Category Archives: Observations

Americans who don’t exercise their right to vote are not true Americans

The right to vote is not just a privilege.  It is a duty all American citizens need to perform.  Those who don’t are not true Americans.  So let me be blunt.  If you are American and eligible to vote in this next election, but fail to do so for any reason short of death or extreme disability, you are not worth a damn.

Exercising the right to vote
I created this cartoon before the 2012 election. Although Donald Trump kicked off the myth that Obama was not born in the U.S. the Republican Party embraced it along with other fables such as Obama is a secret Muslim and he’s the wrong kind of Christian.  Now I must ask, how in the hell can anyone be the wrong kind of Christian and a Muslim at the same time?  The Republican Party believes that Americans are so stupid that they will actually believe such tales. And as far as Falso News (Fox News) it is nothing other than a Nazi party type of propaganda machine pretending to be a legitimate news channel. You can do your homework about Fox News and if you do you will have to conclude that it is a Republican tool used to elect republican candidates. Or you can simply watch it for a few days and then ask yourself, “What percent of the time is Fox News relentlessly hammering away at its audience the following message..”Obama bad. Democrats are bad”?

I am living in Thailand full time as an American expat.  But I’m just blown away by the fact that four out of four of my American friends are not voting in this upcoming November election.  Their excuses run from “I’m no longer registered in the correct state” to “the lobbyists have so much power that my vote won’t count anyway” to “I don’t like the two choices the Democrats and Republicans are giving me.”

Well, I’ve already voted and I’m damn proud of it.  Sure, I had to make the effort of downloading the right application from the internet for my absentee ballot.  I even had to make sure that my printer’s ink cartridge had ink in it so I could print out the application.   Then I had to actually spend a horrific fifteen more minutes of my life filling the application out. I had to find an envelope that was buried deep in a desk drawer.  Then I had to drive my motorcycle to a postal outlet a mile up the street so I could mail in my request for an absentee  ballot.  I  had to wait two weeks for my absentee ballot to arrive by email.   Finally I had to  fill in the ballot, and drive my motorbike to the post office to send my ballot in.

But I don’t figure all that effort is too much of a hardship.  Not when I think of what our founding fathers had to go through to win American Independence from England.  Or the 600,000 Union and Confederate soldiers who died in the American Civil War fighting for what they believed in.  Or our fellow black citizens who used to have to sit in the back of the bus more than seventy-five years after the abolishment of slavery.

Okay, so you don’t like either Trump or Clinton.  Suppose you believe that Clinton is a very corrupt human being.   You think that Clinton is untrustworthy.  So you decide not to vote for her.  This leaves you with three choices.  1.  You vote for Trump, 2.  You vote for a third party, or 3.  You don’t vote at all.   If you choose 3, you are failing to exercise your right to vote.  By failing to do your duty, you have proven to be unworthy of all those patriots who sacrificed so much.  By failing to exercise your right to vote, you are truly not worthy of being called an American.   They were American patriots.  You are a wuss.  A wanker.  By failing to perform your civic duty, you deserve being ruled by a Hitler or a king who would deny you all the civil rights you presently enjoy and the respect you think you deserve as a human being.

Those who vote for a third party, will be throwing their votes away.   Either Trump or Clinton is going to win.  No third party candidate has a chance.  Not in this election.  Trump has alienated so many women, blacks and Hispanics , that there is no way that he can win this election.  Unless enough of these people he’s alienated fail to show up.

I’ve chosen to mention two very bad names that will  live forever in infamy.  Hitler and Nazi.  Now we all know that Hitler did a lot of lying to help him rise to the top.  But as a liar Hitler was not close to half as bad as Trump who lies 75 % of the time.  And compared to Trump, Hitler at least appeared to be a pretty reasonable man for the first half of his political career.   By 1933 and when he became chancellor and a few years afterwards,  Hitler made a lot of sense, even to his future enemies.   He got Germany out of the  Great Depression by the mid 1930’s while it took the United States well into World War II  to emerge  from this great financial calamity.   He was able to reclaim nearly all the territory Germany lost after winding up on the losing side during World War I.   He created the mightiest military machine in Europe from the paltry 100,000 Army Germany was allowed to keep by the victorious Allied powers under the Treaty of Versailles.  As for the later part of his political career, there’s no question that Hitler lost it.  As for Trump, I don’t think he’s got it in him to achieve even one year of greatness on any meaningful level.

