Category Archives: Pattaya Bar Girls

This is your essential guide for dealing with Pattaya Bar Girls

Testing Nikon D750 video capabilities here in Thailand

Nikon D750 video
The Nikon 750 like most professional cameras can capture the perfect moment with split second timing to get what lesser cameras nearly always miss

Getting terrific low light  Nikon D750 video is a huge challenge especially when I compare my results to what I can so easily achieve with my Panasonic LX-7 with its extremely fast Leica 1.4 lens.   But, if I can ever get it down, I just might produce video that cannot be matched by lesser equipment.  Here’s two examples of low light Nikon D750 video.  The first is   from a New Year’s Eve party at the Surf and Turf Restaurant on Wongamat Beach.  I shot the second the following day at the Naklua Pen Bar.

Shooting either video with my Panasonic LX7 camera would have been easy.

The Lx7’s focusing in a wide variety of situations and lighting is exemplary.  But notice how fuzzy the video becomes in the first video  when I zeroed in on Rory, Iris and May May at close range with the Nikon D750.  The same thing occurs when I zoom in on several of my Russian friends who are sitting much closer to the water.  But so long as I’m shooting my video at mid to long range with the Nikon D750, the results are spectacular .

The lens I’m using most of my Nikon D750 video is nicknamed  “The Beast”.

It only has a focal length of 28 to 70 mm  yet it weighs a full 2.2 pounds.  This lens is frightfully expensive.  It is also too heavy  to carry around all day long.  I have a companion lens for this lens, a Nikon 17 by 35 mm which is equally as good.  But for these videos  I’m using “the Beast” which I find to be more versatile than the 17-35.

Ken Rockwell has this to say about  the Beast

“This 28-70/2.8 offers spectacular performance, and the price you pay is huge size and weight”

“The Beast”  has always been able to create images that produce a three dimensional effect.  And the Nikon D750 produces deep and rich sound from its twin internal stereo microphones.  Although my pocket size Panasonic LX7 produces excellent sound there is simply no comparison to what this Nikon D750 does without any audio editing whatsoever.

In the New Year’s Eve video I shot down on the beach

I at least have some decent light to work with.  But the next night at the Pen Bar, I simply did not have enough light to do a decent job with the bar girls dancing in the background when I was shooting near the stage.  Again, the Panasonic LX7 would have done far better in these extreme low light situations.   Perhaps if I had changed the settings on the camera  I might have achieved much better results.   Using spot metering might have helped here.  Or changing the ISO might have made a big difference.  But I think you can see from both videos that the video potential of this camera, especially with this high a quality lens, is enormous.  But it’s going to take a lot of practicing on my end.

In the coming months I will continue to experiment shooting low light video with my Nikon D750.  I expect to be fully challenged, and possibly overwhelmed.    But whatever the outcome when it comes to testing the Nikon D750 video capabilities, it’s competence at getting the finest digital stills is evident from the slide show photos during the final half minute of the New Year’s Eve Surf and Turf restaurant video.


Although I’ve kept the Beast, I recently purchased its newer and better Nikon 24-70  2.8 lens

I just bought Panasonics latest and greatest small camera, the Panasonic LX10

I used both cameras to shoot my latest action packed video at the Pen Bar.  Put this video on the largest screen you have to spot the differences between what these two excellent cameras can do shooting low light video



Soi Six or Walking Street Mistress

Soi Six or Walking Street Mistress

If you are married in Pattaya, would you choose a Walking Street Mistress or would you choose a Mia Noi from the Soi Six brothels?

Contestant Number One

She’s 25 years old. In her prime. You have met her in a go go bar on Walking Street. She likes Tequila and so do you. At first you don’t notice that she’s on the short side. She’s wearing high heels on the stage, and when she snuggles against you, the first thing you notice are her sensational breasts. The waitress asks you to buy the girl a drink. At first you are drinking beer. Like nearly all Walking Street go go girls she doesn’t want to drink beer with you. It takes too long to drink one. She’d rather have a no alcohol ladies drink because she can drink 15 or 20 of them with no problem. So her game plan is to get you to buy her as many ladies drinks as she can. She’s probably on a contract with the go go which requires her to sell 50 ladies drinks every 10 days.

The overriding goal of the go go is to EXTRACT as much money

out of each customer as possible for drinks–especially ladies drinks. And I do mean EXTRACT which means nearly the same thing as Extort.

As if on Que, she starts fondling you between your legs. So you start thinking, “if I start buying her tequila she will lose all her inhibitions. Maybe I can fuck her in the toilet for peanuts. Or maybe she will blow me right here. You hardly notice that there’s a lot of male customers in the place and that you can be sure they will be watching you getting your blow job. The pretty girl has you by the balls.

Three minutes pass. The waitress returns. “Another drink for lady?” she asks. By this time your new girlfriend has drained her coca cola. Once again she refuses your offer to buy her a beer so you offer Tequila. “At least it will get her drunk,” you tell yourself. By now your bar bill has already reached 650 baht.

The waitress asks, “Can you buy me drink?”

If you were Japanese, you would be polite

and buy the woman a drink. But you aren’t Japanese, which means you are not entirely stupid when it comes to Walking Street games. You politely refuse which now brings on dirty trick number two.

Another girl joins you and the girl beside you who’s still stroking your dick. “Buy my sister a drink?” the girl asks.

If you were Japanese you’d also buy the second girl a drink just to be polite. For that matter

so would half my American friends just because they are dumb shits.

And you are not. So you tell your girl. “She not your sister. She only your friend.”

“Yes. Very good friend. Same same sister me.”

So you politely decline, telling both girls, “I only buy drink for the girl I’m fucking.”

By this time you can’t keep your eyes off her breasts. And of course she’s noticing this. She responds by drawing your hands to her breasts. Your mouth immediately follows. They are an ample mouthful and have a beautiful pointy taper.

It’s time for another tequila. You order two.

They go down quickly for both of you, in one swallow. It’s time to get busy again with those gorgeous breasts.

The girl suddenly gets up, turns around, and sits on your lap with her face looking away towards the stage. But it’s time to extract still another drink from you. Her hand goes up your shorts. Once again she’s stroking your dick except this time she’s giving you a lap dance with her shapely ass rubbing back and forth across your lap. It feels almost as if you are already fucking her in the rear entry position. But you are in your sixties now. If you were still in your twenties by now you would be coming in your pants.

“This can’t go on forever,” you tell yourself. “It’s time to make a move.

“I pay you 1500 baht for short time,” you tell her.

“No. 2000 baht,” she replies.

If you were Japanese you would immediately agree to the 2000 baht. For that matter if you were Japanese she might ask you for 2500 baht. But you are not Japanese, so you tell her firmly, “I pay 1500 baht for short time.” To which she finally agrees.

It costs you another 800 baht for the bar fine. But the waitress asks you, “Do you want to pay bar short time or long time?” If you were to keep her all night long, the bar fine is 1000 baht. But you are taking her to the short time room just down the street. Your total cost is therefore 2300 baht plus the 1500 baht drink tab you now have to pay. But oh well. Chances are you might be paying that much somewhere else with or without the girl. So the fuck’s going to cost you exactly $65.71 at the exchange rate of 35 baht to the dollar. If you include the drinks it’s $108.57.

But it really costs even more. The short time room costs another 350 baht. Your total price if you include the drinks is $118.57. And just what are you getting for that?

You end up banging her four times.

But it takes you  three visits to the short time room to do that. She has the perfect little body. While in the short time room the first time, you get her phone number because you are really intending to make her your Walking Street mistress. But you must admit that it would be all about sex. The first time she’s pretty good, French kissing you in the short time room and she gives you good head.

You try text messaging her a week later, to tell her you are coming again to her go go bar. But she never replies. Which is all too typical of the average good looking Walking street go go girl. You are surprised when you go back into her go go bar, has a drink by your lonesome and then she finally she joins at your table.

But you tell yourself, “Birds in the attic.  Nobody at home.  Just what the hell can I expect from a Pattaya go go girl?

After banging her the first time, the two of you go back into her go go bar to drink still more tequila together. But your are still very horny and want to do her a second time, but then you  to pay for the short time room again and you will have to pay still another 800 baht bar fine. Next time you won’t be making that mistake again.

The next time you go into the go go bar she wants 3000 baht for long time. So you offer her 2000 baht for 2 or 3 hours in the short time room while explaining to her that you aren’t a stupid tourist.

You end up  with her in the short time room for around 2 hours. First thing she does as soon as you enter the room is she turns on the t.v. to watch one of those idiotic Thai television stations.  But the picture is not very good so she turns off the t.v. and starts sending text messages on her smart phone.

You gently take it away from her. Then you have sex two times. Then it’s back to her bar for a few more tequilas. But there was none of that French kissing like there was that first time, and it isn’t until you go back to her bar and have a few tequilas that she finally starts to relax.  But that costs another 50 dollars.  It’s far cheaper to just give her Valium.

You do her the last time one week later.

You take a friend along, and he meets a very attractive girl. So the two of you bar fine both girls and wind up banging the girls in short time rooms that are just down the hall from each other. You wind up being completely underwhelmed by the experience.

That’s contestant number one. She’s only about five foot tall and she weighs 40 kilos which is precisely 88 pounds. She’s a spinner but she’s got a perfect little body and you are still in love with those gorgeous breasts of hers. There’s still a chance that you  can make her yours.  Money after all can do lots of good things for a man. And who knows, once she starts to get to know you a lot better she might really start to like you.

That’s cause you are one self confident mother fucker. On the other hand, you get the feelin that she really would prefer a Thai guy. After all she’s been brainwashed by the system here, and some girls, no matter what a man does, really prefers men with itty bitty 4 inch dicks.

Contestant number two

The Walking Street Mistress doesn't look like this
This is not contestant number 2. I will not take pictures of her or put them online. This is Leah Layne who was an American feature entertainer. When you think contestant number 2 think of a woman with this kind of body. Like Leah, she’s tall, she’s slender. Her body s firm to the touch. She’s all woman

She’s tall. Her height’s 167 centimeters and she weighs 49 kilos. This makes her five foot six and about 108 pounds. Her body also is just about as perfect as it gets. But when you are holding onto her, it seems like you are completely enveloped. As for her breasts, they are long with succulent nipples. Like the Walking Street girl’s breasts, they are a baby’s delight. But they are bigger and in proportion to her larger body. Unlike a lot of Thai women she has no belly whatsoever.

Although she doesn’t look the same she resembles Leah Lane,

in the sense that she’s got a tall statuesque body with wonderful proportions. But her breasts are all natural. There’s no silicon which means they taste all so good.

To be fair,  You have  known her off and on for about two years now. But I’d be with her two or three times, then suddenly she’d disappear, and I wouldn’t see her again for a few months. Her performance had always been first rate. I found her at Red Point so every time I’d walk past Red Point, I’d see whether or not she had returned. I haven’t been with a single Red Point girl since the last time I was with her. This is because I never saw a girl standing in front of the place, that could even begin to match her.

I was on my way to Walking Street to meet several of my friends, and as I oftentimes did I walked down Soi Six on the way down to Beach Road to get on a baht taxi simply to enjoy the scenery and to see which girls I already knew were working tonight. Suddenly I heard my name being called out, and then

she suddenly appeared by my side in the middle of the street.

I had a single drink with her. Only this time I didn’t make the same mistake I had always made before. I got her phone number. And then I went down to Walking Street to join my friends and I ended up banging the go go girl who I had just text messaged.

When I saw her again, it was in a hotel room. I set the whole thing up with her. And unlike the Walking Street go go girl who couldn’t manage to reply to a single text message she were able to work out all the details of the arrangement together. I even managed to buy a few breezers and wine coolers from a 7-11 which I put in the hotel room’s fridge.

