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Bull Shit Pattaya bar girls make lady boys look good

Audio June 7, 2018 Uncle Bufford Leave a comment

Last night I met 2 bull shit Pattaya bar girls. I’m calling one Rover. Because she’s dumber than a dog. The second Horse Manure because she was so full of horseshit

The first girl’s tall. 167 centimeters tall. Met her in front of “Happy Day” on Soi Six. Which is a lady boy bar. She’s out in the street looking for customers. Our eyes meet and she tells me, “I am a lady. See her” As she points to one of the lady boys. “She Lady boy”. Then she points at another lady boy. “Lady Boy. Me lady.

So I gave her a good looking over. And seeing that she was tall and slender, I took her inside for a drink. She wasn’t as pretty in the face as many ladies I’ve been taking. And she’s not so young either. I’d put her somewhere north of thirty.

It took just five minutes for me to part with 480 baht. 300 for the short time room upstairs and 280 baht for our drinks.

At first she doesn’t seem like one of these bull shit Pattaya bar girls who I’m seen too many of them lately.

She doesn’t even have a condom. And I don’t either. But we 69 a lot until she’s wet all down her legs. Then we have unprotected sex. She’s kissing me all over as we really get into it. And afterwards we head down to the bar where I finish my beer.

I’m feeling pretty good right now so I hardly notice when she puts her phone numbers on my smart phone. Then she asks me if I’m on line. Which I open up, and she puts two line profiles on line so we can message each other for free. And after that she starts giving me a good massage. But I want to head back to Passion Dance Club just down the street. So I leave her at the doorway after a long good night kiss.

The next day she starts messaging me on line. She asks me, “Why was I working at gay bar?

she tells me she wants to be with me. (move in with me). She’s hot. Her room doesn’t even have a ceiling fan. And her room’s all the way up in Jomtien. Off thing though is she’s got two different phone numbers and two line profiles.

Makes a guy wonder if she isn’t one of these bull shit Pattaya bar girls

Another Sweethearts short time suicide — Sweet Hearts has just changed its name to Atlantis. the first of the two bull shit Pattaya bar girls not only couldn’t find it after I put new pictures up of both Atlantis and Crazy House. She couldn’t even get to Walking Street. Couldn’t even manage to get out of her room in Jomtien.

So we agree to meet at 7:30. Sweet Hearts go go bar is about half way up Walking Street. And there’s a large short time place just upstairs. Costs 380 baht for short time. So I get there early and take a couple of pictures. Sweet Hearts has changed its name to Tantra. But Crazy House Go Go is right across the Street. My problem is I’m here too early and I cannot get a drink at either place. To wait for her.

She’s late so I call her up. “Where are you?” I ask.

“In my room in Jomtien Soi 3.”

You are supposed to be here on Walking Street.”

Then she starts talking some nonsense about Soi 15. I’m going to start calling her Rover now. Because it’s getting to be obvious that Rover’s a lot smarter than her. It looks like I’m dealing with just another one of these bull shit Pattaya bar girls.

I find an outdoor bar close by. And order myself a Heineken. Then I call her again on line. “Where are u?” I ask.

“in Jomtien Soi 3,” she replies.

“Okay. Get a taxi, and meet me inside Crazy House go go bar. Be there in 15 minutes.”

Fifteen minutes pass, and I’m bored as shit. Except there’s several good looking babes in the place and one keeps looking at me while she points at her pussy.

She’s one of the two hot tub gals. And both of them are completely naked.

Finally I go to the toilet to call Rover one last time. But she’s still in her room in Jomtien. But I pass the girl next to the hot tub. As I pass she touches me. Then she feels my cock. And asks me to get a good close look at her pussy.

I have to admit that I want her. But the bar fine’s likely to be something like 1500 baht. And she’s going to be asking 2000 baht for short time. Even though I know I’ll get her down to 1500 baht.

Trouble is these gals are all dumber than owl shit. Especially in the go go bars. And I want to get back to Soi Six in about ten minutes. Even though I’m getting happy hour prices on my gin and tonics at just 90 baht a drink. The girl wants to come over and sit with me real bad. But she’s going to be wanting lady drinks at 150 baht apiece. And if she’s like most of these gals, she’s going to be really hammering me for a lot of drinks.

I walk all the way back down Walking Street. Nearly running. I want Soi Six so bad.

But the icing on this cake is, before coming to Walking Street I had gone to Passion Dance club for just one beer. Where several of my friends had joined me. I like the service lady there. But on the way to Passion I found Kiara. Who I had not seen for two months.

