Jim Lllley gave me a choice, to create Dick Fitswell or not to publish at all in his adult magazine, “The Wild Times”.
Jim Lilley was the owner of the Wild Times, a small adult magazine covering strip clubs, strippers, throughout Missouri and the Saint Louis Metro East. Which is the Illinois side of Saint Louis across the Mississipi River from Missouri.
Jim was a young energetic man I kept enountering throughout the Saint Louis Metro East strip clubs selling advertising in the Wild Times to strip club owners, tattoo artists and other “Adult establishments” throughout the greater Saint Louis area.
I wanted to publish “Return to Visions” in his magazine. But Jim wanted me to create Dick Fitswell.
So when we met in my Collinsville, Illinois apartment Jim told me about a character in the Nashville Times who had an enormous penis. I wasn’t very interested in writing about a man with an 18 inch dick. But Jim kept insisting that I create Dick Fitswell for his Wild Times adult magazine.
I had a choice. To get published or not published in the WIld Times. If I create Dick Fitswell, Jim will publish “Return to Visions”.
So I called Alex. Who was a stripper working at Dollies Playhouse. I told Alex, “I can’t write porn”. I do not want to write about a guy with a huge penis.”
And Alex replied. “Yes you can, Jack. You can create Dick Fitswell. I read all six hundred pages of your book, Death on the Wild Side, and you wrote a lot of very sexually explicit stuff in it. Do it Jack. You won’t be sorry.”
What can I say. Alex was wonderful. But a lot of years have gone since then. Alex was almost a mother to me.
Even though I was a lot older than her. I hope she’s still around, but back in those days Alex was totally unlike any stripper you could possibly dream up. Alex was bright. She read a lot. She was a good mother. And she even wrote poetry which I would publish on my web site here at alphapro.
So when Alex told me to create DIck Fitswell, I got right to it within one hour after getting off the phone with her.
WIth fear and trepidation lurking deep into my soul I started writing about Dick Fitswell. But after writing for just half an hour I started laughing out loud.
It takes me only half an hour to Create Dick Fitswell who will later become my third book, Dick Fitswell the Man in Quest of the Perfect Fit.
So here I am as I create Dick Fitwell laughing my ass off
“I’m the real man…the man on the prowl…looking, always searching for the perfect woman–not for brains or heart, but for the perfect fit. So listen upall you men who really want to score and see why I’m called Dick Fitswell…I’m the man with the plan—the man who makes it happen. Now let me tell you about last night.”
I hate country bars. Music’s terrible. Conversation’s piss poor. But they got women in this place and that’s the bottom line. I need it real bad tonight because last night was such a bummer. The girl was too damn short for me and it just didn’t feel right with her clinging onto me…as she kept crying out, “I love you Dick”. I spy a tall blonde with great breasts. I can feel myself in her already. She’s mine. “She’s not looking at me yet,” I tell myself as I pull my shirt up a bit which exposes my magnificent chest. I tighten up my arms and watch the veins pop out of my forearms. I’m the shit. “How would you like to fall in love tonight?” I ask her.
Good line. I used to use–“Got a light?” but a lot of women don’t like the smell of cigarettes on a man. Now I’ll often get myself into a little sweat by exerting myself outside a bar before I walk in such as running around its parking lot a few times to give myself just the right amount of B.O. A lot of women love that smell…Makes them think they are with a real man.”
Alex’s pictures and poetry
More than Jim Lilly, it was Alex who had me create Dick Fitswell. But I still often think of Jim Lilly, a supremely talented do it all adult magazine owner. Who would choose his models and do nearly all the pictures in the Wild Times. And had a contagious peronality that just wouldn’t quite. I don’t know what happened to him. Don’t know what happened to Alex either. Because I’ve been gone so long. Living here in Thailand for the last 16 years.
I would write and publish something like seven Dick Fitswell misadventure stories for Xtreme Magazine. And continue to write about Fitswell until I wrote and published Dick Fitsell, the Man in Quest for the Perfect Fit.
But after moving to Thailand I decided to Create Dick Fitswell once again. I had Dick Fitsell move to Pattaya just like myself. Where Fitswell bought a bar on Pattaya’s infamous Soi Six. Which he called Big Dick’s. And hired a mamasan he called Angry Pussy.
When I created Dick Fitswell the last thing I wanted to do was to write pornography. Which for me would have been a complete waste of time and which I could take no pride in doing whatsoever.
But once I got into my first Fitswell misadventure, “Dick Fitswell picks up a Girl in a Country Western Bar” I couldn’t finish laughing. So I went on to write “Dick Fitswell at the Swinger’s Club” which got me laughing even harder. As one thing led to another, I kept placing my Dick Fitswell character into the most bizarre situations I could imagine. While at the end of each Dick Fitswell scenario, Fitswell usually outsmarts himself. And becomes a victim of his own outrageous schemes.
But by the time I had finshed writing and publishing Dick Fitswell the Man in Quest of the Perfect Fit, I had become more and more convinced that a very large percentage of men had acquired a malady that I will call Dickitis. Or my DIck is bigger than your dick syndrom.
I will put it this way. A large and perhaps even a majority of all men are total control freaks.
Just think about men who either from some misguided sense of their superiority to other men want to show off their being more powerful than those they regard as lesser men. Or, men with inferiority complexes that drive them to compenstate for their sense of inadequacy by lording it over the men and women around them.
Either way, it all comes down to showing “My dick is bigger than your dick.” The bigger dick taking the form of a bigger more expensive car, I am stronger than you, I have more money than you. My house is bigger than your house. My wife is more beautiful than yours. I am smarter than you. I am more handsome than you. I can fuck more women than you (even if I have to pay for it).
Dickitis leads to trying to dominate and control others around him. Especially those who appear vulnerable to his bullying.
Dickitis is the foundation for practically all wars. And it’s usually men rather than women who start most wars. Because women are more inclined to be nurturers. Who do not want their sons or daughters to march off to war and be killed.
The longer I stayed in Thailand, the more convinced I became that far too many men were so much like the DIck Fitsell character I had created. Which compelled me to create Dick Fitswell once again. Only this time, Dick Fitswell would move to Thailand to become the owner of a Soi Six bordello. Where he could assemble a group of disciples worshipping the holy penis. Out of these disciples he would later pick the greatest control freak among them to become his Saint Peter.
The result coming out of this became Pattaya Pattaya Pattaya Confessions of Sin City.
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