We stayed in the room together for several hours, relaxing and talking when we were not having sex. I learned that she had only worked as a sex worker in the Soi Six Bars. Her previous employment history had been at places such as Home Pro and Homart where she had worked as a sales clerk making only 7000 baht per month. That’s just $200 a month, which was not nearly enough to pay the 4000 baht she had to pay for her room, and her daughter from her irresponsible ex Thai husband who had moved onto other women.

She’s the second Soi Six girl I’ve been with who had a normal job history.

I found both girls to be completely different from your typical Pattaya sex worker. For one thing, both of them had learned that they had to actually get up at a reasonable hour in the morning in order to make a living. Both of them had learned that they had to follow the orders of their superiors and to follow company rules. I found it very relaxing to be with the first, just as I would soon be finding it to be very pleasant and relaxing to be with this new girl.

There was none of this, “Buy me drink. Buy drink for sister, buy drink for mamasan, the waitress and the Soi dog lying just outside the go go bar. Both women were an entirely different breed of woman than what is found in the go go’s.

Part of the reason is their age.

The first was 39 years old. The new girl’s 32. Now here’s the thing that is typical of women in their thirties compared to girls in their twenties and even younger. Older women have a sense of their mortality. They know that their shelf life is diminishing and that they don’t have many of their prime years left. So they are much more appreciative of the good things that come their way in life. Especially when it comes to men. Good men that is.

But I digress too much. It’s time to get back to this new woman. Who no doubt no longer sees herself in her prime, but I see as a nearly perfect specimen of feminity. Sex with her is inexplicably torrid. She makes me come three times. She tells me she’s come many times as we lie together calmly drinking our Bacardi breezers. I tell myself that if she hasn’t, she’s done one helluva job acting. But I have to admit that I have a terrific body as an old fart. I believe her. Who wouldn’t want to have a body like mine.

Having sex with her reminds me of the movie, the “Stefford Wives.”

In the movie all the men in a small community form a men’s club. Their wives have become too demanding. And too bossy.

So the men have operations performed on their wives to turn them into robots. The re-engineered wives now dote on their husbands. They clean their houses to perfection. They spend hours each day shopping for food and cooking gourmet meals for their husbands. And they perform great sex on queu. But they have become robots. They no longer have free will. They have each lost the personality that makes each woman unique and special.

This new girl will never become a robot. She will always have a mind, but what separates her from much younger girls, such as contestant number one from the Walking Street go gos is “she has a mind.” And if she’s a brilliant actress when she’s having sex with me, so what! She’s empowering my manhood and that’s what’s important.

She starts calling me every day

after that first time in the hotel room. I get a hard on whenever I think about having sex with her. I have to do it with her again.

But when we do, she tells me she wants to give me a massage. She has me lying on my stomach as she works her hands from my ankles all the way up to my neck. Finally she has me lying on my back as I gaze upwards at her beautiful breasts. I can’t help from wanting to kiss her, which I do, and then I start to suck on her succulent breasts.

But I must leave. I have things to do, but she wants me to stay, so I tell her I will see her soon.

The third time, I spend just forty-five minutes with her in the short time room. She asks me if I want to have a massage. I do, but there’s too little time. I need to be somewhere else. But there’s one thing I forgot to mention about this third time. That is, I met her at 10 a.m. If I had told her I wanted to see her at 9 a.m., I’m sure she would have been there for me at 9 a.m.

Which brings us back to contestant number 1.

The last two times I had sex with her I asked her what time she had gotten up that day. Both times she told me she had gotten herself out of bed at 5 o’clock in the afternoon. Sorry, but I simply do not respect people who sleep in until 5 o’clock in the afternoon. With the exception that is for hard-working people who have to work regular jobs on the night shift. I’ve been with too many Thai women who hibernate for 12 or 14 hours a day. And once back in the U.S. I had a very pretty prostitute stay with me for months on end, and I had to watch her sleep away the afternoons like a lazy cow.

I see visions before me of contestant number 2, going to the Walking Street discos after she finishing her shift trying to pick up one last short time in all those dimly lit rooms full of all those cheap charlies with shit for brains. Perhaps she’s going to those Thai Karoeke bars to be with a lot of Thai men. Many Thai bar girls do, especially young go go girls. It is common for many of them who get paid 2000 baht for short times to pay Thai men for sex in the Karoeke bars. The thought of my having to pay a girl 2000 baht for short time that she will then use to pay a Thai man for sex makes me want to puke.

Do I have any Japanese men reading any of this?

How does it feel paying Walking Street go go girls 3000 or 5000 baht for sex only to have them go out and hire Thai guys to have sex with them on your dime? Hey, you guys in Nippon actually have to work hard for a living. Most of you are very well educated. All your lives you’ve had to work very hard whether it’s going to school to get a superior education, working hard in your jobs, or running the family business. I respect you guys.

But if you think you are gaining face by throwing all your money around in the go go bars, think again. Most of these Walking Street go go girls have Thai boyfriends and I don’t mean the good Thai guys but the lazy kind of men who have no problem living off their girlfriends.

And the winner is

I need to wind this whole thing up. I seriously doubt if contestant number one will ever call me, and even if she did, it wouldn’t really matter.  Wouldn’t put it past her to start text messaging her friends on facebook while I’m banging her in the missionary position. But I’m sure looking forward to getting my next massage from contestant number 2. Because not only will I be getting great sex. I will also be having great conversation. And I will be getting a great drinking companion to boot where the beers are just 85 to 90 baht.   Obviously a Walking Street Mistress is not in the cards.

Go go bars have become rip-off Pattaya clip joints

Pattaya clip joints are  go go bars which relentlessly pressure their customers to buy lady’s drinks at high prices.   Over the past few years Pattaya go go bars have entered a downward spiral that offer their customers the worse of all worlds.

First off, there’s the drinking experience itself in which go go dancers descend upon their customer victims like vultures whose single minded goal is to extract as many high priced drinks from each customer victim as possible.   Then there’s the sexual experience, which if there is any, is about the highest priced one can find in a city that offers so many better options.    Lastly there’s the main reason that attracts so many men to Pattaya in the first place which is to empower one’s manhood.   More often than not,  the customer feels so taken advantaged of that he feels as if he’s been de-balled.

I want to describe this form of clip joint activity in three steps. 1. How go go bars used to be run in the good old days, 2. How they are run now, and 3. What recently happened to me at a Pattaya Go Go bar that is far from Walking Street and much closer to Sois 7 and Soi 5.

The Man tour
Since coming to Thailand with the Mantour, most Pattaya go go bars have become Pattaya clip joints in which coyote bar girls are compelled to ram 50 ladies drinks down their customers throats every 10 days.

1. The way things used to be in the good old days

A few years ago, when I went to go go bars,  the basic concept of ladies drinks was to break the ice between a go go girl whose English skills were usually not very good and prospective customers wishing to buy her out of the bar. Whether in Bangkok or in Pattaya the scenario went like this:

A customer comes into the go go bar.  The girls dancing on the stage are all wearing numbers.  When the customer is interested in one of the girls he either gets her attention by motioning  her to come over and have a drink with him or he tells a waitress or the mamasan to have number 17 (for example) to join him for a drink.  The girl soon joins him for a drink.  The potential customer will then often negotiate a price with her for either short time or long time.  This was usually around 1000 baht although I’ve had a couple go go girls willing to go home with me for 500 baht.

If a waitress or mamasan entered into such discussions at all it was usually to interpret for the customer what the go go girl was telling him or explaining to the go go girl what the customer was saying. Back in those good old days, the waitresses and mamasans would typically leave the negotiated price between the customer and the girl.

This is what we looked forward to in the old days when the promises of the Man Tour experience also applied to the Pattaya go go bars.

Although Pattaya is still probably the best place to be on earth for all those boy-girl adventures we all dream about,  most go go bars have become  Pattaya clip joints.

2. In the new clip joint era of today

The customer gets absolutely the worse drinking–female companionship type of experience one can possibly imagine.   Sadly the  go go bars here have become Pattaya clip joints.  Thanks to the coyote bar girl epidemic taking over Pattaya go go bars, customers are constantly being pummeled to buy one ladies drink after another at a machine gun pace.

The go go girls typically have 10 day contracts with the go go bars that require the girls to sell at least 50 ladies drinks every 10 days.  So here you are in one of the Pattaya clip joints.  You are out with several friends wanting to have a relaxing night out on the town. You probably also are wanting to take an attractive girl home with you to empower your manhood. Our tour guide told us was the best thing about Thai women when I first visited Thailand with the Man Tour was that Thai women empowered a man’s manhood.

 But that was 12 years ago.

Today in most of Pattaya’s go go bars the customer winds up having his manhood dismembered.  He winds up feeling humiliated while his wallet has a deep hole in it.

Here’s what happens.  Especially if he’s assessed by the mamasan or go go dancers as being new to the go go scene.   The first girl descends on him like a bird of prey.  What happens next is that either the girl, waitress, or mamasan immediately asks him to buy a ladies drink.  This is typically synthetic orange juice.  Since there’s no alcohol in it the girl can easily consume practically unlimited quantities of such cheap stuff at 140 baht or more a pop.  The next step is for the mamasan or waitress to ask the victim for a ladies drink also.  Chances are the customer has ordered a beer for himself at say 140 baht so when he buys the waitress and the bar girl one ladies drink each he’s out 420 baht already.

 At this point he’s only five minutes into this ball game.

So what happens next?

The go go girl’s sister makes an immediate appearance. The go go girl now asks him: “Buy drink for sister me?” Chances are the go go girl’s English is absolutely dreadful so if you think you are going to get any fun filled dialogue out of these girls, forget it.  So you buy the sister (who 90 percent of the time is not the girl’s sister) an orange juice looking ladies drink.  You are now out nearly 600 baht.

The object of your fond desires now asks you for a second ladies drink. If you politely refuse she will most likely leave you within the next 10 minutes so to keep the ball game in play you comply hoping you are going to have sex with her later on.  By this time you are buying yourself a second beer or a Tequila.

Within the first 20 minutes your bar bill is over 1000 baht.  For this kind of money you could already be banging a Soi Six girl, but never mind.  If you are onto the fact that this is their ball game and not yours, you indicate to the girl, waitress or mamasan that you want to make boom boom with the girl.

Now comes the bad news.

It’s before midnight.  The go go bar wants the girl to get even more ladies drinks out of suckers like you.  So her bar fine is 1500 baht.  You are also informed that you must pay at least 2000 baht just to short time the girl.  You can wait for midnight to come of course and then you will be getting this magnificent deal of getting to bar fine this vulture for just 1000 baht.

But if you stay at this go go bar until midnight chances are you will be paying a lot more than the 500 baht you would be saving by going after the cheaper bar fine.  Say you go for it and decide to bar fine her straight off.

Let’s see.  You’ve probably already run a drink tab of at least 1000 baht.  You wind up having to pay a 2000 tip to the girl for sex and you get to pay the bar a 1500 baht bar fine. So you wind up paying 4500 baht for just one hour of sex and you might just have to pay at least 300 baht for a short time room on top of all that. Your total price for having sex with this women amounts to 4800 baht which comes out to about $140.00 in American money.

And if this is not bad enough, she now either can go back to the go go bar to find another sucker like you or she will go back to celebrate with her Thai boyfriend.  And trust me, over 90 % of all Pattaya go go girls have Thai boyfriends.

3. In the go go bar that’s between Soi 5 and Soi 7.

You can take the girls to an upstairs room for 500 baht here.  So the convenience here is much better than it is down on Walking Street. There’s also no bar fine per se.  Which is a big plus.

