambunctious true self.  In no time he was starting to call the girl, Bright Eyes. Fifteen minutes later he asked her what her long time price was. Which in my estimation is totally wrong. I mean, who gives a shit what kind of prices a bar girl starts spouting off. I give them my price, take it or leave it.  Usually they leave it because I am a cheap ole bastard who knows the score.

I could tell that Big Ron was totally pissed off

because he was already reaching into his wallet to pay his bill.

“Let’s get out of here. Bright Eyes here wants 7000 baht for long time. Can you believe it?” Big Ron said with disgust. Who does she think she is? Like she’s got a golden pussy.”

“I don’t like a girl with a golden pussy,” I reply. They are much better  with their pussies shaven totally bald.”

We get go go girl, Noi, to be our spie

I bar fined Noi. Sometimes I will take her straight to a Walking Street short time hotel.  Other times I take her to a favorite little bar of mine where we can drink 80 baht beers together and there’s short time rooms next door.  When I meet here there, I’m not paying a bar fine. But this time I asked her if she wanted to go with Big Ron and me to the Dog House . I want to show Monkey Brains that I’ve got a thing going with a girl who’s ten times prettier than her.  And while I’m at it, I want to instill the same lesson in Froggie.

Big Ron, Noi and I sit up in the 2nd row of the Peanut Gallery while one of the prettier girls in the place targets Big Ron. He orders a drink for the girl from the waitress as she perches her lovely body on his lap.

Big Ron tries to get Monkey Brains to back off

Suddenly a bird of Prey descends on Big Ron, oblivious to his already having one of her co-workers already with him.  But this complete breech of bar girl etiquette has no effect on Monkey Brains whatsoever.  Big Ron pretends she’s not there.  But Noi, who is about as likeable as they come, doesn’t.  Soon, the two girls are exchanging gossip.

It so turns out that Big Ron has supposedly paid Monkey Brains 7000 baht for his first and last long time with her.   After Monkey Brains finally leaves after having no success at leeching a drink off either Big Ron or me, Noi gives me the scoop.

Noi, our spie, explains why Bright Eyes wants 7000 short time

“Lady work with me at bar Sensations, she work here with Miko two days ago.  Miko say Big Ron give her 7000 baht for boom boom.  So now lady at bar me, he want to pay bar fine for, she think he give Miko 7000 baht.  Now she ask Big Ron for Big Money boom boom.”

That’s Noi for you. She knows Big Ron’s not a Walking Street sucker who’s about to pay 7000 baht long time prices for. And she doesn’t like the girls who lie like that.”

Last Drink for Froggie

This time it’s Billy Bob and me over having San Miguel Lights at the Dog House. We are in the third row up in the Peanut Gallery when my eyes come into contact with Froggie’s. A few minutes later, as soon as she’s allowed to come off the stage, she’s sitting next to me in the Peanut Gallery. I reluctantly buy her an orange juice. We plan on leaving for the next go go bar in a few minutes so I’m figuring another 150 baht won’t kill me.  And if she figures I’m a Walking Street sucker, so what?

But Froggie stays with me in the Peanut Gallery for only ten minutes. Then she disappears. figuring in that peanut brain of hers that I’m just another typical Walking Street sucker.  Which is a good thing. After all, I’m not calling her Froggie on account of her beauty. Big Ron and I even stay for a second beer, but still no Froggie. I don’t know who’s more of a class act, Froggie or Monkey Brains. I swear to God to Big Ron that I will never ever buy Froggie another drink.

One more Walking Street go go dancer who’s as useless as tits on a boar

“She’s a total leech. Drinks orange juice and although her body is not half bad she’s nowhere near as well built as Noi.  And compared to the slender Soi Six beauty, boom booming her would be about like banging a man with a moustache. I whisper loudly to Big Ron. “I am not wasting another single baht on anyone like her again. That 150 baht ladies drink is 25 % of the price of a nice little hotel room I can use with Noi or any of the other girls I seriously enjoy banging.”

I will never be a Walking Street sucker again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uncle Bufford says, “Don’t deal with Pimping Pattaya mamasans

Pimping Pattaya mamasans
Take it from me, Uncle Bufford. “Don’t deal with these pimping Pattaya mamasans. The bar girl’s fucking you. The mamasan’s only fucking everyone over.

To protect the awful reputations of the guilty, I’m not naming the two Walking Street go go bars from which these two pimping Pattaya Mamasans crawled out of.  One of the managers (a straight shooter from America) told me that it was up to me and the girl on how much I should tip her for sex. I believed him then and I still believe him. This is the rule for all three clubs that are under the same ownership.

But how often do Thais listen to Westerners?

I can also tell you from a lot of experience on many levels that most Pattaya Thais were born with larceny in their hearts.  Not all, but most. I have a good friend, a female Thai bar owner here in Naklua who will agree with me 100 percent. So let’s stop the philosophizing and get to the facts.

This is what happened last night.

I will start with my 2nd stop of the night. That’s cause the action at our first go go bar was so uneventful. Four of us were together at this place.  As I said, “I won’t name it cause I don’t want the pimping Pattaya mamasans to lose face.  My brother, Billie Bob’s got this very shapely babe on his lap.  She’s got a few tattoos.  Although Billie Bob thinks tattoos are ugly, he keeps raving about this babe.

She’s got soft, wondrous skin, he tells me. In spite of the tattoos. Even better she’s got a gorgeous shapely ass. I touch her, on her neck, on her stomach, and then I put my hands around her thighs and wind up placing them on her ass.

“How old are you?” I ask the girl.

“Thirty-one.”

She’s perfect.  After all, most girls in their early to mid twenties are usually not worth a shit.  That’s cause their brains have not developed much.  But a girl who’s close to thirty or over, thinks she’s already getting old.  By this time she’s probably had a few rotten husbands or boyfriends already.  I am sure of myself on this, especially when it comes to Pattaya women. Most men, Thai or falang, aren’t worth a shit.  90 percent of them aint, and you can take this one to the bank.

This girl’s giving me an erection

on account of her having an ass to die for.  Which is too bad because Billie Bob’s already decided to fuck her.  That leaves me out.

Manasan doesn’t know it, but Billie Bob’s going to be tipping this girl 1000 baht for a short time fuck.  But the bar fine’s 900 baht here.  So the bar’s going to be getting 90 percent of what this babe’s getting. Difference is she’s got to fuck his sorry ass.  The bar doesn’t have to put up with this old fart.

Billie Bob’s going to meet all of us at this bar’s sister club.  He’s bar-fining her already.  But while he’s waiting for the girl to come out of the dressing room, the mamasan comes up to him and asks:

“Can you give me 100 baht tip?”

“Jesus penis”.

Billie Bob’s already laid out 1000 baht on drinks.  For the gin and tonics he’s just guzzled down and the tequilas he’s gotten the girl.  And this mamasan’s asking him for a 100 baht tip?  He also has to pay a 900 baht bar fine?  That’s a hundred dollars for one lousy fuck when you count the 400 baht for the short time room”

“Why should I give you 100 baht tip?” Billie Bob replies scornfully to the greedy mamasan.  “She’s fucking me, and you aren’t.  What are you doing for me?”

First Night’s Outing at the Sister Club

It gets worse.  One hour later we are all at the sister club (three go go bars have the same owner) where we are about to meet the second greedy mamasan.  But while three of us have been to two more go go’s,  Billie Bob’s been doing a short time room with the shapely 31 year old.

I’m having a great time in this sister club. I was here twice in the past two weeks.  First time, one of my cousins was all over this gal as we were all sitting in front of the stage.  I thought she was whipped with ugly stick a plenty.  But he was feeling her up all over.  About then one of the gals who’s dancing before me, sees me getting eye contact with the woman dancing next to her. I’m pretty drunk by now, but I still knows a pretty girl when I sees one.

“Do you want to buy friend me, drink?” the unattractive gal asks me.

“(Sure why not?) Which is not exactly what I said because I knows this bar girl ain’t about to understand all that. “Kap.  I buy drink for pu ying sway mach mach.”

I could probably say all those words in Thai, but why should I bother? Hym…”Pom su kong puying sway mach mach”. Su Kong means buy or something like that. Sway mach mach means very beautiful and Kap means yes. But I’m sure my grammar’s going to be wrong and if it isn’t I will be off in my pronunciation, so why in the hell should I bother.

The pretty girl comes off the stage

and joins me for a drink. It takes all of five minutes to have her in my arms. After two tequilas she’s startin to warm up to me so I start kissing her on her neck.   Her arms break out into goose bumps.

“Ooh”, the girl giggles.  Chocatee.  (I’m ticklish)

I’m having a blast.  And so are the girls.  All of them whose anywhere near us Southern boys.

Then I get the word from someone working for the bar. The word is the girl I’m with is a handful.  Expensive too.  My source points another girl out to me who’s dancing on the stage.  She’s got a trim little body.  The kind I like.

Our second visit to the “Sister Club”.

This was the first time. One week later, the girl I had been with is with another customer. I glance at her a couple times but she acts as if I’m not even there. “Oh well, I’m moving onto my favorite gal. Her name’s “Next”. I’m sitting in the peanut gallery. That’s what I call the 1st and 2nd row of seats startin about five meters from the stage. Billy Bob’s sittin next to me.  He likes the Peanut Gallery because back theres he can feel up the girls with impunity.  But a man can get ignored sittin back there too.  And if he’s not ignored the fat ugly gals tend to come up to me in the Peanut Gallery, uninvited.

Sure enough one of them fat ugly ones comes over to sit with he.  I tell her I must go to the stage to see my girlfriend.  And sure enough, when I take my bin over to the stage, who happens to be there?  The gal recommended to me during my last visit.  Eye contact takes only seconds. She’s dancing right in front of me.  A few minutes later, she’s sitting on my lap drinking tequila with me.

She tells me she’s a 37 year old lady.  But she’s got a real nice ass on her, and a nice shape even if her tits are small.  She’s got a great attitude though.

A few minutes later, the girl I had been with the first time joins us.

“Buy me drink?” she asks

It was all so predictable.

 The girls are going to get 50 baht off each ladies drink I buy them.

My policy in the go go bars is to never buy drinks for two ladies at the same time.  The money goes fast like diarrhea shit down the toilet.

I tell the girl, “Before you my lady.  Right now she my titak (sweetheart).  I only buy drink for tilac now.  Next time maybe you my tilak again.”

Then another girl suddenly appears, which causes me to break my own rule.  She’s been dancing right next to the 37 year old.  Totally nude with her pussy nearly in my face.  She’s got a pretty good body, but I like the 37 year old’s better.  Suddenly I’ve got both girls in my arms. I buy all three of us a tequila.

To justify her existence and my buying her a drink in the first place, this second girl starts feelin my dick.  In fact, both gals are feelin my dick while discussing its attributes in Thai.

“That feels real good,”  I got an idea.”

The other gal’s young.  I can’t remember but I think she’s told me she’s just twenty.  She’s got soft silky skin.  The girl’s totally nude so I can feel her all over.  But I don’t.  I grab her hand, the one that’s already on my dick, and start sliding it up my shorts.  Then I do the same with the thirty-seven year old’s hand.

I tell the girls. “We play game.

Game is “Whose feelin my dick?”

You can all tell where this one’s going. I got one hand from each gal on my dick at the same time.  Or on one of my balls. I now take my hat and cover my eyes with it so that I can’t see a damn thing.  The young twenty year old starts off groping me from the left side of my dick while the 37 year old’s touching it from the right side.  I get the two girls to start changing their hands around.  The younger gal changes her hand position from the left side of my dick to the right side while the older gal slides her grip to the left side.  At first I remove my hat and watch the girls while I try to gain a sense of what each girl’s hand feels like.  Then I put my hat in front of my eyes again.

Sometimes I’m only feelin one hand on my dick.  The younger girl’s hand seems to move more aggressively than the 37 year old’s.  I think this one’s touch is exquisite.

I remove my hat blindfold, and announce to the girls, “okay, that time the hand was yours,” as I point to the older woman.  Your hand felt so soft.  It felt so good.  I bet you could make me come in three minutes.”

“No.  Hand my hand,” the younger girl blurts out.

And so it went. I’d turn out to be wrong more than 50 % of the time. Which didn’t really matter because I was constantly gettin my dick rubbed.  And if I was enjoying myself, the two girls were enjoying themselves even more.

After all, how many guys have played,  which hand is rubbin my dick now?”  With them.  No one.

A few days later

I started thinking to myself, “Should I bar fine the 37 year old or not?” Of the two girls she had the finer ass.  And I had learned that the bar had its own short time rooms upstairs.

Which brings us back to last night.

The 37 year old’s not to be seen anywhere’s.  Billy Bob’s just returned from his fuckin at the Sweethearts short time hotel on Walking Street.  This is where a 32 year old Englishman supposedly jumped out of his room on the third floor and landed on Walking Street at 4 a.m.   He died upon arrival at the hospital. I’m sure this one’s going down as a suicide.

Another Sweethearts short time suicide
A suicide? Yep. After 4 a.m. this 31 year old Brit did a Swan dive onto the Walking Street pavement. Onlookers were terrified when they heard the sickening thud. In my opinion this guy came in here for a short time. Others say he was staying long time in a hotel arrangement. But according to what I’ve gleaned no valuables including a watch or cell phone were found in the room. No money either or that’s what I’ve read.
Odd thing is on Thai Visa it is mentioned that no money, no watch, cell phone or any other valuables were found in his room. I think you already knows my opinion on this one

No valuables or belongings were found in the Brit’s room

But last year on May 14th, 2016 a Scot.

Steve Balfour, age 35, was found dead in his room at Sweethearts.   All identification and his wallet were missing so his body wound up in a morgue for unidentified persons. until it was identified by his tattoos.

Methinks Steve died of old age while the 31 year old Brit’s death was caused from taking flying lessons from an unknown lady boy or other innocent persons who are not lady boys.    As to the missing identifications and valuables from both deaths I personally believe they were carried off by rampaging hungry rats.

Blissful Soi Six Warmup to Walking Street go go action

Earlier I had gone to Soi Six.  But only for a half hour where I ran into one of my German buddies.  We had one beer together while I was having my dick rubbed by a young girl who I already knew.

