Category Archives: Pattaya Bar Girls

This is your essential guide for dealing with Pattaya Bar Girls

YouTube bans Pattaya bar video

YouTube bans Pattaya Bar video on my Jack Corbett Channel. The good news is, you get to see this sexy bar girl video on Alpha Productions.

YouTube bans Pattaya bar video
They got great music in this Pattaya beer bar complex, and two of the sexiest girls in the area. But for now I’m not telling anyone where it is. Because it’s my own little hideaway

So if you want to see it Click here

Bottom line is you get to watch this streaming Pattaya sexy bar girl video without having to download it.  But I sure tried hard to get it on YouTube first.  I tried putting the video up as unlisted, not public.  So I could leave a link here or wherever I chose. But within minutes I found out that even close friends couldn’t view it when I gave them a link.  Four music companies claimed copyright violations against me.

This picture does not do this girl justice so you just must watch the video as she sticks out her tongue at me, then flips her backside at me in contempt. But….she really does love me.

When YouTube bans Pattaya Bar video on my channel, it’s time to strike back

So I edited the sound tracks in my video to confuse the YouTube computers.  And why not.  I figure I haven’t stolen anyone’s music.  First, I get no income whatsoever from my YouTube videos.  Second, the original music is only the background music in a busy Pattaya bar complex.  So what my Panasonic Lx10 camera picks up is hardly the best sound quality in the world.  It’s just part of what is really happening in the bar complex. Without the background music the entire atmosphere of the bar complex becomes dull and unauthentic.

Okay.  In my video editing program I leave the entire bar complex background audio intact.  Then I inserted a second sound track.  Which is “All Along the Watchtower” by the Grateful Dead.  The I inserted a third sound track.  This one “Along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix.  That oughta do the trick, I figured.  The YouTube computers won’t be able to discern who’s playing the music.

YouTube bans Pattaya bar video
YouTube bans Pattaya bar video because of Jimi Hendrix. Never mind that he’s been dead for 47 years.

But once again, YouTube bans Pattaya Bar video

The Jimi Hendrix soundtrack is just two overpowering.  So now it’s the owners to the rights of Jimi Hendrix All Along the Watchtower claiming I’ve stolen their music.  Greedy bastards!   I mean what the hell.  Jimi Hendrix has been dead for 47 years now.  But this time there’s no question of what YouTube has done with my video.  In my Youtube creator account I find out that this Naklua bar video has been blocked worldwide.  There’s a further notation that it’s blocked in all countries.

But Hostgator’s hosting my Alpha Productions web site.  And Hostgator is as good as it gets.  And my hosting package is more expensive and complete than Hostator’s bargain basement packages.  Can I put this video on my web site?  Sure I can.  But making it stream is a different proposition.

But when YouTube bans Pattaya Bar video, it’s not really YouTube’s fault.  YouTube knows it can be sued for millions of dollars if it publishes copyrighted music.

So what’s this world coming to when YouTube and all these bars worldwide have to play Da Da music to avoid being sued by these all powerful music companies?

We all end up walking around or drinking in bars having to listen to that infernal noise that I call Da Da Music.  I hate these greedy music companies for that.

So I get the correct code from  Hostgator  that will make my video stream from my web site.  And it works.  Except it will work only with Windows Media Player, Quicktime and  Real Player.  I get the job done and then my pal, PlOne, tells me that his smart phone will not stream my video.  He must download it.   Which is too bad, because most of the world is now using tiny smart phones which do not begin to do my videos justice.  But oh well.  Not everyone watches you tube videos and Prime Video on 55 inch televisions the way I do.  Or uses an eight speaker surround sound system to play audio.

Luckily for me, and most of you with your smart phones my pal, PlONe is a genius with computers.  He’s a high powered computer programmer with a PHD in Computer Science.  He sends me the code that will allow me to stream MP4 files from my Alpha Productions Web Site.  All I have to do is to change this code around a bit, and Voila.  My video now streams out of Alpha Productions, and it will work on computers and smart phones.

So what video will I put up next that’s too hot for You Tube to handle?  Hey…I got a great cockfighting video that I took in Northern Thailand  that all those goodie two shoes animal rights activists complained to YouTube about.  Which promptly banned my cock fighting video also. But I’m innocent on this one too.  I didn’t hurt those chickens.  As the Thais say and did say to those chickens….”Up to you”.

One good sex tourist is worth 100 Chinese tourists

One good sex tourist is worth 100 Chinese tourists for Thailand’s economy.  Take Big Bill for instance.

What one good sex tourist does for Thailand’s economy

Big Bill pays his Thai girlfriend 30000 baht  every month.  Which is slightly less than $1000 a month.  But now that Big Bill’s gone back to America for several months, she gets to stay in his condo.  The condo is 1400 square feet, has two bedrooms and two bathrooms.  His girlfriend, Noi, rented a 6000 baht room each month.  Which she shared with 2 other bar girls.

Big Bill has also bought a car.  And a Yamaha Nmax motorbike as well.  But now that he’s in America, Noi gets to use it everyday to transport herself back and forth to work.  Noi no longer has to work in the bar however.  And that’s because Big Bill is giving her almost $1000 a month.  She’s got a restaurant job now, which pays her 10,000 baht a month, which is enough to pay for all her expenses.   This leaves her with up to 30000 baht a month that she can use to support her family.  Which includes her mother and father, two sisters in their early teens, and her ten year old brother.  Not to mention her two daughters.

But Big Bill is much more than just one good sex tourist

He’s a superstar when it comes to fuel injecting Thailand’s economy.  Big Bill hired a Thai driver to drive him around in his car.  But since Big Bill’s large condo has two bedrooms, he allows his driver to stay in his spare bedroom.  So the Thai driver gets to stay in a beautiful condo for free.  While collecting a 15000 baht a month salary.

Big Bill also employs a Thai woman to clean his condo.  She comes nearly everyday.  And cleans for an hour or so.  Then she goes back to her regular job.  He pays her 5000 baht a month.

So how many Thais is this one good sex tourist supporting?

Starting with his Thai girlfriend, he’s supporting her, her mother and father, her two children,  one brother and two sisters.  Then he’s supporting his Thai driver and his young daughter.  And God knows how many extended family members the driver is helping out.  There’s the cleaning gal,  her two children, and her mother and father.    So he’s supporting at least 14 Thais.  But—keep in mind the ripple effect this all has on the Thai economy.  All these Thais he’s supporting are supporting other Thais.  Thais who own shops in the local markets.  The beautician who does his girlfriend’s hair.   Clothing vendors all of these Thais buy from.

Big Bill also spends a lot of money in Pattaya’s bars

One good sex tourist helps the go go girls
Big Bill’s considered as one good sex tourist in most of the go go bars he frequents.  This girl worked at Peppermint Go Go

Especially the go go bars.   He buys a lot of ladies drinks.  And each time he buys a go go dancer a drink. she’s getting a 50 baht commission from the bar she’s working for.  Oftentimes, Big Bill will take a wad of twenty baht bills and throw them at the go go girls.  Whether most of us consider Big Bill to be a fool is not the issue.  My point is he’s one good sex tourist.

Yeah, I know.   A lot of people think Big Bill’s a real fool.  But he’s got a huge heart.  And he knows that when he dies he can’t take it all with him.  But my whole point is this.  Who’s worth more to Thailand’s economy?  One good sex tourist like Big Bill?  Or 100 Chinese tourists?

So what are 100 Chinese tourists doing for the Thai economy?

First off most Chinese tourists go everywhere in large tour buses.  And these large tour buses are too much for most city streets in Thailand.  Such as Bangkok’s or Pattaya’s.   So they clog up the streets in the cities and slow traffic down to a snail’s pace.  These tour buses also kill and injure a lot of people because of the incompetence of so many of their drivers.

There’s nowhere to park all those large tour buses.  So their drivers park them all along the cities streets.

Road construction crews built all these traffic lanes to handle the needs of normal drivers.   And certainly not for bus parking lots.

Later on the passage way for cars will be severely constricted. The buses will be parked alongside both lanes.

What we have here it a wholesale constriction of entire cities roads.  Thanks to the huge proliferation of Chinese tourists.  And this proliferation is rapidly spinning out of control.

In fact, I might go so far as to say that the police and other authorities are selling entire traffic lanes so that the Chinese tour companies have a place to park their buses.

One good sex tourist worth more than Chinese tourists
Chinese tour bus parking lot. Notice how dangerous this situation is. Not to mention that the traffic is slowed down to a crawl. I was nearly hit by a car while turning left into the left traffic lane due to the buses taking up the entire lane of traffic.  Money is number one here.  Even at the expense of public safety.  

But let’s get back to what 100 Chinese tourists really mean to the Thai economy.

Approximately 45 Chinese tourists  will fill up a single tour bus.  So it takes two large tour buses to hold 90 Chinese tourists.  Now just imagine how much traffic just two tour buses can screw up?  Or how many meters of a single street it takes to park just two tour buses?

How the Chinese Tour Bus System works

The average Chinese tourist doesn’t have a lot of money to spend.  So here’s that happens.  The typical Chinese tour company offers cut rate airfares to the droves of Chinese tourists now flocking to Thailand.  So let me float out an arbitrary number out there.  “How does $150 airfare sound to you, from Shanghai to Bangkok and Pattaya?  Sounds good doesn’t it?  Let’s now tack on another $75.00 for five nights in a hotel and total transportation costs by tour bus.  That’s a total of just $225.00.

But there’s a catch.  And that is you must stay with your tour bus group.  Well, even if you don’t, without your tour leader you will be lost in a city such as Pattaya or Bangkok.  You can’t speak a word of Thai and chances are your English skills are absolutely worthless.

So the tour bus takes you everywhere.  And your fearless leader, your tour leader makes sure that you spend all your money in just the right places.

These are the places that will give your fearless leader a commission on every shirt, every pair of pants, every vase, every lunch or dinner that you now have to pay for out of your own pocket.

One good sex tourist worth 100 Chinese tourists
An entire traffic lane sold to Chinese tourists who are gathering around a gerry-rigged noodle stand.  I don’t want to hear any more b.s. about improving the public transportation system here.  Perhaps One good sex tourist is worth 1000 of these Chinese tourists?  The key is to require all tour buses to immediately discharge all tourists at whatever hotel they are staying in.  And then have the buses  leave town.  The Chinese tourists will then have to use baht buses, their own two legs, private taxis etc to get around just like all the other tourists do.  This will also help these Chinese tourists because it frees them from their manipulative tour leaders.

So the little makeshift noodle shops are now springing up everywhere.  These are the places your fearless leader will be taking you.

As for me, or my German, or even my Russian friends.  None of us would ever be caught dead eating in these low life restaurants with their cardboard walls and cheap tin corrugated roofs.

One good sex tourist worth more than 100 Chinese tourists
This building is a real fleabag operation. No self respecting Thai would ever eat here.

As for well established businesses here in Pattaya such as Pattaya to U (for computer repair) or Best Camera Shop at Tuk.com.  Do you think these places will be getting any Chinese dollars?  Never.  And neither is the Naklua Pen Bar whose clientele is mostly German, American and English.  Or a lot of good restaurants such as Heidelburg, Tavern, Robin Hood, Queen Victoria.

And speaking of Pen Bar, I have a little story on this one.

Now I’ve known Pen for 12 years now.  She’s Thai and she really knows how to run a bar.

In comes a single solitary Chinese guy.  Pen asks him if he wants a beer.  The Chinese replies no.  He must wait for his fearless tour guide leader to arrive with the rest of the tour group.  Meanwhile a group of Germans are sitting at the bar.  Who are buying their Heinekens for 90 baht a bottle.

Finally the fearless  leader of the tour group arrives.

“How much are you selling your beer for?” the Chinese fearless leader asks Pen.

“90 baht” Pen replies.

“I’ll bring my entire tour group in if you sell everyone bottled beer for 145 baht,” the fearless leader offers.  “You and I can split the 55 baht so we each get 27 baht,” he adds.

The problem is Pen is an honest Thai lady and she wants no part of this arrangement.  The tour group’s fearless leader immediately departs taking his Chinese horde with him.

So what happens to all those commissions the Chinese tour group leaders are getting?

Most of it’s going to their big bosses over in China.  And this is how they are able to offer such cut rate  air fares and hotel prices to all these Chinese armies of tourists who are inundating Bangkok and Pattaya.