Over one year ago I banged my first and only go go girl from this particular establishment.  The girl asked 1000 baht for short time sex. But when I pointed out to her that the price of the room was 200 baht too high compared to the competition I got her to ask me just 800 baht for her tip.

But a few months after that I heard that this go go bar was charging 1500 baht for bar fines.  So I later asked the go go bar owner what the club’s policy was on bar fines and what I must pay to have sex with the girls. I understood the man to tell me that customers had to pay 500 baht to use the upstairs rooms, but as for what the go go girls got for their “tips” this was a matter that was strictly between them and their customers.  So–if a girl was happy with getting 1000 baht from me such as the girl I had taken upstairs before, that was fine with this go go bar owner.

Several weeks later, I had one of the girls drinking with me.

I offered her 1000 baht to have sex with her. And if she didn’t speak English well enough to understand me, I made it very clear that I’d be paying the bar 500 baht for the room upstairs and 1000 baht to her by making repeated hand signals and gestures towards her and the upstairs. She agreed to my offer so I told the mamasan that I was paying my bill and bar fining the girl. The mamasan then presented me a bill that included the girl’s tip at 2000 baht.

“No, No, No.” I told the mamasan. “I pay the girl. We already decide on my tip for boom boom.” This is unacceptable to the mamasan who insists that I must pay the bar instead of the girl for sex. So I tell the mamasan, “Big boss tell me that I pay tip to the girl. Girl and I already decide how much I must pay her. Let me speak to the owner.”

“Owner not here now,” the mamasan tells me. You pay this much, which she’s showing me on my bin.” “Okay.  Not take lady,” I tell the mamasan. I pay only my bin for drinks (which is about 1000 baht). I end up settling my bar bill of 1000 baht and promptly leave the place.

Two weeks later. There’s a shapely go go girl I’m attracted to

who’s nearly five feet eight inches tall.  I’m pretty hot on her.  She’s sat with me a couple of times before.

Only a few days ago, I had talked to the bar owner again–this time about the incident where a mamasan horned in on my 1000 baht arrangement with one of his girls.  “Oh, we have a 1500 baht minimum” he told me.  This is because when a girl charges less for her tip the other girls get angry with her.  So to eliminate this problem all the girls must now charge at least 1500 baht.

I want the tall girl  so I’ve made up my mind that I will tip her 1500 baht.

As soon as I enter the go go bar another girl takes me inside and she’s very pretty.  But about the time the girl sits next to me, the tall girl comes up to us.  I  tell the new girl  “I love her too much,” while pointing at the 172 centimeter tall girl.  The new girl immediately backs off which leaves me with the object of my fondest desires. Billy Bob’s with me also and I’ve already told him, “I got a bad feeling about this one. I will pay her 1500 baht and not one baht more.  I think this is just another one of Pattaya clip joints.  Just like the ones on Walking Street.

Right off the girl asks me to buy her a tequila and an orange.

“What?” I ask her. You want two drinks? One orange and one tequila?

“No. Together,” she tells me.

I’m totally confused. Is she having a little orange mixed with her tequila?” I ask myself. “Because surely she’s not so greedy as to ask me to pay for two drinks at the same time.

This place is certainly starting to smell like all those other Pattaya clip joints ”

But I’m wrong. She’s that greedy. I order for myself a bottle of beer. My bar bill’s already 441 baht. I gotta get busy.

“You must sell 50 drinks in 10 days,” I ask her.


“Bingo.”  Now I’m 100 percent certain that this is just another example of the  Pattaya clip joints that is ruining this city.  I got a coyote bar girl in my lap now,” I tell myself. “The number one species of vultures of all vultures here in Pattaya. That explains this place now.”

“So, if I buy you one ladies drink for 140 baht you keep the entire 140 baht?” I ask her.

“No. I sell 51 drinks then I get blah blah blah blah.”

I”m totally confused now. And I really don’t care. She’s a vulture and that’s all there is to it.

“I want another drink”

“Not yet. I want boom boom you. I give you 1500 baht short time. Okay?

“I want 2000 baht.”

“1500 baht. Okay.”

“Other men in bar are tourists. Me same same khun Thai. I get discount so I pay you 1500 baht.”

I now pull out my wallet and show her my Thai driver’s license.

“See, khun Thai. Not tourist.”

By now the waitress arrives to charge me for my drinks and bar fine. The waitress tells me, “You must pay her 2000 baht.”

“If she agrees with me for 1500 baht this is okay with Big Boss I tell the waitress. And this time the owner is there right across the room from us. I mention his name to the waitress.

“He not big boss,” the waitress tells me.

“Well who is?” I tell myself. Certainly not his Thai girlfriend. It is this falang who is paying the bills and not his destitute Thai girlfriend. But so it is with most of these Thais. Falang only must pay money. He have no rights. Dog is more important than him.”

The deal is off. This one’s a greedy bitch.

Her ordering two drinks at the same time proves it. Would she have gone upstairs with me for 1500 baht had the waitress not interfered? Who knows. Call it 50-50. I tell the girl that I will be boom booming someone else within the next hour or so and that I will be paying the girl just 1000 baht.

She says: “You angry with me?”

“No,” I tell her. “Not angry. You very pretty lady but I never even pay as much as 1500 baht. I not same same as other customers in this bar”

So I leave and Billy Bobs still with me. Except I forgot to mention something. I’ve just done a huge favor for Billy Bob and he’s so happy that he’s already offered to pay for my boom boom with the tall lady. I had told Billy Bob that I would accept his offer but that I’d never pay the tall go go girl 2000 baht. Billy Bob then said it didn’t matter. He’d gladly pay 2000 baht for my boom boom. Or even more.

But I gots my pride. Billy Bob and I move onto another bar. It’s on Soi Six.

A pretty girl greets me at the bar entrance.

She’s short whereas the go go girl was very tall for a Thai woman at just under five foot eight. This one’s barely over my waist. But she’s cute, and already she’s cuddling up next to me. Right off she gets me a beer and doesn’t even ask me for anything for herself. Within five minutes she’s massaging my dick and here she hasn’t even asked me for a drink.

I get her a drink. Because she deserves one. Plus, I will probably be boom booming her pretty soon so I want her to have enough alcohol in her so that she really feels like empowering my manhood. We have a couple drinks together while I’m getting this wonderful massage right where it counts, plus she’s kissing me all over my face. But such is life n the promised land.  This place is certainly not one of those infamous Pattaya clip joints

I take her upstairs, but

so far I’ve only had to pay the 300 baht room charge that goes to the bar plus the drinks.

She’s happy with my promise to pay her 1000 baht. She takes a shower in the room, then I take a shower. When I come out of the shower she’s already lying in the bed with her legs wide open inviting me in.

When we finally go back downstairs together Billy Bob’s still sitting where we had left him.

“Been waiting for long?” I ask Billy Bob.

“Only an hour and fifteen minutes,” he replies.

“You gotta be shitting me.”

“No. It might have even been longer.”

“We must have tried just about every position, and not just once but twice. And you know what, Billy Bob? I was thinking you the entire time. This means so much to me your paying for this fuck. I will treasure this moment for the rest of my life.”

That last example of the go go epidemic of Pattaya clip joints ripped me off for the last time.

I’d rather go to a beer bar every time. Even if the girls are butt ugly,

they are happy just to have me get them just one drink. And oftentimes they are massaging my back or legs while we are drinking together. Drinks are typically 90 baht. I even know of one beer bar where the gin and tonics are just 60 baht.

And as for the Soi Six bars? Most of them ask about 90 baht for a bottle of beer. And you aren’t getting high pressured to buy girls all those drinks. The goal of most of the girls on Soi Six is to convince you to take them upstairs as soon as they can get you in the mood. And once they do get you up there, their next goal is to make you so happy that you will be coming back to them again and again.

So my advice to all of you reading these words of advice is to leave all the go go bars alone. With the possible exception that is when go go bar 1. Does not persistently hound you with all those coyote girl vultures and 2. Leaves it entirely between you and the girl what you agree on for her tip if you short time or long time her.

The Sequel to the go go bar between Sois 5 and 7

If one calls me a cheap charlie for tipping the first girl just 800 baht over a year ago, I have this to say.  First…..After boom booming her several weeks later I sat at the bar alone where she joined me.  I bought her a couple of drinks. Then I told her I was heading out to Walking Street.  But she sat there in my arms, happy to be having a drink or two and in my company. Then she disappeared.

Later when I was carousing with Billy Bob on Walking Street  a wholesome looking girl yelled out my name

in the middle of Walking Street. So I walked back to her. The girl asks me to join her at a new go go in Walking Street she had just started working for. She looked very familiar to me, and she was just, nice. Not at all like most go go girls.

I told her I’d see her soon and then Billy Bob and I went into Super Girls. I had just one beer there as I pondered where I had known the mystery girl from. And then it dawned on me. She was the go go girl I had once boom boomed on Soi 6 for 800 baht. After having just one beer at Super Girls I went joined my friend at the new go go bar where we had a few drinks together.

She was having a birthday party the next week and I promised to visit her on her birthday. But when I went the next week, I never saw her at the bar. She was nice. Very nice. But when I asked her about why she had stopped working at the go go bar where I had boom boomed her she told me that she didn’t like the bar owner.  This girl was about as straight a girl as you will find in a go go bar.  So I figured she didn’t like working in the Pattaya clip joints

We now go back to only a couple of weeks ago.

The tall girl had a sister working with her at her go go, which was complete bullshit I think.  Anyways, we were all in that place together and two girls were sitting with Billy Bob and me. I had way too much tequila that night and so had the girl who was sitting with me.

We were all sittin in front of this long stage where several girls were dancing in front of the long couch we were all sitting on. The sister got so drunk on tequila that she kept pulling my dick out of my shorts and showing it off to the girls dancing in front of us. But when I offered to take the girl upstairs, she refused.

In fact she didn’t even offer me a price. Not 1000 baht. Not 2000 baht or even 5000 baht. She only told me that she hated the mamasan. So she and the girl sitting with Billy Bob started talking up a party to be held in my condo building. They were from Sattahip or Ban Serai. I figured this wasn’t going to be happening because it was a long say from Sattahip and my condo.

But brother, was I wrong.

Three times those two girls came to my condo building looking for me.

And I can guarantee I’d be boom booming the girl who had kept playing with my dick for 1000 baht. And not just for short time. I mean long time. Anyways I don’t go around bringing just any girl up to my condo. That’s my private castle. So I wound up giving the entire thing a pass. And now I think both girls are over working upstairs at the Windmill down on Walking Street.

I have never seen a customer ever take a girl upstairs in that go go girl those girls used to work for. Not since I took that girl up there for 800 baht over a year ago. The place is  a one of many go go Pattaya clip joints.  And the smarter and more honorable girls know it. They aren’t likely to be staying there for very long.

Avaricious Pattaya Mamasans raping go go dancers part 2.

I am accusing these avaricious Pattaya Mamasans of raping the go go dancers. But I am not accusing these greedy bitches of raping you, dear customer, because you have freedom of choice whereas the girls don’t.

Avaricious Pattaya Mamasans
Money Number One by Neil Hutchison. Tourists who wish to find female companionship in Pattaya should not be allowed to get off the plane in Bangkok until they have read this book at least twice. It is the Bible to surviving being fleeced by Pattaya bar girls

Most tourists will not read this book. But Money Number One and similar books should be required reading for all tourists before they are even allowed to enter Thailand. Unfortunately most tourists seem to know everything and deserve what they get from conniving bar girls

Most Japanese visiting Pattaya go go bars are idiots.

But don’t think for one minute that I am picking on you or that I despise Japanese because I don’t.

In fact, I think that

Most tourists in Pattaya go go bars looking for sex are complete morons because they think they know everything.