She kept telling me: “I want to fuck you so bad.  Please fuck me.  I so horny.”

Come hell or high water.  I could not convince my German pal to come with me to Walking Street.  Billy Bob and our Southern American friends are fun.  My German comrade knows this, but he also knows that the Walking Street go go bars constitute a piss poor waste of money.  Unless he goes there after midnight to prey on the babes who are looking for some fucking action in the Discos where there’s no bar fine to be paid.

Third Night at the Sister Club.  Run in with 1 of the Pimping Pattaya mamasans

I had agreed to meet up with Billy Bob and two other guys in the go go bars.  So here I was saddling up to the stage, using myself as bait for anyone interesting who’d just happen to zoom in on me. I was hoping it would be the 37 year old.  But she was nowhere to be seen.  Obviously it was her night off or she was with another customer.  The first girl who I had given goose bumps to wasn’t there either.  But the 20 year old certainly was, dancing in front of me, completely nude.

Obviously she was expectin me to buy her a drink.  And since neither of the other two girls was workin tonight I offered her one.  Soon, she was off that stage standing next to me with another young gal standing next to her.

I know where this one’s going.  Neither girl means a shit to me.  The first girl, the 20 year old is too young to know where her ass ends and her head begins.  This  game’s is to get as many drinks out of me as possible.  And sure enough.   Here it comes.

“Will you buy drink for friend me?”

“Such an original line.  How many times have I heard it?

And now you knows why I like Soi Six so much.”

I decide to buy each of them a drink.  But only one drink unless one of the girls redeems herself.

They order soft drinks.  The kind with no alcohol in them whatsoever.  All this is complete boredom for me.  The same thing happens again and again with the girls all playing the same script.

But I want to know how much it costs to use the short time room upstairs.  I don’t give a squatters ass for either of these two nitwits. I’m thinking of bar fining another gal who works for one of the sister clubs for this place.  Makes sense that since all these girls are workin for the same organization that I can bring a girl from a sister club to use the short time room.

By this time Billie Bob’s joined us. The two girls English skills are so abysmal that they have no clue on what I’m wanting to find out. Mamasan soon joins us to intercept–I mean interpret.

“You want to bar fine lady?” The mamasan asks me.

“No.  Not now. I want to know how much for short time.  I know bar fine is 900 baht.   How much must I pay to use room upstairs?

“You pay 3400 baht,” the mamasan replies. 500 baht for room, 900 baht for bar fine and 2000 baht for tip lady.”

“Cun my Kochai,” I reply. Which means you don’t understand.

I boom boom Billie Bob.  He want 200 baht for boom boom.  We want use room. Toll Rai? (How much?) I ask the mamasan while pointing at Billie Bob.

“Lady costs 3400 baht for boom boom,” the mamasan replies.

“But I don’t want lady.  I want boom boom Billy Bob.”  Then I tell her I’m joking.

She still doesn’t get it.  “Up to me and Billy Bob, what I pay for boom boom.  Not up to you.  How much for room?”

She still doesn’t get it. “Okay, I love lady from other bar. You have three bars with same big boss owner.  I want to bring lady from your other bar to short time.  How much for room?”

“Midai.”  Which means cannot. “Only can boom lady bar here.”

I don’t want to implicate the manager.  The man’s not here tonight. He’s American and we get along well.  This manager has assured me that in his bar it is entirely up to me what I have to pay one of this girls for sex. T o make sure I’ve got the rules straight, I’ve asked him, “So if one of your girls agrees to have short time with me for 500 baht this is okay with your club.”

“Yes, by all means. It is up to you and the girl.”

As I keep sayin, “Don’t deal with Pimping Pattaya mamasans.”  They are worthless scum.

But take it from me, Pimping Pattaya mamasans are only the tip of the iceberg.  Most Thais are completely unwilling to take advice from foreigners or to follow their orders.

For example, if you are a Westerner who’s on the committee running a condo, the Thais who are working for the condo owners and the committee will do all they can to not follow your rules.  They will quit their jobs in a heart beat because in their little minds they are Thai, and therefore superior to any foreigner.

Unfortunately Pattaya is still growing in leaps and bounds.  So there’s always new jobs coming up. They will just up and quit and all because they feel they have lost face just having to put up with a foreigner who’s telling them what to do.  This goes for the staff of hotels too if “their bosses are foreigners”.  It most certainly applies to restaurants whose entire staff oftentimes quits en mass because a Thai employee is not getting his way.

The Soi Six Version of Pimping Pattaya mamasans

There’s a go go bar on Soi Six called “Dolls.” The owner of the place is German or so I’ve been lead to believe.  He’s told me the same thing. Which is it’s entirely up to me and the girl how much I must pay her for her tip.  It used to be that a man only had to pay for the room upstairs which his 500 baht.  Almost all the Soi Six girls ask 1000 baht for short time these days and the price of the room is in nearly all cases just 300 baht.

I once banged a girl at Dolls but when the girl told me she wanted 1000 baht I told her since the room was 200 baht higher than all the other Soi Six rooms, I’d have to pay her just 800 baht.  She accepted.

But times have changed at Dolls Go Go Bar

The owner of Dolls later told me that I’d have to pay his girls at last 1500 baht for short time. Otherwise all the other girls would get angry with the girl doing me for 1000 baht. A few weeks later I got one of the girls to agree with me on a short time for 1000 baht, but then one of those stupid Pimping Pattaya mamasans intervened.  I paid for my drinks and then she wrote a new ticket on which she wrote, 2500 baht. She then explained that 2000 baht was for the girl, 500 baht was for the room.

I told this piss poor excuse for one of those stupid Pimping Pattaya mamasans that the owner had told me that it was up to me and the girl what I had to pay for sex.”

To which the mamasan told me, “He not in charge of this bar.  I am.”

See what I mean. By the time the two young girls started asking me to buy them their next kiddie cocktail, I said to the girl who had been feelin my dick last week. “You want beer or tequila”

“I want drink.”  Which meant I’d be paying 165 baht for kiddie cocktail 1 for this first girl and 165 baht for kiddie cocktail 2 for the 2nd girl.

“Okay. I not buy you drink.  You can have tequila or beer.  Up to you.”

I want drink. Buy me drink.”

“What is this shit?  You think you one of those Stepford Wives?   But I don’t say it aloud.  I know from too much experience that you cannot argue with Thais.

Here’s an example. Suppose you have a girlfriend.

But your girlfriend is one lazy bitch.  She won’t even clean up the kitchen and after a week it starts to get pretty bad.  So you tell her, “Honey, I want you to do better job cleaning kitchen.”

To which she replies, “You want to finish me?  Okay, we finish.”

She’s saying, “I have no interest in improving my behavior  or doing something I should be doing for you.”  She winds up giving you no choice.  It all comes down to  this with most Thai women, “You cannot expect anything of me because if you complain about anything that means that you don’t want me in your life at all.”

Well, I’ve got a lot better things to do than to dabble with these two nitwits. Billy Bob suggests that we go up into the peanut gallery.  I remove my little box on which the little slip showing my drink charges are typed and my drink, and follow Billy Bob up to two vacant seats up in the peanut gallery.  We have one beer together up there while actually having an intelligent conversation now that there’s no go go bar girls present.

Then we leave the bar and Walking Street.

I will spend the next two hours in a small beer bar I often go to.

There I buy one of the girls two or three drinks at beer bar prices while getting a massage.  This girl’s no beauty queen, but she used to work giving massages, and she’s pretty damn good at it.  The music’s pretty good in this little cocktail bar. They’s got You tube up on a big t.v. and there’s a constant flow of music coming from the bar’s sound system I have to admit to getting a lot of satisfaction from buying this old gal a few drinks at reasonable prices. Meanwhile I can guarantee one thing.

Next time I go to that last Walking Street go go bar I’m going to spend time with the 37 year old gal.  Either that or I’m going to be with the 31 year old from this club’s sister club. This young stuff is only for little Thai boys to fool around with or stupid old falang who don’t know shit from shinola.

Soi Six or Walking Street Mistress

Soi Six or Walking Street Mistress

If you are married in Pattaya, would you choose a Walking Street Mistress or would you choose a Mia Noi from the Soi Six brothels?

Contestant Number One

She’s 25 years old. In her prime. You have met her in a go go bar on Walking Street. She likes Tequila and so do you. At first you don’t notice that she’s on the short side. She’s wearing high heels on the stage, and when she snuggles against you, the first thing you notice are her sensational breasts. The waitress asks you to buy the girl a drink. At first you are drinking beer. Like nearly all Walking Street go go girls she doesn’t want to drink beer with you. It takes too long to drink one. She’d rather have a no alcohol ladies drink because she can drink 15 or 20 of them with no problem. So her game plan is to get you to buy her as many ladies drinks as she can. She’s probably on a contract with the go go which requires her to sell 50 ladies drinks every 10 days.

The overriding goal of the go go is to EXTRACT as much money

out of each customer as possible for drinks–especially ladies drinks. And I do mean EXTRACT which means nearly the same thing as Extort.

As if on Que, she starts fondling you between your legs. So you start thinking, “if I start buying her tequila she will lose all her inhibitions. Maybe I can fuck her in the toilet for peanuts. Or maybe she will blow me right here. You hardly notice that there’s a lot of male customers in the place and that you can be sure they will be watching you getting your blow job. The pretty girl has you by the balls.

Three minutes pass. The waitress returns. “Another drink for lady?” she asks. By this time your new girlfriend has drained her coca cola. Once again she refuses your offer to buy her a beer so you offer Tequila. “At least it will get her drunk,” you tell yourself. By now your bar bill has already reached 650 baht.

The waitress asks, “Can you buy me drink?”

If you were Japanese, you would be polite

and buy the woman a drink. But you aren’t Japanese, which means you are not entirely stupid when it comes to Walking Street games. You politely refuse which now brings on dirty trick number two.

Another girl joins you and the girl beside you who’s still stroking your dick. “Buy my sister a drink?” the girl asks.

If you were Japanese you’d also buy the second girl a drink just to be polite. For that matter

so would half my American friends just because they are dumb shits.

And you are not. So you tell your girl. “She not your sister. She only your friend.”

“Yes. Very good friend. Same same sister me.”

So you politely decline, telling both girls, “I only buy drink for the girl I’m fucking.”

By this time you can’t keep your eyes off her breasts. And of course she’s noticing this. She responds by drawing your hands to her breasts. Your mouth immediately follows. They are an ample mouthful and have a beautiful pointy taper.

It’s time for another tequila. You order two.

They go down quickly for both of you, in one swallow. It’s time to get busy again with those gorgeous breasts.

The girl suddenly gets up, turns around, and sits on your lap with her face looking away towards the stage. But it’s time to extract still another drink from you. Her hand goes up your shorts. Once again she’s stroking your dick except this time she’s giving you a lap dance with her shapely ass rubbing back and forth across your lap. It feels almost as if you are already fucking her in the rear entry position. But you are in your sixties now. If you were still in your twenties by now you would be coming in your pants.

“This can’t go on forever,” you tell yourself. “It’s time to make a move.

“I pay you 1500 baht for short time,” you tell her.

“No. 2000 baht,” she replies.

If you were Japanese you would immediately agree to the 2000 baht. For that matter if you were Japanese she might ask you for 2500 baht. But you are not Japanese, so you tell her firmly, “I pay 1500 baht for short time.” To which she finally agrees.

It costs you another 800 baht for the bar fine. But the waitress asks you, “Do you want to pay bar short time or long time?” If you were to keep her all night long, the bar fine is 1000 baht. But you are taking her to the short time room just down the street. Your total cost is therefore 2300 baht plus the 1500 baht drink tab you now have to pay. But oh well. Chances are you might be paying that much somewhere else with or without the girl. So the fuck’s going to cost you exactly $65.71 at the exchange rate of 35 baht to the dollar. If you include the drinks it’s $108.57.

But it really costs even more. The short time room costs another 350 baht. Your total price if you include the drinks is $118.57. And just what are you getting for that?

You end up banging her four times.

But it takes you  three visits to the short time room to do that. She has the perfect little body. While in the short time room the first time, you get her phone number because you are really intending to make her your Walking Street mistress. But you must admit that it would be all about sex. The first time she’s pretty good, French kissing you in the short time room and she gives you good head.

You try text messaging her a week later, to tell her you are coming again to her go go bar. But she never replies. Which is all too typical of the average good looking Walking street go go girl. You are surprised when you go back into her go go bar, has a drink by your lonesome and then she finally she joins at your table.

But you tell yourself, “Birds in the attic.  Nobody at home.  Just what the hell can I expect from a Pattaya go go girl?

After banging her the first time, the two of you go back into her go go bar to drink still more tequila together. But your are still very horny and want to do her a second time, but then you  to pay for the short time room again and you will have to pay still another 800 baht bar fine. Next time you won’t be making that mistake again.

The next time you go into the go go bar she wants 3000 baht for long time. So you offer her 2000 baht for 2 or 3 hours in the short time room while explaining to her that you aren’t a stupid tourist.

You end up  with her in the short time room for around 2 hours. First thing she does as soon as you enter the room is she turns on the t.v. to watch one of those idiotic Thai television stations.  But the picture is not very good so she turns off the t.v. and starts sending text messages on her smart phone.

You gently take it away from her. Then you have sex two times. Then it’s back to her bar for a few more tequilas. But there was none of that French kissing like there was that first time, and it isn’t until you go back to her bar and have a few tequilas that she finally starts to relax.  But that costs another 50 dollars.  It’s far cheaper to just give her Valium.

You do her the last time one week later.

You take a friend along, and he meets a very attractive girl. So the two of you bar fine both girls and wind up banging the girls in short time rooms that are just down the hall from each other. You wind up being completely underwhelmed by the experience.

That’s contestant number one. She’s only about five foot tall and she weighs 40 kilos which is precisely 88 pounds. She’s a spinner but she’s got a perfect little body and you are still in love with those gorgeous breasts of hers. There’s still a chance that you  can make her yours.  Money after all can do lots of good things for a man. And who knows, once she starts to get to know you a lot better she might really start to like you.