Rich people here in Thailand are getting even richer because of all this monkey business.  While the common everyday Thai of little to modest means is getting screwed.  He gets to put up with all the horrible traffic these tour buses are causing.  He gets to see all these Chinese tourists dirty up his beaches, and his city’s parks, while they piss all over his sidewalks.

Think I’m joking?

I remember sitting at the Pen Bar one night when a single Chinese came into the small bar complex’s parking lot.

There’s a public restroom he could have used for just 5 baht.  But he either didn’t know about it or simply didn’t care.  So right at the far end of the parking lot he unzipped his pants and urinated right on the pavement.  This was just thirty meters from all of us.  In full view of the entire bar.  I couldn’t restrain myself.  And screamed  out to him, “Asshole.  You are a fucking idiot.”  Thais lose respect for someone who loses his temper.  But not this time.  The entire bar applauded when I called  the Chinese out for being a dirty pig.

I consider the Khao Kheow Zoo to be Pattaya’s best kept secret. It’s just 60 kilometers from Pattaya. And it’s so large you really need a golf kart to get around this zoo. Most Pattaya Hotels, tourist and agencies don’t even advertise it. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of great parks and zoos here. But all that advertising goes to the Crocodile Farm, The Elephant Village and the Tiger Zoo which is also in Siracha. But trust me, this zoo in the absolute finest of them all by a long shot. In our little group we have two of our Thai girlfriends. And my two pals, one from Norway and the other from England. The rest of the Caucasians in this magnificent setting are Russians.

I much prefer the Russian tourists now.  They go about their business as individuals, couples or small groups.   I think most Americans perceive Russians as barbarians or unthinking nitwits.  But I’ll tell you what.  Go to Koh Larn Island.  Or the the Siracha Khao Kheow Zoo..  You see white people, and I’ll just about guarantee that they are Russian.  The rest of us?  We Americans, Englishmen, Germans, Norwegians, etc?  You will find us in the bars.  With not a lot going on upstairs.  But I’m finding out that most of these Russians are go getters.  And they sure aren’t using the tour buses.  Like those lackeys following their Chinese tour leaders around.

But One good sex tourist, cultured or not, is worth more than 100 Chinese tourists.

 

 

 

Bar girl excuses from Pattaya go go girls that will make you laugh

Out of  all the Hilarious bar girl excuses from Pattaya Go Go girls to avoid long time sex this one had me rolling on the floor with laughter.   Even though Pattaya go go girls are especially notorious for cheating their customers out of what they have paid for, this incident still churns my stomach.    The bar, the mamasan and the go go girl all conspired to cheat my friend.   Who paid 4300 baht for long time but ended up getting the shaft.

When a man pays for long time, this means he’s paying for an all nighter for the bar girl he’s bar fining.  Not for 3 hours of monkey business.

But when he pays for short time sex, he’s typically paying for a half an hour to 3 hours with the bar girl he’s bar fining. I am now going to make a few generalizations to distinguish between beer bar girls and Pattaya go go girls.  In general when a man buys a beer bar girl out of the bar,  she’s hoping to spend the entire night with him.  One reason for this is the bar girl hopes he will like her enough to hire her out for a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime.  The typical beer bar girl hopes to provide security for her family for the long haul.  So if she can get a steady income of 15000 to 30000 baht every month from a falang, she’s achieving her goal.  Because now she is able to send 5000 to 20000 baht a month to her Mama and Papa.  And oftentimes her brothers, the Thai boyfriend she’s hiding away in the village, etc.

What this amounts to is long term job income for family members who are unable or unwilling to work

But Walking Street go go girls operate in a totally different manner.  First off, most of their customers are tourists.  And tourists are idiots who don’t know any better.   But a lot of expats who live full time in Pattaya visit the beer bars.  Or men who keep making multiple visits to Pattaya, who have been around and seen a lot.  This is why so many beer bar girls view so many customers as long term prospects.  And go go girls view customers as short term visitors who they are likely to never see again.

Again, I’m generalizing.  But go go girls act as birds of prey.  Behaving as predators zooming down on their hapless victims. Their goal is to extract as much money in the shortest amount of time from their victims.  So when they go long time with a customer, they want to spend as little time with him as possible.  And the last thing she wants to do is to spend the entire night with him.

Keep in mind that money is number one.

bar girl excuses for Money Number One
If you are going to have anything to do with Thai women, especially bar girls you need this book. It’s the bible. In Money Number One Neil Hutchison tells it like it is. Which has royally upset many Thais who complained so much about Neil’s cartoons that the main book stores here such as Asia books have taken it off their shelves.  But if you are a tourist you already know everything, don’t you?  Look at it this way.  See the funny old fart in the cartoon.  This is you.

So the typical go go girl doesn’t care about how badly she behaves.  After all, tourists are here today and gone tomorrow.   Whereas your typical beer bar girl views her customers as long term prospects who can provide life long security for her family.  Money is still number one.  It’s just that the beer bar girl is looking long term.  And the go go girl is looking only for the short term.  Just keep in mind that bar girl excuses is in their dna wherever you find them.

Let’s now laugh at all the bar girl excuses go go girls make to avoid having to spend the entire night with their victims

One of their favorite excuses is “I have to go home early.  I must go home to take care of my baby.”

 This is total horseshit.
Out of all the bar girls I’ve met,  only one of them had her child staying with her in Pattaya.  And she was from Laos.  Which meant that she had no family living in Thailand that she could lean on.  Almost all Thai bar girls have their momma and papa or sister taking care of their babies up in the village.  Chances are Momma and Papa are too frail to work.  Or there’s hardly any employment for them in the village.  So they might as well take care of the children.  Otherwise they are as useless as tits on a boar when it comes to the grand scale of bar girl-Thai family economies.
But the bar girl is still young and vigorous and she’s got that gilded pussy that we all want.   Chances are she’s renting a room for 5000 to 10000 baht a month and she’s got one or two roommates to share the expense with.

Here’s another classic example  of  bar girl excuses that the average tourist is totally naive about

The customer’s in the room with the girl he’s just bar fined.  After having sex a single time, the bar girl gets a phone call from one of her accomplices.
She utters:  “Oh tilak.  My friend me.  Lose key.  I have.  My friend me cannot get in room.  I must give now.  So sorry tilak.  I want stay with you so much.”
You are going to have to pay high drink prices here. But you won’t be paying any bar fines. Do expect to hear the usual bar girl excuses here. It’s the same everywhere. After all, it’s in their DNA
The bar girl typically does this at 2 or 3 in the morning.  Then she pockets the money you just gave her so that she can visit a Thai karioke bar to meet with her Thai boyfriend.  Or even worse, so that she can take your money to pay a very attractive Thai man to have sex with her.  Or–so that she can go to Club Insomnia, Lucifers Bamboo Bar or other disco so that she can now pick up another customer.  This time as a free lancer.
Personally I think I’d enjoy going here to meet the women. The problem is, one has to be a vampire because discos such as Insomnia are for night owls. They open late and stay open late. One avoids the bar fines. Many go go dancers come here for one last trick after you pay high dollar for their services. I’d enjoy the hunt. I just can’t stay out late and get up too early in the morning to play Count Dracula.

 But this latest line of bull pales compared to the line of horse shit a Walking Street go go girl fed one of my friends last night.

My pal’s first mistake is, he negotiates with the Mamasan.  This is at Super Girls Go Go Bar.  Now my first rule is to never ever negotiate with the mamasan.   First off she’s going to be getting a commission from the go go girl you are bar fining.  So it’s in mamasan’s best interest to set your price as high as possible.
There’s a short time room down the street that charges 350 baht for 2 hours.   Then there’s the 600 baht bar fine he has to pay Super Girls.  But my friend wants the intimacy of his hotel room.  He wants the girlfriend experience.  And unknown to me he wants long time instead of short time.  This means an all-niter. But he makes a mistake and this is to pay the mamasan.
The way it should work is the customer pays the bar fine to the go go bar while he negotiates a price that is acceptable to both the girl and himself.

If I ever have a mamasan try to interfere between me and the girl I’m bar fining, I tell her.  “Look.  I”m fucking her.  Not you.”

So the three of us head down to Pattaya Tai where we board a baht taxi to Naklua.  I drive my motorcycle that I’ve parked in the hotel’s parking lot back to my condo.  While my friend and his short time girl go up to his room at Lek Villa Hotel.
My friend’s room is on the 4th floor and he has his windows and door open to the balcony to let the fresh ocean breeze in. He has sex with the go-go girl and then he goes to sleep. One or two hours later the girl wakes him up. She has shut the door to the balcony and closed the window, but she hasn’t turned the air conditioner on.

She cries out, “Mosquitoes, Mosquitoes too much.” Then she shows him a pimple on her ass, and tells him, “I cannot sleep because of the mosquitoes so I must go home (to my Thai boyfriend or disco such as Lucifers, Tony’s, Insomnia, Marine, etc to pick up still another paying customer).

This really pisses off my friend who by now cannot wait to get rid of the bitch so he tells her,
“I’ve had enough of your pathetic bar girl excuses.  Go, get out of here. Next time I don’t go to your go-go bar. I go to Beach Road for good lady for just 500 baht.”
I recall his saying he paid her 3500 baht for the long time plus the 600 baht bar fine plus another 300 baht to the mamasan for setting up such a great deal for him.
But trust me, his experience is all too typical for Walking Street Go-Go girls.
I remember a friend of mine who paid 2000 baht to a Living Dolls go go girl expecting to have her spend all night with him, but she kept telling him, “ such typical bar girl excuses as  “I cannot sleep. You snore too much. I must go home” (to Thai husband).
There are three lessons to be learned here. Number one–Do not go to go-go bars, number 2. If you must–never have the mamasan or waitress negotiate the price for you. She will try to get the highest dollar for the girl at your expense, and 3. Never pay for sex in advance. Negotiate your price and then pay the girl when she leaves you or you have finished doing what the two of you agreed on. If she falls asleep on you without performing don’t pay her.  And if a girl cheats you out of a long time by going short time, pay her only for the short time.  Last, but not least, be ready for the usual  bar girl excuses.  Trust me, they are coming your way.
Above all, do not believe all the bar girl excuses.  And trust in one thing.  “You can always tell when a bar girl is lying when her lips are moving.
You might be interested in taking a look at 

The Beautiful Beach Road Freelancer who disappeared out of my life forever

Nine years ago the sexiest most beautiful Beach Road Freelancer disappears from Pattaya. And she’s been off my radar ever since. The last night I saw her she was absolutely terrified of her violent Thai boyfriend. Who had to have been tied into the Thai mafia. I am certain she would have contacted me after that fabulous last night we had together in the Girl Beer Bar. Then later on in my condo when I found out that she was really in some deep shit. So why am I thinking of her now? Nine years have passed.

My favorite viking friend, Per, from Norway at the Girl Beer Bar

I am an old fart now. But I was an old fart even back then. Yet even now I oftentimes have this overwhelming desire to show off. Like last week when I performed a pole dance in a Naklua Soi 18 bar.  And put it on you tube.

So why do I want to talk about this Beautiful Beach Road Freelancer now? For one thing we did this incredible pole dance together nine years ago.

Or at least I thought so. Perhaps it was all the tequila we had together.

But no. It wasn’t just the tequila I had. The German bar manager was so impressed by us that he came over and bought us both drinks.

Later he took me and my girlfriend up to show us his living quarters in the Girl Beer Bar. But I didn’t have a girlfriend on that last night I was with the Beautiful Beach Road Freelancer. The girl and I were so whacked out that he never forgot us. We were having so much fun together. And then, the next morning, I got her a taxi. And never saw her again.

Several of the bar girls in the Girl Beer Bar.

A lot has happened since we did that pole dance nine years ago

The Girl Beer Bar owner and manager died. In Germany. The German’s partner who was celebrating his 80th birthday at that big party at the German Girl Beer Bar just died 2 weeks ago. The Thai mafia murdered Edie. She had owned the Malai Bar. They shot her in the head on Sukamvit Road because she owed the wrong people money. After that a restaurant owner friend of mine also got mixed up with the Thai Mafia. But I’m not going to talk about that here.

So now I feel compelled to tell the story about the Beautiful Beach Road Freelancer and how she disappeared on me

Part I 12 years ago

I spotted her on Beach Road, across the street from Mike’s shopping mall, leaning against a tree. The freelancer was slender, with a firm belly, and very full breasts. They weren’t large. Or bulbous, and I found out later there was no silicon either. They were just bursting out of her slender frame. But now that I think about it from hindsight, I think she must have been lactating with her breasts full of milk.