Most of them also are totally uninterested in learning from expats such as myself or reading such definitive books about Pattaya bar girls such as Neil Hutchison’s Money Number One.

But most of you Japanese are a special case because you try too hard to be polite.  If Avaricious Pattaya Mamasans tell you to pay the girls 3000 baht for short time sex, you agree to it because you don’t like confrontation.  If Avaricious Pattaya Mamasans ask you to buy 3000 baht for 25 ping pong balls that you can throw at the girls, you pay it because you think this is expected of you.

Well, I’m telling you Japanese this.

“Who gives a shit about what Avaricious Pattaya Mamasans expect of you

Or what greedy go go dancers expect you to pay. You’ve worked hard for your money.  You are smart guys.  At least you are until you walk into all these go go bars like a herd of sheep walking into the slaughter pen.

part 1

The second point I want to make with you Japanese is this.  Perhaps you think it’s cool to be throwing all your hard earned money at these girls.  And if you think this is amusing to the other men in your group, most Westerners view such behavior with total contempt.  We see you as the unwitting victims of the worthless Avaricious Pattaya Mamasans, who are laughing at all of you behind your backs.

On the whole Western men value getting a good deal.  Or at least they take pride in making business arrangements that is fair to both sides.

Until they come to Pattaya as tourists looking for romance or sex.

 But you Japanese have a good excuse.  Whereas Western tourists don’t.

Especially it they have good English skills.  For that matter even German tourists have a rich source of great information available to them in German and English.  For example, Money Number One is also available to them in English.  Also keep in mind that most Germans who come to Pattaya have good English skills.  Unfortunately most of you Japanese don’t.

Avaricious Pattaya Mamasans
Money Number one is also available in German. Unfortunately for you, Japanese it isn’t. So unlike Americans, British, Australians and most Europeans you really don’t have an established guidelines that can keep you from being victimized by predatory mamasans, bar owners and bar girls.

But I am digressing from my whole story line about these Avaricious Pattaya Mamasans so it’s time to move on.  But before getting back to the two girls from Sattahip I’m going to take you back to one year ago, when I met a really nice gal in this same go go bar and wound up banging her.

One year ago at Dolls
(not the Doll House)

I met a girl at Dolls go go bar on Soi 6 about 1 year ago.  She wanted 1000 baht to go short time with me in the room upstairs.  When I pointed out to her, that Dolls was charging 500 baht for the short time room and bar fine whereas all the other bars nearby were charging just 300 baht for their short time rooms and I was banging all the other girls for 800 baht, she agreed to go short time with me for 800  baht.

Two weeks later, I saw her once again.  This time I only bought the two of us a couple of drinks as I sat at the bar with her in my arms.

The next time I saw her was on Walking Street.

I was walking up the street with Billy Bob, from Crazy House go go to Super Girls Go Go  when she called out my name.  We stood in the middle of the street together where she asked me to join her at her  new go go bar.  I promised her that after I had a drink or two at Supergirls, I’d join her at the new go go bar.  I remembered her. She was so familiar.  And so nice.  Almost wholesome and completely unlike most bar girls.

While drinking my beer at Super Girls it suddenly came back to me.  She was the same girl from Dolls go go bar on Soi Six.  I finished my beer and said goodbye to Billy Bob.  And then I went over to the new bar where I spent two or three hours with her.  All we did was drink, and hold each other’s hands.  Innocent stuff like that.  But the place was so new, she didn’t even know what the bar fine was, and it turned out hardly anyone else did either.

She told me that she had big problems back at Dolls with either the club owner or the mamasan and that’s why she had come to Walking Street.  She had a birthday coming up in a week and I promised to come see her on her birthday.  I would have even brought her a gift, but when I went, she wasn’t there.   And she still wasn’t there when I came in a week later and sat with other girls.  I think the bar fine was 1600 baht.  This did not include a tip for the girl.  I never went back again.


The two Pattaya go go girls are coming all the way out from Sattahip looking for Billy Bob and me at our Naklua condo.  Meanwhile Billy Bob and go back to the same go go bar where we had found the two women.  But they aren’t there.  Once again we are sitting at that long couch in front of a long stage.  One of the girls tells me:

“I am older sister, girl you see before.  They have day off.”

“Older sister my ass!”  How many times have I heard that one before?  But who cares?  There’s several other good lookers here tonight and the clock’s running.

We were soon joined by two go go dancers Billy Bob and I have never seen before.

After a few tequilas with the girl who’s now sitting on my lap, I come out with it.  “500 baht for room upstairs?”  I ask her while pointing upstairs.  “1000 baht for you.  Boom boom.  Okay?”

Then to make certain there is no misunderstanding, I stick my finger gently into her bosom, and tell her in Thai.  “Pu Ying boom boom.  “Neune pan baht ha roy”.  (1500 baht).  I quickly move my arms apart from each other to signify “altogether or total price I must pay. To make sure she understands, I point to my own pocket while telling her Neun pan baht.  I then point towards the upstairs and once again tell her ha roy baht which means 500 baht.  I tell her bar, then room in English.   Then I ask her in Thai, “Do you understand?”  She tells me yes.

I waive a waitress over to us.  “Check Bin,   I pay bar fine also”

“Ha roy baht  (500 baht) I pay bar for boom boom” as I point at the girl.

I follow the waitress up to the bar.  While looking at the ticket I see that I need to pay 1000 baht for all the tequila the girl and I have been drinking.  So I tell the waitress, “neune pan ha roy baht.  ha roy baht bar fine, 1000 baht for tequila.”  Suddenly the mamasan appears.

Taking my ticket from the waitress mamasan writes on it 2500 baht.

“No mamasan.  I pay 1000 baht for drink.  500 baht bar fine (room upstairs).    Lady and I agree I pay her, not bar, for boom boom.”

“No No no.  You pay this,” she tells me while showing me the prices she’s written on the ticket.

“Up to me and lady, what I must pay for boom boom. ”

But mamasan isn’t listening.

“Okay.  Get Bill.  He own bar.  I talk to him.”

“He not here now.  I am mamasan.  You pay this.”

“No problem then,” I tell the mamasan.  Deal’s off.  I only pay for drink.  I no pay for short time.”

The mamasan changes the ticket to read 1000 baht.  I pay my drink tab and leave the go go bar with Billy Bob.

So why is this mamasan so insistent on my paying the bar instead of the girl direct for the tip we’ve agreed on?

The girl from Sattahip absolutely refused to have sex with me in the go go bar short time room.  It wasn’t my offering to pay her 1000 baht either.  She had not even counter offered.  She never asked me to pay 3000 baht, or 2500 baht, 2000 baht or 1500 baht.  Yet she and her friend had come all the way from  Bangsaray-Sattahip so that they could deal directly with Billy Bob and me.

It turns out, however, that the same two girls came to our condo a second time.  One of the girls had a motorbike, the other didn’t.  So it turns out that “my girl” the one who had the motorbike was the ride for the second girl who had been with Billy Bob.

But as I had mentioned in part 1 of my story, I never bring bar girls to my condo.

I won’t give my reasons here.  I just don’t.  But Billy Bob, now he has other ideas on this subject.  So on this second time the girls came to our condo, Billy Bob took them to a restaurant.  Then he took them both into his condo and drank with them for a couple of hours.

The two girls had to work together so they went down to Walking Street where Billy Bob joined them later.  They had already started working at another go go bar.  Billy Bob went upstairs to drink with them in Windmill go go where he found the bar fine had gone down from 1500 baht to 1000 baht because it was after midnight.

So here’s what I am thinking.

The greedy mamasan caused both girls to quit Dolls go go bar on Soi 6 to seek employment on Walking Street.

Although I can’t prove it, I believe the greedy mamasan is getting a big tip or commission on the tips the go go dancers are getting from their customers.  So if I pay a girl 1000 baht direct for short time sex in the room upstairs, the girl is getting 100 percent of her money.  The bar still makes 500 baht for the short time room rental upstairs and it’s making a lot of money on the high drink prices it’s charging its customers.

So for instance, a Japanese customer comes into this go go bar, and he wants to take a girl upstairs.  The mamasan puts on his ticket 500 baht for the room and 2500 baht short time which is 3000 baht altogether.  What’s probably happened is the mamasan tells the girl, “I’ll get 1500 baht for you which probably more than you would be getting if I didn’t help you considering all the beer bar girls just up the street from us are only getting 1000 baht.  But the mamasan is pocketing 1000 baht from the hapless Japanese tourist who is too polite to argue.

Dolls Go Go on Soi 6 could be getting a lot of expat business if the Avaricious Pattaya Mamasans allowed the girls to set their own prices

There is no way that most expats (men who actually live here in Pattaya full time) are going to pay 2000 to 3000 baht long time when they can go just up the street from a go go bar and get the same sex for just 1000 baht.    Sure, it gives a go go girl big face when she can go out and brag to her friends that she’s getting 2500 or 3000 baht short time.  The reality is that tourist numbers have recently declined to less than half of what it was so all of these high dollar go go dancers with their big faces are just not getting bar fined very often.

If the go go bars hope to survive, they must get tough with their Avaricious Pattaya Mamasans

1000 baht for short time is the magic number for what men should pay for sex in Pattaya.  And any man who pays more is a fool.  Unless, however, he is giving money for a girl whose looks are a 10 out of a 10.

part 1



Greedy Pattaya Mamasans force go go girls to charge too much part 1

Greedy Pattaya Mamasans are now preying on their go go girls and customers  so much that the bar girls are moving on to greener pastures.

Greedy Pattaya Mamasans
You can get these girls for 1000 baht short time if you follow my good advice

I am therefore asking everyone who reads this post to be real men and never cave into paying more than 1000 baht for short time sex to any Pattaya bar girl.  Paying more is not only fool hardy.  It’s also disastrous to the bar girls  themselves.   So I must now warn everyone about how Greedy Pattaya Mamasans are ruining the Pattaya go go bars  for everyone, including the bar girls.

I have laid down a challenge to two of my fellow Pattaya expats that

I can get Pattaya go go girls to do short times with me for 1000 baht.

They’ve told me, “That’s impossible.  Times have changed.  There’s been a lot of inflation since you used to be able to short time over 50 percent of the dancers at Pattaya Super Girls go go for 1000 baht.  Go go dancers now expect 2000-2500 for short time sex.  I say bullshit.  Perhaps you have to pay that, but that’s because you think you have to.  But I’m Uncle Bufford.  I can get away with paying just 1000 baht because I know I can.  You can’t because you are not like me at all.

Soi Six Dolls Go Go Greedy Pattaya Mamasans prey here

So last week we stopped in at a Soi Six go go bar.

This place IS NOT ON WALKING STREET.  It’s on Soi 6 and it’s called Dolls Ago go.  So do not confuse it with Doll House on Walking Street   I went in with Billy Bob.  We sat at a long couch in front of the stage.  It took only five minutes for a chubby dancer to ask me if she could sit with me.  I politely refused.   After all, why should I allow a fat bar girl to monopolize my time when I can be with much better looking babes?  And why should I buy a sex worker drinks when I have a much better body that she has?  As for sex, if it ever would come to that, she should be paying me.  Even if I’m an old fart.

Billy Bob and I decide it’s better to drink alone.  Ten minutes later two attractive girls who are dancing on the long stage practically in front of our noses ask us if they can join us.  They do, and before long I’m drinking tequilas with one of them.  She’s in my lap.  After a couple of tequilas she’s  sliding her hand up my shorts.  She wants me.  No.  I want a lot more than her hand, and I know there’s a short time room upstairs.

But she won’t go.  “I hate Greedy Pattaya Mamasans ,” the girl tells me.

