I finally met Dick Fitswell at Soi Six Big Dicks. In Pattaya. Not the real Dick Fitswell, the man in the book with the 18 inch dick but someone just like him, except in the end he came up a bit short, but if you’ve ever followed the Dick Fitswell, the man in quest for the Perfect Fit saga you will have learned that this is what usually happens to all the Dick Fitswell wanna bees of the world.
I’d already had my first woman of the night and planned on getting me another.
But wanting to take an intermission from my nocturnal activities I go into Soi Six Big Dicks Bar for a couple beers.
So I sit alone at the bar where I got my first bottle in record time. My bartender is Perry the owner. For years the bar was the Bull Ring. Nothing’s really changed here except for the sign. In fact, the place still has the same ole mamasan as before. And Soi Six O Bar is still next door.
Did I say old mamasan? Well I tell you she is looking delectable tonight. This mamasan’s in her prime but tonight she is really wired on all the drinks she had been having. A slender fireball of energy wearing a baseball cap backwards she is really full of herself. There is a man with her and a couple of bar girls had joined them as they all dance together in the center of the room. There is a second man in the Soi Six Big Dicks, lying on his side on one of the couches, comatose and completely oblivious to everything around him.
A third man comes into Soi Six Big Dicks ringing the bell as he comes in without a moment’s hesitation. This means a second bottle of beer for me. I think he is German and I almost say to the man, “Danke Schoen”, but thank him in English instead. But before I can offer him a beer, the first man comes up to me and introduces himself.
“Hi. I’m Dick (pretending that he’s Fitswell),” he says to me.
“And I”m Billy Bob, I am American. Where do you come from?”
“I am from Sweden.”
“Well that’s good. At least you are not one of those English hooligans wearing his monkey suit. I thought you were.”
(At Soi Six Big Dicks a lot of Englishmen come in wearing their ridiculous football shorts, shirts with their favorite soccer names emblazoned on them, and running shoes as if they are professional sports stars)
“Oh no. I come from Sweden. Here on holiday.”
The Swede walks over to the mamasan for a moment and says to her, “I fuck you already. I want to fuck you a second time.”
Mamasan smirks at him and replies, “Oh you think you can really?”
The Swede comes back to me to tell me, “I have already fucked her upstairs. They have a mirror up there above the bed and I could watch myself fucking her.
It was very good. She have very good pussy. I love her pussy.”
Mamasan overheard what the Swede was telling me. Everyone did except the comatose man still lying on the couch.
“Oh, I didn’t know she is the mamasan,” I reply. She sure is good looking though.”
“Fuck you Billy Bob,” the mamasan tells me. But she tells me softly in good humor because we both know the truth. I had banged her four times before. But that will be our little secret we’d keep from the Swede.
“You know what I did yesterday,” the Swede continued. “I fucked nine ladies next door in the same afternoon.” The bar girls there couldn’t believe it, but they kept score for me.”
“Man. I didn’t know that was possible,” I tell him. “You ought to be in porn movies. One thing’s for sure. You are the superstar here at Soi Six Big Dicks.”
“Well did it, and right now I’m going to eat mamasan’s pussy. He looks over at mamasan who is standing only a few feet away. And calls out to her. “Let’s get on the floor together, right now. I want to eat your pussy right here. I want everyone to know I have the biggest penis Soi Six Big Dicks ever experienced.”
Well, mamasan isn’t buying it. All the time she’s been darting back and forth in the bar. And going outside to check on the girls trying to pick up possible customers. She is wearing very little for her bottom, perhaps just a g string. But much of the time it is drawn up so that her ass and privates are partly exposed. But I know her, and I know she is way too cool to let the Swede eat her on the floor.
The Swede starts to unzip his pants. Then he pulls out his dick.
I must confess to looking down at it but only for a moment. I am actually thinking he might measure up to something close to being like Dick Fitswell. But I was disappointed. He seemed quite ordinary to me. This clown is just another penis at Soi Six Big Dicks.
“Do you remember this?” the man tells Mamasan as he wiggles his cock in front of her.
“How do you want me to remember your dick, when I have 10,000 of them in me already?” the mamasan replies.
I then remember a past conversion I once had with Mamasan when I asked her how many times she boom boomed a day. She had told me it varied. But that she usually had sex with between 60 and 80 men each month. And I believe her. I believe her because the first time I had actually sat down with her and bought her a drink she was having her birthday party in the bar, and she had more money stapled to her clothing than I had ever seen on a bar girl in my life. A few days after that I had asked her just how much money the bar’s customers and bar girls had given her on her birthday. And and she told me the customers and bar girls had stapled 20,000 baht to her.
Such is the true measure of this woman. She is so likable that people had given her 20,000 baht in the bar on her birthday.
She speaks excellent English and unlike most bar girls or mamasans I had met before, she always spokes the truth to me. Besides, she is damn good looking and has this trim nicely put together little body that weighs just 40 kilograms. She is one of those gems that you love just sitting down with for a few drinks.
A few minutes later the Swede tells me, “Excuse me. I have to go to the toilet.”
Fifteen minutes later, he still doesn’t come out of the rest room. By this time the comatose man on the couch starts to wake up as Mamasan sits next to him to help him regain his senses.
His brain still isn’t working. But his hands are as he keeps trying to grope Mamasan’s trim little figure.
Then she goes outside again. Then a man comes in who looked to be about thirty-five or so.
“Soi Six Big Dicks is really incredible he tells me. “I’ve never seen a place this crazy. Why, Soi Six Big Dicks is just off the scale.”
“Where are you from?” I ask the man.
“Australia.”
Several minutes later he walks past the rest room with Mamasan who accompanies him upstairs.
Finally the Swede comes out of the toilet. He’s been in there for too long to be just getting rid of his bodily wastes. But he comes out for only a few seconds and then he goes back into the commode. When he finally comes out, he staggers over to me.
“I suppose you just had a true love affair with the toilet bowel,” I tell him.
“Yes”, he replies as he made motions with his hand signifying that he’s just thrown up. “I drink too much so I throw it all out of my mouth.”
One has to wonder how he had ever managed to bang nine different bar girls in the same afternoon. I imagine him lining the girls up on the floor while knelling over each one in turn. And slips himself into each girl for a few seconds before moving onto the next.
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