God, did I want to take them into my mouth. So I took her back to my room and paid her for short time. I think it was only 500 baht back then. But it was the best 500 baht I ever paid. And it was the worse. It just depends on how you look at it.

She stayed in my room for just 20 minutes. It took only that long for me to come. And she wouldn’t let me as much as touch those glorious breasts of hers. She wouldn’t let me eat her either. And the bitch couldn’t wait to get away from me and get on with her next customer down by Mike’s shopping mall.

I took her back to my room two or three times. But it was always the same. “Don’t touch. And Keep your tongue inside your own mouth.”

That girl had total control of me. She was a complete bitch. But she was the sexiest girl I ever saw free lancing down on Beach Road. By a factor of ten.

Four years I meet the beautiful Beach Road Freelancer again

I had promised my pals that I’d meet them at the Beer Garden for beers at 8:30, and then we’d hit a few Walking Street go go bars together. Three years earlier I had bought a condo down on the beach in Naklua. So I tried to get a ten baht taxi on Naklua Road. But seven or eight Songtaews passed me. Their drivers totally not interested in picking me up. This pissed me off completely.

“Fuck it. I’m not getting any taxi tonight,” I told myself. I’m walking all the way even though it’s over two miles to the Beer Garden. Not one of these lazy songtaew drivers is making one dime off me tonight.”

With nasty thoughts in mind about all the terrible things I wanted to befall all Pattaya taxi drivers, I set out to the Beer Garden, running most of those two miles. While walking part of the way. And then I jogged up to the platform across from Mike’s shopping mall where a lot of free lancers hang out looking for customers. Then I heard one of the prostitutes calling out my name.

I stopped right in my tracks. Suddenly a trim attractive free lancer stood directly in front of my path.

“Jack. Do you remember me?” the girl asked.

I couldn’t believe it. Here she was, looking almost the same as she did four years ago.

And she remembered my name. And here I had been thinking that she despised me. Me and all her other customers. She looked pretty much the same except that her breasts looked a lot smaller now.

I told her I had bought a condo in Naklua since last seeing her. She acted surprised and pleased. I suppose she never expected me to put my roots down in Pattaya. Thinking I was just another tourist four years ago while I was renting a modest room near Soi 6.

I wanted her again. But I had promised my friends Id be meeting them for sure. And did. Was only ten minutes late too. In spite of walking and running the entire way. I mean “Who in the hell needs taxis anyway? Lazy motherfuckers.

But I managed to give the girl my phone number. And I told her I’d be finishing the go go bars around 11 when she promised to call me.

Good to her word she called me a little after 11 while I was taking a piss in a go go bar toilet.

Forty-five minutes later she was waiting for me just one block from my condo in front of the 7-11.

I had no live in girlfriend then and was paying go go girls 1000 baht to visit me at my condo

Back then I had six different girls from Super Girls Go Go stay with me in my condo for short times. But oftentimes they’d stay for several hours. I was also seeing a Soi Six girl who I was paying 800 baht to visit me. But like most Thai sex workers she turned out to be pretty much of a liar. But no matter. I had them coming and going back in those days.

She is not the beautiful Beach Road Freelancer
My favorite girl from Super Girls at my condo.

I finally settled on a favorite go go dancer from Super Girls who eventually wound up getting big tits from silicon and company. Sometimes I’d have her meet me for a drink or two at the Girl Beer Bar before taking her back to the condo.

But my favorite Girl of them all turned out to be the Beautiful Beach Road Freelancer

Yeah, I know. She was a complete bitch. But times had been a changing. I had my own condo now. So the girl knew I was for real. Staying in Pattaya all year long. Year after year.

She started staying with me for an hour at a time. This went on for a couple of weeks and then we’d start spending more time together out on my deck. Drinking and smoking cigarettes together. I’d be seeing her a couple of times a week. While paying her 800 baht.

She spoke much better English than most of the other girls. And she liked smoking cigarettes and so did I. So it was all so natural for us to just sit out there in the night smoking, and drinking whatever I had handy. But the more comfortable she got hanging around with me at my condo, the less comfortable she was getting with her situation.

She had a Thai boyfriend. Who oftentimes beat her, and who was taking most of her money she was getting off her customers.

She started telling me that he had started following her. And that he knew exactly where I lived. As for me, I had long ago figured out that most of those Beach Road freelancers have really nasty Thai Mafia boyfriends.

She liked me a lot. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be spending all that time with me. So I was figuring that we would last for a very long time together. Perhaps forever. But it would not last.

Our last night together

We had just had sex together in the master bedroom in my condo when I suddenly got the bright idea of taking her to the Girl Beer Bar.

Several of the ladies from Girl Beer Bar

A group of Germans ran the Girl Beer Bar. It was our absolute favorite bar in the entire world. The Girl Beer Bar had a good handful of pretty girls who used to dance out on the sidewalk in front of the place. Gus and I used to buy one or two bottles of Thai whiskey and then we’d sit out in front of the bar with several of the girls who we’d ply with alcohol.

Girl Beer Bar ladies drinking Thai whiskey at a table right on the sidewalk. Gus and I used to buy bottles of Thai whiskey from a nearby 7-11, and then we’d give it to the girls to loosen up.

The mamasan didn’t mind that we were getting all those bottles of Thai whisky on the cheap at a nearby 7-11. And neither did the German owners.

I used to bring girls into the Girl Beer Bar from the outside and ask my favorite girls what they thought of the girls I was taking home with me. But this night I really didn’t care what anyone thought of the Beautiful Beach Road Freelancer. She was the epitome of cool. And I was so happy to have her with me.

Pole Dancing at the Girl Beer Bar with the Beautiful Beach Road Freelancer

Nine years later, this is me, doing a pole dance at a Naklua Bar.  I can still do it, but that last night with the Beautiful Beach Road Freelancer, I was much better

********

The Beautiful Beach Road Freelancer was scared to death of her Thai boyfriend. Which was nothing new. But now she was certain that he had her under surveillance every time she visited me. Tonight she was in no hurry to leave me, so I asked her to spend the whole night at my condo.

Then I took her to the Girl Beer Bar. She struck it off extremely well with my bar girl friends there. So it didn’t take long before one or two of the bar girls started drinking with us. And the music was very good that night. Which was nothing unusual. It was a mix of Golden Oldies and contemporary music with a good beat.

Pai of Girl Beer Bar Fame. Pai was my leading confidant as she would always tell me what she thought of the girls I brought in from outside the Girl Beer Bar

I couldn’t believe it, but before long the Beautiful Beach Road Freelancer and I were dancing together. While I started pulling out some dancing moves that I never knew I had.

She was a great dancer. And she was so self assured. I knew right then that she must have once been a go go dancer.

And not the run of the mill go go girls but one of the top girls wherever she worked.

By now we were drinking a lot. Beer and hard liquor. And certainly several shots of tequila. The other girls were really taking to her. Then suddenly I got the idea to try a little pole dancing.

Before the Germans got the Girl Beer Bar it had been a go go bar. There had been one of two tables with dancing poles in their centers. But the owners had removed the tables and poles to offer more space to their customers. But the center stage still remained with its pole.

It didn’t take much for me to get the beautiful beach road freelancer to join me on that center stage. By this time I was half drunk and 100 percent full of myself.

I had the number one girl in the entire bar with me. And this number one girl was enjoying herself immensely. As inebriated as I was, I knew I could still acquit myself well on a dancing pole. I had done it so many times before back in the United States. Most of the American strippers I knew couldn’t do it at all. But some could. And many of those far better than I’d ever be able to do it. Yet a lot of the good pole dancers had a lot of fun watching me do the pole. And showing me their best pole dancing techniques.

So here I was at the Girl Beer Bar. In Thailand no less. And I did it. Pulling myself up high on the pole I hung there by the pressure of my feet and one arm. And then I started twirling around the pole in a circle. Making several revolutions before I gravity finally put me on the platform.

Several of the Germans sitting close to the stage went wild. And so did my companion, the Beautiful Beach Road Freelancer.

Oh we were great together that night. But it was now her turn to strut her stuff. To show what she was really made of.

Since I had already figured that she had once been a top go go dancer, it didn’t surprise me to see her doing so well on the pole. And then up on that pole we climbed. Together. The rest is a blur. It was so long ago, and we both had a lot to drink that night. But when we finished our antics on the dancing pole, one of the Germans stood up and started clapping. The man then bought us both shots of tequila.

“That was wonderful,” the German told us. “You both were terrific.”

The German never told me who he was, other than his name. But it turned out he was the manager. I think the old German who owned all those restaurants and the go go in Bangkok owned 50 % of the Girl Beer Bar. Then there was Arno, who owned a piece of the Heidelburg Restaurant. And one or two others. But Walter was the general manager, and although he probably owned just a small piece of the bar, his fellow co-owners gave him several rooms upstairs that he made into an apartment. The rooms had been short time rooms when the bar had been a go go bar. Later on Walther would proudly show off his apartment rooms to my girlfriend and I.

The Beautiful Beach Road Freelancer and I had spent a fabulous night together

But it was our last night. I’d never see her again. Not ever.

The next morning she got me up real early. Then she asked me to get her a taxi. At first I thought she wanted a songthaew. Or motorbike taxi. Then she told me how scared she was. So we went to the hotel next door where I got her a real taxi that had blackened windows. NO one could see who she was in that taxi. Which had been her whole point. It was the first and only time I ever got a Thai sex worker a regular taxi. All of them, were only too happy to have me pay for their motorbike taxi rides home.

She had told me she was leaving her Thai boyfriend. Which she had certainly tried to do. Otherwise she would never have insisted on getting a regular taxi. After that I could never reach her on her telephone. I can’t remember, but I must have tried messaging her once or twice. And she never called me again. Or sent me any text messages.

But we had established a solid connection together. A connection that we solidified when we did that pole dance together. I still think of her a lot. Because she was one helluva cool lady.

A  lot of good things came out of  the Girl Beer Bar.  Here’s a few links you might want to check out

When Bangkok Soi Cowboy Go Go Girls met the Best Pattaya Beer Bar Girls

Best Bar Video Girl Bar on Pattaya Naklua Road

 

 

Let’s give dishonest Thai bar girls a break

Let’s give dishonest Thai bar girls a break.  As one Soi Six girl explained.  “You are only customer.  You are not my tilak  (sweetheart) until you take care of me.”

Billy Bob discusses dishonest Thai bar girls

The girl continued:  “I don’t want you to break my heart.  So you customer only.”

So is she a dishonest Thai bar girl or not?

But there is another girl.  And she is very beautiful.  She is also very slim.  Too slim for probably 90 percent of the guys.  And my cousin, Rufus, he’s totally in love with this here girl.  While she’s totally in love with him.

I knows you don’t believe me but I’ve watched them together too many times

Why she will spend 2 hours at a time with him in that Soi Six short time room upstairs.  And when they are in the bar together she won’t take her eyes off him.  She won’t take her hands off his body either.  As for Rufus.  You would think she’s the only girl in his life.  He loves this Soi Six girl to death.

But here’s the problem.  He’s already got himself a Thai wife.  He found her in a bar too.  But that was many years ago.  He’s lucky too.  Her Thai family ain’t asking him for too much.  She’s got four brothers and two sisters.  And she’s got a mother and father.  But let me tell you, her mama and papa are very sick and very old.

The reality is this.  If he kicks his wife out of his life, she’s not going to get too much of his money.  Unless he gives most of it to her.  Her mama and papa can’t work and her brothers only make barely enough for their families to survive.  They have children, so the 15,000 baht they make each month is not enough to be supportin their own families and their mama and papa.

As for his wife.  She will probably be back working as a bar girl again.  If he dumps her.  The mere thought of her fucking all those customers again haunts him.  He cannot bare to look at those trusting beautiful eyes of hers when he thinks about that.

As for dishonest Thai bar girls this Soi Six flame of his isn’t one of them

She loves cousin Rufus to death.  But she’s got a child and has her mother up in Issan taking care of the little girl.  So she’s gotta be supportin her mama and papa and her child.  Working at the local 7-11 isn’t going to be able to do nearly enough.  So she works as a prostitute on Soi Six.