She doesn’t say it exactly like that because her English is not all that terrific.  But I understand her to mean:  “I don’t want to deal with these greedy Pattaya  mamasans who are going to give me a lot of problems if I go upstairs with you for only 1000 baht.”

After several more tequilas,

both girls tell us they want to go to our condos in Naklua in two days to party

My girl tells me, “Tomorrow I have day off”.  But I’m not about to give her my phone number and I’m busy the next day.

As for their coming to Naklua to party with us, I tell Billy Bob:  “That will never happen. My girl tells me she lives in Sattahip. That’s 30 kilometers away.

My girl will absolutely not go with me to the short time room upstairs.  She won’t go for 1000 baht.  She probably won’t even go for 2000 baht. The girl hates mamasan that much.

But two days later, Billy Bob tells me.  “The girls came to our condo yesterday.  All the way from Sattahip.  They even put pictures of the front of our condo building and put them on Facebook.”

But I had to go somewhere else.  So I didn’t have time to let them come up to my condo.”

As I keep telling my friends.

Most of these go go dancers are not getting bar fined.

The greedy mamasans and go go bar owners are setting their bar fines, short time sex and long time prices far too high.  I can get  a lot of these go go girls to have sex with me for 1000 baht.  The trouble is, I will never have them come to my condo (for reasons I won’t get into here).  Only the Japanese and shit for brains tourists who don’t know any better are stupid enough to pay 2000-3000 baht for short time sex.

Obviously these two go go girls from Sattahip have proven my point.  They want to get something going with me and Billy Bob outside their go go bar, and if you won’t believe me, it’s time for you to move onto part 2 about how all these greedy Pattaya mamasans are ruining the entire Pattaya go go bar experience.

click here to read part 2


The Thailand Naklua Pen Bar 10 year anniversary Dance-a-thon Video

Live music at the Naklua Pen Bar
From 7:30 until 1 a.m. live music ran non stop

The Thailand Naklua Pen Bar is celebrating its 10 year anniversary.  Tonight there’s live music and the girls are dancing.

The food was good and two of my buddies were drinking with me, one Austrian, the other British.  I started with Gin and Tonics but I was going through them very fast, and I could see my bin piling up with tickets.  This was going to be an expensive evening especially since I was buying several of the girls drinks.   No matter.

The Naklua Pen Bar doesn’t have its ten year anniversary every day.

And I wouldn’t miss this party for the world.  And it’s all because of Pen, who’s also having her annual birthday.

In England they call the hangouts for the locals pubs.  In my part of the U.S. we call them taverns.  We call it the Pen Bar here in Pattaya Thailand. That’s because all our favorite local bars have closed their doors or gone to seed.

Malai Bar never was the same after Eddie sold it to someone who had no clue on how to run a bar.  Then it closed.  It can be seen in the background of this video, vacant.  The Girl Beer Bar was the greatest place around with lots of pretty girls always around. Good music too.  But then the German owners had a falling out or that’s what I had heard.  As for Drinking Street, I’ve got lots of you tube videos that attest to how good it used to be there.  But most of the girls there have gotten to be fat and unattractive.  And Mam left, then Kwan.

But the Naklua Pen bar has been a steady watering hole of mine for ten years.

Most of the bars near it are doing very badly.  Many have closed.  But Pen’s always got customers.  It’s Pen who’s made the big difference.

Pen used to be a bar girl.  She’s a straight shooter who will never overcharge a customer or tell him stories the way 90 percent of the bar girls do and nearly all the Thai bar owners and mamasans.

 I now understand why Saint Thomas loved  the Naklua Pen bar so much

Saint Thomas used to rent a condo on the 7th floor of my building.  He lived here full time for about a year,and during that year he bar fined something like 25 bar girls from Pen’s bar.  Then he moved back to the U.S., but he kept making visits to Naklua every three months or so.  Saint Thomas would email me to tell Pen that he was coming to Pattaya on a certain night, and that she should stay open late, just for him.  He’d not even bother checking into his hotel first. Saint Thomas would just have the taxi driver from Bangkok take him straight to the Naklua Pen Bar, and he’d drop his bags off right next to his table where he’d start drinking right off.  Around three or four in the morning, he’d have Pen or her nephew drop him and his bags off at his hotel.

But tonight it was Rod’s turn.  Rod doesn’t own a motorcycle yet or a car because he hasn’t quite moved here full time quite yet.  So he took a taxi to meet us at the Naklua Pen Bar tonight.  Around 3 a.m. he had just about enough to drink, and was about to go out looking for a taxi.  So I advised him to have Pen get one of her bar girls to take him back to his condo on her motorcycle.  Which one of the girls did.  She was back at the bar ten minutes later.

And that’s how the Naklua Pen Bar gets so many loyal customers.

Links to other Naklua Pen Bar Videos

Tri and Pai, two of our favorite Girl Beer Bar Girls cut up at the Pen Bar

Per and Jack get marooned at the Pen Bar by unrelenting rain where they are molested by rampaging bar girls



Bangkok Soi Cowboy go go action

How does the Go Go Bar Bangkok Soi Cowboy action compare to Pattaya Walking Street for girl quality, price, and overall ambiance.  I’d like to say, I had to find out.  I’d love to tell all you guys that Uncle Bufford is alive and doing well as he tries his damnest to bring you all that Soi Cowboy go go action up close and personal so you can experience all those luscious Thai babes vicariously.  But I can’t.  Going to Soi Cowboy was purely an afterthought.  My primary mission to Bangkok was to go to Little Japan to meet a very good Japanese friend of mine.  So Soi Cowboy go go action was purely coincidental to my main mission which was to be a true friend to a man I’d known for over forty years.

Soi Cowboy go go action
Soi Cowboy at Night

If it had been up to me, I probably would never have gone to Bangkok in the first place.  Until I got that email telling me, “I need to come to Bangkok on business. Can you meet me? I’ll even pay for your hotel room.”.  I jumped at the chance to meet up with my old pal from Nippon.  But there was no way I’d allow him to pay for my hotel room.  But I did allow him to book my hotel room.

As my taxi driver started to get close to the hotel I started to notice that there were a lot of Japanese restaurants in the area.  When I went up to the room, I noticed that nearly all the hotel guests were Japanese.  I’d later be informed by one of the hotel’s employees that over 80 percent of its customers were Japanese.

I was starting to love the place already.  As for my friend, he was far from the hotel over three hours away on his business appointment and I’d not see him until the next day.  So here I had a lot of time on my hands. My first priority was food.  My second priority was to find all that Soi Cowboy Action that I had been told was likely to be walking distance from my hotel.  But I’m Uncle Bufford, and action’s a lot more important to me than food, so long as I have just enough food to get by.

So how do I get to Soi Cowboy?  Do I take a taxi or should I try the Sky Train?  But taxis, except for when they are absolutely necessary, are for wimps.

Although the Sky Train is nearby I wasn’t really used to using it.  And if I took it, I wouldn’t get to see much on the way to Soi Cowboy.  It would take me nearly half an hour to walk to Soi Cowboy.  I’d wind up walking back to my hotel hoping to get together with my friend.

And when that didn’t work out I walked back to Soi Cowboy looking for wimmen and beer, and then back again to my hotel at 3 a.m.  I must have walked two hours, which is something most of you readers wouldn’t even attempt.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  So I’m going to take my Bangkok adventure one step at a time.

Four Wing Hotel is  located down Soi 26 from Sukamvit.  I will call this area from Sukamvit to the hotel along Soi 26 as Little Japan.   About three blocks from the hotel are a couple of streets where I found a number of Japanese restaurants. I’ll go there one day because I like Japanese food, but tonight I had business to take care of.

I passed the Japanese restaurants up looking for a Family Mart or Seven Eleven.  It’s like being in the military.   I’d eat on the run, and I wouldn’t eat a lot because too much food would slow me up. About one block before  Sukamit I noticed a street that ran at an angle to my left.  I saw a few massage parlors on this little street. It was time   to check the situation out.

I soon came to Sukamvit.  I decided to take a left and started walking in the direction the hotel bellhop told me to go. But the go go bars were a lot further than I had thought.   I had to stop once or twice to get directions.   My last stop was at a massage parlor that was attended by a single woman who was in her late thirties or early forties.

I was tempted to give her a whirl but passed after getting directions from the woman.   On the way I stopped at a Seven Eleven where I bought a tuna fish salad sandwich and a Snickers chocolate bar.  That was my dinner and I ate both on the last leg of my walk.   After crossing to the other side of Sukamvit I found the street the massage lady told me to look for and found Soi Cowboy a couple of blocks down Sukamvit.

But it was about six p.m. so the go go bars hadn’t gotten a good start yet.  But I spotted a few beer bars intermixed among the go go’s. Several  bar girls tried to get me to join them for a drink.

But I know myself too well. Realizing that once I started on the bar scene here,  I wouldn’t feel like leaving it for at least six hours.  Which meant there would be no hope of connecting with my Japanese friend once he got back to the hotel from his business appointment . I was figuring he’d be getting back to the hotel around eight. So I headed back toward the hotel.

Taking a taxi would have done me no good.   At five p.m. the traffic was godawful on Sukamvit.  Here it was past six and it was still terrible.

I noticed that there had been a lot of Japanese men on Soi Cowboy.   With the exception of Thais it seemed to me that nearly everyone in this entire area was Japanese which suited me just fine. I almost felt like I was back in Tokyo.

So if you are Japanese and you are reading this episode, by now you know that I’m a lot more pro-Japan than against, and that I really have a keen appreciation of Japanese people in general.  I just don’t like the fact that Japanese men are paying far too much money for Thai go go girls, and this is makes the go go bars very unappealing for any man who does not want to be taken advantage of.

Eventually I arrived back on that little diagonal street where I had seen all those massage parlors.  I spotted two places that were across the Soi from each other and decided to give one of them a try.  Several girls asked me if I want a massage so I walked over to them and asked them what they were charging for a Thai massage.

One of them replied, “400 baht.”

“You must be kidding me,”  I responded.  “I live in Pattaya and in Pattaya it’s just 200 baht for a Thai massage.”

“But here, not same.”

I went over to the massage parlor across the soi. Several of the girls  immediately ushered me inside.  One of them  invited me to sit down.  Then she asked me what I wanted to drink.

I ordered a beer, and then the manager came over to me.  She handed me a price list of what kind of massages were being offered and at what prices.  Then she directed every girl  in the place to come over to where I was sitting.

There were six or eight girls.  Two or three of them were pretty good looking.  And by what I mean “good looking”  is far more attractive than what you are going to find at most massage parlours in Pattaya which are now filled for the most part by old hags.  This whole scene reminded me of those ranches or bordellos out in the Nevada desert where all the prostitutes parade in front of the prospective Johns, thus giving them a choice from all the girls who are available.

Then they brought a Japanese man  over to the seat next to me and gave him  a menu to choose from.  I noticed that the menu specified two time periods–-45 minutes and 1 hour. I told the mamasan I was really Thai and that I wanted the Thai price.

“You will get everything in this massage.  Everything.”

Then she pointed at the column for the 1 hour massages.  I think the price was 1800 baht, but the column listing the 45 minute massages showed a price of 1600 baht.  The mamasan indicated that I’d be getting a full hour with the girl of my choice for the 45 minute price.   Then she put her finger to her lips to indicate that I should keep my mouth shut and

not tell the Japanese next to me that I was getting a lower price than he’d be getting.

It was difficult choosing between two girls in particular. So I chose one, paid the mamasan 1600 baht and followed the girl to a short time room. In the shower as we started to wash each other’s bodies I noticed that the girl had very large breasts.

So I asked her: “Silicon?”


“Falang buy for you?”

“I buy for myself.”

They were the largest breasts I had seen in months. Normally I prefer girls with small tits or even no tits.

