Uncle Bufford says, “Don’t deal with Pimping Pattaya mamasans

Pimping Pattaya mamasans
Take it from me, Uncle Bufford. “Don’t deal with these pimping Pattaya mamasans. The bar girl’s fucking you. The mamasan’s only fucking everyone over.

To protect the awful reputations of the guilty, I’m not naming the two Walking Street go go bars from which these two pimping Pattaya Mamasans crawled out of. One of the managers (a straight shooter from America) told me that it was up to me and the girl on how much I should tip her for sex. I believed him then and I still believe him. This is the rule for all three clubs that are under the same ownership.

But how often do Thais listen to Westerners? I can also tell you from a lot of experience on many levels that most Pattaya Thais were born with larceny in their hearts. Not all, but most. I have a good friend, a female Thai bar owner here in Naklua who will agree with me 100 percent. So let’s stop the philosophizing and get to the facts. This is what happened last night.

I will start with my 2nd stop of the night. That’s cause the action at our first go go bar was so uneventful. Four of us were together at this place.  As I said, “I won’t name it cause I don’t want the pimping Pattaya mamasans to lose face.  My brother, Billie Bob’s got this very shapely babe on his lap.  She’s got a few tattoos.  Although Billie Bob thinks tattoos are ugly, he keeps raving about this babe.

She’s got soft, wondrous skin, he tells me. In spite of the tattoos. Even better she’s got a gorgeous shapely ass. I touch her, on her neck, on her stomach, and then I put my hands around her thighs and wind up placing them on her ass.

“How old are you?” I ask the girl.

“Thirty-one.”

She’s perfect.  After all, most girls in their early to mid twenties are usually not worth a shit.  That’s cause their brains have not developed much.  But a girl who’s close to thirty or over, thinks she’s already getting old.  By this time she’s probably had a few rotten husbands or boyfriends already.  I am sure of myself on this, especially when it comes to Pattaya women. Most men, Thai or falang, aren’t worth a shit.  90 percent of them aint, and you can take this one to the bank.

This girl’s giving me an erection on account of her having an ass to die for.  Which is too bad because Billie Bob’s already decided to fuck her.  That leaves me out.

Manasan doesn’t know it, but Billie Bob’s going to be tipping her 1000 baht for a short time fuck.  But the bar fine’s 900 baht here.  So the bar’s going to be getting 90 percent of what this babe’s getting. Difference is she’s got to fuck his sorry ass.  The bar doesn’t have to put up with this old fart.

Billie Bob’s going to meet all of us at this bar’s sister club.  He’s bar-fining her already.  But while he’s waiting for the girl to come out of the dressing room, the mamasan comes up to him and asks:

“Can you give me 100 baht tip?”

“Jesus penis.  Billie Bob’s already laid out 1000 baht on drinks.  For the gin and tonics he’s just guzzled down and the tequilas he’s gotten the girl.  And this mamasan’s asking him for a 100 baht tip?  He also has to pay a 900 baht bar fine?  That’s a hundred dollars for one lousy fuck when you count the 400 baht for the short time room”

“Why should I give you 100 baht tip?” Billie Bob replies scornfully to the greedy mamasan.  “She’s fucking me, and you aren’t.  What are you doing for me?”

First Night’s Outing at the Sister Club

It gets worse.  One hour later we are all at the sister club (three go go bars have the same owner) where we are about to meet the second greedy mamasan.  But while three of us have been to two more go go’s,  Billie Bob’s been doing a short time room with the shapely 31 year old.

I’m having a great time in this sister club. I was here twice in the past two weeks.  First time, one of my cousins was all over this gal as we were all sitting in front of the stage.  I thought she was whipped with ugly stick a plenty.  But he was feeling her up all over.  About then one of the gals who’s dancing before me, sees me getting eye contact with the woman dancing next to her. I’m pretty drunk by now, but I still knows a pretty girl when I sees one.

“Do you want to buy friend me, drink?” the unattractive gal asks me.

“(Sure why not?) Which is not exactly what I said because I knows this bar girl ain’t about to understand all that. “Kap.  I buy drink for pu ying sway mach mach.”

I could probably say all those words in Thai, but why should I bother? Hym…”Pom su kong puying sway mach mach”. Su Kong means buy or something like that. Sway mach mach means very beautiful and Kap means yes. But I’m sure my grammar’s going to be wrong and if it isn’t I will be off in my pronunciation, so why in the hell should I bother.

The pretty girl comes off the stage and joins me for a drink. It takes all of five minutes to have her in my arms. After two tequilas she’s startin to warm up to me so I start kissing her on her neck.   Her arms break out into goose bumps.