Now Kiara is a real pro. And tonight’s turning out so rotten that I need a good shot in the arm. Which Kiara delivers every time.

Luckily Kiara’s still sitting just outside her bar. Smoke and Kisses.

One hour with a real pro who is not one of those bull shit Pattaya bar girls

Kiara gets one drink for me, and one for her. She knows I like San Miguel lights although lately I’ve been drinking Heinekens. Then we take our drinks upstairs to a short time room.

True to form Kiara has me lie down the bed. Then she tells me to close my eyes and relax. And starts giving me a massage. By stroking her nails lightly across my stomach and arms. Then she goes down on me putting my dick in her mouth. And I start to feel like I’m in heaven.

After a few minutes, Kiara blurts out, “Let’s change.”

I’m on top now with Kiara lying comfortably on her back. With a small towel covering her face. She’s in la la land smiling beneath that towel, enjoying every minute of what I am doing her. I’m hungry and I haven’t had this good of a feed since….uhhhh. Two nights ago. But Kiara’s a lot better looking than Rover.

Finally Kiara blurts out, “Fuck me now.” But unlike the last six gals I’ve fucked she puts on a condom.

Kiara likes her fucking good and hard. Which is exactly what I do with her. I come while holding her tightly around my body.

An hour with Horse Manure, one of the most nauseating bull shit Pattaya bar girls I ever met.

Feeling pretty good about myself I went back to Passion Dance Club where I soon found my favorite service girl. We sat together giving each other massages as she lit my cigarettes.

But after a few minutes a tall slender gal started giving me the eye while dancing on the stage. Then another gal joined me and the service girl who turned out to be Kwann’s sister. Suddenly the tall slender girl sat next to me on my left. A few minutes later we were sitting alone together.

She had pretty eyes, and she told me she was 36 years old. Then she started talking all this gibberish that she wanted a man who wanted to understand her. Who didn’t just look at her as a fuck, and that is all. Next moment she’s telling me she’s a Lesbian. And that she used to work at the living Dolls Showcase go go bar on Walking Street. She wants someone who understand what she’s feeling inside and that sex isn’t all that important.

I wind up buying her several drinks. Then she turns to the mirror behind us and stretches out her long beautifully developed back. She’s got a flat stomach too. But its the pronounced musculature of her back that’s turning me on.

I want her. I want her so badly that I want to take her to the upstairs short time room right now.

But she wants 1500 baht. The room upstairs is 300. And here I’m giving all these gals 1000 baht her on Soi Six.

So I tell her I’m only giving Walking Street go go girls 1000 baht. And that’s it’s totally unfair to pay a Soi Six girl 1000 baht and 1500 baht for a Walking Street go go bar girl. Even worse. If I pay Horse Manure 1500 baht I will then have to give all the girls at Passion Dance Club 1500 baht. And here we are in low season, and the bar girls are all really hurting.

Then she starts telling me all the things she has to pay for.

I respond by telling her, “I know. I know. It’s the same everywhere. All these girls are having the same problems.

After I keep pushing for her to go short time with her for 1000 baht, it becomes obvious that she’s not bulging.

It’s obvious that tonight I’ve got the just another of those bull shit Pattaya bar girls on my hands. Time to get to another Soi Six Bar. I might just have enough time to boom boom one more lady.

Horse Manure asks me for a 100 baht tip. But I know she’s already gotten four or five ladies drinks off me. And making 50 baht on each one of them. But what the hell, I give her 100 baht. Then she asks me to give one of her friends another 100 baht. The friend is having a hard time she tells me.

I tell her, everyone’s having a hard time. They are having a hard time on Walking Street and all over Soi Six. It’s the same everywhere. So no, I’m not giving your friend 100 baht.

Horse Manure’s outdone herself. This is one helluva conniving useless bitch. Next time I’m in Passion and she’s up on that stage I’m telling the service lady that I don’t want her anywhere near me.

But I’ve gotta get laid just one more time.

And I’ve got less than one hour before Soi Six closes. I walk up and down the street a couple of times. And then I settle on a rather good looking young thing who’s body is not much to write home about. But she will have to pass at this 9th hour.

I get the girl and I a couple of drinks. And then we go upstairs to the short time room. I go down on her. For a long time, but now i’ve got just 10 minutes left before the bar closes. She wants to put a condom on me, but I know it’s going to take me more than ten minutes to come. So I position her so that she’s sitting on my face. I imagine someone else sitting on my face. My favorite girl who’s not there, but who should have been with me tonight. And then I feel the excitement rising. But she’s no longer mouthing my dick. She’s giving me a hand job. But oh well. What do you expect when just two minutes after you come a little bell rings to tell you that your time is up. This bar’s closing.