I knows she’s not one of them dishonest Thai bar girls.  Sure she lies to her customers.  She tells all the fat guys she loves fat men.  And she tells all the old farts, she loves old men.  It’s all part of her job.  She wants all these old farts and fat men coming back to give her more money.  If she can’t lie with conviction to all these customers she’s not going to be making much money.

Rufus hates seeing his Soi Six girlfriend having to go with customers

This is not the reed thin Soi Six Beauty in my story here. But when we were first getting to know this girl, she’d try to pull a fast one or two on us. But once we all got onto each other, she stopped pulling her stunts and became a real pal.

And it’s not because he’s jealous.  He just knows  how bad news most of these customers are.  She’s a real beauty.  Even if she’s too thin for most guys.  But Rufus views her as a gorgeous model.  She’s got that twiggy look.  A real model’s body.  The way models used to look.

She’s a beautiful willow swaying in the wind.

Now that I know her better I see her in the same way.

She’s so observant.  And so bright.  And so polite.  She’s really too good for most of these customers of hers, and Rufus knows it.

So now it’s high time for me to digress a little from this story and tell you what I think of most men who come to her bar.

dishonest Thai bar girls versus the Myth of Super Falang

Most Falang or Westerners who come to Pattaya think they are simply the most wonderful things to ever happen to these girls.

Why, they can play basketball, they can dribble the ball behind their backs, and they can dunk the ball every time against all these inferior stupid Thais.  And the English are the worse of them all.  Even though the Germans aren’t that far behind them English.

I happen to know because I am chairman of my condo building.  My fellow committee members do 1 percent of the work while I do 99 percent.

I know who pays their bills on time and who doesn’t.  Not to mention who are the big complainers are.  Among all my fellow condo owners.

Many of them complain a lot.  They go into the condo office and yak yak the two women working there mercilessly.  Most of the condo owners here treat them two women like dogs.

90 percent of these men aren’t worth a shit.

But I tell you one thing.  Most of them can’t play basketball.  They might think they are super falang. But I see most of them as lazy men who aren’t about to do anything for anybody, but themselves.

 The worse kind of men come to Pattaya

Most of them represent the worse that their respective countries have to offer.  They come here so that they can get drunk and party all the time.  Most of them come to have sex with as many women as possible.  But I think some of the worse men of all are the ones who come here for “True love”.  These are the kind of guys who could never find true love in their home countries.  And rightfully so.

It’s because they are so unlovable.  Do you really expect any kind of real woman to feel anything for such men?  But the real surprise to me is I see so many cute, lovely Thai women stick it out so long with so many condo owners here who I have nothing but disdain for.

Getting back to that lovely Soi Six Bar Girl

Most of the customers coming into her bar are Englishmen.  They are the worse kind of Englishmen.  Most of them have tattoos.  They wear the colors of their favorite soccer teams.  And they wear the kind of shorts that English football players wear.    As one of my German pals put it to me while we were visiting a Soi Six Bar:  “Look at these Englishmen wearing their monkey suits.”  You’d think a visiting professional team was coming into the bar wearing those ridiculous outfits.

They cuss a lot.  And they are loudmouths.  Plus they always go from bar to bar in their little Englishmen groups.

These are hooligan types.  Complete uneducated rif raf.  Yet these are the customers this girl has to keep fucking and pretending she likes it.

She oftentimes works in that Soi Six bar in high heels.  Believe me, she looks positively elegant wearing them.  Then she has to go upstairs with all these louts and have them slober all over her.

That’s one of the many reasons Cousin Rufus like to give her as much money as he can.  And spend as much time as he can with her in her bar.  The way Rufus has it figured, the more time he’s with her, the less time she must put up with such imbeciles.

But she wants more from Rufus.  She wants him to be the white Knight who will take her out of the clutches of all that white trash.  But Rufus cannot deliver.  On account of he’s already got a Thai wife.  Bottom line, eventually one of them has gots to go.  Either the Thai wife or the girl from Soi Six.

She’s going to want to cuddle with him all the time.  She is going to want to sleep with him almost every night.  She is going to want him to hold her in his arms to reassure her that she’s never going to have to fuck all those louts ever again.  She’s going to want to feel that she never has to worry about money again.  So it’s not going to last.

But she’s not one of them dishonest Thai bar girls.  In fact there’s a lot fewer of these dishonest Thai bar girls than you’d think.

dishonest Thai bar girls have a lot more integrity than most condo managers

Money Number One's about dishonest Thai bar girls
In Money Number One, Neil Hutchison tells the truth about dishonest Thai bar girls. Although Neil’s advice needs to be heeded he doesn’t have everything quite right about Pattaya’s bar girls. But one thing Neil never mentions is how much worse your typical condominium manager is than such bar girls. Or many condominium technician’s and other key employees. A lawyer once told us that 99 percent of all condominium offices in Pattaya cheat their condo owners.

A Thai lawyer once told my fellow committee members and me that 99 percent of the Thai staffs working for Pattaya condos are ripping off their condo owners.

Why our own condo bookkeeper and secretary embezzled 255,000 baht from us.  And that’s nothing compared to what I keep hearing about all the other condo communities around us.

As my old friend Hans Schumaker put it.  “When condo residents pay utility bills and maintenance fees to their condo offices a lot of money can pile up in the hands of the manager or bookkeeper.”  In Thailand where salaries are so much lower than they are in the West, it’s too tempting laying out all that money in front of condo office employees.  When you have condo residents paying cash to their condo offices, they are offering the condo  office personnel an invitation to steal.”

That’s why we now require all condo residents to pay their bills direct to our condo savings account.

But Managers and other key Pattaya condo employees can still rip off condo owners by getting commissions and kickbacks for repairs

It’s not just their 25000-40000 baht salaries that attract so many worthless scoundrels to become condo managers.  It’s all the money that they can get by overcharging for repairs

As chairman of the committee here in my condo community I must report that out of four managers, three were ripping us off for repairs.

Here’s the way all this works.

Condo communities need to keep up on their maintenance in order to provide a good living environment for their owners.  Water pumps need to be replaced.  The swimming pool lights stop functioning.  Someone needs to repaint the building every few years.  Generators need to be replaced for emergency lighting.  As well as the emergency lights themselves.  Insurance needs to be purchased for the condo building.  The elevator keeps malfunctioning.  And so does the Internet and television service.

Management must go out and purchase all those things that are necessary to keep everything functioning.  It also has to hire special technicians to take care swimming pool problems, water leaks that no one seems to be able to trace, etc.  And all these vendors supplying materials and labor to all these condo communities in Pattaya are going to be giving the condo managers commissions.

A manager might go out and hire an outside work crew for a 20000 baht job.  And then he will charge the condo owners 60000 baht for labor.

A few years ago our technician told us that we had to pay 174,000 baht to repair a fire control system that didn’t need to be repaired in the first place.

It was that bid from the super experts from Bangkok who would do the repairs that tipped me off.  When I saw a 13000 baht charge for an oil change on the bid, I knew that the experts from Bangkok were conspiring with our technician to rip us off.

For more detailed info about this unnecessary 174000 baht read “What a $400 oil change tells you about Pattaya Condo Repair Ripoffs”

I was certain of that when I talked to our manager about that 170,000 baht bid.  This was the honest manager.  The only one in four who was honest when it came to repairs.

“That 170,000 baht bid we got from Bangkok?  We had those two technicians come down from their company.  One of them said to me,  I can get this job done for just 100,000 baht.  But I will do it myself.  Me and my friends.  My company doesn’t need to know anything about it.”

This manager of ours, the honest one, didn’t get very far with him.  You can be sure that if she convinced our committee to go for the 100,000 baht deal, that she’d be getting her cut from it.

The next day our technician came up to my condo.  This was our technician.  And not one of the two hot shots from Bangkok.

“If I can get this repair done to our fire control system for 100,000 baht would you go for it?” he asked.

“Bingo.  I had the tech by the short hairs.”  My brain was telling me this.  Our technician had discussed money making schemes with one of both of the Bangkok techs.  One of the Bangkok techs made his offer to our manager.  Our technician had made a master plan with one or both of the Bangkok techs for 100000 baht.  One or both of the Bangkok techs would be pocketing a few thousand baht.  And our technician would be getting a few thousand baht for himself.

A few months later, our manager fired our technician.  We didn’t do any kind of repair whatsoever to the fire control system other than replacing two batteries that started the system off.  And an oil change to the diesel engine that ran the water pumps that supplied water for fire control.  I think it was around 2000 baht instead of 13000 to change the oil and oil filters.  And around 5000 baht to replace the two batteries.  So we wound up spending 7000 baht.  And not 174,000 baht.

Even dishonest Thai bar girls don’t try to rip you off this much.  Well, at least most of them won’t.

dishonest Thai bar girls, so what does all this have to do with them?

There’s so much embezzlement, and kickbacks, illicitly gained commissions from condo managers here.  And all of that is so accepted as the way that things should be.  That I just don’t view all these dishonest Thai bar girls the same anymore.  The rich people in Thailand are so busy exploiting the poor so that they can show off all their BMW’s and Mercedes to have big face.  That I regard so many of these dishonest Thai bar girls as saints in comparison.

 

 

 

In the Soi Six bar police catch Billy Bob with his pants off

In the Soi Six bar police almost catch Billy Bob with his pants off.  And that would be me.  Uncle Bufford’s disciple.

Soi Six bar police almost catch Billy Bob naked
Damn, that was sure a close all with the Soi Six bar police. To find out more about me, check out the Uncle Bufford advice column.

Notice that I changed one word from my title.  That is the key word almost.  I said the Soi Six bar police catch Billy Bob with his pants off just to get your attention.  Because it should.  Police harassment of Soi Six bars is getting to be that serious.

Here’s how serious the situation is getting.  Out of the 75 units in my condo building, the police have put 5 of our residents in jail.  These are only residents that I know of.

But what you really came here for was how at a Soi Six bar police almost caught me with my pants off.

Here’s how the at a Soi Six bar police almost caught me with my pants down.  Right after I copulated.

Now this girl must be about the most slender gal I’ve ever met on Soi Six.  The first time I saw her, another girl at her bar tried to pull me inside the place.  To buy her a drink.  But when I saw her, I thought she was about the cutest thing on two legs.  I had to have her.  So I ignored the first woman.

I looked her in the eye and she looked right back at me.  Our eyes were riveted together so much that it took just a single motion of my eyes to tell her I wanted to buy her a drink.   I wanted the other girl to get lost.

This girl was even prettier than the Doll House go go girls. But the Soi 6 girl had a toothpick frame for a body.

We sat down at the bar together, and she got busy before our drinks even arrived.  I felt small hands on my balls, and I knew right then that I wouldn’t waste any time.

She was 160 centimeters all.  Which comes to about five foot three.  But she admitted to weighing just 40 kilos or 88 pounds.  So she looked a lot taller than she actually was.  In her clothing she looked very shapely and had a fine ass.  Looking as tall as she did she almost looked stately.

But my God.  When I took her in the shower and stood naked with her, I nearly changed my mind.

She was so godawfully skinny.

Honestly, she looked like she had just come out of a concentration camp.  I almost took her back to ask for a refund for my money.

The room set me back 300 baht.  Which is typical for Soi Six.  Reluctantly I took the girl over to the bed and lay down with her.

But brother, did she get active.  She went down on me like an impact drill.  And she kept at it, and kept at it, until I nearly came in her mouth.  Then I turned her over and went down on her.

By now I didn’t even notice how skinny she was.  She tasted good.  And she got really wet real fast.  Her box lunch was mighty fine.

When I started to bang her, she curled her little body right into mine.  Her head was small.  I started to rub her hair.  Then her neck.  We took a long time together before I turned her over.  So that she straddled me.

She had thin toothpick legs.  Her hips were narrow.  She fit right between my thighs while straddling me in the female superior position.

Pulling herself right into my groin brought us right into each other.  I had maximum penetration you would never get from a fat woman.  Or even a normal woman.

So let me tell you guys who like a woman who’s got enough meat to hold onto.  Well, you guys don’t know any better.

And as for all of you who like big tits.  Okay, they can be nice.  But silicon?  There’s nothing worse than silicon.  But take a set of nature well formed tits.  Well, okay, they can be kind of nice.

But not essential.  Now this slender little thing’s practically got no tits at all.  But the little bits that she does have expand and start to fill up my mouth.  I can feel her little body tightening up against me as I suck her little tits.