That’s cause you are one self confident mother fucker. On the other hand, you get the feelin that she really would prefer a Thai guy. After all she’s been brainwashed by the system here, and some girls, no matter what a man does, really prefers men with itty bitty 4 inch dicks.

Contestant number two

The Walking Street Mistress doesn't look like this
This is not contestant number 2. I will not take pictures of her or put them online. This is Leah Layne who was an American feature entertainer. When you think contestant number 2 think of a woman with this kind of body. Like Leah, she’s tall, she’s slender. Her body s firm to the touch. She’s all woman

She’s tall. Her height’s 167 centimeters and she weighs 49 kilos. This makes her five foot six and about 108 pounds. Her body also is just about as perfect as it gets. But when you are holding onto her, it seems like you are completely enveloped. As for her breasts, they are long with succulent nipples. Like the Walking Street girl’s breasts, they are a baby’s delight. But they are bigger and in proportion to her larger body. Unlike a lot of Thai women she has no belly whatsoever.

Although she doesn’t look the same she resembles Leah Lane,

in the sense that she’s got a tall statuesque body with wonderful proportions. But her breasts are all natural. There’s no silicon which means they taste all so good.

To be fair,  You have  known her off and on for about two years now. But I’d be with her two or three times, then suddenly she’d disappear, and I wouldn’t see her again for a few months. Her performance had always been first rate. I found her at Red Point so every time I’d walk past Red Point, I’d see whether or not she had returned. I haven’t been with a single Red Point girl since the last time I was with her. This is because I never saw a girl standing in front of the place, that could even begin to match her.

I was on my way to Walking Street to meet several of my friends, and as I oftentimes did I walked down Soi Six on the way down to Beach Road to get on a baht taxi simply to enjoy the scenery and to see which girls I already knew were working tonight. Suddenly I heard my name being called out, and then

she suddenly appeared by my side in the middle of the street.

I had a single drink with her. Only this time I didn’t make the same mistake I had always made before. I got her phone number. And then I went down to Walking Street to join my friends and I ended up banging the go go girl who I had just text messaged.

When I saw her again, it was in a hotel room. I set the whole thing up with her. And unlike the Walking Street go go girl who couldn’t manage to reply to a single text message she were able to work out all the details of the arrangement together. I even managed to buy a few breezers and wine coolers from a 7-11 which I put in the hotel room’s fridge.

We stayed in the room together for several hours, relaxing and talking when we were not having sex. I learned that she had only worked as a sex worker in the Soi Six Bars. Her previous employment history had been at places such as Home Pro and Homart where she had worked as a sales clerk making only 7000 baht per month. That’s just $200 a month, which was not nearly enough to pay the 4000 baht she had to pay for her room, and her daughter from her irresponsible ex Thai husband who had moved onto other women.

She’s the second Soi Six girl I’ve been with who had a normal job history.

I found both girls to be completely different from your typical Pattaya sex worker. For one thing, both of them had learned that they had to actually get up at a reasonable hour in the morning in order to make a living. Both of them had learned that they had to follow the orders of their superiors and to follow company rules. I found it very relaxing to be with the first, just as I would soon be finding it to be very pleasant and relaxing to be with this new girl.

There was none of this, “Buy me drink. Buy drink for sister, buy drink for mamasan, the waitress and the Soi dog lying just outside the go go bar. Both women were an entirely different breed of woman than what is found in the go go’s.

Part of the reason is their age.

The first was 39 years old. The new girl’s 32. Now here’s the thing that is typical of women in their thirties compared to girls in their twenties and even younger. Older women have a sense of their mortality. They know that their shelf life is diminishing and that they don’t have many of their prime years left. So they are much more appreciative of the good things that come their way in life. Especially when it comes to men. Good men that is.

But I digress too much. It’s time to get back to this new woman. Who no doubt no longer sees herself in her prime, but I see as a nearly perfect specimen of feminity. Sex with her is inexplicably torrid. She makes me come three times. She tells me she’s come many times as we lie together calmly drinking our Bacardi breezers. I tell myself that if she hasn’t, she’s done one helluva job acting. But I have to admit that I have a terrific body as an old fart. I believe her. Who wouldn’t want to have a body like mine.

Having sex with her reminds me of the movie, the “Stefford Wives.”

In the movie all the men in a small community form a men’s club. Their wives have become too demanding. And too bossy.

So the men have operations performed on their wives to turn them into robots. The re-engineered wives now dote on their husbands. They clean their houses to perfection. They spend hours each day shopping for food and cooking gourmet meals for their husbands. And they perform great sex on queu. But they have become robots. They no longer have free will. They have each lost the personality that makes each woman unique and special.

This new girl will never become a robot. She will always have a mind, but what separates her from much younger girls, such as contestant number one from the Walking Street go gos is “she has a mind.” And if she’s a brilliant actress when she’s having sex with me, so what! She’s empowering my manhood and that’s what’s important.

She starts calling me every day

after that first time in the hotel room. I get a hard on whenever I think about having sex with her. I have to do it with her again.

But when we do, she tells me she wants to give me a massage. She has me lying on my stomach as she works her hands from my ankles all the way up to my neck. Finally she has me lying on my back as I gaze upwards at her beautiful breasts. I can’t help from wanting to kiss her, which I do, and then I start to suck on her succulent breasts.

But I must leave. I have things to do, but she wants me to stay, so I tell her I will see her soon.

The third time, I spend just forty-five minutes with her in the short time room. She asks me if I want to have a massage. I do, but there’s too little time. I need to be somewhere else. But there’s one thing I forgot to mention about this third time. That is, I met her at 10 a.m. If I had told her I wanted to see her at 9 a.m., I’m sure she would have been there for me at 9 a.m.

Which brings us back to contestant number 1.

The last two times I had sex with her I asked her what time she had gotten up that day. Both times she told me she had gotten herself out of bed at 5 o’clock in the afternoon. Sorry, but I simply do not respect people who sleep in until 5 o’clock in the afternoon. With the exception that is for hard-working people who have to work regular jobs on the night shift. I’ve been with too many Thai women who hibernate for 12 or 14 hours a day. And once back in the U.S. I had a very pretty prostitute stay with me for months on end, and I had to watch her sleep away the afternoons like a lazy cow.

I see visions before me of contestant number 2, going to the Walking Street discos after she finishing her shift trying to pick up one last short time in all those dimly lit rooms full of all those cheap charlies with shit for brains. Perhaps she’s going to those Thai Karoeke bars to be with a lot of Thai men. Many Thai bar girls do, especially young go go girls. It is common for many of them who get paid 2000 baht for short times to pay Thai men for sex in the Karoeke bars. The thought of my having to pay a girl 2000 baht for short time that she will then use to pay a Thai man for sex makes me want to puke.

Do I have any Japanese men reading any of this?

How does it feel paying Walking Street go go girls 3000 or 5000 baht for sex only to have them go out and hire Thai guys to have sex with them on your dime? Hey, you guys in Nippon actually have to work hard for a living. Most of you are very well educated. All your lives you’ve had to work very hard whether it’s going to school to get a superior education, working hard in your jobs, or running the family business. I respect you guys.

But if you think you are gaining face by throwing all your money around in the go go bars, think again. Most of these Walking Street go go girls have Thai boyfriends and I don’t mean the good Thai guys but the lazy kind of men who have no problem living off their girlfriends.

And the winner is

I need to wind this whole thing up. I seriously doubt if contestant number one will ever call me, and even if she did, it wouldn’t really matter.  Wouldn’t put it past her to start text messaging her friends on facebook while I’m banging her in the missionary position. But I’m sure looking forward to getting my next massage from contestant number 2. Because not only will I be getting great sex. I will also be having great conversation. And I will be getting a great drinking companion to boot where the beers are just 85 to 90 baht.   Obviously a Walking Street Mistress is not in the cards.

Go go bars have become rip-off Pattaya clip joints

Pattaya clip joints are  go go bars which relentlessly pressure their customers to buy lady’s drinks at high prices.   Over the past few years Pattaya go go bars have entered a downward spiral that offer their customers the worse of all worlds.

First off, there’s the drinking experience itself in which go go dancers descend upon their customer victims like vultures whose single minded goal is to extract as many high priced drinks from each customer victim as possible.   Then there’s the sexual experience, which if there is any, is about the highest priced one can find in a city that offers so many better options.    Lastly there’s the main reason that attracts so many men to Pattaya in the first place which is to empower one’s manhood.   More often than not,  the customer feels so taken advantaged of that he feels as if he’s been de-balled.

I want to describe this form of clip joint activity in three steps. 1. How go go bars used to be run in the good old days, 2. How they are run now, and 3. What recently happened to me at a Pattaya Go Go bar that is far from Walking Street and much closer to Sois 7 and Soi 5.

The Man tour
Since coming to Thailand with the Mantour, most Pattaya go go bars have become Pattaya clip joints in which coyote bar girls are compelled to ram 50 ladies drinks down their customers throats every 10 days.

1. The way things used to be in the good old days

A few years ago, when I went to go go bars,  the basic concept of ladies drinks was to break the ice between a go go girl whose English skills were usually not very good and prospective customers wishing to buy her out of the bar. Whether in Bangkok or in Pattaya the scenario went like this:

A customer comes into the go go bar.  The girls dancing on the stage are all wearing numbers.  When the customer is interested in one of the girls he either gets her attention by motioning  her to come over and have a drink with him or he tells a waitress or the mamasan to have number 17 (for example) to join him for a drink.  The girl soon joins him for a drink.  The potential customer will then often negotiate a price with her for either short time or long time.  This was usually around 1000 baht although I’ve had a couple go go girls willing to go home with me for 500 baht.

If a waitress or mamasan entered into such discussions at all it was usually to interpret for the customer what the go go girl was telling him or explaining to the go go girl what the customer was saying. Back in those good old days, the waitresses and mamasans would typically leave the negotiated price between the customer and the girl.

This is what we looked forward to in the old days when the promises of the Man Tour experience also applied to the Pattaya go go bars.

Although Pattaya is still probably the best place to be on earth for all those boy-girl adventures we all dream about,  most go go bars have become  Pattaya clip joints.

2. In the new clip joint era of today

The customer gets absolutely the worse drinking–female companionship type of experience one can possibly imagine.   Sadly the  go go bars here have become Pattaya clip joints.  Thanks to the coyote bar girl epidemic taking over Pattaya go go bars, customers are constantly being pummeled to buy one ladies drink after another at a machine gun pace.

The go go girls typically have 10 day contracts with the go go bars that require the girls to sell at least 50 ladies drinks every 10 days.  So here you are in one of the Pattaya clip joints.  You are out with several friends wanting to have a relaxing night out on the town. You probably also are wanting to take an attractive girl home with you to empower your manhood. Our tour guide told us was the best thing about Thai women when I first visited Thailand with the Man Tour was that Thai women empowered a man’s manhood.

 But that was 12 years ago.

Today in most of Pattaya’s go go bars the customer winds up having his manhood dismembered.  He winds up feeling humiliated while his wallet has a deep hole in it.

Here’s what happens.  Especially if he’s assessed by the mamasan or go go dancers as being new to the go go scene.   The first girl descends on him like a bird of prey.  What happens next is that either the girl, waitress, or mamasan immediately asks him to buy a ladies drink.  This is typically synthetic orange juice.  Since there’s no alcohol in it the girl can easily consume practically unlimited quantities of such cheap stuff at 140 baht or more a pop.  The next step is for the mamasan or waitress to ask the victim for a ladies drink also.  Chances are the customer has ordered a beer for himself at say 140 baht so when he buys the waitress and the bar girl one ladies drink each he’s out 420 baht already.

 At this point he’s only five minutes into this ball game.

So what happens next?

The go go girl’s sister makes an immediate appearance. The go go girl now asks him: “Buy drink for sister me?” Chances are the go go girl’s English is absolutely dreadful so if you think you are going to get any fun filled dialogue out of these girls, forget it.  So you buy the sister (who 90 percent of the time is not the girl’s sister) an orange juice looking ladies drink.  You are now out nearly 600 baht.

The object of your fond desires now asks you for a second ladies drink. If you politely refuse she will most likely leave you within the next 10 minutes so to keep the ball game in play you comply hoping you are going to have sex with her later on.  By this time you are buying yourself a second beer or a Tequila.

Within the first 20 minutes your bar bill is over 1000 baht.  For this kind of money you could already be banging a Soi Six girl, but never mind.  If you are onto the fact that this is their ball game and not yours, you indicate to the girl, waitress or mamasan that you want to make boom boom with the girl.

Now comes the bad news.

It’s before midnight.  The go go bar wants the girl to get even more ladies drinks out of suckers like you.  So her bar fine is 1500 baht.  You are also informed that you must pay at least 2000 baht just to short time the girl.  You can wait for midnight to come of course and then you will be getting this magnificent deal of getting to bar fine this vulture for just 1000 baht.

But if you stay at this go go bar until midnight chances are you will be paying a lot more than the 500 baht you would be saving by going after the cheaper bar fine.  Say you go for it and decide to bar fine her straight off.

Let’s see.  You’ve probably already run a drink tab of at least 1000 baht.  You wind up having to pay a 2000 tip to the girl for sex and you get to pay the bar a 1500 baht bar fine. So you wind up paying 4500 baht for just one hour of sex and you might just have to pay at least 300 baht for a short time room on top of all that. Your total price for having sex with this women amounts to 4800 baht which comes out to about $140.00 in American money.

And if this is not bad enough, she now either can go back to the go go bar to find another sucker like you or she will go back to celebrate with her Thai boyfriend.  And trust me, over 90 % of all Pattaya go go girls have Thai boyfriends.

3. In the go go bar that’s between Soi 5 and Soi 7.

You can take the girls to an upstairs room for 500 baht here.  So the convenience here is much better than it is down on Walking Street. There’s also no bar fine per se.  Which is a big plus.

Over one year ago I banged my first and only go go girl from this particular establishment.  The girl asked 1000 baht for short time sex. But when I pointed out to her that the price of the room was 200 baht too high compared to the competition I got her to ask me just 800 baht for her tip.