Pattaya Soi Six lies

April 15, 2018 Uncle Bufford Leave a comment

Pattaya Soi Six lies just has to start with Noi, the whore who fucked over 1500 Koreans in 7 months.

Well, I tells you all this is one helluva story, Noi fucking all dem Koreans. And you aren’t going to get this story anywhere else because Korea denies that this shit even exists. But I got it from the horse’s mouth while we are drinkin tequila together. We are talking some serious sex trafficking here. Stuff that’s against the law. We are talkin putting ladies in what amounts to jail. Slavery. Cept these gals do get paid. But it’s all pretty inhumane shit.

I love you Uncle Bufford

Now I gots to admit. I have one helluva personality. Cause if I didn’t you wouldn’t be reading this here post. Anyways, here’s Noi telling me her stories. And I ask her, “What do you want out of life?”

So Noi says to me, I will be 34 next week. (Will you come to my birthday so you can give me money). Well you can believe me, if I go, I’m checking her IUD. Because I’ve heard enough Soi Six lies about all these girls birthdays.

Then Noi starts to answer my question. “I want to work bar for 2 more years. Then finish bar. Find falang who can take good care of me.” But Noi’s a talker so she continues on.

“Remember that American who was giving me 30,000 baht a month to stay with him?”

“Yes. I remember because I never see you for three months and you told me you were going to go with him.”

“He’s wanting me to stay long time with him again. For 30,000 baht a month.”

“And his room,” I replied.

Which might not be too bad, I’m thinking, because I sure as hell have seen enough of Noi’s room.” Which is on the 2nd floor of the Soi Six Bar she works at. Which is not too shabby, but probably nowhere as good as what this old man is offering her.”

“But he’s so boring,” Noi continued. He gets up every morning at the same time. Then he makes his coffee. And reads his newspaper.

But he never goes anywhere. He just stays at home.”

“I remember you telling me that,” I replied.

“He never takes me anywhere, and I can’t go out alone. But I went out one night. Came back late and oh oh oh, he get so angry with me.”

“I would too.”

But you different, Uncle Bufford. Noi continued with her Pattaya Soi Six lies. You funny. And you boom boom very good.

Noi continues with her Pattaya Soi Six lies

“You have a beautiful dick, Uncle Bufford. And I know because I have fucked too many dicks.”

Which might be true. In fact I was thinking of having a cast made of my dick and have it entered in the Hall of Ill Fame.

I’m a thinking, Noi probably really likes me. She will suck my asshole. And even let me fuck her ass. But I haven’t gotten around to that just yet.

Then I ask her. Would you stay with a man if he gives you room and 20000 baht?”

“I really need 30,000 baht. That’s what I make her at this bar,” Noi replied.

“But if he not boring. And he take you out to bars. To restaurants.” (but here I’m describing myself). And he makes you laugh.”

I not sure. But. Okay. I go with that man for 20,000 baht and room.”

She would go with me for sure. But she now commits her biggest Pattaya Soi Six lies.

Noi is calling me every other day. “you want to c me she keeps asking?” Now Noi’s absolutely sensational in bed. And she gives me these massages after sex. But I got someone else who I absolutely adore. Just one week after the last time Noi and I have sex together. She disappears.

The girls at her bar tell me, “she go home.”

Which his standard bar girl procedure. Cause rarely do these girls go home. They go with customer long time. So the other bar girls cover her ass. And tell customer she go home.” This is the most typical of all Pattaya Soi Six lies.

But Noi who loves me too much won’t even answer the telephone when I call her. Or message her.

So my conclusion is, she was telling me pure horseshit all the time. Sure. She would stay with me for 20,000 baht and a room. Or stay with me in my condo. But I”m a thinkin she went with that ole geezer after all. And he’s paying her 30,000 baht. While he’s boring the shit out of her.

But times are tough down here on Soi Six. While she won’t even call me back. Even though she claims she loves my skinny little ass, and my beautiful dick. But to tell you the truth. I really don’t give a shit.

Phang, guilty of obvious Pattaya Soi Six lies

Now Phang is one of the most straight up gals on Soi Six. She will tell you if she’s busy with a customer or not. And she’s a great performer. Who will even give you a massage before sex. But not this time. Because she’s busy, and not doing what she says she’s doing.