“Ooh”, the girl giggles.  Chocatee.  (I’m ticklish)

I’m having a blast.  And so are the girls.  All of them whose anywhere near us Southern boys.

Then I get the word from someone working for the bar. The word is the girl I’m with is a handful.  Expensive too.  My source points another girl out to me who’s dancing on the stage.  She’s got a trim little body.  The kind I like.

Our second visit to the “Sister Club”.

This was the first time. One week later, the girl I had been with is with another customer. I glance at her a couple times but she acts as if I’m not even there. “Oh well, I’m moving onto my favorite gal. Her name’s “Next”. I’m sitting in the peanut gallery. That’s what I call the 1st and 2nd row of seats startin about five meters from the stage. Billy Bob’s sittin next to me.  He likes the Peanut Gallery because back theres he can feel up the girls with impunity.  But a man can get ignored sittin back there too.  And if he’s not ignored the fat ugly gals tend to come up to me in the Peanut Gallery, uninvited.

Sure enough one of them fat ugly ones comes over to sit with he.  I tell her I must go to the stage to see my girlfriend.  And sure enough, when I take my bin over to the stage, who happens to be there?  The gal recommended to me during my last visit.  Eye contact takes only seconds. She’s dancing right in front of me.  A few minutes later, she’s sitting on my lap drinking tequila with me.

She tells me she’s a 37 year old lady.  But she’s got a real nice ass on her, and a nice shape even if her tits are small.  She’s got a great attitude though.

A few minutes later, the girl I had been with the first time joins us. “Buy me drink?” she asks

It was all so predictable.  The girls are going to get 50 baht off each ladies drink I buy them.  My policy in the go go bars is to never buy drinks for two ladies at the same time.  The money goes fast like diarrhea shit down the toilet.

I tell the girl, “Before you my lady.  Right now she my titak (sweetheart).  I only buy drink for tilac now.  Next time maybe you my tilak again.”

Then another girl suddenly appears, which causes me to break my own rule.  She’s been dancing right next to the 37 year old.  Totally nude with her pussy nearly in my face.  She’s got a pretty good body, but I like the 37 year old’s better.  Suddenly I’ve got both girls in my arms. I buy all three of us a tequila.

To justify her existence and my buying her a drink in the first place, this second girl starts feelin my dick.  In fact, both gals are feelin my dick while discussing its attributes in Thai.

“That feels real good,”  I got an idea.”

The other gal’s young.  I can’t remember but I think she’s told me she’s just twenty.  She’s got soft silky skin.  The girl’s totally nude so I can feel her all over.  But I don’t.  I grab her hand, the one that’s already on my dick, and start sliding it up my shorts.  Then I do the same with the thirty-seven year old’s hand.

I tell the girls. “We play game. Game is “Whose feelin my dick?”

You can all tell where this one’s going. I got one hand from each gal on my dick at the same time.  Or on one of my balls. I now take my hat and cover my eyes with it so that I can’t see a damn thing.  The young twenty year old starts off groping me from the left side of my dick while the 37 year old’s touching it from the right side.  I get the two girls to start changing their hands around.  The young gal changes her hand position from the left side of my dick to the right side while the older gal slides her grip to the left side.  At first I remove my hat and watch the girls while I try to gain a sense of what each girl’s hand feels like.  Then I put my hat in front of my eyes again.

Sometimes I’m only feelin one hand on my dick. The younger girl’s hand seems to move more aggressively than the 37 year old’s.  I think this one’s touch is exquisite.

I remove my hat blindfold, and announce to the girls, “okay, that time the hand was yours,” as I point to the older woman.  Your hand felt so soft.  It felt so good.  I bet you could make me come in three minutes.”

“No.  Hand my hand,” the younger girl blurts out.

And so it went. I’d turn out to be wrong more than 50 % of the time. Which didn’t really matter because I was constantly gettin my dick rubbed.  And if I was enjoying myself, the two girls were enjoying themselves even more.

After all, how many guys have played,  which hand is rubbin my dick now?”  With them.  No one.

The next few days I started thinking to myself, “Should I bar fine the 37 year old or not?” Of the two girls she had the finer ass.  And I had learned that the bar had its own short time rooms upstairs.

Which brings us back to last night. The 37 year old’s not to be seen anywhere’s.  Billy Bob’s just returned from his fuckin at the Sweethearts short time hotel on Walking Street.  This is where a 32 year old Englishman supposedly jumped out of his room on the third floor and landed on Walking Street at 4 a.m.   He died upon arrival at the hospital. I’m sure this one’s going down as a suicide.