But a few months after that I heard that this go go bar was charging 1500 baht for bar fines.  So I later asked the go go bar owner what the club’s policy was on bar fines and what I must pay to have sex with the girls. I understood the man to tell me that customers had to pay 500 baht to use the upstairs rooms, but as for what the go go girls got for their “tips” this was a matter that was strictly between them and their customers.  So–if a girl was happy with getting 1000 baht from me such as the girl I had taken upstairs before, that was fine with this go go bar owner.

Several weeks later, I had one of the girls drinking with me.

I offered her 1000 baht to have sex with her. And if she didn’t speak English well enough to understand me, I made it very clear that I’d be paying the bar 500 baht for the room upstairs and 1000 baht to her by making repeated hand signals and gestures towards her and the upstairs. She agreed to my offer so I told the mamasan that I was paying my bill and bar fining the girl. The mamasan then presented me a bill that included the girl’s tip at 2000 baht.

“No, No, No.” I told the mamasan. “I pay the girl. We already decide on my tip for boom boom.” This is unacceptable to the mamasan who insists that I must pay the bar instead of the girl for sex. So I tell the mamasan, “Big boss tell me that I pay tip to the girl. Girl and I already decide how much I must pay her. Let me speak to the owner.”

“Owner not here now,” the mamasan tells me. You pay this much, which she’s showing me on my bin.” “Okay.  Not take lady,” I tell the mamasan. I pay only my bin for drinks (which is about 1000 baht). I end up settling my bar bill of 1000 baht and promptly leave the place.

Two weeks later. There’s a shapely go go girl I’m attracted to

who’s nearly five feet eight inches tall.  I’m pretty hot on her.  She’s sat with me a couple of times before.

Only a few days ago, I had talked to the bar owner again–this time about the incident where a mamasan horned in on my 1000 baht arrangement with one of his girls.  “Oh, we have a 1500 baht minimum” he told me.  This is because when a girl charges less for her tip the other girls get angry with her.  So to eliminate this problem all the girls must now charge at least 1500 baht.

I want the tall girl  so I’ve made up my mind that I will tip her 1500 baht.

As soon as I enter the go go bar another girl takes me inside and she’s very pretty.  But about the time the girl sits next to me, the tall girl comes up to us.  I  tell the new girl  “I love her too much,” while pointing at the 172 centimeter tall girl.  The new girl immediately backs off which leaves me with the object of my fondest desires. Billy Bob’s with me also and I’ve already told him, “I got a bad feeling about this one. I will pay her 1500 baht and not one baht more.  I think this is just another one of Pattaya clip joints.  Just like the ones on Walking Street.

Right off the girl asks me to buy her a tequila and an orange.

“What?” I ask her. You want two drinks? One orange and one tequila?

“No. Together,” she tells me.

I’m totally confused. Is she having a little orange mixed with her tequila?” I ask myself. “Because surely she’s not so greedy as to ask me to pay for two drinks at the same time.

This place is certainly starting to smell like all those other Pattaya clip joints ”

But I’m wrong. She’s that greedy. I order for myself a bottle of beer. My bar bill’s already 441 baht. I gotta get busy.

“You must sell 50 drinks in 10 days,” I ask her.

“Yes.”

“Bingo.”  Now I’m 100 percent certain that this is just another example of the  Pattaya clip joints that is ruining this city.  I got a coyote bar girl in my lap now,” I tell myself. “The number one species of vultures of all vultures here in Pattaya. That explains this place now.”

“So, if I buy you one ladies drink for 140 baht you keep the entire 140 baht?” I ask her.

“No. I sell 51 drinks then I get blah blah blah blah.”

I”m totally confused now. And I really don’t care. She’s a vulture and that’s all there is to it.

“I want another drink”

“Not yet. I want boom boom you. I give you 1500 baht short time. Okay?

“I want 2000 baht.”

“1500 baht. Okay.”

“Other men in bar are tourists. Me same same khun Thai. I get discount so I pay you 1500 baht.”

I now pull out my wallet and show her my Thai driver’s license.

“See, khun Thai. Not tourist.”

By now the waitress arrives to charge me for my drinks and bar fine. The waitress tells me, “You must pay her 2000 baht.”

“If she agrees with me for 1500 baht this is okay with Big Boss I tell the waitress. And this time the owner is there right across the room from us. I mention his name to the waitress.

“He not big boss,” the waitress tells me.

“Well who is?” I tell myself. Certainly not his Thai girlfriend. It is this falang who is paying the bills and not his destitute Thai girlfriend. But so it is with most of these Thais. Falang only must pay money. He have no rights. Dog is more important than him.”

The deal is off. This one’s a greedy bitch.

Her ordering two drinks at the same time proves it. Would she have gone upstairs with me for 1500 baht had the waitress not interfered? Who knows. Call it 50-50. I tell the girl that I will be boom booming someone else within the next hour or so and that I will be paying the girl just 1000 baht.

She says: “You angry with me?”

“No,” I tell her. “Not angry. You very pretty lady but I never even pay as much as 1500 baht. I not same same as other customers in this bar”

So I leave and Billy Bobs still with me. Except I forgot to mention something. I’ve just done a huge favor for Billy Bob and he’s so happy that he’s already offered to pay for my boom boom with the tall lady. I had told Billy Bob that I would accept his offer but that I’d never pay the tall go go girl 2000 baht. Billy Bob then said it didn’t matter. He’d gladly pay 2000 baht for my boom boom. Or even more.

But I gots my pride. Billy Bob and I move onto another bar. It’s on Soi Six.

A pretty girl greets me at the bar entrance.

She’s short whereas the go go girl was very tall for a Thai woman at just under five foot eight. This one’s barely over my waist. But she’s cute, and already she’s cuddling up next to me. Right off she gets me a beer and doesn’t even ask me for anything for herself. Within five minutes she’s massaging my dick and here she hasn’t even asked me for a drink.

I get her a drink. Because she deserves one. Plus, I will probably be boom booming her pretty soon so I want her to have enough alcohol in her so that she really feels like empowering my manhood. We have a couple drinks together while I’m getting this wonderful massage right where it counts, plus she’s kissing me all over my face. But such is life n the promised land.  This place is certainly not one of those infamous Pattaya clip joints

I take her upstairs, but

so far I’ve only had to pay the 300 baht room charge that goes to the bar plus the drinks.

She’s happy with my promise to pay her 1000 baht. She takes a shower in the room, then I take a shower. When I come out of the shower she’s already lying in the bed with her legs wide open inviting me in.

When we finally go back downstairs together Billy Bob’s still sitting where we had left him.

“Been waiting for long?” I ask Billy Bob.

“Only an hour and fifteen minutes,” he replies.

“You gotta be shitting me.”

“No. It might have even been longer.”

“We must have tried just about every position, and not just once but twice. And you know what, Billy Bob? I was thinking you the entire time. This means so much to me your paying for this fuck. I will treasure this moment for the rest of my life.”

That last example of the go go epidemic of Pattaya clip joints ripped me off for the last time.

I’d rather go to a beer bar every time. Even if the girls are butt ugly,

they are happy just to have me get them just one drink. And oftentimes they are massaging my back or legs while we are drinking together. Drinks are typically 90 baht. I even know of one beer bar where the gin and tonics are just 60 baht.

And as for the Soi Six bars? Most of them ask about 90 baht for a bottle of beer. And you aren’t getting high pressured to buy girls all those drinks. The goal of most of the girls on Soi Six is to convince you to take them upstairs as soon as they can get you in the mood. And once they do get you up there, their next goal is to make you so happy that you will be coming back to them again and again.

So my advice to all of you reading these words of advice is to leave all the go go bars alone. With the possible exception that is when go go bar 1. Does not persistently hound you with all those coyote girl vultures and 2. Leaves it entirely between you and the girl what you agree on for her tip if you short time or long time her.

The Sequel to the go go bar between Sois 5 and 7

If one calls me a cheap charlie for tipping the first girl just 800 baht over a year ago, I have this to say.  First…..After boom booming her several weeks later I sat at the bar alone where she joined me.  I bought her a couple of drinks. Then I told her I was heading out to Walking Street.  But she sat there in my arms, happy to be having a drink or two and in my company. Then she disappeared.

Later when I was carousing with Billy Bob on Walking Street  a wholesome looking girl yelled out my name

in the middle of Walking Street. So I walked back to her. The girl asks me to join her at a new go go in Walking Street she had just started working for. She looked very familiar to me, and she was just, nice. Not at all like most go go girls.

I told her I’d see her soon and then Billy Bob and I went into Super Girls. I had just one beer there as I pondered where I had known the mystery girl from. And then it dawned on me. She was the go go girl I had once boom boomed on Soi 6 for 800 baht. After having just one beer at Super Girls I went joined my friend at the new go go bar where we had a few drinks together.

She was having a birthday party the next week and I promised to visit her on her birthday. But when I went the next week, I never saw her at the bar. She was nice. Very nice. But when I asked her about why she had stopped working at the go go bar where I had boom boomed her she told me that she didn’t like the bar owner.  This girl was about as straight a girl as you will find in a go go bar.  So I figured she didn’t like working in the Pattaya clip joints

We now go back to only a couple of weeks ago.

The tall girl had a sister working with her at her go go, which was complete bullshit I think.  Anyways, we were all in that place together and two girls were sitting with Billy Bob and me. I had way too much tequila that night and so had the girl who was sitting with me.

We were all sittin in front of this long stage where several girls were dancing in front of the long couch we were all sitting on. The sister got so drunk on tequila that she kept pulling my dick out of my shorts and showing it off to the girls dancing in front of us. But when I offered to take the girl upstairs, she refused.

In fact she didn’t even offer me a price. Not 1000 baht. Not 2000 baht or even 5000 baht. She only told me that she hated the mamasan. So she and the girl sitting with Billy Bob started talking up a party to be held in my condo building. They were from Sattahip or Ban Serai. I figured this wasn’t going to be happening because it was a long say from Sattahip and my condo.

But brother, was I wrong.

Three times those two girls came to my condo building looking for me.

And I can guarantee I’d be boom booming the girl who had kept playing with my dick for 1000 baht. And not just for short time. I mean long time. Anyways I don’t go around bringing just any girl up to my condo. That’s my private castle. So I wound up giving the entire thing a pass. And now I think both girls are over working upstairs at the Windmill down on Walking Street.

I have never seen a customer ever take a girl upstairs in that go go girl those girls used to work for. Not since I took that girl up there for 800 baht over a year ago. The place is  a one of many go go Pattaya clip joints.  And the smarter and more honorable girls know it. They aren’t likely to be staying there for very long.

The Soi Six Go Go Bar Walking Street Connection

One should never pay too much for Walking Street go go girls. One reason is the Soi Six Go Go Bar Walking Street Connection.

Uncle Bufford talks about Soi Six Go Go Bar
It’s me. Uncle Bufford Again.

Lately, all of U’s will have noticed that I’ve made my strong preferences for Soi Six bars

well known on account of cheaper beers, built in 300 baht short time rooms, and cheaper and better wimmen. But tonight kinda rekindled my passion for Pattaya Go Go bars.

It all started out with me and Billy Bob going to the Crazy House Go Go first. This was because we both admitted most of the time we had the most fun there. Maybe it was because Crazy House has the same toilet for the wimmen and the men and the toilet is often a wonderful place for meeting a lot of sexy wimmen.

Cum to think of it that toilet there is so good that I sometimes am taking a piss, when a girl comes up behind me and starts giving me a massage. There’s also the exciting possibility that if a man buys a go go dancer enough tequila that he can take her back into one of those toilet stalls for a short time. Anyways if a girl isn’t a coyote, the bar fines 800 baht. Now that ain’t good but it’s a damn sight better than these other places all a chargin 1500 baht for them coyotes. Never mind my sidekick here, Billy Bob, who always seems to get the most rotten luck in the world. Even at Crazy House he seems to keep attractin them coyotes with large bar fines.

As soon as we walk into Crazy House, I knows my Dick is in for trouble.

It’s that girl who was a wearing them glasses the last time. I see her sitting by herself as soon as I come into the place and she sees me too. So as soon as me and Billy Bob sit down she’s on me like a hyena onto something that’s already been killed. Pretty soon she’s on me, with those hypnotic eyes of hers.  Her hands are all over my body. She unbuttons my shirt. She feels between my legs where my bigger brain lurks. It becomes bigger and bigger as it starts to take control of whatever resolution I first brought into the place.

Pretty soon, Billy Bob’s got a girl on him trying to milk him for drinks. He doesn’t look too happy so I tell him that as soon as we finish our drinks we should go to the next place. The girl tells me, “I really like you.” A few moments she tells me, “I want you now.” In a moment of weakness I promise to come back (for her) after hitting several more go go’s with Billy Bob, and she says to me, “Okay, I wait for you.”

I figure she will. After all, I’m Uncle Bufford and there’s nobody in Pattaya who’s like me.

I’ve got them kind of eyes that tell a woman, “Trust me”.

I’ve also got a made by Viagra big dick. But unlike all those Japanese who keep cummin into these go go’s I’m not afraid to let all the girls play with it. I’ve got a great body too. It’s one that’s gotta put all their Thai boyfriends to shame. I’m on top of the world and I knows the wimmin can see that.

We gets only  a few feet down Walking Street from Crazy House when suddenly a girl runs right up to me, callin out my name. I takes one look at her, and I’m a thinkin, “She’s gotta be some girl I met workin a job somewhere. Maybe it was Home Pro or Power Buy, Seven-Eleven or Lotus. She sure don’t look like no bar girl.  She’s got too wholesome a face to be a workin at a bar. She’s cute.

“I work over there,” she tells me. Come see me.” She’s pointin at a small go go bar called Infinity. “New bar,” she says.

I promise to see her soon, but we gotta go to another place first.

Next go go is Super Girls. And sure enough they’ve got all that horrible DA DA music going in there again.

Let me check my notes. Yep. First song’s DA DA. I got it all written here. Second song’s DA DA too. And the third and the fourth. I must have gotten tired of writing. But a lot of these wimmen are smiling at us, especially from the stage. Across the stage is Billy Bob’s friend. She’s one of the prettiest girls in the place, and she looks a lot like my favorite Soi Six girl. But if you get them lying down naked next to each other, I’m a bettin my Soi Six girl wins. She’s got the golden pussy too. The kind of pussy that men dies for.

