Category Archives: Uncle Bufford bar girl advice Column

Uncle Bufford is the expert on Pattaya Bar Girls, Thai women, Pattaya Walking Street go go bars, Thailand beer bars and how to have the best and cheapest sex with Thai women

Uncle Bufford go go bar review 1 (4-21-2017)

Uncle Bufford go go bar review The G Spot

Uncle Bufford go go bar review 1 (4-21-2017 ).  First stop is the G-spot. I like it here because they have happy hour prices till 9:30 or so.

Uncle Bufford go go bar review
I owe it to the world to share what I am thinking about what is really important in this life.

This means I can get two Gin and Tonics for 140 baht, and that’s just enough to get me on my way.  Another thing, it’s not all that high pressure here. If me and my pals just want to drink alone, to save some money, the girls aren’t all that pushy.  And if I want someone, the bar fine’s 900 baht.

That’s not as good as things used to be when go go bar fines were 600 baht.  But here, if a man wants to take a girl long time for an alnighter, the bar fine is still 900 baht.   There’s no bar fine for a one hour short time with a much larger bar fine for long time the way so many go go bars are charging now a days.  Also, the girl and I can set our own price without having the mamasans telling me I must pay her 2000 baht for short time and 3000 long time.

Uncle Bufford go go bar review Crazy House

Billie Bob and I move onto Crazy House.  Billie Bob’s not all the keen on this place anymore.  He says he does not like the stupid uniforms the girls put on now. I want to come here because I just had a sexy girl from G spot all over me. She felt so good and I wanted her so much, but Billie Bob and me had agreed  that neither of us would bar fine anyone tonight.  Anyways, we go to Crazy House because I want to see how good this girl feels compared to the G Spot gal. Luckily she’s there.

I’ve banged her a few times. I’ve also banged the G Spot dancer a few times. The gal from Crazy House is short, but she’s got a great body. She has beautiful breasts that are just large enough to fill a man’s mouth.  She knows it too.  And she uses this to her fullest advantage. If she’s had enough tequila she will just put her pussy on full display. Sometimes she will just lie down on her back pointing it upwards at the ceiling.  It’s hard for a man to keep his eyes away. She’s got raw sex appeal and she’s totally brazen about it.

Gouging the customers for drinks

She gets 50 baht for each ladies drink. So the bar bill mounts up in a hurry especially when she’s asking you to buy two tequilas.  One for yourself and one for her.  And that seems to be the main point of her game.  Pretty soon your bin is 1000 baht and if you stick around a little longer it’s soon going to be 2000 baht.  Buy her out of the bar costs a 1000 baht bar fine now.  Before Christmas it was 800 baht. But Christmas is prime time for the bars to really gouge their customers.  For Crazy House, it’s still Christmas even though it’s now almost May.

I can’t prove it, but I think Mamasan is telling this girl to finish her short times in 45 minutes or less. The short time rooms are just across the street.  Ohm likes to get the short time over with as soon as she can.  And then she tries to get the customer to come back to the bar to buy her even more drinks.

She feels so good perched up on my lap.

Then she feels my dick.  Ohm knows only too well that it’s good and hard.  But I had a huge hard on while I was with the G Spot dancer.  I buy her one tequila.  Within five minutes she’s asking for a second one.  While still sitting on my lap she opens her legs a little.  My hand’s right there. She wiggles her hips a little and lowers herself onto my hand. She is almost impossible to resist and she knows it.  But I had promised Billy Bob I would not bar fine anyone tonight.

I leave it at just two drinks for her, and then I tell the waitress, “Check bin.” Ohm asks me to buy her one more drink. But I politely refuse. Then I ask her to meet me outside the bar in a few days so I won’t have to bar fine her.  She twists her face in disapproval.  But I already know how mercenary she is.  She’s after all the commission money she can get off each drink her customers buy.  If she meets me outside her bar, she’s not going to get any drink commissions.  “How can you be such a cheap charlie?” her disdainful look tells me.

The other girl knows the go-go bars are fucking over the customers.