not exercising your right to vote is a vote for Donald Trump
Admittedly I am no cartoonist. But I was so horrified by the long list of hapless Republican choices for President for the 2012 presidential election that I created the GOP cartoon strip. I’ve had very few people come to this cartoon strip. I wish a lot more would. But I’ve done my best There’s 26 cartoon strips in all, and I had a lot of fun doing each one. I figure I’ve done my patriotic duty as an American and the fact that I have very little skill as an artist does not take away from the fact that I’ve tried.

Trump doesn’t make sense to any thinking rationale person.  He’s a denier of  man made climate change.  For years he’s been proclaiming that our President Obama was not born in the United States.  I’ve seen Trump on television telling the world what a miserable student Obama was.  And yet, Obama graduated from Harvard Law School Magna Cum Laude as the first black president of the Harvard Law Review.  Hitler would never have stooped to making such  outrageous accusations.  Not because Hitler was a scrupulous and truthful man, but because he  knew that such lies were so obviously untrue that he could never get away with fomenting such nonsense.

Trump gets away with practically everything.  He hasn’t paid any taxes for how many years now?  And yet he claims to be a true man of the people.  He promises to use his business acumen to successfully run this great country of ours.   He proudly points at his successful business career as evidence of his wonderful business ability.  And yet he’s declared bankruptcy how many times?   As a businessman he’s lost so much money that he doesn’t have to pay any taxes for twenty years.  There’s a long trail of business partners, employees and customers he’s cheated at every turn.   The Trump pigpen of “business success” is rank and smelly beyond belief.

It is truly scary to think of such a scoundrel being given the chance to get us into World War III.  If Americans elect him to be their president, and he doesn’t, we can all be sure of one thing.  That is planet Earth will soon no longer be  fit to live on.   This denier of man made climate change will do his best to halt all that clean energy that needs to be developed to stop mankind from destroying the planet.

Clinton brings a lot of baggage to this election.  True enough.  But it is equally true that she is a very able person who is  quite qualified to perform well as president.  Her character might seem to be dubious, but she’s obviously very intelligent.  And she’s rational.   Okay.  So, in spite of of the fact that Trump is a totally disgusting, lying scumbag, you still vote for the him.  At least you are man enough or woman enough to exercise your right to vote.   I’ll give you that.

By voting for Trump you will be enabling the destruction of our planet.    All those clean energy laws the present Obama administration has passed  that would be continued under a Clinton  led government would fall by the wayside.  There will be horrific climate change and the destruction of our environment will become unstoppable.  And just think, you can actually make this happen by failing to exercise your right to vote or voting for the unthinkable.


Pattaya Police stopping sober drivers for drinking

Pattaya Police stopping sober drivers but they allow assault and battery of motorcyclists during Songkran
Songkran is just one example of why Thailand rates having the world’s 2nd most dangerous roads

Pattaya Police stopping sober drivers will certainly drive foreigners from Thailand.  But it is equally true with the Pattaya Police stopping drivers who are el blizzoid drunk, a little drunk, or who have been drinking in moderation.  This is being done in the interest of public safety.   But In my opinion public safety is no concern whatsoever to the police.  In the last 14 years, I’ve never observed a single example of the police stopping a driver for running a red light or illegally driving against the flow of traffic.  And I mean,  not once.   Small wonder that Thailand rates number 2 for having the world’s most dangerous roads.  The reason is enforcing the law to make the streets safe  doesn’t make money in a country where money is number one.

Songkran motorbike driver assaulted by water gun
Unless this motorbike driver is asking for this he is being assaulted. Many motorbike drivers die because of such assaults during Songkran

If you don’t believe me just come to Pattaya during Songkran and watch all the motorbike drivers getting assaulted by high powered water guns while the police watch.