With that kind of knowledge in my small brain, I am ready for anything. There’s a girl dancing in front of us pointing to her friend as she smiles down at us. Her friend’s got big tits. A nice body too. I tell Billy Bob, “I’m buying that one with those silicon breasts a drink. I won’t be bar fining her though. On account of my promise to the girl back at Crazy House. And that girl we met back in the street who knows me. “Man, now where do I know her from?”

Now how much do I like Big Tits Anyway?

Are they really worth 3000 baht short time with them for me?

Suddenly it comes back to me. She’s the one I met down at that Soi Six go go bar. I even took her upstairs once. That stupid owner was a chargin 120 baht for a beer and 500 baht for his short time rooms. Poor girl. And she was really nice. But I had told her every other Soi Six Bar was only a chargin 300 baht for its rooms and I really couldn’t bring myself to payin 500 baht just because a stupid Australian thought customers were stupid enough to pay him 500 baht just because he had a Soi Six Go Go Bar.

I was going to pay this girl 1000 baht. But I told her since her big boss was so greedy, I was a willin to give her 800 baht. She agreed so I took her upstairs, and guess what? That short time room was just as bad as the worse short time rooms on Soi Six.

And then–just a few weeks ago, I was a drinkin with that same girl down on Soi Six. I had come into that place in a rotten mood, but she remembered me, came up to me as I sat alone at the bar. So I bought her a drink and pretty soon we were huggin each other and I just felt good all over.

She just felt so right. And she wasn’t pushy and she never ever asked me for a drink in the first place.

I had even showed her my Uncle Bufford go go bar review notes and said that she would probably be my most memorable girl of the night. She would have been except later on I met the girl with the hypnotic eyes in Crazy House, had bar fined her, and that had been that. And here once again, I’d be passin on that Soi Six girl for that seductress from Crazy House.

I tell Billy Bob about the Soi Six girl. Then I make him a bet.

“I bet that within the next two months that I’ll be short timing one of these go go girls for 1000 baht.  It might be the ”Soi Six Go Go Bar girl but it could easily be anyone of these girls we are lookin at right now.”

Billy Bob says nothing. He knows I can do it.

Then I smile at the girl with the big tits and motion to her like I’m drinking and point to her. Then I tell Billy Bob, “I’m buying her a drink, and then the next time we comes in here, I’m buying another girl a drink so that each time I’m getting a girl a drink. This way I can meet a lot of girls and get a good idea of what this place is all about. Then I’ll wait until low season hits and most of these girls aren’t makin any money. That’s when I git them for a thousand baht.

The easiest way is for me to bang the ex Soi Six Go Go Bar girl for a thousand baht.

I already short timed her for 800 baht at the  Soi Six Go Go Bar.  When the other girls know I’m doing her for 1000 baht, I’ll have it made in that new go go bar.”

In five minutes the girl with the big tits is sittin beside me. I ask her how old she is, but I can’t remember that now, but I seems to recall she was only twenty-one. My next question is, “Where did you buy those big tits?” From Bangkok?”

She says yes.

I thought of Bangkok first because I remembers how this old girlfriend of mine had

taken me to a big clinic where they make tits and vaginas for lady boys who want to replace their dicks with pussies.

My girlfriend had been shopping for a new nose. She bought one too. But she got her new nose later courtesy of her new boyfriend who was a fat German who had to get special shocks on his motorcycle because he was too gargantuous for its little frame.

“Want to feel them?” the girl asks me as she cups a small hand around one of her nipples.

I feel one of them gently. But I feel it just a little bit because I don’t want her or the other girls to think I’m a dirty old man.

After I ask her a few more questions I tell her “Not tonight, but later someday”, in my horrible Thai (My Shy Yenee. Tilang Kap). “How much boom boom you?”

I’ve got my Uncle Bufford notepad in front of us on the bar. My pen too, so she takes my pen and writes down 800 baht as she explains “that’s for the bar fine.” She asks, “For short time?”

I tell her, “Yes.  Short time.”

I like that girl from the Soi Six Go Go Bar
Now, how much do I really like Big Tits? Are they really worth 3000 baht to have a short time with them?

Then she writes down 3000 baht.

The girl with the golden tits. That’s what I’m calling her from this point on.

Needless to say, I’ve got 1000 baht on my mind. I’ve already promised the girl with the hypnotic eyes and I sure as hell am going to be back a lookin for that ex Soi Six go-go girl before I even get back to Crazy House.

The girl with the big tits goes back to the stage, Billy Bob and I check bin, and then we walk out of the place.

“I gotta go home now,” says Billy Bob. “I am sure you are going to get well taken care of down at Infinity Go Go.”

Infinity Go Go is a pretty weird place.

There’s a long stage running down the entire room which is long and kindof narrow. On both sides of that stage there’s a long row of small tables and padded bench style couch. There’s very few customers here but most of them are sittin on the left side of the stage while most of the girls are all sittin together all along the right side. All of these people are facing each other across the stage like it’s some kindof dating game where the men are too afraid to approach the wimmen and the wimmin are equally scared to be coming up to the men.

My girl is sitting on the right side about half way down. I notice her straight off because she’s smiling at me. A waitress sandwiches me between the girl and two other girls who have been sitting with her. The other two girls end up sitting to my immediate left.

Once again, they’ve got that awful DA DA music going again. Must be a sign of the times.

Times in which the people are more stupid than they’ve ever been before and in which hardly anyone ever reads a book. It’s a time when most people have to find their own little worlds in Face book and practically everyone’s got these little smart phones. It is a time when people don’t have cameras anymore. They are all using smart phones and Ipads because they are too lazy to be a learning how to use anything else. It is a time for mediocrity and a time for morons.

I make it very clear to the girl that I cannot bar fine her tonight. She keeps asking me where I am going, and I tell her I’m going somewhere else down the street. Then she asks me, “When you go back to America.” I tell her in a few months, and then she starts to pretend to cry.

I’m drinking beer as usual. She’s having something with whisky in it. Unlike most lady drinks, it’s got a lot of real alcohol in it. She takes her time with it, and I don’t buy her another until she’s already been nursing it for a half an hour. Obviously she’s no coyote. She’s a lot of fun too.

She has me hold her hands so that I can read her fortune.

I vaguely remember doing this with her down at the Soi Six Go Go Bar. From time to time she puts her hand on my crotch, furtively, shyly, and not at all like the girl with the hungry eyes. She massages my arms and plays with my hands. We are having a good time.

I ask her, “Why you finish that Soi Six Go Go Bar?”

“I have problem with Big Boss,” she tells me.

“That Soi Six Go Go Bar you worked at will not last long.  Every other bar on Soi Six charges 85 to 90 baht a beer.  But he charges 120 baht.  Every other Soi Six Bar charges 300 baht for a short time room.  He charges 500 baht for a shitty room.  He does not know how to manage a bar.”

I think she’s one of those “What you see is what you get”  kind of people

The beer costs 135 baht here, which is a little cheaper than most of the other Walking Street go go bars. When I ask her what her bar fine is she tells me, “I don’t know. The place is new.”

Meanwhile I’m also talking to the two girls sitting to my left. My girl has to get up on the stage to dance. So I ask them what the bar fine is. They don’t know either. So they motion another girl over to us. She doesn’t even know but she goes to the other end of the stage to find someone who does. She comes back. For a while she sits next to me as one of the girls I had been talking with has to take her turn on the stage. “1100 baht,” she tells me.

I’m making it clear to all the girls around me that my girl and I are good friends, and that we have known each other for a long time. But I never mention Soi Six to any of them. That’s up to the girl and if she wants to keep that a secret, I will honor her wanting to be quiet about her past employment down on Soi Six.

“Hym. 1100 baht bar fine? Those greedy bastard bar owners.”

I’ll be making her a deal for 1000 baht.  Just not sure when.  One thing’s almost for sure.  She’s not going to be playing a lot of those stupid Walking Street Go Go bar girl games most of them play. I stay here far too long.

It’s gettin kind of late and I need to be back a collectin that girl with the hypnotic eyes.  In the meantime for all of you readin these pearls of wisdom, there really is a Soi Six Go Go Bar connection.  I distinctly remember the go go dancer from Heaven Above working down on Soi Six later on where the price no doubt went immediately down from 2000 baht short time to 1000 baht or even lower.

Then there were the two pretty girls Billy Bob and I met in a Soi Six bar who had been working the Walking Street go go bars but were unable to make much money there.

And I’ll never forget one of my old time favorites who had tried working at Baccarat, but  gone back to her old Soi Six bar after not making enough money at Baccharat.

 To top it off, there was that really tall girl from Crazy House I had once paid too much for,

and then I wound up buying her a drink at that Soi Six Go Go Bar a few weeks later.   I thought she was pretty hot, but I never bar fined her again even if her price no doubt went way down.  That other girl with the golden pussy from another Soi Six Bar was simply too much competition.   My point is these were all the same girls. The only things that had changed was the price and the packaging.

Picking the most unforgettable Thai girl of the night

The most unforgettable Thai girl  from either Walking Street or Soi Six would be my Holy Grail tonight.

buffordnakluaI was in a rotten mood. I’ve just been working too hard, and I had just seen the Bangkok Post main headline that read “Thailand would be distancing itself from Western countries while seeking much closer ties to Russian and China. Such stupidity was beyond belief. The country had gotten completely hopeless. Even worse, was the lot of my fellow Americans who actually believe men like Ted Cruze or a DeRubio were worthy of being head of anything, let alone winning the presidency.

And like an uncontrollable cancer, the Chinese were everywhere

in Pattaya, with their tour buses clogging up the streets like an incurable case of hardening of the arteries. I set out to get drunk. But while I was at it, I’d review a few Walking Street go-go bars.  With luck, I just might meet a truly unforgettable Thai girl tonight.

Unforgettable Thai girlI hadn’t been in a Walking Street go-go bar for at least three months.

Not since bar fining the tall girl from Crazy House only to find her three weeks later working at the new Soi Six go-go bar where I could have banged her for half the Walking Street price. Good looking as she was, she just didn’t measure up to the best Soi Six girls. So I never banged her again. But I also had not seen my unladyboy favorite for nearly two weeks and had figured she had gone long time with a customer. She’d be a difficult one to equal, anywhere, at any time no matter what the price I might be willing to pay. I’d meet Billy Bob on Walking Street at 8:30 but tonight I had a little time to kill so I went to Soi Six around 7.

I really didn’t have enough time to be banging someone from Soi Six.

That would take me around an hour in a short time room. So I made a point of choosing a place that I normally didn’t frequent. Seeing four or five decent looking babes outside the go-go bar looking for customers, I decided to go in for a beer. Even if the price was too damn high. Deliberately avoiding eye contact with any of the girls standing in front of the go-go, I made a beeline straight for the bar inside. Without even as much as a glance at the bar girls inside the club, I immediately snapped up a bar stool and ordered a beer from the waitress, while hoping that none of the girls who had been looking for customers outside the bar had followed me inside.

None of them had. But another girl had appeared out of nowhere. Suddenly she was standing right up next to me.

I had been with her before, but only once.

That was two months ago when I had banged three different girls in rapid succession. She had been number two. It had been the first night I had gone to Dolls, the only go go on Soi Six. The place was charging five hundred baht for the short time room upstairs. Since all the other Soi Six bars were charging just three hundred baht for the rooms, I had decided that paying two hundred baht extra was simply against my morals.

The girl had wanted 1000 baht for short time, so when I explained to her that her bar was the only place that charged 500 baht for a room she agreed to lower her price to 800 baht. So I had taken her upstairs with my pride still intact from not being taken advantage of. She had been nice.

And she still was nice. She was exactly what I needed to restore a semblance of faith in Thailand. She had a nice look in her eyes without that hint of treachery so many girls have. I held her close to me while buying her a drink. She was slender, and a bit on the tall side.  But there was a certain resonance emanating from her body that is difficult to explain. I suppose it can be called a comfort zone of femininity. Or more likely it was the certainty in my own mind that if I took her upstairs that she would stay with me for as long as I wanted her. She’d have no time limit on her clock.

I really wanted to short time her, but my clock was running

and since I had not been drinking with Billy Bob for several months, I simply had to be down on Walking Street on time. And starting up my Uncle Bufford go-go bar reviews again was extremely important to me. I had stapled several small pieces of paper together which I had inserted into my top pocket along with a ball point pen. Then I reached into my bar bin to look at my bill and saw that my beer had cost me 120 baht. I then wrote down the name of the go go bar and the price of the beer and showed the girl what I was doing.

“Honey. I love you too much, but I must go down to Walking Street to meet a friend. I then repeated “friend” to her, this time in Thai so that I was sure she understood. Then I wrote number one down on the slip of paper. Showing this to her, I explained, “You number one tonight. (Yenee in Thai I repeated to her). I go now Walking Street. Me no like Walking Street. Friend I like go go too much.  Maybe I come see you later.

“You see me later?”

“Maybe. Fifty-fifty. “Pom my go hoak.” Which means “I do not lie.”

“I hope so. I wait for you,” the girl replied.

But once again I repeat to her, “Fifty-fifty. Maybe yes. Maybe no. But I think you number one lady tonight. Lady at #1  go go be number two lady. Lady at number three go-go be number three lady but you be most unforgettable Thai girl.  I’m almost sure of this,” I tell her.

And truthfully, I really meant what I had said. She was just the shot in the arm I needed. And she had felt so good on my arm.

***

I was in the baht taxi only two hundred meters from Walking Street when Billy Bob called me to explain that he could meet me in ten minutes.

“Where shall we meet though? I’m up to just about anywhere you’d like to go to first,” I said.

“Let’s meet at Super Girls.

Since you made a point earlier that you wanted to spend a little quality time there.”

***

I arrived a few minutes before Billy Bob. The waitress wanted to seat me back somewhere at a table far from the stage, but I didn’t care what she wanted to do. So I took a seat right in the center of the row of bar stools in front of the stage. There were a number of girls behind my bar stool waiting for their turn to dance, and here I could also get the best view of all the girls on the stage. I ordered a beer. Five minutes later, Billy Bob entered the bar.