Best of all, the sex here is cheaper than it is in the Pattaya Go Go bars where the mamasans are ruining the go go action.

After all, for me, it’s what’s in the box that counts.

But here I was face to face with the largest tits I ever remember feeling on a Thai woman before.

The massage was good. Massages are always good. And then it was time for us to do our business. Had I wanted to, I really think that the girl would have kept me in that room for much longer than one hour. But I was wanting to get back to my hotel to see if my friend had returned.

But one I got back to my room I found out that I had just missed him. A message was waiting for me that read, “I go out with someone from India.” Now that I just couldn’t fathom. Perhaps my friend had a mia noi who happened to be from India.  Perhaps this was another business contact of his.  Or just someone he had met at the hotel and the two of them had decided to go to a restaurant.  But oh well. I was going to go back to Soi Cowboy.

Soi Cowboy go go action
Bangkok Go Go girls

By the time I had walked back, the Soi Cowboy go go action had picked up considerably.

My first stop was the Lighthouse, mainly because Pattaya Walking Street also had a lighthouse go go bar and that’s were we often will have a couple two for one happy hour drinks. Here at the Soi Cowboy Lighthouse, my beer runs me 160 baht. I am immediately accosted by a decent looking girl so I buy her a Tequila. But no sooner than she gulps it down, does she tell me, “I have to go up to the stage and dance.”

“Well…so much for that. Obviously this place is every bit as bad as the Lighthouse on Walking Street where the sole object of the game is to fleece all the male patrons of as much money as possible while giving back the absolute minimum in return. I can’t wait to get out of this clip joint, gulp my beer down and pay my bin without even giving the girl a glance.

My next stop’s on Soi Cowboy is the Dundee Bar. This is a pretty boring place or at least it is tonight. I sit down, order a beer, and a girl comes up to ask me to buy her a drink. I send her away cause she’s just not meeting my standards.

But later I am joined by another girl so

I ask her what it’s going to cost me for short time sex.

I think she tried to tell me the bar fine was 3000 baht. But I’m not really sure. So I tell her about Soi Six in Pattaya and how I get the room, the girl and bar fine all in one for 1300 baht.  But she’s not having any of that and leaves  me alone with my beer.   Which suits me just fine.

But I don’t get very far.  A pretty girl is standing outside the Toy Bar, Looks like me a beer bar.  The pretty girl explains that it’s just 110 baht for a bottle. Such a low price persuades me to have at least one beer in the place.

What she doesn’t tell me is that her lady’s drink is going to cost me 200 baht

so when you add the two prices together it comes to 310 baht.  This  is about the same as you will paying in most go go bars where it’s usually around 150 or 160 for the beer and another 150 or 160 for the lady’s drink.

Anyways, this girl is really something. She’s got a body to die for. I think I’d come even before I achieved full entry. But never mind, I’m Uncle Bufford.   I’m on a mission and that’s to cover as many go go bars  I can.

The girl and I sit down at a small table next to a small stage. Another girl is dancing right next to us and she’s nearly as beautiful as the girl sitting next to me. My girl speaks excellent English so I ask her a lot of questions about short times,  long times, how much the bar fines are and so on.

Then she tells me, “I’m coyote.”

I explain to  her how the Coyote girl routine works out in Pattaya Walking Street where the girls must sell their quota of fifty lady’s drinks every ten days.

Then she  tells me about all the minimums she must pass, but it’s nothing at all like it is on Walking Street. There’s something I’m missing.

But the bottom line is this…..she tells me it’s going to cost a man 5000 baht to fuck her.

I think she told me her bar fine is 3000 baht, but I’m not sure of that either. This would mean she would be getting 2000 baht for the short time.

Eventually she politely excuses herself by telling me it’s her turn to dance, and then she starts taking her turn on the small stage. Eventually I check bin and tell her goodbye. Her facial expressions tell me she’s surprised that I”m leaving so early and that I’m not waiting for her to come down off the stage.

She’s been up there at least 20 minutes and I’m bored shitless. But damn, she’s quite the looker and she seems pretty bright.  She’s a good conversationalist to boot.   I almost cave in to stay with her until I decide to head back to my hotel.

I’ve got at least one more review to do.

On the way into Soi Cowboy I noticed Cowboys II

which seems to be a larger go go than most.  I decide to give it a go.

In no time I have a very cute girl sitting next to me. I buy us both a drink, then I ask her what her bar fine is. She tells me it’s 800 baht. Then she tells me that she doesn’t want to go with anyone that night.

Perhaps she’s on her period?

Anyway, who cares. I’ve already had enough sex with the massage girl. And I”m having an 8 a.m. breakfast with my Japanese friend in the morning. The last thing I need to contend with is a girl in my hotel room. With my luck she might be difficult to arouse early in the morning. And who knows, I might like her so much that she will wind up having sex with me until 5 a.m.

So I go back to my hotel alone.  But before signing off on this review of the Bangkok Soi Cowboy go go action, there are a few things I want to mention.

First is, in general the music in the Soi Cowboy Bars is much better

than one finds down on in the Pattaya Walking Street go go bars, which plays a godawful amount of pure noise that I call Da Da Music.

Second….the last time I went to Soi Cowboy drinks were substantially more expensive than they are in the Pattaya Walking Street go go’s.

Now drink prices are about the same as Pattaya’s.

160 baht a beer on Soi Cowboy pretty much nails it and sometimes they are a little less. On Walking Street they are now running between 140 and 170 baht.

It also seems to me that

there are a lot more brain dead go go dancers down on Pattaya Walking Street

than there are on Soi Cowboy. I can’t remember even once that where the girls left me alone at a single Soi Cowboy go go bar. There was always at least one girl asking me if she could sit with me.

Forty or fifty percent of the time the Pattaya Walking Street girls will allow me and my friends to leave the premises without even attempting to get attention from any one of us.

So, either the go go bars on Soi Cowboy are much better managed than they are on Pattaya Walking Street or the girls are simply not as lazy.   No doubt most of them are simply more intelligent.

The music is so terrible on Walking Street

 that I feel insulted and belittled as a man for lowering myself to  be buying drinks in such places in the first place.  But can I honestly contend that Bangkok Soi Cowboy go go action is superior to what one finds on Pattaya Walking Street?  That’s a difficult choice to make based on the fact that only this once have I ever reviewed the Bangkok Soi Cowboy go go action, and it is unlikely that I will be getting up to Bangkok that often.  Which is truly unfortunate. Because I really want to go back

Pattaya GO GO Bar Sex prices explode

It’s Uncle Bufford again, still on the job monitoring the rise of  Pattaya Go Go Bar sex prices which continue to explode. This time I”m talking down Windmill Go Go Bar, Super Girls, Sugar Babes, and the Doll House Go Go. But first I want to make some general observations which are long overdue but which I can now put in better perspective since I’ve just returned from visiting the Soi Cowboy go go bars in Bangkok.

Pattaya Go Go Bar sex is readily available
Pattaya Walking Street

First off, in general the music in Pattaya Walking Street Go Go bars is really piss poor. Second,   Pattaya Go Go Bar sex on Walking Street continues to get worse, due to the stupidity and greed of most of the go go bar owners. Third, the mamasans are becoming increasingly meddlesome by trying to control how much money customers must pay for short time or long time sex. Fourth, most of my German, English, and Scandinavian friends who’ve bought condos here won’t stoop so low as to visit them.  And if I’m successful in convincing them to join me and Billy Bob, they  leave us after hitting only one of two go go clubs.

But don’t get me wrong.  They completely devote themselves to having sex with as many women as possible.   And although they absolutely will not indulge in high priced Pattaya Go Go Bar sex,  they will haunt the Walking Street discos looking for sex partners  in the early hours of the morning where there’s no  bar fines.

Those late hours are way too late for me.   Even it they enable me to void Pattaya Go Go Bar sex prices.  But it’s during those late hours that go go girls who have already done a short time or two hang out looking

for one last customer so they can send even more money  home to Mama and Papa.

These European friends of mine targeting the discos have more than enough money to afford those exorbitant go go prices–it’s just  that they won’t put up with being treated like a clueless tourist dupe who doesn’t know any better. Fifth, in spite of all my negative comments about Walking Street go go bars and the go go girls, it is still possible to find a decent babe in the go go’s, but, we are talking about less than 10 percent odds here.

But. it’s time to move on.  Our little group heads to the Windmill Club

on Soi Diamond just off Walking Street to start things off.

I will be honest. I don’t like the Windmill at all, but several of my friends do.  As I’ve said before, the Windmill is a Dirty Old Man’s Paradise. It’s overcrowded, and in my opinion it attracts the worse low lifes in Pattaya.

Nothing is sacred here. Any man, no matter how ugly he is or how despicably rotten and disgusting his behavior is  licensed to do just about anything he wants to the bodies of the girls in full view of everyone in the place. But sit by he stage,  I am usually ignored by the prettier girls at the Windmill.  But when I am targeted by one of the bar girls it’s usually by someone who’s so unattractive that I wouldn’t fuck her with your dog’s dick.

Bottled beer here is 160 baht. That’s  practically double what you are going to have to pay over on Soi Six or a beer bar.  Drafts are pretty cheap though.  But I try to stay away from buying draft beer these days from places like this that attract all the low lifes.  Who knows who’s been spitting in my beer?  Or how the employees are maintained the equipment?

Our next stop is the Dollhouse.

But tonight only Billy Bob comes with me.  One week later there’s four or five of us.  Bottled beer costs 150 baht which is ten baht cheaper than Windmill’s prices.  But here the scenery is even worse. There’s only a few customers  and one look at the girls tells me why.

This is the house of Pudge, which means it’s not for me because I like slender women. On this first night, me and Billy Bob are having our beers alone. We only have one each and leave, thankful to not having a single one of these pudges pounce on us.

The next week we are not so lucky. A couple of inmates of this dog kennel come straight over to Billy Bob and me. I do want to mention that this club has cheaper beers on draft.  But as I’ve already said, I stay away from draft beer unless I know an establishment is numero uno in quality control.

The two fatties who’ve descended on Billy Bob and me, don’t last long.  That’s cause I’m not about to hang out with a high dollar Walking Street go go dancer whose body is in far worse shape then mine.  I know that Billy Bob feels the same way that I do.

Next stop looking for inexpensive Pattaya Go Go Bar sex is Super Girls.

As I’ve mentioned in an earlier review, Super Girls go go  used to have some of the highest priced beers on Walking Street at 120 baht a bottle with no happy hours or drink specials. It kept its prices at 120 baht for years while the other go go bars kept increasing their prices to the 140-160 baht range.

But times are tough now in Pattaya’s bars. Westerners simply are no longer coming here in the numbers they did in past years. So Super Girls seems to be resorting to the time honored Thai economic model that if the number of customers keeps decreasing, it’s time to keep raising the prices whereas businesses in Western countries  lower their prices so that they can attract more customers.   At Super Girls  beers are now 140 baht a bottle. I’ve also noticed that at Super Girls the mamasans hang close to  the girls.  That’s  so that they can pocket commissions by demanding much higher prices than the girls would charge if they were left alone to negotiate one on one with the customers.

Lesson to be learned–Have as little to do with the Mamasans as possible.  Most of them are total parasites.

You can now figure on paying a 1000 to 1500 baht bar fine for Pattaya Go Go Bar sex

due to the Coyote Girl Plague that is now infesting Pattaya’s go go bars.  And that’s just to get the girl out of the bar.  This does not include what you have to pay her.  However, there’s still a few girls whose bar fines are 800 baht, which is still far too high but better than 1500 baht.

I decide to buy a girl a drink. Which is now my new policy when dealing with Super Girls.  Just keep in mind that every woman on this planet earth is different, so it is still possible to find a go go girl who is not a robot.