But if the police continue stopping motorcyclists for drunk driving, they will succeed in killing the goose that has laid the golden egg.   If Pattaya stops being fun, we are left with a place which still has the second most dangerous roads in the world.   And where pedestrians wanting to cross the streets must scurry across like a bunch of scared rats.


Alpha Productions search will unlock 20 years of Alpha Pro

Aspen Reign
Aspen Reign performing at Big Als during a Pure Talent Feature showcase. Photo by Jack Corbett

Alpha Productions search  from Google allows you to find exactly what you are looking for from 20 years at Alpha Productions.  So far what you have been seeing here is the Welcome to the  Fun House blog.  However, this blog is only a small part of the vast Alpha Productions web site that’s spread out over 1000 individual web pages.  Alpha Productions is now focusing upon Thailand and Southeast Asia.  Nevertheless, there’s still a sizeable number of stories, articles, and pictures covering the adult entertainment industry in the United States that you just might not get anywhere else.  The problem has been, how does one focus on what he’s really interested in at Alpha Pro?  Until now.

Are you interested in pictures of naked female wrestlers?  Simply type in nude wrestling or SPEW (Sexy Professional Exotic Wrestling) and you will get exactly what you are looking for.  Want to read about feature entertainers?  Jack used to interview famous feature entertainers for Xtreme Magazine so just   type in “feature entertainer” or “Xtreme Magazine” and you will find what you seek.  Suppose you are Aspen Reign who’s won Miss Nude World about three times and been covered in dozens of adult magazines.   Even if you are Aspen Reign  you still might want to reread Jack Corbett’s “Aspen Reign, Magician in Pursuit of Excellence“.

How about porn?  where's the pornPorn is defined as printed or visual material intended to stimulate sexual excitement.   Jack Corbett  shot a lot of nude pictures of feature entertainers and strippers.   Simply type in porn into the custom Alpha Productions search engine to uncover hundreds  of original  erotic pictures he shot during his ten years shooting for topless clubs and adult magazines.  On the way you might discover a little gem called Find the Porn  This is an irreverent little game that pokes a lot of well deserved fun at all those do-gooders who demonize adult entertainment, strippers, topless clubs and any form of nudity whatsoever.  But just in case you forget the link I just put up, you can always use the custom Alpha Productions search engine from Google so that you can make your own informed opinion as to what porn is and what it isn’t.


“Obama terrible student” Donald Trump reported in 2012

Obama terrible student
Donald Trump was a liar in 2012 when he referred put the label Obama terrible student on one of the brightest presidents ever to live in the White House. Nothing’s changed. But if you think Trump is bad, Ted Cruise is far worse

This cartoon’s from my 2012 presidential campaign GOP cartoon strip with  Donald Trump calling Obama  terrible student.  All the Republican candidates were atrocious then.  They still are.  The single exception is Governor Kasich of Ohio.  But he has no chance.  I am not about to do a new cartoon strip of the current Gop cast of losers.  For one thing I can’t draw.  Another reason is it’s obvious just unacceptable this current flock is.  So let’s revisit the past for a few laughs.

I did 21 cartoons back in 2012.  Mitch Romney, Newt Ginrich, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachman and Herman Cain are  seven of the GOP cartoon candidates with special guest appearances by Rush Limbaugh and Fox News Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, and Glenn Beck.

Jack Corbett

Irreversible climate change successfully attained by Republican Party

Flooding of London
Just think, in 50-100 years London, Los Angeles, and much of the West Coast and Florida are likely to look like this if the Republican Party continues to cause irreversible climate change.

When the Supreme Court reversed Obama’s initiative to combat irreversible climate change hotter temperatures and rising sea levels  have now become a certainty. Rising seas are caused when hotter temperatures melt glacial ice formations in both the Arctic and the Antarctic.    But whereas the general consensus of the media was that this would occur in the next 50-100 years, it is now generally conceded that the polar ice caps will be almost completely melted within the next  fifty years and that the United States is already to the point of no return at slowing down irreversible climate change.    For this we can thank the same Supreme Court justices who gave us Citizens United that allows unlimited campaign contributions which enable Big Money to run the United States.    We can thank the Republican Party for the Supreme Court’s rulings on both climate change and unlimited political campaign contributions that will cause the world to be forever ruined for the further aggrandizement of the rich.