To make a long story short, I come and I’m pretty damn sure she does as well.

But now it’s time to get back to the Soi Six bar police and how they almost catch me in the act.

I think it was the 3rd time I took her upstairs.  By now I had found out she gives an incredible blow job. She doesn’t hesitate to suck in all my cum and swallow.

The long and short of this is, we’ve just finished whatever we’ve been doing.  I’ve had an orgasm, and I’m still butt naked.  I have left a half empty bottle of beer on the headboard, and I’m about to swallow the rest of my beer.  Then

Suddenly, three Thai women rush into the room

The police are coming.  You must leave.  Quicky, they tell me in loud voices.  My underwear pants are on the floor.  So are my sandals.  I reach town for my underwear shorts.  Then I try to put them on.  I can’t get the hole my dick comes out of to match up with my dick.  The women are frantic.  And so am I.

I do not want the police to find me butt naked in a Soi Six short time room.  It’s likely to make the paper.  The same way it happened at the Windmill Club when the police caught a falang in a short time room upstairs with one of the Windmill girls.  They published the guy’s name and picture everywhere.  Then the police closed the Windmill down for a whole month.

I looked down underneath the bed.  But there wasn’t even the smallest space to crawl in there where I could hide from the police.

I still kept fumbling with my underwear shorts.  Finally I gave up and one of the women took them from me.  Then I pulled my shorts over my naked ass and dick, and shoved my feet into my sandals.  Putting my shirt on was my last act before I headed down the two flights of stairs down into the bar.  I managed to get three buttons buttoned so my chest was showing through my shirt.  But no matter.  I was down into the bar at last.  The girl followed me and took a bar stool next to me as I sat down.

Ordering two beers.  One for her and one for me, I started to relax and wait.  But the police never came.

Later, I heard that the military was accompanying the police as they raided many bars in the area.  The politicians had arranged a big push to show they had big face.  And that they were ridding Pattaya of all vermin, such as me.

I narrowly slithered out of this one.   But I have a lot more to tell about what I’m now doing to avoid Pattaya’s finest men in brown, but that will have to come later.

But for now, what all you guys need is to realize that in these parts of the woods money is number one.  So before you even consider being with any Thai girl you need to get the Bible.  That’s it.  Money Number one.  And don’t ever leave home without it.

Money Number one is the Bible

Related posts about Police crackdowns on Naklua red light areas

Police catch naked British tourist in Pattaya Walking Street Windmill go go bar

To watch the video about the infamous Windmill raid click here.

 

Walking Street Doll House vs Annabelle Go Go Bars Golden Pussy

Here’s the good, bad, and ugly of Doll House vs Annabelle Go Go Bars Golden Pussy shakedown.

The G spot is the Golden Pussy

Background

Three of Pattaya Walking Street’s Premier go go bars have completed a transformation over the past two weeks. The same company has owned the Doll House Pattaya, G-Spot,  Electric Blue, and  Doll House Bangkok . Until now. Then the G-Spot which had been our favorite split from its sister clubs to become Annabelles with a new management team. During the same month the venerable Windmill Club has been closed by the police for a month.

Personally I don’t care for the Windmill Club. I started calling it a Dirty Old Man’s Paradise ever since I saw an old fart sticking his hands into every orifice of one of the dancers there. Perhaps more than any single go go bar on Walking Street the Windmill has earned the Golden Ring Award for relentless hands on debauchery and dildo pussy thrusting.

This time the Windmill committed the unpardonable sin of allowing one of its customers to boom boom one of its girls in an upstairs short time room.  In came the police to catch the man with his pants down and his dick hanging out.

Which brings us to last night

go go girl who's not showing her Golden Pussy

Billy Bob and I started out at the Doll House. Several of the prettiest girls at the G-spot quit as soon as the new owners took over and renamed the place Annabelles Go Go.  I found them at Doll House last night and I have to say that the Doll House had the purdiest group of girls I’ve seen in a go go bar for a coons age.  Several of the sexiest girls wasted no time  and  joined Billy Bob and me in the peanut gallery.

I bought a few tequilas for two of the girls who hung with me until Billy Bob and I headed out to Annabelles. I promised to return to “my two girls” after half an hour or so.

Annabelles was completely packed with customers.

We couldn’t find a table but the mamasan, who oftentimes hung around with us, soon found seating arrangements for us.

There were over thirty go go dancers up on that stage.  Billy Bob told me most of the girls were from the Windmill Club who had suddenly found themselves out of work. And with them came many Windmill customers. I suddenly had to face  the thing I had hated the most about the Windmill Club.  It had far too many customers. The place was always uncomfortably crowded.  And there were never nearly enough girls to go around.

The Windmill was well known for having some of the cheapest beer on Walking Street.  But the fact is, cheap drink prices always brought in the riff raff.  And believe me, Annabelles was super saturated tonight with cheap charlies.  This was definitely not my kind of crowd.  As for the girls, most were nothing to write home about. The club had also changed its music to that electro crap I call Da Da music.

Back at the Doll House

they had been playing a lot of really good music for a change. I had just one bottle of San Miguel Light at Annabelles which set me back a whopping 170 baht. This was just plain inexcusable. Hordes of customers had come in.  The place was crowded with imbeciles who simply didn’t know any better. I left for the greener pastures of the Doll House where I rejoined the two sexy women who had sat with me earlier.

I have known one of the two girls for nearly two years now.  She has a very pretty face and a very fine ass.  She knows it too.  And she uses every opportunity to stick that fine ass of hers in my face. The thing I like about her best is for a Thai bar girl she’s a straight up kind of gal who calls a spade a spade. The other girl, who I’ve started calling the little sister, has great breasts, and a nice shape. I’ve only had her sitting with me only once before. I found her to be quite cuddly and kissable.

Both girls wanted me to bar fine them.

I would have bar fined the “older sister”, but when the mamasan told me the bar fine was now 1100 baht, I told the mamasan and both girls that there was no way I would ever pay a thousand baht bar fine.

I found out the reason for the bar fine going up from 900 to 1100 baht

was the girls were now dancing totally nude. Which comes down to this. Before Christmas bar fines for Electric Blue, the Doll House and the G spot had been 800 baht.  But over the Christmas holidays the clubs upped their bar fines to 900 baht, and never lowered them once the Christmas gouging season had ended. Now they had gone up to 1100 baht due to most of the Doll House girls now dancing totally nude.  I was plain disgusted, and so were many of the girls who were not getting bar fined much.

What’s good about Go Go Bars Golden Pussy?

For one thing you get to see exactly what you are getting. And let’s face it, although a lot of guys like big tits, it’s the pussy you are fucking or eatin.  And silicon tits are the worse kind of tits. Most of them are shapeless. They are hard and they taste terrible. Now take a girl with small tits. A girl with small tits can really feel them being titillated. When she gets excited her tits expand in your mouth. You can feel her nipples harden with your tongue. But best of all, especially with Thai women, girls with small tits tend to be slimmer and more active. But it’s the golden pussy that sends me to the stratosphere.

Some girls got the golden pussy. Others don’t. And when you watch the go go dancers up on stage you can immediately tell who’s got the soft flabby pussies and who’s got the tight little teen age girl vaginas.

But I already know that the “older sister” has got a golden pussy. I went down there too many times before.  I have to admit that she looks great up on stage showing off that Golden Pussy of hers.  But I haven’t been down on the little sister, at least not just yet. Her box looks promising enough. I often like calling a woman’s vagina her box because pussy sounds so crass.

Mikos not here tonight. And neither is Frog Face.

Thank God. Maybe they have both started working back at Annabelles where they belong.

Both girls are disappointed that I’m not bar fining them. But I’m sharing with them certain ideas of mine that I think both of the girls will like. They’ve been talking animatedly together about what I’m suggestin to them.  Their animated voices and body language tell me that Big Sister wants to share me with Little Sister and that she’s tellin the younger girl what a great guy I am.

I finally check bin. My bottle of beer comes out to 150 baht which is 20 baht less than they are charging down at Annabelle’s.

It’s time to wrap this review up. Here’s the good, bad and the ugly about both clubs.

The Doll House

The good

• Has a wonderful manager in Lenny who used to manage at all three clubs, Electric Blue, the Doll House, and G spot.
• They stopped playing that horrible da da electro crap that so many clubs are passing off as music and are now playing real music with a great beat.
• Beers are cheaper at 150 baht.
• The girls are some of the sexiest on Walking Street
• Showing off golden pussy so that the discriminating male of exquisite tastes can make an informed decision on what he’s buying.
• Happy hour prices for certain drinks between 8:30 pm at 10. For example gin and tonics are just 75 baht each.

The Bad

• Using Golden Pussy full nudity as an excuse for raising the bar fine from 900 baht to 1100 baht.

The Ugly
• Displaying ugly genitalia

Annabelles

The Good

• One of the mamasans is a lot of fun and she’s actually quite cuddly.
• Some of the old staff members who have always treated us well are still here.
• Still hands on. Especially for all those dirty old man types who were frequenting the Windmill.
• Happy hour prices for certain drinks between 8:30 pm at 10. For example gin and tonics are just 75 baht each.

The Bad

• The girls for the most part are only so so. Just like the Windmill bar girls used to be
• The place is far too crowded
• Bar fines are now 1000 baht for short time sex and 1500 baht for long time
• Management is now pressuring the girls to spend more time up on the stage and not enough time one on one with their customers.

The Ugly

• Beers are now 170 baht per bottle. This is downright inexcusable.

Last week’s Naklua bar girl suicide caused by broken heart

Last week’s Naklua bar girl suicide hit me hard.   I used to drink with her, and it took so long for her to die.

At a party after Naklua bar girl suicide
Happier times here at our favorite bar.

Last night the Naklua bar owner asked for donations to burn the girl’s body.  Her family has no money.  The cremation will cost 30,000 baht which is just under $1000 U.S.   And then the bar owner told me the full story which gave me all the gory details, except for one thing.  Why did this pretty girl kill herself?

It was more than a Naklua bar girl suicide.  I knew the girl pretty well

The girl was pretty and she was nice.  The bar owner and I  agreed on both counts.  I used to buy her drinks, but she had always been polite enough to back off, if another girl  got to me first.  I know this sounds pretty bad when I’m writing “if another girl got to me first”.  The bar owner has trained all her bar girls very well.  It is very rare that one of her bar girls asks me for a drink.  What normally happens is when I enter the bar alone, one of the girls will sit next to me after bringing me a drink.  That’s when I really want to buy a bar girl a drink.  When she doesn’t ask me for anything.

I must truthfully say that if I were to ever bar fine a girl here she would have been the one I would have chosen first.  She was the most attractive of all the girls, and she used to laugh at all my jokes. Even if she never understood them.

She used to tell me, “I understand not too much English.  Only a little bit.”  But being my own greatest fan, I would often laugh at the things I used to say here.   So when I’d start to laugh at all the off the wall things I used to say, she’d start to laugh with me.  Which would get me laughing even more.  Our laughter would soon become so contagious that both of us would almost be falling out of our bar stools.

Then I heard the horrible news

She cut her own throat.    The story, when I first heard it, was pretty sketchy.  The story was  this Naklua bar girl suicide was caused by “broken heart”.  One of the girls informed her that her Western boyfriend  was being unfaithful to her.  And that’s why she cut her throat.  But she hadn’t cut it deeply enough which caused her to linger in the hospital for many days.  Which turned into many weeks.

After more than a month, she finally died.   But it wouldn’t be until last night that I got the full story.  Well, not quite.  And that was because the bar owner had never gotten the entire story either.

She died because she drank a lot of Duck before she cut her own throat

Naklua bar girl suicide took a long time because of this poison

Duck is a very potent cleaning fluid that is used to clean toilets and other bathroom fixtures.  I use it to clean the grouting in my tiled floors.  If is strong enough to burn your hands if you don’t  use gloves.  I didn’t find out that she had poisoned herself until two weeks ago.  So it wouldn’t be a question of if she would die, but when.

The rest of the story

Last night I sat at the bar until 2:30 a.m.  Neither Pen  nor I understood exactly why she did it.   But Pen kept telling me she did it because of a broken heart.

The girl’s room was half a kilometer from the bar.  The day she cut her throat she went to the bar.  Then she went back to her room.  She didn’t walk.  She ran while being in a very agitated state. Then she came back to the bar a second, perhaps a third time and each time she ran back to her room.  The bar owner had never seen her acting so crazy.  When she went back to her room the last time she swallowed a lot of Duck.  Then she cut her  own throat.  After this she ran outside her room bleeding profusely as she kept crying out for help.