There must have been around a dozen girls dancing in front of us, if you could really call what they were doing dancing. They were just going through the motions. Each girl had a number, so if a customer wanted to buy a girl a drink he could identify the girl to the waitress or mamasan by her number. Or, he could simply make contact directly with the girl and motion to her that he wanted her to come down off the stage for a drink.

But of the dozen girls on the stage not one of them was up to my requirements.

I noted also that Super Girls was now charging 140 baht for a bottle of beer whereas several months ago the go-go had been charging 130 baht.

It used to be that Super Girls had been charging 120 baht. Unlike some of the other go-go bars there were no early bird or happy hour specials or glasses of draft for fifty baht or so. Beer cost 120 baht a bottle and that was that.

But to Super Girls credit whereas it used to be one of the highest priced places on Walking Street for beers, it had continued the same pricing policy for years. Other go go bars had started up to replace those that had gone out of business, and

most of these go go bars were charging 140 to 150 baht a bottle.

Relatively speaking Super Girls had gotten to be a good deal. For Walking Street that is. Most Soi Six bars were charging just 85 to 95 baht a bottle with the new go-go bar being one of the few exceptions.

I remarked to Billy Bob. “They are now charging 140 baht a beer here. I suppose this place has woken up to the fact that now that it’s having far fewer customers that it must charge more to each customer. Thai logic. Everywhere else in the world if the demand for customers goes down the price must go down also in order to get them to come back. But not here in Thailand, where the thinking is 180 degrees opposite to what Westerners think on almost everything.

By this time a pretty girl had joined Billy Bob. He had known her from Crazy House. Three months ago, she had been the only girl to join our little group. She was also just about the best looking girl in the go-go bar. She still was.

“It looks like I will have to buy a girl a drink just so that I can ask her what she charges for short time and what the bar fine is,” I told Billy Bob.

“Well here,

they charge you 800 baht to rent the girl and you can rent her for two hours. But there’s also 1500 baht you must pay.

But they really don’t call it a bar fine.”

“So it costs a total of 2300 baht to bang the girl,” I replied.

“Yes. That’s it. I don’t like it because Super Girls limits you to just 2 hours with the girl. There’s an additional charge if you want to take the girl long time.”

“I don’t like it either. Because I can probably if I try hard enough, get the price lower than that. And I don’t like a bar trying to force me to pay whatever price it decides I must pay. That should be between me and the girl.”

“Yes. Exactly.”

I used to pay Super Girls a 600 baht bar fine, and I got six different girls to go with me back to my condo for 1000 baht.

“I’ll bet the Japanese customers were paying double what I had been paying. But what the hell. They don’t know what they are doing, and I do.”

Suddenly the bar called all the girls who had been sitting behind us  up to the stage along with several girls who had been sitting with customers.  Then they dimmed the lights.  Moments later they   turned the lights up again.  After several minutes all the girls stepped off the stage and started circling the room so that all the customers could get a good look at all the girls in the place. None of them as much as looked at Billy Bob or me.

Then the new shift took over.

The girls were much prettier in this shift

. I nearly called one of them down to have a drink with me. But I never got eye contact with her. But the prettiest girl of them all had her face pointed ninety degrees away from me. So I couldn’t get a good look at her face. But her body looked almost exactly like my unladyboy girlfriend’s down on Soi Six. For a moment I thought it was really her.

“See that girl up there in the back row in black, Billy Bob. She looks just like my friend down on Soi Six. She’s got the same shape, but I think she’s a little shorter. She’s the best one out there.”

“That’s my friend, Noi,” Billy Bob replied.  “She was just sitting with us.”

“No shit. I couldn’t tell because she’s got her face turned off to the side. You should bang her, Billy Bob.  If you haven’t already.”

A few minutes later, Noi was down off the stage with Billy Bob. Suddenly she looked over at me and started gesturing towards the girls on the stage. “You want lady?” she asked me.

“No thanks,” I replied. You are the prettiest girl in the bar. So I don’t want any of those girls up there.  You are the only one who ever could be the most unforgettable Thai girl of the night.

Truth is, I didn’t feel like any of those girls deserved a chance with me.

Or a drink for that matter. There were seven girls sitting behind us, all without customers. And all of them were too lazy to even give us a glance.

The girls up on the stage were no better. I started scribbling notes onto the slip of paper I had in my shirt pocket. But now that I think about it, the girls really didn’t have much choice in the matter.

In general Thai girls are pretty friendly.

But at Super Girls, I knew that the girls were trained to cater to Japanese and Korean customers

who did not like aggressive women. So they would typically avoid eye contact or making any efforts to come onto the customers, unlike a lot of the girls in so many other go-go bars. I could easily get a lot of the girls to come out of their little shells but tonight I just didn’t feel like making the effort.

The place was getting to be pretty boring so it didn’t take much to get Billy Bob to agree to leaving–at once.

“Where to next?” Billy Bob asked me.

“I don’t know. You are the man who likes go go bars so much so I’ll go wherever you suggest.”

“We could go to the Lighthouse.”

The girls there are the best looking, but it’s not hands on. Crazy House is hands on.”

“I’ve never done anything with any of the Light House girls,” I replied, other than one time that I remember a very hot number sitting with me and trying to fleece me out of a lot of drinks. But Crazy House…I’ve bar fined a couple from there before, and usually have a pretty good time.”

So, Crazy House it was.

A waitress seated us.  Ten minutes later I noticed an attractive girl’s eyes boring down on me from the stage. They were hungry eyes. Hungry for my money.  And those hungry eyes were relentless. Only if I looked away from her did I notice their absence.

“I know how this one is going to go,” I told myself. “I’ve been targeted.

Every time I glanced back in her direction, I saw those eyes just drinking me in. Every time a new song was played the girls would shift positions. While the girl at the far end of the stage came off the stage she was replaced by the girl to her immediate right.

In short order the girl with the hungry eyes was dancing directly in front of me. It was nearly impossible to look away from her now. There was no way out of this one. Within ten minutes it would be her turn to walk down off the stage and then she’d be right over at my table asking me if she could sit with me. But she was good looking and I had to face up to the fact that she couldn’t take her eyes off me. And who could blame her?  I was after all, Uncle Bufford.

And by this time I had enough to drink to have really gotten full of myself.

So I faced up to the inevitable and motioned  her to come right off the stage to have a drink with me. After all, why wait? If you gotta do something, just do it and don’t waste any time.

Obviously, this girl didn’t have many inhibitions, but I decided not to take any chances. So I strongly suggested to her, “You want tequila don’t you?”

For a moment she seemed plunged in thought, most likely thinking of some sort of weak lady drink she could order instead. So I decided to press my advantage. “You really like Tequila don’t you. I buy you Tequila, okay.”

It worked. She was probably a coyote girl with a 10 day shift 

and a fifty lady’s drink quota to fill. I figured that I had her where I wanted her instead of the other way around. It would turn out that I’d be right. This time I’d be in control, not her.

Her eyes kept sucking me in. And not one to argue, I looked right back into them, and then I lowered my head and kissed her right on the lips. She responded avidly and I pressed onward. “This was no time to be shy. I’m going full bore. And I’m not about to let up.”

I kissed her on the corners of her mouth. Then I gently kissed her ear with my tongue. The nipple on her left breast came next. Then it was time for another tequila only this time I had one with her.

It didn’t matter what we were doing or how often we were doing it.

Her eyes–her eyes simply did not let up.

They kept telling me, “Don’t stop now. Don’t’ let up. Give me the best that you’ve got.” That’s when I decided to give her my wallet.

“What’s your barfine?” I ask her.

“800 baht.”

So, she’s not a coyote. It’s not even ten o’clock yet so if she’s a coyote her bar fine is likely to be 1500 baht. The least it could be would be 1000 baht. She’s a house dancer then. I had met several house dancers at Crazy House before and all of them had 800 baht bar fines. Twice I had barfined coyote girls but since I had taken them for short time out of the bar after 11, the bar fine had dropped to 1000 baht, which is far too much. I was on roll tonight and decided to go for it.

“Tell you what, I’ll give you 1500 baht for short time. I give bar 800 baht bar fine. You get from me neune pan ha roy baht.”

To this she immediately agreed.

Then she told me. “You no tell anyone you pay to me 1500 baht. Okay?”

It was the face thing. Truth is most of the girls down in the Walking Street go go bars are not getting bar fined. For them 1500 baht in the pocket for one hour in a short time room is an incredibly good deal. But take it from me, for most Thais money is really not number one. Face is number one, So a girl working in a go go bar must never admit to the other girls that she’s actually boom booming for 1500 baht, or even worse 1000 baht. And now that I look back on it, I think I could have gotten this girl to go with me for 1000 baht.

Right across the street’s the short time rooms. It now costs 400 baht to rent a room for short time. As I paid out 400 baht the girl asked me, “Do you have a condom?”

“Of course not. Just ask the cashier for a condom. She will give us one.” (But most likely charge us fifty or a hundred baht). At this point I didn’t care. Obviously though, the fact that I already knew I could easily get a condom from one of the employees and the girl apparently didn’t, meant that she was just as she claimed she was, new to the Walking Street go go bars.

We were in the short time room for well over one hour.

I took my own sweet time in coming. And when I finished I still remained deep inside her. And then I fucked her again. I’m sure she would have stayed in that room with me two hours if I had asked her to.

I took her back to the Crazy House where I bought her one or  two more drinks while relaxing with a beer or two .

As deserving as she was the slender Soi Six girl would not get my most “unforgettable  bar girl” of the night award.

But I still had several hours of time on my hands. It was time to move on and try to continue the excitement somewhere else. I could still get down to Soi Six and manage another hour there before its bars would close. Instead I decided to go to Mistys Go Go  to look for War, the waitress I liked who I had not seen for a year.

My friends had told me War was no longer working at Mistys but I’ve often found that a girl will leave the bar for a few months, and then she will suddenly return to the bar she had started at.

War had always appeared a little frumpy in the unsexy waitress’s outfit

she had been forced to wear while working for the go-go. She had even appeared to be short–about five foot two or so. Until the first time I short timed her and I saw her undressing in the short time room. She was tall for a Thai woman, around five foot five and her body was as nearly as perfect as it gets.

War had always liked me also and once had asked me to go out with her during Songkran when there would be no bar fine to pay. But she wasn’t there tonight so I took a seat in front of the stage next to a girl who was sitting there just relaxing watching the other girls dance. I soon learned that War had stopped working at the bar and that she was not coming back.

Higher than a kite from the terrific time I had just had in the Walking Street short time room, I was ready for about anything. But this did not include getting fleeced at Misty’s.

I had once spent 5000 baht at one of the booths in the back of the room while two coyote girls blew me

But after that, the club had my number, especially the mamasan. The name of the game had become getting me into one of the back booths with preferably more than one girl. It had happened to me several times with at least one girl pulling my dick out of my shorts. The girl would then invite other girls to feel my “big dick”. Sometimes as many as four or five girls would be getting a cheap feel off me.

One time the girl on my left had been chewing gum. The girl on my right, who I infinitely preferred, was giving me a great blow job,

but the other girl kept wanting to get equal time on my penis. The equal time stopped when the second girl suddenly started choking on a wad of chewing gum that had gotten stuck in her mouth. What happened was the girl on my left had gotten chewing gum all over my pubic hair matting it in a sticky mass.  The chewing gum had then gotten stuck in the second girl’s mouth while she was sucking my dick.

What to do? Luckily I had my Swiss Army knife in my pocket.

Pulling it out I whipped out the smaller of the two cutting blades and started to cut my pubic hair and all the chewing gum that had gotten stuck to it off. Since the blade was razor sharp, the Swiss Army knife had made swift work out of what would have otherwise been an impossible task. “Let the blow jobs continue,” I told the girl on my right. War had seen this, and so had the mamasan, and several other girls. I’m sure that I developed an unequaled reputation at Misty’s that night.

The go go dancer on my right had finished me off.  She had a great body.  She was fun.  But she was also a coyote. That meant her barfine would be 1500 baht unless I barfined her very late at night when it would be 1000.  So she was out of the question.   But War’s barfine was just 800 baht. She was only the waitress after all.

So I started implementing my new policy–the policy of War.

First off I made it my cardinal rule to never go back to the booths to the rear of the room where the coyotes could gang me. I’d ask as soon as I came into Misty’s, “Is War working tonight?” If she was, I’d stay. And if she wasn’t, I’d immediately leave and go to another go-go bar.

When War was working, I’d immediately seek her out and tell her I was buying her a drink. But I made is clear that I was buying drinks for her and no one else. I’d also take a seat at the stage where the coyote girls couldn’t ravish my wallet in a booth. Once in awhile a girl I had met before would ask me to buy her a drink, and I’d politely refuse, “having eyes only for War” I’d tell anyone trying to leech a drink off me. As for War, she was utterly shameless. She’d get right down on her knees in the middle of the room and start playing with my dick in front of everyone.

It didn’t take very long after the infamous chewing gum incident that I started bar fining War.

But that all happened over a year ago, and she hadn’t been back. So I just settled in at the stage sitting next to the girl who had been sitting there alone. After buying us both a drink, I made my first mistake. When the girl asked me if I wanted to accompany her to a booth well to the rear of the stage, I accepted. There was a group of Englishmen sitting to my left at the same booth. The booth had a dancer’s pole in the center of a table facing it. There were two go go girls with the Englishmen who were fondling their asses as they performed on top of the table.

I started really noticing the little waitress who kept bringing my new bar girl friend and I our drinks.

In the face she reminded me of Skie, who I had met in the Saint Louis Metro East when she was twenty dancing at the Platinum Club.   A pretty blonde, Skie had been one of the prettiest strippers at the Platinum Club in Brooklyn, Illinois.  But my waitress here at Misty’s was Thai whereas Skie was Caucasian whose ancestors had emigrated to the U.S. from Russia. But their attitudes were very similar.

The waitress was spending as much time around me as she could. Like Skie, she was personality plus. And cute. I had to go to the toilet, which meant I had to go upstairs. When I finally came back to the booth I had to wait for a moment or two for my new girl to get up to allow me to come over to the other side of her. This meant my having to stand next to the booth.