Five of these justices of the U.S. Supreme Court voted for irreversible climate change
Five of these Supreme Court Justices vote for irreversible climate change.  Which is to be expected. because  they were appointed by Republican presidents Ronald Reagan, George Bush and George W. Bush.  The other four justices, Sonia Sotomayor, Elena Kagan, Stephen G. Breyer and Ruth Bader Ginsburg voted for allowing President Obama and the E.P.A. to take prudent steps to combat irreversible climate change.  The lesson to be learned is that Republican decision makers seek to destroy the environment whereas Democratic decision makers seek to protect it.

Five men have been allowed to subvert the will of the American people, who initially elected Obama with a Democratic Congress and Senate to carry out a progressive agenda.  This agenda included the retardation of fossil fueled energy with its replacement by non-polluting alternative sources for energy such as ethanol, wind, and solar.

But with Citizens United these same five Supreme Court justices were able to sabotage the will of the American people by allowing unlimited political donations from such wealthy contributors as the Koch Brothers. And with the passage of Citizens United  big money is now able to buy elections with impunity.

So it should come as no big surprise that on February 9th 2016, a day that shall live forever in infamy these same conservative Supreme Court Justices voted against Obama’s initiatives to limit man made climate change that threatens to doom our plant as we have come to know it. What the court did was to grant a stay request from more than two dozen states, utilities and coal miners who claimed the Environmental Protection Agency was overstepping its powers by implementing Obama’s plan to reduce carbon dioxide emissions at existing plants by about a third by 2030. After all, Supreme Court Justices Roberts, Alito, Scalia, Thomas, and Kennedy were all nominated by Republican presidents, Ronald Reagan, Bush and G.W. Bush.  It was these same five Republican stooges who voted both for unlimited campaign financing and against alternative sources of energy as a last minute attempt to slow man made climate change.

The five Supreme court justices nominated by Republican presidents did not give a reason for its action.   For that matter neither did the court’s four liberal justices who objected to the majority decision.  This means that the four Supreme Court Justices appointed by Democratic presidents Obama and Clinton  voted  against irreversible climate change.  Sometimes there really is such a thing as all white or all black and between good and evil.   And so it is when it comes to either protecting the environment and saving mankind from itself or giving in to selfishness and greed.     Just as they had in Citizens United when they voted against allowing Big Money to control elections, these four Democratic appointed members of the Supreme Court voted their consciences.  Clearly  the five Republican controlled Supreme Court justices  didn’t.

The issue is no longer  whether mankind is causing climate change to occur,  but  how just how bad it’s going to get.    In a few years temperatures will become hot enough to melt the polar ice caps and cause a rise in sea level that will submerge many  islands and significant coastal regions.  For example, much of the U.S. West Coast will soon become flooded by the rising seas.

If the U.S. should make significant progress toward reversing climate change  China and India would likely follow U.S. leadership.  Instead the U.S. is telling the entire world, “Be like us and pollute the planet.  Make your contribution today so that irreversible climate change will make the lives of  your children miserable.” Thanks to the Republican controlled Supreme Court the United States can now continue to lead the rest of the world to climate change Armageddon.

Of course these same five conservative Supreme Court justices have contended that the E.P.A. and President Obama have abused their authority by trying to save the planet.  These are the  same five Supreme Court Justices who have lifted the ceiling on political  campaign contributions in Citizens United.  Both times these five justices sold out their country while offering a lot of lame mumbo jumbo  excuses for ruining the American political system and the environment.

There is a Hall of Fame on the Alpha Productions web site.  Isn’t it about time that there should be a Hall of Shame as well?  For their irresponsible contributions towards hastening irreversible climate change and its horrible consequences for the environment,  it’s time to cover Supreme Court Justices Roberts, Alito, Scalia, Thomas, and Kennedy with all the noxious scorn they so richly deserve.


Thailands worse tourists are Chinese

Thailands worse tourists are Chinese. They are also  the most ripped off tourists here.  So listen up if you are a Chinese tourist. Because only you can change things for the better. This is going to be some of the best advice you will be given.