Another Sweethearts short time suicide
A suicide? Yep. After 4 a.m. this 31 year old Brit did a Swan dive onto the Walking Street pavement. Onlookers were terrified when they heard the sickening thud. In my opinion this guy came in here for a short time. Others say he was staying long time in a hotel arrangement. But according to what I’ve gleaned no valuables including a watch or cell phone were found in the room. No money either or that’s what I’ve read.
Odd thing is on Thai Visa it is mentioned that no money, no watch, cell phone or any other valuables were found in his room. I think you already knows my opinion on this one

Although no valuables or belongings were found in the Brit’s room, on May 14th, 2016 a Scot.  Steve Balfour, age 35, was found dead in his room at Sweethearts.    All identification and his wallet were missing so his body wound up in a morgue for unidentified persons. until it was identified by his tattoos.   Methinks Steve died of old age while the 31 year old Brit’s death was caused from taking flying lessons from an unknown lady boy or other innocent persons who are not lady boys.    As to the missing identifications and valuables from both deaths I personally believe they were carried off by rampaging hungry rats.

Blissful Soi Six Warmup to Walking Street go go action

Earlier I had gone to Soi Six.  But only for a half hour where I ran into one of my German buddies.  We had one beer together while I was having my dick rubbed by a young girl who I already knew.

She kept telling me: “I want to fuck you so bad.  Please fuck me.  I so horny.”

Come hell or high water.  I could not convince my German pal to come with me to Walking Street.  Billy Bob and our Southern American friends are fun.  My German comrade knows this, but he also knows that the Walking Street go go bars constitute a piss poor waste of money.  Unless he goes there after midnight to prey on the babes who are looking for some fucking action in the Discos where there’s no bar fine to be paid.

Third Night at the Sister Club.  Run in with 1 of the Pimping Pattaya mamasans

But I had agreed to meet up with Billy Bob and two other guys in the go go bars.  So here I was saddling up to the stage, using myself as bait for anyone interesting who’d just happen to zoom in on me. I was hoping it would be the 37 year old.  But she was nowhere to be seen.  Obviously it was her night off or she was with another customer.  The first girl who I had given goose bumps to wasn’t there either.  But the 20 year old certainly was, dancing in front of me, completely nude.

Obviously she was expectin me to buy her a drink.  And since neither of the other two girls was workin tonight I offered her one.  Soon, she was off that stage standing next to me with another young gal standing next to her.

I know where this one’s going.  Neither girl means a shit to me.  The first girl, the 20 year old is too young to know where her ass ends and her head begins.  This  game’s is to get as many drinks out of me as possible.  And sure enough.   Here it comes.

“Will you buy drink for friend me?”

“Such an original line.  How many times have I heard it?  And now you knows why I like Soi Six so much.”

I decide to buy each of them a drink.  But only one drink unless one of the girls redeems herself.

They order soft drinks.  The kind with no alcohol in them whatsoever.  All this is complete boredom for me.  The same thing happens again and again with the girls all playing the same script.

But I want to know how much it costs to use the short time room upstairs.  I don’t give a squatters ass for either of these two nitwits. I’m thinking of bar fining another gal who works for one of the sister clubs for this place.  Makes sense that since all these girls are workin for the same organization that I can bring a girl from a sister club to use the short time room.

By this time Billie Bob’s joined us. The two girls English skills are so abysmal that they have no clue on what I’m wanting to find out. Mamasan soon joins us to intercept–I mean interpret.

“You want to bar fine lady?” The mamasan asks me.

“No.  Not now. I want to know how much for short time.  I know bar fine is 900 baht.   How much must I pay to use room upstairs?

“You pay 3400 baht,” the mamasan replies. 500 baht for room, 900 baht for bar fine and 2000 baht for tip lady.”

“Cun my Kochai,” I reply. Which means you don’t understand.

I boom boom Billie Bob.  He want 200 baht for boom boom.  We want use room. Toll Rai? (How much?) I ask the mamasan while pointing at Billie Bob.

“Lady costs 3400 baht for boom boom,” the mamasan replies.

“But I don’t want lady.  I want boom boom Billy Bob.”  Then I tell her I’m joking.

She still doesn’t get it.  “Up to me and Billy Bob, what I pay for boom boom.  Not up to you.  How much for room?”

She still doesn’t get it. “Okay, I love lady from other bar. You have three bars with same big boss owner.  I want to bring lady from your other bar to short time.  How much for room?”

“Midai.”  Which means cannot. “Only can boom lady bar here.”

I don’t want to implicate the manager.  The man’s not here tonight. He’s American and we get along well.  This manager has assured me that in his bar it is entirely up to me what I have to pay one of this girls for sex. T o make sure I’ve got the rules straight, I’ve asked him, “So if one of your girls agrees to have short time with me for 500 baht this is okay with your club.”