Tourists don’t know any better but the guys who live here all the time sure as hell do.  Most of the go go bars are operating like machines in order to squeeze out as many drinks as they can from their customers. The way it usually works is the girl is given 10, maybe 15 minutes to sit with a customer, and then she’s called back to the stage where she must take her turn dancing.  If she likes her customer or is getting enough drinks out of him, she will return to order more drinks from him. If he appears drunk or new at the game other women join her. She tells customers one of them is her sister. “Can you buy sister me, drink?” she asks.  But once a customer shows he’s generous with his money mamasan will also appear and ask him for a drink also.

On Lady Drinks The G-Spot is much more laid back

Crazy House is a hands on  fun house.  It’s also about as high pressure as it gets when it comes to milking a customer dry for drinks.  G Spot operates differently.  Once customers are slow to get them the next drink, girls like Ohm will drop them in a minute to find a new customer or just to run off to chat with the other girls. Over at the G Spot, a typical girl will allow her customer to take his time and drink at his own pace. Dawn will usually not even ask a man to buy her a drink. But since she seems so good-natured, I won’t hesitate a minute to buy her a drink. I get the feeling from Dawn that she’s on my side. Or that we are both on the same side.  I just keep getting great vibes from her.

I’ve now been in the very closest proximity to both girls which is exactly the way I had planned it. Both of them turn me on. It’s about an equal contest. But I prefer Dawn. I get the feeling that she’s really with me.  But with Ohm I feel like I’m a target.

Police cause Soi Six girl to go to Korea for 3 months

My thoughts turn to my favorite Soi Six girl. She’s gone to Korea for three months because she’s not been making enough money on Soi Six on account of the police. She tells me that things have gotten so bad on Soi Six that the bars are no longer allowing the girls to short time their customers in the upstairs rooms.

This has not really applied to me, however. Many of the bars know me and trust me not to call the police if I see a falang take a girl upstairs. This doesn’t help Lee any.  I remember a couple of years ago taking a girl upstairs in Route 69 Bar when the bartender required me to leave my cell phone with the bar.

I learned afterwards that this was to keep me from calling the police

after getting naked in the room with the girl. Two weeks later the girl from Club 69 told me I could not take her upstairs so she got a motorbike taxi to take us to a short time hotel about 1 kilometer from the bar.

I really Miss Lee who I met at Red Point

She’s around 168 centimeters or around five foot six.  Which is tall for a Thai woman and she’s got gorgeous breasts, the equal of Ohm’s but they are much larger. The most important thing about her is she’s completely devoted to making me come.  Not just once, but two times or even three times if I still got the urge. And nothing’s off limits with her. Even if she doesn’t like it she at least acts like she enjoys French kissing.

Having sex with her usually takes an hour with all the foreplay and after play. There’s none of this, “fuck me now (as I look at my watch). Sadly, Ohm’s wearing a watch on both of her wrists.

It’s time for the next bar though.  I tell Billy Bob, “Well, Ohm’s now made 100 baht for the two ladies drinks I’ve just bought her. Maybe now she will start to think about really considering meeting me outside the bar.  It’s doubtful, however.”

Mystified at Misty’s

We hit a couple more clubs. One of them’s Misty’s. I know one of the girls quite well there. Only one week ago she was living in my condo building. But the falang who had taken her out of the bar didn’t want her in the end. He stopped paying her. As expected she left him.  Billie Bob and I saw her getting off a motorbike taxi in front of the club. I called her name out three times, but she never answered me. She never even saw me.  I don’t remember ever seeing a go go dancer that fucked up in my life.

Billie Bob and I sit drinking our beers in a booth that had its own mini stage and dancing pole. I tell the waitress that I wan to buy a drink for the young girl who used to live in my condo building. Five minutes later the waitress comes back to tell me that the girl is not coming to join us.  I can’t fathom why.  The waitress merely shakes her head as if she were just as mystified as I was.

 Fifteen minutes later we finish our drinks and check bin.

“She’s over there,” said Billy Bob. “If you want to say hello to her before we leave now’s your chance.  On our way out of the club, I approach her while she was talking to another girl next to the main stage.

“We have to leave now.  I wanted to buy you a drink earlier,” I tell the girl.