Immediately I felt a woman’s arms around me, then I felt her hands stroking my cock.

Such things often happened at Misty’s. To me in any case, because it always seemed that at least one woman or another was always feeling my dick.

The girl was right behind me where I couldn’t see her unless I turned around, and since she was holding onto me pretty tightly, turning around in that confined area was not all that easy. Reaching behind me, I grabbed the woman around her waist, trying to get her measure. I expected to find a large heavy set Thai woman in my grasp. I could feel her although I couldn’t see her. That’s the way these fat ones work, I told myself. They come up behind a man unseen. Then they start to give him a massage or start feeling his dick. Either way his defenses start melting away which even gives the fat girls a bit of a chance. As my hands moved up and down the woman’s body, I hoped that the girl was my waitress.

It was.

And from then on, it seemed that about every time she got up anywhere close to me, she’d be feeling my dick.

By now I was starting to lose a lot of control. First, the waitress asked me to buy her a drink. Then the girl who was sitting with me asked me for another glass of whatever weak drink she was having. She was coyote, and that meant she’d be trying to get as many drinks out of me as possible. But she was starting to feel my dick also.

“It must be that mamasan telling these wimmen what I was all about,” I concluded. It was the same mamasan who had worked there before and she knew that my real brain was not between my ears. But things were starting to go a little too fast for me. I knew that from then on it would be my buying one drink after the other. I was having a super time but it was time to leave.

But there will be a next time and it’s not all that far off.

My game plan’s to go straight for the little waitress. If she’s there the next time I come into the club, I’m going to make a beeline right for her. I’ll buy her a drink and have her seat me on the stage. And then, as soon as the first opportunity arises, I’m barfining her.  Give you fifty-fifty that she’s the most unforgettable bar girl next week who I’m  going to be meetin.

Bang ladyboy or not. That is number one Soi Six Question

I didn’t know if I wanted to bang ladyboy  or not.  I love having sex on Soi Six, but tonight.

Should I bang ladyboy or not?
Should I bang ladyboy or not?

Meeting the Soi Six ladyboy was unplanned.

I had two favorite girls at Goodfellows on Pattaya Soi Six.  Neither were there.  I might have gone straight to Walking Street to meet my friends, and hopefully one of the sexiest Pattaya bar girls I had seen all year.  I had promised my friends I’d meet them at 9 on Walking Street.  As for the girl, I had met her last week at the Crazy House go go bar.  She was a tall twenty-four year old.  172 centimeters tall without heels. That’s five foot eight which is VERY TALL for a Thai woman.

God knows, I had enough Tequila that night and I had bought enough Tequilas for her to nearly denude my wallet. She had spotted me from the stage, and when my eyes had met hers, I knew I was dead meat. She’d be over to my table as soon as she was let off the stage. I dimly remember that her body was close to being perfect, which is unusual for tall girls. And she had snuggled next to me for more than two hours, as we kissed each other, and drank our drinks, But that was last week. I figured only fifty fifty odds she’d be there tonight.

When the girls at Goodfellows told me my two favorites weren’t there,

I did an immediate about face and started down Soi Six towards Beach Road.

But I got only two bars down when I saw a pretty girl with a willowy body standing just outside her bar. The good thing was, I had never encountered the girl before, which means she was a clean slate that I knew nothing about. She could be my next adventure. But also a complete write. It could go either way. With just one hour before I had to meet my friends at Crazy House, there was no time to waste. It took all of two seconds for the words, “Want me to buy you drink?” came out of my mouth.

Ladyboy with silicon enhanced breasts
Would you do her, not not? Big Tom and I did a topless photo shoot of the ladyboy a few years ago. If you are honest with yourselves you would probably say, “Yes”

Two minutes later, she was fetching our drinks after she asked me for a vodka tonic, which is something a man would order and not likely to be a favorite of the ladies. Since the last time I had been in this bar, I had been drinking with a ladyboy, so the omens were not good. By the time I had finished half my second beer we were holding hands. That’s when she told me, “I’m a ladyboy.” Strangely enough, that didn’t bother me. I had been with several lady boys before, including that last one at the bar we were in. That lady boy had told me that she had been cut, and an artificial vagina had been installed to replace her severed penis.

Since I had never been with anyone who had a man made vagina

before I had taken her upstairs after having far too many drinks. She had lied. But I did her anyway. I just can’t remember what I did. And that’s good. I”m gettin to be kindof old and that’s the great thing about losing a few memory cells along the way to Alzheimer Land.

This girls hands were small for a ladyboy’s

and there was nothing in her voice giving off the tell tale signs of her being a ladyboy. There was also an indescribable feel about her hands, perhaps it was a certain lack of clamminess, that made me feel a certain comfort zone with her.

I asked her how tall she was, and she replied, “165 centimeters”, which is about five feet four. I then asked, “How many kilos are you?” “43,” she replied, I thought this to be pretty light for a five foot four ladyboy. But by the time my third beer arrived, time had started to run out on me. It was time to either shit or get off the pot. Either I’d have to leave soon if I was to still meet my friends, or I’d need to call them to tell them I wasn’t coming because I had decided to stay on Soi Six instead.

The question was, “Did I really want to bang ladyboy or not?”

2nd nude picture of ladyboy with the silicon breasts
“She” put all the other “girls” from her bar to shame–in looks and personality

Click here for the slideshow of the ladyboy with the enhanced mammary glands.

“How much for short time?” I asked her, figuring that if she was what she said she was, at least she was a good looking ladyboy.

“1000 baht,” she replied.

“I give every girl 800 baht I told her. You go with me, 800 baht?”  I  bang ladyboy for 800 baht also.

“No. I not same same every girl. You want me. You must pay 1000 baht.”

“Okay, so it was 300 baht for the room upstairs and 1000 baht for her.

That’s still just $36.00 now that the exchange rate is going up.”

A few minutes later we were in the room together. It was a small room but at least it had a shower inside, unlike many Soi Six short time rooms where you have to go down the hallway to a communal shower. What really mattered was what I found out as soon as she took her clothes off. She didn’t have a dick. Not only was she a lady through and through, but she was a damn good looking woman at that. Her body was simply glorious. I started to love that body as soon as I saw it, being that it was so exquisitely slender. She had a thin waist and nice slender legs. Small breasts, but they were very nice. At least she wasn’t flatter than a board.

“Why did you tell me you are a ladyboy?” I asked.

“Because I am tall and some guy he said to me, “You ladyboy.”

Some ladyboy. She completely turned me on.

From now on as far as I am concerned,  it’s okay to bang ladyman, so long as I’m not sure, one way or the other.  I don’t know exactly what this girl had.   Was it the fact that if she had really had a dick I still would have had sex with her and enjoyed it?  Or because I knew I much preferred good Soi Six whores to lady boys because I really like women and a good Soi Six whore in my experience can give a better blow job, and perform better sexually than any of the ladyboys I had been with before? Was it a sense of relief that I’d be doing a woman, and that this was more natural to me and much more easy to explain to people? Or was it because the girl actually looked so sexually enticing?

The sex was terrific even if it didn’t last all that long. After all, I had an appointment with my friends and perhaps with the tall go-go girl.  Whatever should happen, next week I’d be asking myself,  whether I really wanted to bang ladyboy or not?  I’m godawful with names so from this point on I’m calling that cute little Soi Six girl, “ladyboy”.  Or should I call her the Unladyboy?

Walking Street

Two of my friendswere waiting for me already at the Crazy House. But I only had a couple minutes between ordering my drink from the waitress and exchanging a few words with my buddies. I spotted my girl right off, towering over all the other girls as she danced on the stage. So I went straight over to her and promised to buy her a drink. After a couple of minutes she was sitting next to me. One drink later, she was on my lap.

As luck would have it, she was a coyote. I had to have her, but I still had my pride and my pride did not include having to pay a 1500 baht or 1000 baht bar fine. After a few minutes my friends would be going to another bar.

Our normal procedure was to normally have just one drink at each bar. That way we’d get to see between four and six go go bars in one night. But I don’t get over to Walking Street all that much.

If I had all the time in the world, I’d simply give the girl my phone number and wait for her to call me.

I’d see her on her day off or after hours, but I’d never lower myself to paying that huge bar fine. But for the past few years I’ve stopped taking girls back home with me to my condo. This way I’d remain free and single without any girlfriends who’d try to move in with me. If I played the game the way I used to, sooner or later many high dollar Walking Street go go girls would come to me on my terms, and since all the clubs hiring Coyotes had gotten inexcusably greedy, I wouldn’t hesitate to avoid paying their horribly high bar fines and wind up giving the greedy go go bar owners absolutely zilch.

I asked Big John, “What should I do with this girl?”

“I’d say you should fuck the shit out of her,” Big John replied.

“But she just told me her bar fine is 1000 baht and she wants 2000 baht short time.”

“I’d do it,” Big John replied. “You have the money and life is just too short.

What are you going to do with your money when you die anyway? Give it to your sisters? Give it to your nephew or nieces? None of them have worked nearly as hard as you and they don’t deserve your money.”

“Okay, then. I’m not going with you guys to the next bar. I’m taking your advice.”

One half hour later I barfined the girl and took her to the short time rooms down the street. It was 400 baht just for the room whereas the short time place in Naklua was only charging 280 baht. Right off, the girl told me she did not have a condom and neither did I. By this time we had both undressed so I put a towel around me and went outside into the hallway where I found one of the cleaning girls. I gave her a little money for a condom and she just happened to have one on her.

When I asked the girl to smoke me, she refused after saying, “Me no like.”

And by then she was already fooling around with her smart phone so I had to tell her to shut it off. I banged her alright, and it was okay. Just barely okay. Then she asked me as we put our clothes back on, “Do you want to go back with me to bar to have another drink?”

I could have said “No.” But what else was I going to do? I could go to another go go bar, but this girl was pretty good looking after all. Or I could go back to Soi Six and have just barely enough time to do another short time before all its bars closed at 1 a.m. But that wouldn ‘t exactly be relaxing.

Thinking about her, she didn’t even have a condom with her, and she didn’t even know enough to ask an employee for a condom. Needless to say she wasn’t exactly what I’d call a hardened professional.

Speaking of which I know one pretty Soi Six girl who’s a real pro.

She’s less than five foot tall and she dies her hair blondish brown. She’s only around 24 and she’s cute as hell, but she does about five tricks a day which at 1000 baht a pop means she pulls in close to $200 a day. And she’s worth it. She will run off from the room to go get some frilly sexy little outfits which she will put on. Or if she thinks you are into kink she will run off to get her little bag full of sex toys. She will lick your asshole and do about anything you want, even if you don’t ask for it. She’s just too good to be true.

But not this one. Come to think of it, I’ve only been around her twice and been in a room with her just once. Do I really expect her to fall in love with me? Yes. Absolutely yes. She will probably wind up falling in love with me. It’s just a matter of time. But not tonight.

So if she doesn’t want to suck just anybody’s dick the first time she meets them, can you really blame her?

She will wind up sucking mine. Why? Because I’m Uncle Bufford and I’m much more patient than the rest of you guys. I also know how to get to a lot of these babes. Not all of them because a lot of them will hate my guts, but I know this one kind of likes me, so it’s only a matter of time before I get to her heart. That is, if I want to spend all that time.

I’m in the mood for some more tequila. And since I’m not holding anything against this girl, I think I’ll just take her up on it. Actually, I kind of respect her for not wanting to suck my dick.  I decide to make it back to Soi Six on another night and have a few more with Miss No Blow Job.

But by now most of you will be asking yourselves whether it’s alright  “To bang ladyboy or not.   The answer is, “Up to you.”  After all, This Is Thailand (TIT).

 

Soi Six Girl exploitation by Thai loan sharks

The girl wanted to borrow 20,000 baht so a helpful Thai man gave her a lifeline she could not refuse.   The Thai man loaned her 20,000 baht at 1000 baht interest.  Her problem was this wasn’t just 1000 baht per year.  It was 1000 baht per day.  This is an extortionist rate of 5 % daily or 1825 percent annual interest which tops the charts when it comes to the utter cruelty of Soi Six girl exploitation.

At 800-1000 baht a trick this means she must bang at least one customer a day and work 30 days a month just to pay that extortionist interest to her Thai mafia friends.  And I do mean “friends” in the sense that she truly believes such friendly Thai men really operate in her best interest.  Never mind the fact that I differ, believing that hanging is too good for the scum and that disembowelment is much more just.

This girl actually has a young son living with her.  Most bar girls don’t so when they tell you they have their children living with them in Pattaya, they are lying.  I know, because I’ve been around.  Most bar girls live two to four girls in a room.  They send their money back to their families in Issan who take care of any children they have so their daughters have maximum freedom to prostitute themselves to the max.  But this girl is different. She’s not Thai.  She’s from Laos and like any other foreigner not on a retirement visa she has to do border runs to Cambodia.   And unlike most Pattaya bar girls she does not have the immediate exploitative support of family.

So how do I know that she really has a young son living with her in her room?  Well for one thing she’s on facebook and like many Thai bar girls she’s constantly putting new pictures up on facebook many of which include pictures of herself with her son.  Which reminds me of just how badly I screwed up this last time I visited her thanks to all the Tequila we were drinking together at the Soi Six bar she works for.

She was showing me her new smart phone which she had just bought from Tuk.com.  But before I realized what a mistake I was making she was taking pictures of me which she probably would have been putting on her facebook time line right from the bar.  Thankfully for me, but not for her, the flash didn’t work and the pictures turned out way too dark.

She told me she had bought a copy of a Galaxy smart phone for 5000 baht and that the original Galaxy would have cost her 20,000 baht.  For the first time in the 2 years I’ve known her, she started to get really pissed off and each time she took a new picture of me, the more pissed off she got.  “She’d go back to Tuk.com the next day and she’d tell the Thai guy off who had sold her the phone.

We had another Tequila together, and then she started to tell me about the 20,000 baht loan she had just taken out.  When I explained to her that the Thai guy who loaned her the money was a total asshole, she told me,  “Oh no.  He’s a friend.  He look out for me.”