They took her to Banglamung Hospital.

The bar owner immediately went there as soon as she found out the girl had slit her throat.

At some point, Pen asked a nurse why the hospital did not drain the girl’s stomach.

The nurse replied:  “Because this would have made things a lot worse.”

They then took her  to a highly regarded hospital in Bangkok, which would have drained her stomach had she been taken there first.  At least that’s what the  bar owner told me.  Later they took her home to her family.   But as far as Pen could find out the girl was slowly recovering and would soon resume working at the bar.  The girl returned home to her family and whenever Pen  called to find out how she was, the girl would tell her, “I’m fine.  I will be back at your bar soon”.

She wasn’t doing fine.  She was dying

Neither she nor her family had any money.  But she was too proud to tell the bar owner this.  So she couldn’t stay at the Bangkok Hospital for very long.  Last night Pen told me that she would have paid the girl’s full medical expense if only she had known.   I completely believe Pen.  Always have and always will.  She has a lot more behind her than most of her customers would ever suspect,  and she has a huge heart.  As for the local hospital where the girl’s family lived, the place simply did’t have the equipment or skilled personnel to handle complicated medical cases such as hers.

The Duck had slowly eroded a lot of her insides.  The Bangkok Hospital would have operated.  And possibly saved her life.  Who knows?

Last remarks from her bar owner

  • “She left behind children and her parents.  Now  who’s going to take care of them”?
  • “She was very pretty.  She could have easily found another man to take care of her”.
  • “I think about her every day.  This breaks my heart.”
  • “I don’t know exactly why she kill herself.  But it was because of broken heart.”

My last remarks

I have no further remarks  to make about this Naklua bar girl suicide. Other than to link here to one of my You Tube Videos.   This is much more than just another Naklua bar girl suicide.  We will all miss this girl.

If you wish to read more about the bar.  its History and what makes this bar owner so very special continue here.

 

 

 

 

 

Annabelles go go becomes more expensive

Two weeks ago the Walking Street go go bar was G Spot.  Now it’s Annabelles go go, and it’s become more even more expensive.

G Spot is now Annabelles go go

Before Christmas you could bar fine a G Spot go go bar girl for 800 baht. Then came the Christmas gouging.  Bar fines went up to 900 baht. But one would think that bar fines would go back to normal once the Christmas holidays were over. But it just didn’t happen. Same thing happened down the street at the Crazy House go go bar. My response was to lower my short time tips to the girls from 1500 to 1000 baht. It worked.

And here’s why

I’ve got it figured this way. Most men won’t pay thousand baht bar fines and be willing to pay a go go girl two thousand baht for short time. Japanese men might be willing victims to such overcharging. But not the guys I know. Men who actually live here and know better. But for most go go girls it’s a matter of face. They are 2000 baht girls. Some even think they are worth 3000 baht. But when I go into most go go bars, I very seldom see the girls actually getting bar fined. So I figure I can get at least some of them for 1000 baht. With one caveat that is. This being that we keep my 1000 baht tip a secret from all the other girls and the mamasan.

Let’s bring  Annabelles go go pricing picture down to Earth

Most of the time I am not going to spend more than one hour in a go go bar without paying at least 1000 baht for drinks. The short time room down the street is now 400 baht. Even at a 900 baht bar fine, and a 1500 baht tip to the go go girl, I’m out at least 3800 baht which is $115.00. Which is pretty bad considering I can go short time with a Soi Six girl for 1300 baht. And this includes the room upstairs. That’s $40.00. And the Soi Six girls are in the hole much better.

Annabelles go go bar the good and the bad

They still have those terrific 8:30 to 10:00 p.m. Happy Hours here. I will usually start off with four half priced gin and tonics for just 300 baht. And Annabelle’s still has some of the best looking go go girls on Walking Street. They’ve still got the same mamasans. One of them is pretty cool. She likes to hang around my table even if I’m not buying her drinks.

But Annabelle’s no longer owned by the same company that ran G Spot, Electric Blue and the Dollhouse go go bar. The manager’s gone. Thankfully he’s back over at the Dollhouse where he’s still buying drinks for me and my pals.

Last night I saw the new manager. And believe me he’s laid down the law. My favorite girl keeps tellin me, “I don’t like this place anymore.” And why should she? I buy her a lot of drinks. And trust me, she’d much rather hang around me and my pals than be dancing her ass off all the time up on that stage. Mamasan’s been pretty cool with that too. Because me and my pals are a pretty entertaining group of guys. But now they’s got her on a time clock. She only gets about ten minutes with me before she’s high pressured to get up on the stage.

 The worse thing about  Annabelles go go bar is

Is the price to get laid. It now costs a 1000 baht bar fine just to take a girl out of the bar for short time. But the long time bar fine is now a whopping 1500 baht. I used to be able to pay a 900 baht bar fine to get a girl out of the bar. So we could go to a beer bar so that I could avoid having to pay for all those ridiculously priced lady drinks. I could take a girl out for 80 baht beers far away from Walking Street. We’d spend a couple of hours together and then we’d simply split and go our separate ways. After I banged her in a 200 baht short time room that is.

But under the new regime, if the girl goes out with me, I must pay either 1000 baht short time or 1500 baht long time. If I take her short time, she has to come back to Annabelle’s to complete her shift. And there’s no way in hell I’m ever going to pay a 1500 baht bar fine.

The solution is

To have her meet me outside the go go bar. And now because of the greed of the go go bar’s new owners, this bar’s going to get no bar fines out of me. Not ever. And believe me, many of the girls are perfectly fine with this. They know they are getting screwed. Especially now that it’s low season. Trust me the bar fines over at Annabelle’s will be few and far between.

Don’t be a  Walking Street sucker with Pattaya Bar Girls

Uncle Bufford says, don’t be a  Walking Street sucker with Pattaya Bar girls.   Be tough.  Don’t let any of these wimmen run you.  I will give you five examples of what I’m talkin about.

I am not a Walking Street sucker
Above all, don’t fall for these cute little things. Focus on what’s really important. Tits and Ass. Yes, that’s the ticket. Get as much as you can. If ya falls in love with only one, you ain’t going to get too many

But first off, I didn’t do all these things Billy Bob did.  This is his story

Girl number 1. The go go girl who apologized.

Ever notice very few Thai women from all these bars never apologize? This is a matter of face. And in my opinion in this part of the world, money is not number one as Neil Hutchison says in Money Number One.

Money Number One is no longer sold in Thailand because certain illustrious Thais felt the book’s cartoons gave Thais a bad image

It’s number two. Face is number one. The Thais we keep meetin in Pattaya have this huge desire to be number one. They don’t want falang tellin them what to do. This amounts to too much Xenophobia (dislike or fear of people from other countries). Or Thai always right. Foreigner always wrong. This time my sexy go go friend broke the mold.  I’m calling her, Noi, which isn’t her real name and it’s not her stage name either. That’s because not all of you reading this are the nicest people. So I want to be protective of the people I like.

So here I am in this here go go bar. I”m not going to tell ya the name of the place. I like to keep certain places to myself. Keeps the riffraff out.  I kind of like to keep the good places to myself even though this here is a go go bar. The manager usually buys me and my friends drinks.  Anyways this girl is kind of special. I first met her workin on Soi Six which means she has some values. That’s why I bang her a lot.

Use this line to avoid being a Walking Street sucker

I’m buying her tequilas and beers and then she decides to bring her friend over. I keep tellin them all, “Look, I’m fuckin her, not you. I buy drinks only for the girl I’m banging.  What are you doing for me? Do you think I’m a Walking Street sucker?”

I keep tellin her she’s special. But then she points across the room at another girl and asks me, “Buy friend me drink?”

I tell her no. But she does not let up on me. “But she my friend,” she replies.

“I don’t care. I only buy drink for you.”

But her friend comes over to our little table lookin for a handout.

“I tell both girls. “She my friend,” as I point at Noi. I know her for long time.”

“My friend no have drink. No money,” the ex Soi Six girl explains.

That does it. I catch the eye of a waitress who promptly comes over.

“Check Bin Kap.” I tell her.

Action counts with Pattaya bar girls.  Words don’t mean squat

“Five minutes later, I’ve settled my bin (bill) with the waitress. Then I turn to Noi, and tell her, “I only buy drink for you. Not for friend you, sister you, mamasan, papasan. I go now because you not listen to me.”

The next time I visit her bar, she makes a big display of being very happy to see me, and lets the whole bar know it. We start off having a beer together.

Don’t be a  Walking Street sucker

Walking Street Sucker
Believe it or not, most men coming to Pattaya leave their brains at the airport.  Incidentally, I ripped this cartoon off from Neil Hutchison’s Amazon listing for his book, Money Number One.    Think I can draw cartoons this good?  No way.  I admonish any man coming to Pattaya to buy Neil’s book and to make it your bible on how to deal with these wimmn.

She’s not one of these worthless go dancers who keeps insisting on me buying her these no alcohol lady drinks they all make 50 baht commissions on.  As I  keep having to explain so many times, “This is the name of the go go game, to get stupid falang to buy as many drinks as you can get from them. That’s why all these wimmen keep insisting that you buy drink for their friend, their sisters who ain’t their real sisters, and all these voracious mamasans.”

But this girl is very different. After all, I met her from Soi Six.  Sittin next to me, she says, “I sorry about night before. Wanting you buy drink me my friend.”

She never tried that stunt again.

Girl number 2

This one’s from Soi Six. Which is going to show all of you, that you never can tell. I love Soi Six best of all. And I like Walking Street girls least of all. This one’s one of the better looking Soi Six girls. She’s got a great attitude. Gives me a nice little massage while we lie naked together just before we get it on.  BUT:

I must have fucked her about six different times. Then I text messaged her to meet me at her bar at 11 a.m . She text messaged me back: “Yes.”

So the next day I arrive at Soi Six at 11 a.m. I call her. It’s obvious that I’ve just woken her up. “Can you wait half hour for me,” she tells me.

“Okay, I have breakfast. See you in one half an hour,” I reply.

So I have a breakfast at a nearby restaurant and call her back.

“I have customer now,” she tells me.

I didn’t miss my turn.  That Thai girl missed her turn with me

That was about one month and a half ago. And I haven’t given her one baht since.  They say when you have missed out that you have missed your turn.  But I see it my way. Whichever customer took my turn has probably not been with her very much. He’s probably a tourist.  She could have been a regular of mine and I live here all year round.

I liked a lot of things about her and was about to replace my number one Soi 6 girl with her. But now she’s missed her chance. But oh well, “Birds in the attic but nobody at home.” But stay tuned for my sequel on her.  I’m not a Walking Street sucker.  And I’m not a Soi Six Street sucker either.

Girl number 3. The very sexy massage girl

Trouble with most massage girls is nearly all of them are butt ugly. I haven’t had that many massages in the last several years. And I haven’t had a happy ending (where the massage girl massages her customer’s penis to orgasm) for over two reasons. I used to have a pretty massage girl give happy endings. Trouble was she was a bit fat, and not really a match for a couple of my Soi Six favorites. Also, the Soi Six girls gave me number one boom boom. Not to mention terrific oral sex. So I’d always choose gettin it all from girls with wonderful bodies over getting a hand job from someone who’s body didn’t match up to what I was expectin.

But this massage girl has one of those slender wonderful bodies that really turns me on.

I get the best massage I ever had

Upstairs there was just one room. I think this must be the only room in which they give oil massages. There is just one narrow bed on it and there’s a lock on the door.

She puts me on the bed lying naked, face down. I am putting my head down into the plastic pillow that had the breathing hole in it so that I have my face pointed down towards the floor. And then she starts playing with my ass. She grazes my ass hairs lightly with her finger tips.  Which is so exquisite that I get an immediate erection. God, did she know what she was doing.  In less then five minutes I jerk myself into an upright position and then I did something I had never done before.

I ask the first massage girl ever for sex

“I want you to do everything with me. I want you to smoke me and fuck me with all your clothes off.  You get 1000 baht tip to make me come.”

“Okay. 300 baht for the oil massage, but you must pay me 1100 baht tip.”

“No, I give you 1000 baht tip. Same same I pay all ladies.”