The last time I saw her she said.

“I probably have to go home if this little boy dies.

“For how long?” I asked.

“1 week I think.”

One week passes, and Phang’s still not back at her Soi Six Bar

So I text messaged her. “Are you working tonight?”

“No. If this little boy dies, I must go home. (but she’s not working in the bar either).

And now two more weeks later it’s the same Pattaya Soi Six lies

She’s still not working at her Soi Six bar. While the little boy still doesn’t know if he’s living or dying.

This is not one of those Pattaya Soi Six lies, but it’s a great story anyway.

“I don’t like fucking Thai men,” Noi told me. Except just this once, and the sex lasted three hours,” Noi giggled. Remembering what happened as a total lark.

“There’s this guy driving one of those little cars taking tourists around. So when he saw me walking down the street he stopped and asked me.”

“Are you looking for customers.”

“Yes. I am always looking for customers who will pay me money.”

“There’s a rich Chinese who’s living in Moon Light Hotel, who will pay you 7000 baht to spend the night with him. Are you interested?”

“Of course I am.”

“Hop on in. I take you to his hotel now.”

So this guy takes me to the Moon Light Hotel. He leaves me in the car for a few minutes. And then he comes down and tells me the Chinese is not there.”

“But I will pay you for sex instead. I have a room I can take you to.”

“So the guy takes me to a room. And then he gives me something to drink. Then. This is unbelievable. We have sex for three hours straight. But remember. I have boom boomed many dicks. This never happen before. Now I know something is wrong.”

I ask him. “You put something in my drink? At first he lie, and say he didn’t. But later he tell me, “I put something in your drink. I put in my drink also. Make very good boom boom.”

By this time Noi is laughing her ass off

Uncle Bufford. You know what is really funny. When I was in Korea many Korea man put something on the end of his dick. He think it make lady’s pussy feel good. But it hurts pussy. Many Thai men do also.

By now I’m guessing that the number one of Noi’s Pattaya Soi Six lies is her telling me she won’t go with a boring man when he pays her 30,000 baht a month. While the second one of her biggest Pattaya Soi Six lies is trying to make me think that I’m number one with her. And then she cannot even answer her phone. But I will guarantee that when she comes back she will be ringing my phone at least 5 or 6 times a week. Thinking that I am none the wiser.

Go Go Bars, Soi Six Bars, Uncle Bufford bar girl advice Column

The Pattaya Walking Street Pervert

April 1, 2018 Uncle Bufford Leave a comment

The Pattaya Walking Street Pervert looked like Telly Savalas, except he looked soft and fat. A doctor with sex instruments for vagina violation.

I sat alone up stairs in the Pattaya Walking Street go go bar. Thinking about my favorite girl. Who I had just been with for close to seven hours. Drinking only three beers thinking of only her and how happy I was that she was no longer working in a sex bar. And how I had so much to do with that.

When she was right, she was one of the prettiest girls I had ever photographed. But she was soft inside. A real lady.

But while she was working on Pattaya Soi Six. She had to boom boom nearly every man who came in her bar. Some of them just like this Pattaya Walking Street Pervert.

But within one hour after I said goodbye to her. I was watching this Pattaya Walking Street Pervert operating with all his instruments. With what might have looked like a doctor’s bag next to his fat ass.

The Pattaya Walking Street Pervert had his ugly face just inches away from the girls’ vaginas.

As he looked deep inside their privates with what looked like a slender flashlight. He probed and probed. Sometimes with his fingers. And sometimes with his tongue. But most of the time he was inserting various devices. One of them must have been some kind of vibrator outfitted with its own light. And a plain ordinary dildo. I had never seen anything like it before.

But I never considered myself an expert on sex toys either.

But I’m sure he was paying the girls well for putting up with him. The prettiest girl, pretended to be mildly amused over the whole thing. Like, “what the fuck is this guy all about? But I need the money too bad to say no.”

As two other girls sharing her stage watched. Then he handed a small vibrator to one of them. Who started vibrating one of the gal’s right breast.

All I could think of was, This Pattaya Walking Street Pervert must have one helluva small dick.

Or one that didn’t function anymore. By the time I finished three beers, this Pattaya Walking Street Pervert must have performed at least one hour’s worth of sexual violation.

But oh well. I’m sure the girls were thinking this Pattaya Walking Street Pervert’s close inspection of their privates was just part of the job. I was just so happy that my favorite ex Soi Six lady wasn’t here in their places.

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