She’s a vivacious girl who’s damned good company, who until now has never lost her temper or acted bitchy.  Unlike me, she speaks good Thai which isn’t unusual for someone from Laos because it’s often said that Issan girls oftentimes speak in a Lao dialect due to the proximity of Laos to Issan.  But somehow, I suspect that she’s not one of them, and that leaves her even more vulnerable than the average bar girl.

Mr. Walking Street meets high quality Soi Six beauty

Mr Walking Street loves the Walking Street go go bars. He avoids Pattaya Soi Six. But after meeting a high quality Soi Six beauty, he’s finally seen the light. As his good friend, I can only hope he acts on it. Before I start telling this tale, you all should know a few things about Mr. Walking Street.

Mr. Walking Street goes to the Walking Street go go bars at least three times a week. He’s even bought a condo near Walking Street so he can easily walk to the go go bars. But all is not well, with his love affair with Walking Street go go girls. He despises how so many go go bars are hiring too many coyote bar girls which has forced bar fines up to 1500 baht. It used to be that a man paid a bar fine of 600 baht to the go go club, paid the go go girl 1000 baht for short time, and if he wanted her to spend the night with him he’d typically pay her 1500 baht. But times changed. Back just a few years ago the highest priced beers on Walking Street were 120 baht per bottle from Super Girls and Super Babes. Now a man typically pays 140-150 baht for the same bottle of beer, but chances are the girls are nowhere near as pretty as the girls who used to work for Super Girls and Super Babes. But one thing that never changed was the greed of most go-go girls. Even in the old days far too often the go go girl who had agreed to spend the entire night with a man would weasel out of the deal by coming up with excuses on why she had to leave his place early. Classic stand by lines were, “I have to go home to take care of my baby (Thai husband), You snore too much, I am sick, and my friend me, she come visit me early so I must leave you now.”

The Walking Street girls got away with it. After all, why shouldn’t they? In their minds they were super star go go girls. And Walking Street attracts tourists, and most tourists are naive newcomers who are clueless when it comes to bar girl games. Then the Japanese started coming to Walking Street. Already paying outrageous prices for sex back in Japan, the Japanese saw the Walking Street go-go bars as a bargain. And being Japanese they wanted to avoid the confrontation of having to argue over drink prices or the cost for short time sex. So the price of having sex with go-go girls went sky high.

The problem is the go-go bar owners were not able to cash in on the Japanese bonanza, and figured if a bunch of uneducated village girls with dirt under their fingernails could get so much money for so little effort (and education), why shouldn’t we bar owners get our fair share of this Japanese bonanza?

Here’s the way this Coyote thing works. The Light House, Mandarin, Fahrenheit, Crazy House, the Palace, Tiger, and Shark Club all have the same owners. Deciding to cash in each boom boom, they started hiring entire groups of girls who they put on 10 day contracts. The girl gets a 300 baht salary per day, but she’s told that she can easily make 1000 baht a day. The contract then sets a benchmark of 50 lady drinks per ten day period for which the bar girl receives the full price of each lady drink. So if the price for a lady drink is 140 baht, the bar girl will make an additional 7000 baht per 10 days provided she sells her entire quota of 50 lady drinks. The reality is it’s very difficult for a coyote go go girl to sell 50 lady drinks each 10 days. Only the most adrenalin charged hustlers can do it, whereas a more likely outcome might be that the average coyote go go girl can sell just 25 lady drinks which in this example would provide her with an additional 3500 baht of income for a grand total of 6500 baht for each 10 days she works.
Meanwhile the go go club owners get nothing unless a girl gets barfined. Bar fines for the coyote girls are set at 1500 baht until 10, 11, or 12 p.m. when it goes down to 1000 baht. Most girls would prefer to hustle drinks than to be bar fined unless they can get exorbitant prices for their short and long time sex. The result is that the girls become drink hustling machines. And since a lady’s drink is hardly anything more than a watered down coca cola or soft drink the owner’s cost of all the lady drink give ways is close to nothing.

The customer winds up with a drink hustling machine who’s trying to squeeze all that she can get out of him for a bunch of worthless lady drinks. The girls are used to going short time with their Japanese customers for 3000 baht and 5000 baht long time. In the very words of Mr. Walking Street, “It’s the Japanese and the Coyote go go girl system that’s completely ruined Walking Street.” Yet he continues to go there.

But a few nights ago I was able to convince him into having dinner with me on Soi Six. He wanted to go straight to Walking Street after dinner but I was able to convince him into going with me for a beer or two at the Perry Bar. But on the way to the Perry Bar, we passed the Kalwea Bar which looks a lot like a Soi 7 outdoor beer bar because it’s all open to the street whereas most of the Soi Six bars are air conditioned bars that are walled off from prying eyes from the street. I saw two or three attractive bar girls in the Kalwea Bar. One of them in particular was facing away from me so I got a great view of her rear end. IT was that shapely rear end that captivated me. I said to my friend, “Look at that girl’s ass. Let’s go in there instead of the Perry Bar.” He agreed, and as we went in, the girl turned around to look at me and I looked straight into her eyes with that “I want you, look,” that meant I wanted to be with her and no other.

It worked because within a minute she was sitting next to me while one of the other girls started to ask Mr. Walking Street and I what we wanted to drink. Several minutes later our beers arrived. I wanted her and I would have her provided she met my price, which was about eighty percent guaranteed. She was certainly one of the best looking girls on the street that night. I never waited for her to ask for a drink and she probably would have waited for me to down half my beer. At ninety baht per beer, this certainly wasn’t Walking Street so if I wound up buying her three or four drinks, I could well afford it. And right off we started hitting it off.

But I wanted my friend to enjoy himself and would have even gone with him to another bar or two and risked losing her to another customer who’d then take my place in her line. She started showing us pictures she had of herself on her smart phone and I could see that she was even more attractive than I thought. Thing was in bar her face was in the shadows and since she was talking a lot with Mr. Walking Street which meant I was viewing the side of her face most of the time.

Mr. Walking Street is not a big drinker, but I think he must have had three beers over the next hour. I got her a couple of whiskeys and we had a shot of tequila together. Every so often she’d start to feel my stomach or the muscles in my arms, not to mention grabbing me between my legs just to show me she was a lot more interested in me than him. But Mr. Walking Street was talking her leg off and his face was a lot more animated than I had seen it for some time. It turned out that she had been a Walking Street Go go girl so the course of their conversation centered around the Walking Street go go bars.

In such places it is difficult to catch all the conversation unless one is one on one with just one person and practically talking in the other person’s ear, so I caught only bits and pieces of their conversation. And then every now and then she girl would go to the bar to get us a new round of drinks or to go to the bathroom, and it was during these moments that I’d be talking to Mr. Walking Street alone.

I heard them talking about 5000 baht long times and the Japanese customers who had started taking over Walking Street. I heard her say that she had trouble making decent money in the go go bars due to the bar fines being so high. Obviously she hadn’t been able to do very well there just as my friend from the Perry Bar had once worked for Bachara, but had only stayed there for two weeks before returning to Soi Six where she could make some real money.

So I had been right all along even though many of my friends had disagreed with me. Most of the Walking Street go go girls were not getting bar fined or they weren’t getting bar fined nearly enough. But by God if other go go girls were getting 2000 to 3000 baht for short times they certainly wouldn’t be settling for anything less. But the smart ones would be willing to go short time for 1000 baht because 1000 baht was a lot better than getting nothing, and nothing is what most of the girls were getting even if they refused to admit it.

But this girl was admitting the truth to Mr. Walking Street. The truth was that as personable as she is and even with the good looks that put her towards the top tier of the go go girls even she had found it difficult to do well on Walking Street, and she hated working in the go gos in the first place.

But Mr. Walking Street? He was loving this girl. His face was radiant. And here she was telling him the truth about how bad things really were on Walking Street. I even came close to telling him, “I won’t bar fine this girl if you want her.” When she went to the toilet, Mr Walking Street asked me, “Are you planning on boom booming her upstairs?”

“I plan on it but only after you and I separate on Soi Six. So if you want to go to another bar or two I can tell her to wait for me and I will come back for her.”

“But someone else might take her upstairs then.”

“I can take that chance, because even if that happens I can fix it so that I will see her again.”

“So if I left, you will boom boom her then?”

“Yes. If she agrees to my normal price.”

“Which is?”

“800 baht.”
“You gotta be kidding me.”

“It’s the price I give all of them.”

“But this is real quality. You must pay for great quality.”

“Not me. I always pay my normal price. And if a girl wants more money, no matter what, I go get someone else. I’ve even had girls ask me to pay them 1000 baht. To which I refuse. We finish our drinks together and one or two weeks later I come back, buy the girl another drink and this time she agrees to go with me for 800 baht.”

“Come on. Don’t tell me that you are going to be so cheap that you are going to only give her 800 baht?’

“Yep. And I’m going to bet you right now that I will get this girl to go with me for 800 baht and actually enjoy it.”

By this time, it’s likely that even Mr. Walking Street was reconsidering his relationship with Soi Six. I don’t think he ever had sex with a Soi Six girl before due to fear and trepidation over the unsavory nature of the place. I’m sure he had envisioned himself being the tenth man in a row to have sex with a Soi Six prostitute, and that he could visualize himself fondling the wet cum covered naked body of the unwashed.

As for myself, as I write this very sentence I’m getting completely turned on by this vision of an unwashed whore who is so sexy and so much in demand that twenty men would plant themselves into her in a single afternoon. But when it comes to Soi Six I know better. But back to our conversation at the Kalaua Bar.

“So how are the rooms at your bar upstairs, Mr. Walking Street asked the girl?”

“They are terrible. They are small and not very good.”

“How big are they?”

“I’ve been upstairs a few times already in this bar,” I replied. And Ning is right. There’s far better rooms here on Soi Six. Such as the Red Point which has rooms similar to what you will find in a good three star hotel, but I’ve never liked the girls at the Red Point too much.”

“Then you don’t like the rooms here?” my friend asked Ning. “No. I no like.”

“Well I don’t care. I am in love with Ning here and I want to have sex with her. As long as the bed is at least six feet long, I’m happy.”

“That is right,” Ning replied. “You aren’t having sex with the room.”

I replied, “I met a girl in this bar and I still am having sex with her. I’ve known her for two years now and when she was working here, she’d either change the sheets herself for the next customer or she’d tip 20 baht for a maid to do it for her.”

“Do most of the girls make their customers use a condom?” Mr. Walking Street asked.

“I’m not sure,” said Ning. “I only know what I do. I not ask other ladies what she do.”

“Do Soi Six ladies ever go long time?”

“Sometimes.”

“Well sure they do,” I replied. I’ve had a number of them come over to my condo. I’ve had them stay the entire night, and I’m sure if you want a girl for two weeks, a month, you can arrange that too. There’s no difference between the Soi Six girls and the girls in the beer bars except the Soi Six girls are usually better.”

It was getting to be that time. Time to do the down and dirty. We are all hitting it off and she’s had enough alcohol to be feeling real relaxed. I’m going to pop the big one on her.”

“Ning. I want to take you upstairs now. 800 baht okay with you?”

“I want 1000.”

“I pay everyone 800. Ning, 800 good for you, good for me. Some girls I now know for two years and I pay them 800 but I boom boom them many times so they make really good money from me.”

I got her thinking. She’s not replying. This one’s in the bag.”

“This is what I want, Ning, and I know this is what you want. We are going to be very good together and we will want each other many times after tonight.”

At this point I”m making head motions towards the rooms upstairs. Our eyes are meeting. And I say it three times: “upstairs 800 good for you good for me.”

It works. The girl agrees, and Mr. Walking Street and I start paying our bins. Most of the Soi Six bars are charging 300 baht for their rooms although I’ve occasionally had a bar charge me 350. But Ning tells me her bar charges 400 baht for the room. Well, maybe. Ning might also be trying to get another 100 baht out of me, especially since I’ve knocked her down from the 1000 baht she had been asking. But at this point, Who cares? The sex is going to be excellent. I just know it and once we’ve done it once, all the options are open.

In the room upstairs Ning looks even better than she had down in the bar because now I’m viewing her straight on. She’s only 24. I ask her how tall she is and she tells me she’s 165 centimeters tall which puts her at five foot five so she’s taller even than the average American woman who’s just shy of being five foot four. She’s 48 kilos. And although normally I like my girls to be 40 to 42 kilos, this is just six kilos or 13.2 pounds heavier. But the other girls are just five foot one or two. I remember my dad telling me that a woman can afford to gain just five pounds for every one inch increase in height. So if a girl is 42 kilos and five foot two this equates to 92 pounds. Ning at five foot five is 105.6 pounds or roughly 13 pounds heavier so given the five pounds per one inch increase in height formula this puts her at roughly the same body build as my two favorite Soi Six girls who each weigh 40 kilos.

Putting it another way, my Dad always used to say that the ideal American woman would be five foot six and weigh only 110 pounds. That means Ning is just about perfect according to my Dad’s calculations. And of course my Dad was completely right. Most people used to disagree with him on the weight thing and told him that women who weighed just 110 pounds were sickly and frail and that he was completely insane. Well, they were, and he wasn’t.

I don’t know how long Ning and I spent having sex with each other. But I’d put it at a minimum of 45 minutes and more likely one hour. I went down on her. Many times and in many different positions. And although every now and then she’d be smoking me, most of the time she was very happy just letting me do my thing to her. The fact that I had paid her just 800 baht didn’t make her want to hurry me along any faster. My mouth is starting to water right now as I write all of this down. I like to eat and apparently she enjoys being eatin just as much as I enjoy doing the eatin. Finally I have her start to really get down on me and I nearly lose my control right there.

When we finish she tells me she doesn’t often come to the bar to work so I get her phone number. We agree that I will text message her when I want her and that she will then meet me on an agreed day and time. Then we go downstairs to the bar where I buy her another tequila and a bottle of beer for myself. It’s now midnight and I plan on staying out another two hours before going home. I go up the street to the Perry bar where I have two or three more beers and wind up having a great conversation with an Australian who lives and works in Bangkok but who travels to Pattaya every two weeks because Pattaya is such a great place in his opinion.  As for Ning, the Soi Six beauty, I think I can only hold out another three days. Then I’m messaging her.