“You pay me 1100 baht this time. Next time you pay me 1000 baht.”

Because I knew there would be a second time, and probably many times more, I agreed because I know that the right massage girl can be a real treasure. And here’s why.

Why the right massage girls are number one

Even the mediocre massage girls work hard. Most beer bar girls don’t have to. Now don’t get me wrong, some beer bar girls can be terrific. But a lot of them are just standing around, doing practically nuthin. Or joking around with their friends. And too many of them are on their smart phones which means they aren’t paying attention to me. This means they ain’t too smart. And if there’s one thing I despise is a woman who’s dumber than a milk cow.

But when you get a 1 hour massage, the girl is working on you 100 percent of the time. If the massage girl is even half good, she’s putting out a lot of energy giving you that massage. And let’s face it, she’s got to put up with a lot of very obnoxious guys 100 percent of the time she’s giving them massages. She’s got to put on a pretty face even if the guy she’s massaging has a bloated fatso body. Or the guy smells like crap. And I can assure you that most of the guys she’s massaging have terrible personalities. Many of them are just plain evil bastards. But it’s her job to always be pleasant to such assholes. And she’s got to be putting on her pretty face while doing it no matter how she’s feeling inside. These gals are queens I tell you. Queens.

Happy Endings

Then there’s the girls who are giving happy endings. Believe me, most of them are pretty damn good at doing it. And they are doing using only their hands.

Trouble is most of them are just plain whipped with ugly stick. Especially in my neck of the woods where I haven’t seen a pretty massage girl since the beginning of time. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s places in Pattaya that are pretty far away that have much better selection. I just don’t have the time to comb all those areas that are too far from home.

You might be hitting the jackpot if you find a pretty massage girl

But if a man finds a pretty massage girl, he just might be onto a gold mine. There’s a good chance she will want to continue to please him. And sex with her can be fabulous.

Which was what I was hoping it would be with this girl. When she took her clothes off, she was just the way I like em. She had nice shapely legs, was a bit taller than average for a Thai girl. She had nice shapely breasts too. On the whole she was pretty slender with a flat belly. Not real pretty in the face, but she was pretty enough and she had that very sensual look in her eyes.

She started to smoke me. I nearly came in her mouth, but I wanted to eat her so badly. So I went down on her. I don’t think I came up for air for over half an hour. I cannot be certain. After all, they are such damn good actresses, but she sure seemed to be having a lot of orgasms. By the time we started fucking we were kissing each other passionately.

Most Thai sex workers don’t like kissing their customers on the lips

I don’t think many bar girls like kissing their customers. First off, most of the men have shitty bodies. And most of them are old. Like me. It’s one thing to go down on a man’s dick. But I think it’s a lot harder for most of these girls to actually be french kissing a man they have no feelings for and no sexual attraction either. It’s like this, “I will let you come in my mouth because it’s my job. I must separate my job from my true feelings. I kiss my boyfriend and the men I am really attracted to. Or like. That’s why I’m turning my head aside when a customer tries to kiss me on my lips.”

Old Fart with a good body

But I have to admit that I have a damn good body. Even if I am an old fart. And when it comes to eatin a girl I’m very sexually attracted to, I don’t ever want to stop until her entire body’s coated with her cum. And then I still don’t want to stop until I’m all tired out.

Afterwards I go to the little bar that’s just two doors away. There’s four short time rooms in this bar and there’s another 14 short time rooms next door. It’s this bar that I like to take the Walking Street girl I’ve described earlier. There’s a Cambodian girl here who’s got good English skills and a great sense of humor. The Walking Street girl likes her just as much as I do. Here I can buy Noi beers for just 80 baht and if she’s not with me, I am buying drinks for the Cambodian girl.

Don’t smoke around bar girls you plan on boom booming

The Cambodian woman and I are having a cigarette together. I don’t really smoke all that much but I do enough. But I do know that most Thai bar girls do not smoke cigarettes and don’t like men smoking around them or smelling of cigarettes. I almost make it a cardinal rule not to be smoking around the girls I’m fucking. This is because I want them to be attracted to me. Cigarettes will simply make me repellent to a non smoker.

Suddenly the massage girl comes into the bar. It’s a small open faced beer bar and as I’ve mentioned it’s only 2 doors from the beer bar. And then the girl plants a solid kiss right on my lips. Since I don’t want her to taste the cigarette smoke in my mouth I suddenly purse my lips so that her tongue enter her mouth. I feel like a real asshole doing that.

But I become an even greater asshole later

When I first found that massage place a woman asked me if she could give me a massage. We talked a bit, and then I went down to the beer bar to drink with the Cambodian woman. It was a few days later that I actually met the slender massage girl I had sex with.

So, a few days after having all that wonderful sex with the massage girl, I came back from Walking Street where I had a few Gin and Tonics and a couple of tequilas. This is one of the reasons I was about to make one of the hugest mistakes I’ve ever made since moving to Pattaya.

The greeting me at the massage place just had to be the girl I had fucked. She didn’t look nearly as pretty, however. And since she was sitting down in a chair, I never had a good chance to size up her body. So I told myself, “she’s not wearing her makeup and she’s probably changed her hair.” After all, we all know how quickly all these Thai women can change their appearance.

Damn.  I had the wrong girl

So I took her upstairs to do an oil massage. But I noticed many things that were different about her. She seemed quite a bit heavier, but I knew that she couldn’t gain this much weight in just one week. But I was pretty drunk. As a matter of fact, I was pretty drunk the same that first night I got that oil massage. I took a shower which was very cold. Then I took my position on the narrow bed that I was going to get my massage on.

Did I say I was pretty drunk? I was very drunk. But I still can’t understand myself and why I did what I did next.

“I want you to take everything off I told the girl. I want you to smoke me. Then I smoke you.”

By the time she was on top of me sucking my dick I was sure I had the wrong girl. But as I just said earlier, these massage girls know just how to get you off in the shortest time possible. And she was making my dick pretty damn hard. Then I turned her over and started to lick her up and down between her legs.

By this time I was sure I had the wrong girl. But I came in her mouth anyway.

Back to the delectable Massage girl

A few days later, I finally found the girl I had total sex with. When I asked her to do an oil massage with me she said:

“You go with my friend before.”

What she meant was: “I lose face because of what you just did with her. So go ahead and do her again. See if I care.”

I replied: “I only want you.  No want her.”

I was finally able to convince her that I had absolutely no interest in the other woman and then we went upstairs. Seconds after hitting that cold shower she was on me like a female leopard. Clinging to me, she thrust her mouth into mine and started French kissing me passionately. Once again, sex with her was some of the best I had ever had.

We had sex together only one more time.

Then one night I text messaged her, “Are you giving massages at 11:00-12:00?”

“Yes.”

I should have been more explicit and messaged her either 11 or 12.  I intended to text message her again the next morning when I was certain about the time. But I didn’t and arrived at 11:10 in the morning.

She wasn’t there, but the other woman sure in the hell was.  The same woman who had me come in her mouth.

The other woman said, “She upstairs with customer. You want to wait one hour.”

I replied, “I no have time. I do not wait for anyone. Not ever.”

After I left the good looking massage girl text messaged me at 12:10, “Do you come now?”

I replied how I had come to see her at 11:10 and how I was informed she already had a customer.  Then I added, “I am too busy to wait for anyone.”

She replied: “I am sorry.”

I wrote:  “I am too. I thought you were an on time kind of lady. Some girls are.  Some aren’t.”

Then she text messaged:  “See you next time, Ok?”

To which I replied: “Next time is tonight. I don’t know right now who is going to be the lucky girl.”

The Lucky Girl

Or was it me, about to become the lucky guy?

I was pretty put out. The massage girl would just have to miss her turn. I just didn’t know who would wind up taking her turn.

Notice how much of an arrogant son of a bitch I am.

The Walking Street girl was a pretty safe bet.  She never thought of me as a Walking Street sucker.   I could text message her and have her meet me at the bar two doors from the massage place without paying a bar fine.  But then I’d be giving the massage girl that I considered her so important that I’d put another girl in front of her face to make her jealous. By the time I got on the baht taxi to head to erection nirvana (wherever the hell that would be) I didn’t really know where I wanted to go or who I wanted to do it with. By the time the baht taxi got to Soi Six, I decided to try to look up an old girlfriend.

Looking for the coolest Soi Six girl ever

She was the most wonderful Soi Six girl I ever met.  For one thing she had the most gorgeous ass.  She was great in bed.  Had a great sense of humor too.  She never called me because I told her not to.  Never text messaged me either unless I messaged her first.  Nan never cried about how bad things were or that she needed money.   But I screwed up a good thing by banging a girl who worked with her.  Not once but about 15 times.

I ran into her a couple of weeks ago working in front of the Soi Six bar I used to frequent where I had boom boomed her many times before.  But that was over two years ago.  She hardly went there anymore.  I suspect she had a long list of customers who saw whenever they wanted her. She had been one of the best ever.  But I had lost her phone number. Either that or she had changed it.

But she wasn’t there.  So I backtracked to another bar that I had never been in before.

The girl is almost too young and beautiful

I spotted the girl right off. As my eyes started to meet hers, another girl asked me to have a drink with her.

My eyes immediately met the first girl’s eyes.

“Want to have drink with me?” I asked the prettier girl.

“Yes.”

It was an open faced beer bar. There’s quite a few open air bars on Soi Six now. Usually there’s a door to an air-conditioned room inside, however. But this place was strictly an open air kind of place although it undoubtedly had short time rooms upstairs. Wanting some privacy, I immediately walked to the back of the room and took a seat at the bar where I could not easily be seen from the street.

The girl brought over two beers, one for me and one for her. Then she sat up close to me. She was pretty, and I do mean VERY PRETTY. But she was so slender that she seemed too fragile for a strong guy like me to boom boom. She had narrow slender shoulders and legs that were impossibly thin. But she had a good figure, a model’s figure. Whether she was too slender or not I found her to be irresistible.

Unbelievably Passionate

She didn’t waste any time fondling me between the legs. And then she started kissing me. French kissing me right at the bar. When I moved back from her to drink to attend to my beer, I noticed that she was wearing blue contacts. She was simply beautiful.

I didn’t waste much time paying the 300 baht for the room upstairs and paying my bar bill. But by the time she took me up to the short time room and we undressed I felt that I was making a big mistake. She was thin. I like them thin. The pretty massage girl was slender but this girl was just 40 kilos And she was five foot three.

Only 88 pounds and nearly as tall as the average American woman

Now believe it or not, the average American woman is not even five foot four. So this girl was less than one inch shorter than the average American woman who now weighs 170 pounds or five pounds heavier than me, and I’m five foot eleven. But forty kilos comes out to just 88 pounds. I mean I like slender gals but this was getting just plain ridiculous.

But in bed she was a tigress. She was beyond passionate. And she was just plain beautiful. By the time I was eating her I had a nice erection. I wound up coming in her mouth.

I finally wound up on Walking Street meeting up with my friends. But I wanted to find her again so I went back to Soi 6 looking for her. I didn’t see her standing in front of her bar, and I eventually wound up with another girl at another place. But that’s another story.

I saw the beautiful girl two more times.  If she wasn’t into me, at least she pretended to be. She would sit with me drinking her drink running her hands inside my shorts rubbing my penis. And she’d do it for an hour straight. Let alone all the making out we’d be doing.

Which brings me back to girl number girl number 2 again.

This time I rented a hotel room on Soi Six for 650 baht. The room gave me a perfect view of half a dozen bars across the Soi. From the room, I could see the girls coming onto their shifts between 4:30 and 5 p.m. There were already two or three good looking girls at the slender girl’s bar but by 5 she had not yet showed up. I had not shaved yet and had not brought a razor with me. So I walked half a block down Second Road to a Seven Eleven where I got a razor, some shaving cream, and several other small items I needed. On the way back to my hotel I wanted to avoid her bar. For the time being. It was just too early to be getting caught up with this girl. Especially since I already knew what the final results would be.

So I went to Soi 6/1 which runs behind and parallel to Soi Six. I call this Lady Boy Alley since the Lady Boys like to hunt down their prey here. Then I cut over to Soi Six far enough down the Soi so that my new favorite would not see me.

Several girls called out to me,

Wanting me to buy them drinks. Halfway down the Soi a pretty girl called out my name from the Lisa Bar. Like the others she wanted me to buy her a drink. But unlike the others, she most definitely seemed to know me. But I couldn’t quite remember. Not sure, but I think she was the one I took upstairs a couple of months ago, who I then looked for but couldn’t find. She was pretty hot. So I told her I might get her a drink later on.