There’s a pretty girl dancing at the far end of the stage.  I motion at her to join me for a drink.  A few minutes later she comes off the stage and sits next to me.

This girl is much more hands on than most girls at Super Girls. Most of the girls are pretty reserved until you get a couple or three drinks in them.  But this one’s got a fine body and she doesn’t hesitate putting her hands all over me.  But I can’t blame her for that.

I have a great body, and it must be like a picnic for her to get to fondle me

instead of all those fat slobs who she has to suck up to most of the time.

Then I ask her the magic question which is “How much must I pay to be able to fuck you.?” But let me warn all you newbies reading these pearls of wisdom to never ask this question. Instead you should say, “I will pay you X amount for boom boom.” The reason is the girl will probably ask you for a much higher price than she’s willing to settle for.

Many girls once they suggest a price will never lower it for fear of losing face.

But if I tell this girl, “I will boom boom you for 1500 baht for example,”  If she accepts my offer,  I feel that I have to honor my word. In this case I plan not to bang any of the girls. I only want to get their prices so that I can put them in my Uncle Bufford go go bar reviews.

Without batting an eye the girl tells me, “Bar fine is 800 baht. For short time you must pay me 3000 baht. She must think I’m Japanese, obviously.  I can’t wait to leave the place. First, this girl thinks I’m a stupid tourist even though I’ve told her I’m not. So she’s too stupid to be worth spending anymore of my time with, no matter how pretty she looks.

At Naughty Girls I had a terrible experience looking for Pattaya Go Go Bar sex

Naughty Girls is only a couple of bars down from Super Girls.   Naughty Girls seems to have a proliferation of much younger girls than average.  Real jail bait some of these babes are.   Anyways, the girl sitting with me admits to being 21 or so.  She’s pretty and she has a nice firm figure.

But Naughty Girls is not exactly a top of the rung Walking Street go go.  It’s not quite a dive either. It’s just very ordinary.   So Naughty Girls really surprised  me when the girl tells me her bar fine is 1500 baht.  Now that’s 42 bucks just to get her out of the bar, and then she wants another sixty dollars for a short time!

Let’s  put all this in perspective.  Back when I was living in the Saint Louis Metro East during my old whoring days I was paying the same $100 FOR AN ENTIRE NIGHT.  The American girls I took to all those hotels were much smarter than the average Walking Street go go girl and I had a lot more fun with them.  Pattaya Go Go Bar sex simply costs too much, and it’s far more boring.

Usually.  Until I fill you in on my latest update with to Walking Street go go girls who surpassed all expectations.

We went to Sugar Babies next because one of my friends likes it there.

On at least two occasions the staff was inexcusably slow at getting me my change.  Another time the service girl never gave me my change back.  I had to ask another staff member to hunt her down so I could get my change back.  I think some of the service people do this on purpose hoping the customers will leave before getting their change back.  Sugar Babes was as boring as usual on account of most of the girls being whipped with ugly stick.

Our last stop was Electric Blue. Bottled beer was 150 baht. I only vaguely remember going there. I’m now reading in my notes…”Good Looker at the end” which must have meant that I saw only one girl who attracted me in the entire club.

I must say that this night I had a pretty high and mighty opinion of myself.

There’s some pretty attractive girls I’ve met recently but some of them are working at real jobs. Some of them are over on Soi Six.  But most of the Walking Street girls are just like most of the sex tourists here,  a dime a dozen.   They are not worth the high dollar Pattaya Go Go Bar sex prices they are asking.  But in my next review it’s time to cover what I discovered in Bangkok.

Ironically, Doll House will eventually become my favorite go go bar on Walking Street.  This is the supreme irony due to my giving it such a bad review here.  To find out more I recommend that you read Walking Street Doll House vs Annabelle Go Go Bars Golden Pussy.

The Soi Six Go Go Bar Walking Street Connection

One should never pay too much for Walking Street go go girls. One reason is the Soi Six Go Go Bar Walking Street Connection.

Uncle Bufford talks about Soi Six Go Go Bar
It’s me. Uncle Bufford Again.

Lately, all of U’s will have noticed that I’ve made my strong preferences for Soi Six bars

well known on account of cheaper beers, built in 300 baht short time rooms, and cheaper and better wimmen. But tonight kinda rekindled my passion for Pattaya Go Go bars.

It all started out with me and Billy Bob going to the Crazy House Go Go first. This was because we both admitted most of the time we had the most fun there. Maybe it was because Crazy House has the same toilet for the wimmen and the men and the toilet is often a wonderful place for meeting a lot of sexy wimmen.

Cum to think of it that toilet there is so good that I sometimes am taking a piss, when a girl comes up behind me and starts giving me a massage. There’s also the exciting possibility that if a man buys a go go dancer enough tequila that he can take her back into one of those toilet stalls for a short time. Anyways if a girl isn’t a coyote, the bar fines 800 baht. Now that ain’t good but it’s a damn sight better than these other places all a chargin 1500 baht for them coyotes. Never mind my sidekick here, Billy Bob, who always seems to get the most rotten luck in the world. Even at Crazy House he seems to keep attractin them coyotes with large bar fines.

As soon as we walk into Crazy House, I knows my Dick is in for trouble.

It’s that girl who was a wearing them glasses the last time. I see her sitting by herself as soon as I come into the place and she sees me too. So as soon as me and Billy Bob sit down she’s on me like a hyena onto something that’s already been killed. Pretty soon she’s on me, with those hypnotic eyes of hers.  Her hands are all over my body. She unbuttons my shirt. She feels between my legs where my bigger brain lurks. It becomes bigger and bigger as it starts to take control of whatever resolution I first brought into the place.

Pretty soon, Billy Bob’s got a girl on him trying to milk him for drinks. He doesn’t look too happy so I tell him that as soon as we finish our drinks we should go to the next place. The girl tells me, “I really like you.” A few moments she tells me, “I want you now.” In a moment of weakness I promise to come back (for her) after hitting several more go go’s with Billy Bob, and she says to me, “Okay, I wait for you.”

I figure she will. After all, I’m Uncle Bufford and there’s nobody in Pattaya who’s like me.

I’ve got them kind of eyes that tell a woman, “Trust me”.

I’ve also got a made by Viagra big dick. But unlike all those Japanese who keep cummin into these go go’s I’m not afraid to let all the girls play with it. I’ve got a great body too. It’s one that’s gotta put all their Thai boyfriends to shame. I’m on top of the world and I knows the wimmin can see that.

We gets only  a few feet down Walking Street from Crazy House when suddenly a girl runs right up to me, callin out my name. I takes one look at her, and I’m a thinkin, “She’s gotta be some girl I met workin a job somewhere. Maybe it was Home Pro or Power Buy, Seven-Eleven or Lotus. She sure don’t look like no bar girl.  She’s got too wholesome a face to be a workin at a bar. She’s cute.

“I work over there,” she tells me. Come see me.” She’s pointin at a small go go bar called Infinity. “New bar,” she says.

I promise to see her soon, but we gotta go to another place first.

Next go go is Super Girls. And sure enough they’ve got all that horrible DA DA music going in there again.

Let me check my notes. Yep. First song’s DA DA. I got it all written here. Second song’s DA DA too. And the third and the fourth. I must have gotten tired of writing. But a lot of these wimmen are smiling at us, especially from the stage. Across the stage is Billy Bob’s friend. She’s one of the prettiest girls in the place, and she looks a lot like my favorite Soi Six girl. But if you get them lying down naked next to each other, I’m a bettin my Soi Six girl wins. She’s got the golden pussy too. The kind of pussy that men dies for.

With that kind of knowledge in my small brain, I am ready for anything. There’s a girl dancing in front of us pointing to her friend as she smiles down at us. Her friend’s got big tits. A nice body too. I tell Billy Bob, “I’m buying that one with those silicon breasts a drink. I won’t be bar fining her though. On account of my promise to the girl back at Crazy House. And that girl we met back in the street who knows me. “Man, now where do I know her from?”

Now how much do I like Big Tits Anyway?

Are they really worth 3000 baht short time with them for me?

Suddenly it comes back to me. She’s the one I met down at that Soi Six go go bar. I even took her upstairs once. That stupid owner was a chargin 120 baht for a beer and 500 baht for his short time rooms. Poor girl. And she was really nice. But I had told her every other Soi Six Bar was only a chargin 300 baht for its rooms and I really couldn’t bring myself to payin 500 baht just because a stupid Australian thought customers were stupid enough to pay him 500 baht just because he had a Soi Six Go Go Bar.

I was going to pay this girl 1000 baht. But I told her since her big boss was so greedy, I was a willin to give her 800 baht. She agreed so I took her upstairs, and guess what? That short time room was just as bad as the worse short time rooms on Soi Six.

And then–just a few weeks ago, I was a drinkin with that same girl down on Soi Six. I had come into that place in a rotten mood, but she remembered me, came up to me as I sat alone at the bar. So I bought her a drink and pretty soon we were huggin each other and I just felt good all over.

She just felt so right. And she wasn’t pushy and she never ever asked me for a drink in the first place.

I had even showed her my Uncle Bufford go go bar review notes and said that she would probably be my most memorable girl of the night. She would have been except later on I met the girl with the hypnotic eyes in Crazy House, had bar fined her, and that had been that. And here once again, I’d be passin on that Soi Six girl for that seductress from Crazy House.

I tell Billy Bob about the Soi Six girl. Then I make him a bet.

“I bet that within the next two months that I’ll be short timing one of these go go girls for 1000 baht.  It might be the ”Soi Six Go Go Bar girl but it could easily be anyone of these girls we are lookin at right now.”

Billy Bob says nothing. He knows I can do it.

Then I smile at the girl with the big tits and motion to her like I’m drinking and point to her. Then I tell Billy Bob, “I’m buying her a drink, and then the next time we comes in here, I’m buying another girl a drink so that each time I’m getting a girl a drink. This way I can meet a lot of girls and get a good idea of what this place is all about. Then I’ll wait until low season hits and most of these girls aren’t makin any money. That’s when I git them for a thousand baht.

The easiest way is for me to bang the ex Soi Six Go Go Bar girl for a thousand baht.

I already short timed her for 800 baht at the  Soi Six Go Go Bar.  When the other girls know I’m doing her for 1000 baht, I’ll have it made in that new go go bar.”

In five minutes the girl with the big tits is sittin beside me. I ask her how old she is, but I can’t remember that now, but I seems to recall she was only twenty-one. My next question is, “Where did you buy those big tits?” From Bangkok?”

She says yes.

I thought of Bangkok first because I remembers how this old girlfriend of mine had

taken me to a big clinic where they make tits and vaginas for lady boys who want to replace their dicks with pussies.

My girlfriend had been shopping for a new nose. She bought one too. But she got her new nose later courtesy of her new boyfriend who was a fat German who had to get special shocks on his motorcycle because he was too gargantuous for its little frame.

“Want to feel them?” the girl asks me as she cups a small hand around one of her nipples.

I feel one of them gently. But I feel it just a little bit because I don’t want her or the other girls to think I’m a dirty old man.

After I ask her a few more questions I tell her “Not tonight, but later someday”, in my horrible Thai (My Shy Yenee. Tilang Kap). “How much boom boom you?”

I’ve got my Uncle Bufford notepad in front of us on the bar. My pen too, so she takes my pen and writes down 800 baht as she explains “that’s for the bar fine.” She asks, “For short time?”

I tell her, “Yes.  Short time.”

I like that girl from the Soi Six Go Go Bar
Now, how much do I really like Big Tits? Are they really worth 3000 baht to have a short time with them?

Then she writes down 3000 baht.

The girl with the golden tits. That’s what I’m calling her from this point on.