She looks up at me through glassy eyes. She barely recognizes me but at least she knows it’s me. Boy, is she fucked up.

The falang who had forced her out of his condo is a complete idiot. She’s only 19 but I always had good feelings about her. I don’t think she was ever cut out for this kind of work. I really don’t know but my gut feeling is that she’s simply not wired for having to fuck whichever customer comes along. She had just lost her boyfriend who had at least started out giving her a steady income and a nice place to live. But she had lost all that, and maybe that’s why she is so screwed up tonight.

She’s only 19. I think she probably regards having to fuck so many disagreeable asshole falang like most people might view  shoveling cow shit for a living.

Uncle Bufford go go bar review God Awful Da Da Music at Super Girls

Billie Bob and I split up and I go alone over to Super Girls. Drinking a bottle of Heineken while sitting in front of the stage, I have to listen to one very loud da da song after another. I couldn’t stand more than fifteen minutes of this punishment and it would not  matter how many good looking girls were hanging around me or how many of them are feeling my cock.  It is time for the final bar for the night.

Uncle Bufford go go bar review Taboo Club

Taboo must be about the last go go bar on your left near the end of Walking Street at Pattaya Tai. I had never been in the place, but about a week ago, a woman had run after me, calling out my name as I started off for my first go go of the night.

The woman had been one of the mamasans at Super Babes and Super Girls. I didn’t buy many girls drinks at Super Babes, but I did like a waitress who must have been in her mid thirties and possibly as old as forty. I oftentimes drank tequilas with the waitress and the mamasan, who I found to be at least as attractive as some of the better looking girls. So I decide to go in to look for the ex mamasan.

She’s nowhere to be found and by this time I’m pretty well on my way to la la land. The club is long and narrow. There’s no seating in the front section so I find myself being escorted to the back of the club. I might have had a girl or two try to get my attention but they aren’t very attractive. Suddenly I have to go to the restroom.

It is a coed rest room. Which is pretty cool because on many occasions I find myself meeting the nicest women in the toilets of Pattaya’s finest go go establishments.  There was the “Beautiful Pattaya Toilet girl from Crazy House” for example, and every so often I can’t  keep getting my mind off her.  While pondering my thoughts while pissing in the urinal I hear an angry voice behind me.

“Don’t pee on the floor.”

It’s one of the cleaning gals who spend about half their time cleaning up after the customers in the toilet. I look down and sure enough there is a small puddle of water near my feet. Then I look at myself and observed how close my penis is to the urinal.

It all looks alright to me. My dick is over the center of the urinal. I don’t believe I could have been pissing on the floor. There’s two cleaning women in the toilet. I reply, “Look at my dick. My dick not pee on the floor. Customer who come before me piss on floor.”

“No. You pee pee on the floor.”

“No I didn’t. Look at my dick. It is a very good dick and see how it make water over the urinal. Come over and Look. Customer before me, he bad man.”

By the time I’m going back to my beer hating the place. “That cleaning lady, just hate falang customers,” I think to myself. “Even if I was pissing on the floor it is not her place to be getting so angry about it. That’s what she is getting paid for so fuck her.”

I check bin and then I head out of the club towards to front door. Then I see her.

The ex mamasan  is now a service girl.

At the last minute I decide not to leave this club.  I  order two drinks from the ex mamasan, one for me and one for her.  She takes me to a small table.  Suddenly I’ve got three or four go-go girls all around me, all of them asking me for a drink.

“I cannot buy all of you a drink, so I will choose just one of you.”

She is pretty damn attractive but I am really drunk now. She has a great body.  At least in my drunken stupor she seems to have a beautiful figure.

I drink there until almost two and then I head home. The next night as I walk past Club Taboo one of the greeter girls standing outside the club calls out to me.

“I remember you from last night.”

“Was I very mal?” I asked her.

“You very very mal (drunk), the girl replied.

Too bad that I can’t remember if she was the girl sitting with me.

In tomorrow night’s Uncle Bufford go go bar review I will meet a stunner who reminds me of the beautiful Walking Street toilet girl from Crazy House.  I am warned to stay away from her, but will I?  I am Uncle Bufford and I am not normal.