A few bars farther down the soi, another girl called out my name. It was girl number 2. I had not banged her for a month and a half. She had been fun and a great lay. I didn’t know if my new favorite girl would show up tonight or not so I decided to hedge my bets.

Smoke and Kisses

Had a small open air beer bar arrangement outside an air-conditioned room inside. We sat inside at a booth across from each other. I bought her a beer and one for myself but we ended up having two together.

After some conversation girl number 2 told me that she didn’t think I like her all that much. Keep in mind though that this girl had always been pretty frank with me even though she had stood me up for another customer. So I started telling her about a very weird experience I had only three days ago involving the police. But that’s another story that will come later in this blog. I did tell her that I had taken a very pretty girl upstairs from another bar after which all the weird stuff started to happen.

This Soi Six girl’s into self improvement

“Do you like this other girl better than me?” girl number two asked. I don’t mind your telling me the truth. I want to be better at my job.”

“I like you a lot,’ I replied. “But we not have sex for 2 months. The reason why is you were supposed to boom boom me at 11 a.m. but instead you went with another customer.”

I then explained what the pretty massage girl had done and I even showed her the text messaging we had that ended with my telling her another girl would be the lucky girl tonight.

“And I’ve not had sex with her either for two weeks. You see, she did the same thing to me that you did.”

Who cares if they love you or not so long as they act like they do

“But this new very pretty girl acts like she’s totally in love with me. I know that neither you or she really loves me, but I don’t care. Money is number 1. You know it. I know it and you know I know it. But she’s a very fine actress. And she has done nothing wrong yet.”

Somewhere during this conversation, another bar girl came up to our booth and started talking to girl number 2. Which was very rude. But we all know that most of these girls are very rude. True to form, girl number 2 suddenly turned to the other girl to converse with her in Thai. Whatever I had been talking to her about was now obviously forgotten. As I keep saying, “Birds in the attic, nobody at home.”

I promised to look her up later on if the pretty girl up the street didn’t show up for work.

Attentiveness to my dick is the key

But she did. And the entire time we wound up sitting together on our bar stools, her hands hardly left my dick. No one interrupted us. While she kept acting as if I was the most important thing in the world to her.

She had to get up several times to get us fresh drinks from the bar. She was wearing shorts that accentuated her slender body. They were neither expensive looking or cheap appearing. But she looked simply elegant wearing them. She’s just 23. Which is far too young for me. I really don’t like them much younger than thirty.

I don’t care too much for Walking Street go go girls either. But I do like girl number 1 who is 31. Who is a pretty straight forward kind of girl who feels much more at home at a nice beer bar than in a go go club.

I wanna be just like Errol Flynn when I grow up

Errol Flynn was well known to the point of infamy for his hedonistic ways.

I keep reminding myself of Errol Flynn, the swashbuckling move actor, who died in his early fifties, a complete physical wreck with his 17 year old girlfriend, Beverly Aadland close by.  Errol had been one of the most handsome men in Hollywood in his prime.  Flynn was such a stud that the gals would line up outside his hotel room.  Needless to say, he couldn’t handle them all.  So his buddies fucked all the excess women.  They used to call Error’s buddies, Flynn’s Flying Fuckers.

Back to Flynn’s 17 year old

The 17 year old was a young woman who was far beyond her years in intelligence and emotional development. She loved Errol to the end. And that’s a fact. One simply never knows about these kinds of things.

Beverly Aadland was just 17 when she was with Errol Flynn. Precocious beyond her young years, it is my firm belief that she loved Errol in spite of his becoming a corpulent alcohol ridden shadow of his former self.

As for the Massage girl.

I think I’ll try her again to see what happens. Part of that whole story is my own damn fault. I wasn’t clear about the time, and I had gotten her friend and co-worker to blow me, which was not all that cool. Jesus…it still horrifies me to even think about that one. How could I be so utterly stupid?

But now I’ll continue this long story to tell you about four complete losers who I don’t care if I ever see them again.

The Young Girl with the Frog Face

There’s three go go bars that all have the same owner and management team. The bar fine’s 900 baht and there’s none of this crap so many go go bars keep trying to pull such as short time bar fine’s and long time bar fines of up to 1500 baht. Noi works at Sensations (which is a name I’ve made up to protect the innocent.) I’m calling this second go go bar, the Dog House to protect both the innocent and the guilty.

Two girls work at the Dog House. First one’s the young girl with the Frog Face. Second girl’s “A Japanese look a like.” That’s because she has a Japanese look about her. So I’m calling these two Froggie and Miko. There’s a third girl at the Dog House who doesn’t play a major part here. She’s 37 years old so I’m calling her Goodie as in Oldies but Goodies.

A couple of months ago, I pulled Goodie off the stage to have a drink with me. But it didn’t take long for her to get her leaching friend, Froggie, to join us for all the fun and games.

The game, “who’s feeling my dick now”, backfires

I don’t know where I come up with all these brilliant ideas of mine. They seem to be a good idea at the time, but usually they end up backfiring on me. It all started when Froggie took the stool to my right in front of the stage. Goodie sat to my left as we sat together at the stage. In no time both women started to play with my dick. That’s when I started to close my eyes as I tried to guess which go go dancer was fondling my dick.  I didn’t know it then, but I was setting myself up to be a Walking Street sucker.

Needless to say this created quite a Sensation at the the Dog House. Oldie was content to drink beers and tequilas with me. But Froggie wanted orange juice or coca cola. And probably because other girls had told her that she could maximize her tips at 50 baht a ladies drink if she never got drunk with a customer.  Although Froggie had a frog face she at least had a half way decent body. Nothing great but about what one would expect from a 22 year old.

I get targeted by the vultures

I didn’t spend a huge amount of money that night because I only spent an hour at this club.  But the second time I came, Oldie was not there, but Froggie sure in the hell was. Unfortunately she spotted me right off and descended down to me from that stage like a vulture, bringing a second girl who was just as young as her. Right off they both asked me to buy them ladies drinks.   Obviously they thought I was one of their typical Walking Street suckers.  I kept telling them they had to drink real alcohol because if they didn’t I sure wasn’t buying them kiddie cocktails.

I screw up by buying 2 go go bar nitwits kiddie cocktails

I finally relent and get them their girlie drinks. Then out of nowhere another girl suddenly appears for her free ride. But she agrees to drink a real drink with real alcohol in it. When the two young girls ask me for a second drink, I tell them both that I am finished with buying them kiddie cocktails.   So I start to focus on Miko.

My modus operandi with Miko was to kiss her lightly on her ear or her neck and watch her get goose bumps all over her legs and arms. As I remember we did this for a couple of nights after the first time I met Miko. But I wouldn’t stay at the Dog House for very long on account of my strong preference for Noi. The truth is  Noi has a wonderful body while Miko is only so so at best.

I’m going to get Big Ron to rescue me from this leech

But one of my best friends liked Miko. This is Big Ron who I am naming after the Big Ron character from Stephen Leather’s book, Private Dancer.  In real life Big Ron was a strip club owner in the U.S. from Texas.  So Big Ron asks me, “Do you want Miko, because if you don’t want to bar fine her, I’d like to.”

Which he did. Which was great for me because now I wouldn’t have Miko asking me to buy her any drinks.  But one night I went into the Dog House alone.

In the Dog House Peanut Gallery

I sat up in the stands which I call the peanut gallery and one of the girls joined me for a drink. But Miko saw me and went into the peanut gallery to mooch some drinks off me heedless of my already having a female companion.

When she asked me for a drink, I said to her, “Big Ron your tilak (lover) now. He come later I think.”

“Who is Big Ron?” Miko lied.

“You know Big Ron. You go with him Naklua Soi 18.”

“I don’t know Naklua Soi 18,“ Miko lied again.

But she just wouldn’t leave. Finally I asked her, “you like boom boom, Big Ron?”

“I never boom boom Big Ron”, she lied a third time.

“Liar.” But I never told her that.  Because I will have fun at her expense later.    From now on, I’m calling her Monkey Brains instead of Miko.”

At Sensations Go Go Bar with Big Ron

Several nights later, I hit Sensations with Big Ron.  Got four Gin and Tonics at their 75 baht half price Happy Hour deals too. Right off, Noi, joined me while a second girl jumped on Big Ron’s lap.

It didn’t take long for Big Ron to be up to his shit disturbing rambunctious true self.  In no time he was starting to call the girl, Bright Eyes. Fifteen minutes later he asked her what her long time price was. Which in my estimation is totally wrong. I mean, who gives a shit what kind of prices a bar girl starts spouting off. I give them my price, take it or leave it.  Usually they leave it because I am a cheap ole bastard who knows the score.

I could tell that Big Ron was totally pissed off

because he was already reaching into his wallet to pay his bill.

“Let’s get out of here. Bright Eyes here wants 7000 baht for long time. Can you believe it?” Big Ron said with disgust. Who does she think she is? Like she’s got a golden pussy.”

“I don’t like a girl with a golden pussy,” I reply. They are much better  with their pussies shaven totally bald.”

We get go go girl, Noi, to be our spie

I bar fined Noi. Sometimes I will take her straight to a Walking Street short time hotel.  Other times I take her to a favorite little bar of mine where we can drink 80 baht beers together and there’s short time rooms next door.  When I meet here there, I’m not paying a bar fine. But this time I asked her if she wanted to go with Big Ron and me to the Dog House . I want to show Monkey Brains that I’ve got a thing going with a girl who’s ten times prettier than her.  And while I’m at it, I want to instill the same lesson in Froggie.

Big Ron, Noi and I sit up in the 2nd row of the Peanut Gallery while one of the prettier girls in the place targets Big Ron. He orders a drink for the girl from the waitress as she perches her lovely body on his lap.

Big Ron tries to get Monkey Brains to back off

Suddenly a bird of Prey descends on Big Ron, oblivious to his already having one of her co-workers already with him.  But this complete breech of bar girl etiquette has no effect on Monkey Brains whatsoever.  Big Ron pretends she’s not there.  But Noi, who is about as likeable as they come, doesn’t.  Soon, the two girls are exchanging gossip.

It so turns out that Big Ron has supposedly paid Monkey Brains 7000 baht for his first and last long time with her.   After Monkey Brains finally leaves after having no success at leeching a drink off either Big Ron or me, Noi gives me the scoop.

Noi, our spie, explains why Bright Eyes wants 7000 short time

“Lady work with me at bar Sensations, she work here with Miko two days ago.  Miko say Big Ron give her 7000 baht for boom boom.  So now lady at bar me, he want to pay bar fine for, she think he give Miko 7000 baht.  Now she ask Big Ron for Big Money boom boom.”

That’s Noi for you. She knows Big Ron’s not a Walking Street sucker who’s about to pay 7000 baht long time prices for. And she doesn’t like the girls who lie like that.”

Last Drink for Froggie

This time it’s Billy Bob and me over having San Miguel Lights at the Dog House. We are in the third row up in the Peanut Gallery when my eyes come into contact with Froggie’s. A few minutes later, as soon as she’s allowed to come off the stage, she’s sitting next to me in the Peanut Gallery. I reluctantly buy her an orange juice. We plan on leaving for the next go go bar in a few minutes so I’m figuring another 150 baht won’t kill me.  And if she figures I’m a Walking Street sucker, so what?

But Froggie stays with me in the Peanut Gallery for only ten minutes. Then she disappears. figuring in that peanut brain of hers that I’m just another typical Walking Street sucker.  Which is a good thing. After all, I’m not calling her Froggie on account of her beauty. Big Ron and I even stay for a second beer, but still no Froggie. I don’t know who’s more of a class act, Froggie or Monkey Brains. I swear to God to Big Ron that I will never ever buy Froggie another drink.

One more Walking Street go go dancer who’s as useless as tits on a boar

“She’s a total leech. Drinks orange juice and although her body is not half bad she’s nowhere near as well built as Noi.  And compared to the slender Soi Six beauty, boom booming her would be about like banging a man with a moustache. I whisper loudly to Big Ron. “I am not wasting another single baht on anyone like her again. That 150 baht ladies drink is 25 % of the price of a nice little hotel room I can use with Noi or any of the other girls I seriously enjoy banging.”

I will never be a Walking Street sucker again.