Thailands worse tourists are not Americans
In 1982, the women from L.A. going bonkers buying clothing in a Hong Kong factory clothing outlet. As their husbands look on, the women will be paying more than double what they should be. After all, commissions must be given to the rich owner of the tour company so that he can buy a second Rolls Royce. The Chinese Hong Kong tour guide would later become my best friend on the tour and explain how his company was ripping off the tour group members.

So why are the Chinese Thailands worse tourists?  Other than the loud rude behavior and the messy disgusting habits displayed   by so many Mainland Chinese (if you are from Hong Kong, Taiwan, etc I am not talking about you),  it’s the tour buses they use for their daily transportation that puts them at the rock bottom of the food chain of tourists here.   If a group of Chinese tourists goes out to dinner at night, they are taking the tour bus.  If they go to Alcazar to watch a lady boy show, they’re taking the tour bus.    And these tour buses are too large  for the narrow streets in so many Thai cities.  Moreover, there’s few places for them to park so they park in lanes of traffic that are normally used to moving traffic.  The result is a three lane street becomes a two lane, while a two lane becomes a one lane, and all because the police let them get away with it.   They are a menace to life and limb while being responsible for over 50 percent of the growing traffic congestion in such cities as Pattaya.   Many of their drivers drive far too fast, and do what they please, and if you don’t get out of their way, they are going to run you over.  More than any other single factor it’s the huge proliferation of the tour buses that is making the growing hordes of Chinese tourists the scourge of Thailand’s cities.   The solution to this is a simple one, which is  to kick all the tour buses out once they have discharged all their passengers to whichever hotel or resort they are staying at.

This is a terrific idea and not just for solving much of the traffic problems in Thailand’s cities,  but all  the Chinese tourists who are using them.  It is these Chinese who are being victimized by their own tour guides who rule their bus groups with iron fists so that they can line the pockets of their bosses back in China.  The way it works is the tour guides take their groups only to those restaurants, bars, and other businesses that are willing to cough up commissions to their “fearless leaders”.   The Chinese tourists who  stick with the bus and go where the tour leader tells them to go, will be  going to the worse restaurants, night clubs, and other venues because the best run businesses already have enough customers so they don’t have to resort to bribing the tour guides.  The members of the Chinese tour group end up getting the shaft while those rich bastards who own the travel companies get the cash their tour guide lackeys send back to them.  Meanwhile the good Thai owners who run their businesses properly aren’t going to get much Chinese business due to the willingness of unscrupulous owners to split  commissions with tour guides who are all too willing to cheat the members of their tour groups.

It’s a big win for practically everybody if all the tour buses are kicked out of town once their passengers are delivered to whatever hotel they are staying at.

For example, if a group of tourists arrives at Pattaya from Bangkok, and the destination for that particular tour group is the Centara Grand Mirage Beach Resort, once the tour group is let off at Centara, the bus must get out of town by returning to its point of origin or going to special parking areas that are created for the sole use of such buses. These parking areas might resemble the hundreds of truck stops in the United States that provide lodging, restaurants and other amenities for the truck drivers.

Not long ago, hordes of Russian tourists descended upon Pattaya.  However,  there’s a vital difference between the Russians and Chinese from the Peoples Republic of China. Once the Russians come here, they typically dispense with their tour buses, and then they are on their own using baht taxis, mini buses, motorbike taxis or even rent motorbikes for their transportation needs. The difference is the Russians are individualistic enough to want to seek out their own favorite entertainment venues, restaurants, shops, and other recreational pursuits such as Koh Larne Island, Nong Nooch botanical garden, the Tiger Zoo, etc. Very seldom will you see very large Russian groups traveling together. And they don’t plug up the traffic the way the Chinese do while being transported day and night in large groups in tour buses that are being run by their corrupt tour leaders.  More than anything, it’s the explosive growth in numbers of tour buses, and all that rottenness that comes with them that makes the Chinese Thailands worse tourists .