“Yes, by all means. It is up to you and the girl.”

As I keep sayin, “Don’t deal with Pimping Pattaya mamasans.”  They are worthless scum.  But take it from me, Pimping Pattaya mamasans are only the tip of the iceberg.  Most Thais are completely unwilling to take advice from foreigners or to follow their orders. For example, if you are a Westerner who’s on the committee running a condo, the Thais who are working for the condo owners and the committee will do all they can to not follow your rules.  They will quit their jobs in a heart beat because in their little minds they are Thai, and therefore superior to any foreigner.  Unfortunately Pattaya is still growing in leaps and bounds.  So there’s always new jobs coming up. They will just up and quit and all because they feel they have lost face just having to put up with a foreigner who’s telling them what to do.  This goes for the staff of hotels too if “their bosses are foreigners”.  It most certainly applies to restaurants whose entire staff oftentimes quits en mass because a Thai employee is not getting his way.

The Soi Six Version of Pimping Pattaya mamasans

There’s a go go bar on Soi Six called “Dolls.” The owner of the place is German or so I’ve been lead to believe.  He’s told me the same thing. Which is it’s entirely up to me and the girl how much I must pay her for her tip.  It used to be that a man only had to pay for the room upstairs which his 500 baht.  Almost all the Soi Six girls ask 1000 baht for short time these days and the price of the room is in nearly all cases just 300 baht.  I once banged a girl at Dolls but when the girl told me she wanted 1000 baht I told her since the room was 200 baht higher than all the other Soi Six rooms, I’d have to pay her just 800 baht.  She accepted.

But times have changed. The owner of Dolls later told me that I’d have to pay his girls at last 1500 baht for short time. Otherwise all the other girls would get angry with the girl doing me for 1000 baht. A few weeks later I got one of the girls to agree with me on a short time for 1000 baht, but then one of those stupid Pimping Pattaya mamasans intervened.  I paid for my drinks and then she wrote a new ticket on which she wrote, 2500 baht. She then explained that 2000 baht was for the girl, 500 baht was for the room.

I told this piss poor excuse for one of those stupid Pimping Pattaya mamasans that the owner had told me that it was up to me and the girl what I had to pay for sex.”

To which the mamasan told me, “He not in charge of this bar.  I am.”

See what I mean. By the time the two young girls started asking me to buy them their next kiddie cocktail, I said to the girl who had been feelin my dick last week. “You want beer or tequila”

“I want drink.”  Which meant I’d be paying 165 baht for kiddie cocktail 1 for this first girl and 165 baht for kiddie cocktail 2 for the 2nd girl.

“Okay. I not buy you drink.  You can have tequila or beer.  Up to you.”

I want drink. Buy me drink.”

“What is this shit?  You think you one of those Stepford Wives?   But I don’t say it aloud.  I know from too much experience that you cannot argue with Thais.

Here’s an example. S uppose you have a girlfriend.  But your girlfriend is one lazy bitch.  She won’t even clean up the kitchen and after a week it starts to get pretty bad.  So you tell her, “Honey, I want you to do better job cleaning kitchen.”

To which she replies, “You want to finish me?  Okay, we finish.”

She’s saying, “I have no interest in improving my behavior  or doing something I should be doing for you.”  She winds up giving you no choice.  It all comes down to  this with most Thai women, “You cannot expect anything of me because if you complain about anything that means that you don’t want me in your life at all.”

Well, I’ve got a lot better things to do than to dabble with these two nitwits. Billy Bob suggests that we go up into the peanut gallery.  I remove my little box on which the little slip showing my drink charges are typed and my drink, and follow Billy Bob up to two vacant seats up in the peanut gallery.  We have one beer together up there while actually having an intelligent conversation now that there’s no go go bar girls present.  Then we leave the bar, then Walking Street where I will spend the next two hours in a small beer bar I often go to.  There I buy one of the girls two or three drinks at beer bar prices while getting a massage.  This girl’s no beauty queen, but she used to work giving massages, and she’s pretty damn good at it.  The music’s pretty good in this little cocktail bar. They’s got You tube up on a big t.v. and there’s a constant flow of music coming from the bar’s sound system I have to admit to getting a lot of satisfaction from buying this old gal a few drinks at reasonable prices. Meanwhile I can guarantee one thing.  Next time I go to that last Walking Street go go bar I’m going to spend time with the 37 year old gal.  Either that or I’m going to be with the 31 year old from this club’s sister club. This young stuff is only for little Thai boys to fool around with or stupid old falang who don’t know shit from shinola.

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