Needless to say, I’ve got 1000 baht on my mind. I’ve already promised the girl with the hypnotic eyes and I sure as hell am going to be back a lookin for that ex Soi Six go-go girl before I even get back to Crazy House.

The girl with the big tits goes back to the stage, Billy Bob and I check bin, and then we walk out of the place.

“I gotta go home now,” says Billy Bob. “I am sure you are going to get well taken care of down at Infinity Go Go.”

Infinity Go Go is a pretty weird place.

There’s a long stage running down the entire room which is long and kindof narrow. On both sides of that stage there’s a long row of small tables and padded bench style couch. There’s very few customers here but most of them are sittin on the left side of the stage while most of the girls are all sittin together all along the right side. All of these people are facing each other across the stage like it’s some kindof dating game where the men are too afraid to approach the wimmen and the wimmin are equally scared to be coming up to the men.

My girl is sitting on the right side about half way down. I notice her straight off because she’s smiling at me. A waitress sandwiches me between the girl and two other girls who have been sitting with her. The other two girls end up sitting to my immediate left.

Once again, they’ve got that awful DA DA music going again. Must be a sign of the times.

Times in which the people are more stupid than they’ve ever been before and in which hardly anyone ever reads a book. It’s a time when most people have to find their own little worlds in Face book and practically everyone’s got these little smart phones. It is a time when people don’t have cameras anymore. They are all using smart phones and Ipads because they are too lazy to be a learning how to use anything else. It is a time for mediocrity and a time for morons.

I make it very clear to the girl that I cannot bar fine her tonight. She keeps asking me where I am going, and I tell her I’m going somewhere else down the street. Then she asks me, “When you go back to America.” I tell her in a few months, and then she starts to pretend to cry.

I’m drinking beer as usual. She’s having something with whisky in it. Unlike most lady drinks, it’s got a lot of real alcohol in it. She takes her time with it, and I don’t buy her another until she’s already been nursing it for a half an hour. Obviously she’s no coyote. She’s a lot of fun too.

She has me hold her hands so that I can read her fortune.

I vaguely remember doing this with her down at the Soi Six Go Go Bar. From time to time she puts her hand on my crotch, furtively, shyly, and not at all like the girl with the hungry eyes. She massages my arms and plays with my hands. We are having a good time.

I ask her, “Why you finish that Soi Six Go Go Bar?”

“I have problem with Big Boss,” she tells me.

“That Soi Six Go Go Bar you worked at will not last long.  Every other bar on Soi Six charges 85 to 90 baht a beer.  But he charges 120 baht.  Every other Soi Six Bar charges 300 baht for a short time room.  He charges 500 baht for a shitty room.  He does not know how to manage a bar.”

I think she’s one of those “What you see is what you get”  kind of people

The beer costs 135 baht here, which is a little cheaper than most of the other Walking Street go go bars. When I ask her what her bar fine is she tells me, “I don’t know. The place is new.”

Meanwhile I’m also talking to the two girls sitting to my left. My girl has to get up on the stage to dance. So I ask them what the bar fine is. They don’t know either. So they motion another girl over to us. She doesn’t even know but she goes to the other end of the stage to find someone who does. She comes back. For a while she sits next to me as one of the girls I had been talking with has to take her turn on the stage. “1100 baht,” she tells me.

I’m making it clear to all the girls around me that my girl and I are good friends, and that we have known each other for a long time. But I never mention Soi Six to any of them. That’s up to the girl and if she wants to keep that a secret, I will honor her wanting to be quiet about her past employment down on Soi Six.

“Hym. 1100 baht bar fine? Those greedy bastard bar owners.”

I’ll be making her a deal for 1000 baht.  Just not sure when.  One thing’s almost for sure.  She’s not going to be playing a lot of those stupid Walking Street Go Go bar girl games most of them play. I stay here far too long.

It’s gettin kind of late and I need to be back a collectin that girl with the hypnotic eyes.  In the meantime for all of you readin these pearls of wisdom, there really is a Soi Six Go Go Bar connection.  I distinctly remember the go go dancer from Heaven Above working down on Soi Six later on where the price no doubt went immediately down from 2000 baht short time to 1000 baht or even lower.

Then there were the two pretty girls Billy Bob and I met in a Soi Six bar who had been working the Walking Street go go bars but were unable to make much money there.

And I’ll never forget one of my old time favorites who had tried working at Baccarat, but  gone back to her old Soi Six bar after not making enough money at Baccharat.

 To top it off, there was that really tall girl from Crazy House I had once paid too much for,

and then I wound up buying her a drink at that Soi Six Go Go Bar a few weeks later.   I thought she was pretty hot, but I never bar fined her again even if her price no doubt went way down.  That other girl with the golden pussy from another Soi Six Bar was simply too much competition.   My point is these were all the same girls. The only things that had changed was the price and the packaging.

DA DA music drives me out of Walking Street Go Go’s

Last night nerve jarring DA DA music in the Go Go Bars drove me out of Walking Street totally disgusted.

I like tits a lot more than DA DA Music
I want a girl for only one thing tonight

I am disgusted with the go go bar owners who are obviously incredibly stupid.  And disgusted with the go go girls for putting up with such shit. And I am even more disgusted with all the go-go customers for not leaving  as I had just done.

Let me be clear just how bad Da Da music is.  Da Da is the most primitive kind of music ever.  It comprises just two notes, with one being higher or lower pitched than the other.   DA DA music has just two basic sounds, one delivered after the other at varying speeds.

Example….Da followed with a DA! Then Da Da (softer pronunciation of the vowel a) followed with DA (a harsher or harder A sound). The Da’s might begin at a slow rate of speed such as Da–Da——-DA———DA, da–da before getting into a more rapid pronunciation of the Da… in da-da-da-da-da. Then DA-DA-DA played in a louder tone.

I used to think that DA DA music had become popular with  younger generations of Americans

and that this was evidence of bad taste at a bestial level. I had been out of touch for so long with my fellow Americans after living in Thailand for the past ten years.

But during my last trip to the United States, I had rented a car for two weeks, and after traveling through Illinois, Missouri, Colorado, Utah, and Arizona, I can’t remember ever having to listen to Da Da even once.

So where had Da Da come from? At least most Americans still had the common sense not to listen to  crap. But it’s doing alive and well in Thailand.   Especially in the Walking Street go go bars which have become so horribly managed that I cannot count a single expat who actually likes the damn place. But I’m Uncle Bufford, and I’ve got some work to do doing these Walking Street go go bar reviews even if the job is about as pleasant as shoveling shit down on the farm.  So let’s get on with it.

My first stop was the Pattaya Light House Go Go Bar

where I got one vodka with lime for 70 baht.  That’s the happy hour price.  The girls on the stage are all looking through the customers without seeing them.  Because they are too busy viewing themselves in the mirror.  Since there wasn’t much happening here, I went to Super Girls.

Pattaya Super Girls Go Go

She was very beautiful. But I felt I had to arrange her face so no one would recognize it out of respect for the girl’s privacy. And yes…..she did work at Super Girls a long time ago.

My Beer’s 140 baht a bottle.  The good news is there’s nearly twice as many girls here as the last time. I’m thinking some coyote girls have moved here because they cannot sell short times for a 1500 baht bar fine.  And they have suddenly wised up  to how difficult it is to sell 50 ladies drinks in a 10 day shift.  But the Da Da music is terrible.  Three songs in a row is loud Da Da and I probably was not not even counting before.  So even though the girls are promising I can only suffer through all that Da Da noise for just 1 beer.  This ambiance is so disgusting that I tell the waitress I’m leaving on account of the horrible music.

Pattaya SugarBaby Go Go Bar

Beer is 150 baht and for this you get a lot of ugly women to choose from.  Two gals are eating each others pussies on stage.   But I think one’s  a lady boy who has been cut and has had a vagina created where she had once had a dick.  She has a loud masculine voice. “She’s”  fat.  All in all she looks like a shorted version of a professional wrestler.  The music is pretty piss poor for the most part.  Not Da Da so it was barely tolerable.   The key word here is barely.

Pattaya Living Dolls Showcase

They charge a whopping 170 baht here.  I suppose it must be for a stunning toilet although the last time I took a dump here (about 10 years ago) the toilet was just okay. There are several good looking girls here,  but this place is still not top class by any means. The gal in front of me on the stage is pretty cute.  But she’s no raving beauty. She keeps watching herself in the mirror which is standard procedure for these nitwits. Eventually she comes off the stage to sit next to a guy who’s sitting in his wheel chair next to me.

 Pattaya Bacchara Go Go Bar

Upstairs the place is loaded with Japanese.  Bacchara reminds me of the scenes in the “The Deerhunter” where Christopher Walken plays Russian Roulette and eventually shoots his brains out in front of Robert De Niro. I was seated at a table for four in the back which was somewhat distant from the stage. Nevertheless there were a number of gals back there. Although the beer is 160 baht a bottle, I could sit at this table unmolested and take in the view of the entire upper floor.

A gal who appears to be in her mid thirties motions me to pick out a girl dancing on the stage But I motion back to her “Do not want.” A few minutes later she comes up to me.   I tell her I like the Soi Six girls who I got to bang for 800 to 1000 baht.  I’m thinking she’s a waitress and for awhile she sits next to me with another girl.

There’s a guy sitting at our table.  The bar’s thrown me in with him because the place is packed with no chairs near the stage. Later the “waitress” takes her turn at the stage.  She has a pretty attractive body now that she’s taken most of her clothes off. By the time I check bin another girl’s  sitting at the table  but I haven’t spoken to her or the customer.

Pattaya Crazy House Go Go Bar

I’m wanting to avoid this place because I don’t want to get laid tonight and I was afraid someone would come up and seduce me.  I knew from experience some of the girls would be hard to refuse. Sure enough,  a very attractive girl is here and within five minutes she’s sitting next to me.

She is wearing dark framed glasses without lenses.  This is normal because most Thai people don’t read much.

So they don’t need glasses.  Unlike the Japanese and Taiwanese who take school seriously and actually respect people who are intelligent.

God I wanted her.  So I buy her a drink.  Thankfully there isn’t any DA DA Music playing at the Crazy House tonight.  Right away we start kissing and then suddenly she  has to go to the toilet.  It isn’t long before she comes back, but this time she sits on my left side. But she’s not wearing her glasses.

Her eyes keep drawing me in.  Then she starts kissing me again as she starts to stroke my dick which responds quickly to her wonderful touch.

A  funny thing happens next.  A second girl, wearing dark framed glasses, squeezes up to me on my immediate right.  Turns out this is the girl I had wanted  before, the girl with the incredible magnetic eyes.  But I now have two girls stroking me between my legs.  I buy shots of tequila for both of them.

After a few minutes the girl on my left escapes to either the stage or the toilet.  Which leaves me alone with the main object of my desires.  I’m about to buy her still another drink.  But she gets up and disappears.  I assume she went to the toilet, but then I see her across the room talking to a couple of other go-go girls sitting at a small table.

She leaves.  Ten minutes later I decide to leave for more fertile pastures.

 After all, I’m Uncle Bufford, and I’m the real star around this place.

I wait for no woman.  So this one’s going to just have to learn at the feet of the master who’s the main dick in this place.  So I check bin.  The waitress comes to collect my money.  Five minutes later I’m walking out of this Crazy House alone.

The girl is looking across the room at me, surprised I’m leaving and not telling her anything.  Her expression is one of incredulity.  She’s probably thinking I’m angry.  But I’m not.  I’ll come back for her later, on another night, but this next time she will have learned her lesson. This girl’s going to be eating out of my hand. She will be my sex slave.  She will be putty in my hands.

Related Articles I have further comments about this godawful DA DA music in my Naklua Bar Reviews