By now you might be thinking that I really hate the Chinese.  I don’t.  I just hate the way they are doing things here in Pattaya which is where I’ve been living for the past 10 years.  I learned a long time ago how all this corrupt business between tour guides and businesses that offer them commissions works.  It all started with a young Chinese tour guide from Hong Kong I became good friends with back in 1982.

His name was Larry.  Larry was a well dressed polite  Chinese in his twenties, and he was our tour guide. Our group started in Hong Kong. Then we went to Singapore and finally to Bangkok. Out of the entire group in our tour I only hung around with Siegfried, a German who had been working for ten years in New York as a butcher and, Mary, an American woman who was about the same age as Siegfried and myself. More than half our tour group were Jews from Los Angeles who had all known each other for years. Then there was another Jew and his wife who were from New York City. I’ll never forget the New Yorker  whose name was Al.  Now they might have all been Jews, except for Siegfried, Mary and me, but there was a huge difference between them.  The L.A. group was very cliquish.  So Al, who was from New York, was never really accepted by the L.A. Jews. The L.A. group was also very profligate with their money, a trait which I found to most unusual for most Jewish people.  But Al was  a bird of another feather.  For one thing regardless of how the rest of our group was traveling,  Al was always finding his own transportation  whether on foot, by taxi, subway or bus.  For example, while in Bangkok, if the rest of us were visiting the Royal Palace, we’d be paying $20.00 each through the tour guide and tour bus. Al would be paying just five dollars by taking the bus or private taxi.

 Thailands worse tourists are those earning big commissions for the travel company
Their eyes now on something else to buy. It’s the same old story at a different factory outlet.

Much of the tour, whether we were in Thailand, Singapore or Hong Kong consisted of various so called “cultural events” such as observing glass vases and kitchenware being made starting with the actual blowing of the glass in small cottage factories. Then we’d go somewhere else to watch how shirts were being made, or artifacts being crafted from Jade. There were jewelry “factories” and so on,  but everyone of those little factories had a retail shop attached to it. The Jewish wives of the Los Angeles men would go absolutely bonkers in all those shops. I’d hear them exclaim, “Oh, these will make such wonderful Christmas presents for Bill, and Jesse, and Sally, and I must not forget Cousin Erma and Bertha. So I’d watch them gather up all the things they were buying, and then the men would have to arrange the shipping to Los Angeles because there was no way they could put all the stuff they were buying into their luggage.  And then just one hour later they’d all be doing the same thing again, but this time it might be at another little factory making decorations out of sea shells.

Siegfried was a German butcher who moved to New York City 10 years before we got on the tour together.

I usually ate breakfast,  lunch and dinner with Mary and Siegfried, and once in awhile we’d all buy Larry breakfast or dinner at the hotel restaurant.  No one else would invite Larry to do anything because I think for most of the group he was just a lowly tour guide. The hotel food cost at least double what it would been at a decent American restaurant.  So Larry would usually go outside the hotel to eat at a Chinese or Thai noodle stand or other small restaurant for a fraction of what the rest of us were paying for our meals.

Then Siegfried and I had started to hear about Thai massages, and how a man could get a full hour and a half’s soapy massage for around fifteen dollars or so.   When we asked Larry about the renowned soapy massages he knew exactly where to take us. A few minutes taxi ride out of the hotel took us to a large establishment where a Thai man dressed in a tuxedo escorted us to a large glass window through which we could view over thirty women, all of them wearing numbers to identify themselves. It didn’t take me long to pick out a tall woman with a terrific set of breasts to accompany me to the massage room where I spent the (up to then) best one and a half hours of my life.  After Siegfried and I returned from our erotic encounters we joined Larry at the bar where we all had a few beers together as we flirted with the Thai waitresses.

By this time Mary and Siegfriend had started sharing a room together. Then one of them, I can’t remember which and it doesn’t matter, got sick, so the pair started spending a lot more time in the room, which left me by my lonesome, especially when it came to breakfast’s and dinner because Mary and Siegfried were usually getting room service.  I often ate alone or I’d sit with Al and his wife. But Bangkok’s world famous night life was not to be missed and I found a very willing confederate in Larry. On at least one night we went to a few bars in Patpong. We were both pretty green when it came to the bar girls who saw Larry and me as two lambs they could easily lead to the slaughter. Whenever we’d enter a new bar we’d suddenly have five or six bar girls sweep down on us. I’d find one girl feeling my dick while another girl would be massaging my back, and we’d be buying them all drinks or offering them tips. It didn’t take Larry and me long to catch on to what was really going on, so we’d resort to putting most of our money in our socks so the bar girls would have no idea of how much cash we were actually carrying, and then we’d each put around five or ten dollars in our pockets, and that would be our budget for the next bar we’d go into.  We’d last about ten or fifteen minutes and when the bar girls thought we had run out of money they’d drop us as if we were lepers and descend onto the next men to come into the bar. This left Larry and I completely drinking with each other without any interference from the money hungry girls. Being finally able to drink our beers in peace we were able to discuss many things such as our girlfriends back home, who we liked and didn’t like from the tour group, Thai bar girls, and what really went on in the tour.

Larry’s boss was a very wealthy Hong Kong Chinese who lived on Victoria Peak where a lot of the very wealthy Hong Kong Chinese owned large mansions with expensive cars lining their drive ways. Larry’s boss owned not one, but two Rolls Royces. As for Larry, he barely got enough salary from the tour agency to be able to afford a decent dinner at an inexpensive noodle stand. Larry had a girlfirend but she was from Singapore rather than Hong Kong. And as for Hong Kong, Larry didn’t like most of the people living there, and he had absolutely no use for the women who he regarded as a bunch of money hungry bitches.

Larry then went on to tell me how the commissions worked. Everytime he’d take us to a restaurant, for example, it would be a restaurant that was paying commissions to his boss back in Hong Kong. The same applied to the Jade outlet, and the place that had sold all the L.A. wives all that artwork they were shipping off to their friends and family in Los Angeles. As for Larry, he wasn’t getting any of those commissions.

As I remember this particular tour cost something like $3000. That was in about 1982 and it was a year later that I took an 18 day tour to Russia. The difference was that the Russian tour included just about everything. All our meals were included and with the meals so was the champaign and the wine, beer and vodka. We even had the finest Russian black surgeon caviar and even that was included in the price of the tour. We went to the Russian ballet. That was included. Our entry fee to all the museums our tour guides took us to was included. When I look back on it I think I paid only something like $100 over the initial cost of the entire tour package. This was not true for the Asian tour I had been on that had helped pay for two Rolls Royces for its rich Chinese owner. I had to pay for nearly all my meals most of which I ate at whatever hotels we stayed at (which left a lot of commission money for the Chinese owner of the tour agency).  We also had to pay for all those mini tours to the Royal Palace and similar attractions in Hong Kong and Singapore.  So we got all got taken practically everywhere in a big tour bus so that we could support the wealthy Hong Kong Chinese’s Rolls Royce habit by having to overpay for all those little side trips.

I hope I have a lot of Chinese with me so far. Because by now it should be obvious that I am  really not anti Chinese at all. Larry had wound up becoming my best friend on the tour and he was Chinese and I certainly liked him a lot better than most of the Americans from LA who were on the tour with me.  So let me bring everyone to the present….which is what is happening in Pattaya today because of the huge proliferation of tour buses which are filled up for the most part by Chinese. I’ll give you two examples of how you and your fellow mainland Chinese are being ripped off by the touring agencies you travel with. Believe me, you will be far better off sending all those tour guides of yours back to Shanghai, Beijing or whatever other holes they just crawled out of.

My first example’s the Pen Bar here in Naklua. I’ve known Pen for over ten years now, and Pen’s a straight shooter all the way. She has a very loyal clientelle of Western customers for very good reason. Number one, she never overcharges any of her customers no matter how drunk they might become or how helpless they might seem to become due to overindulgence of alcohol. Number two….she will nearly always tell you what she really thinks, and not just what she thinks you want to hear or what will benefit her bar.

Anyway, when the subject turns to the Chinese invasion of Pattaya and the tidal wave of tour buses that is making a mess out of the traffic here, Pen tells me, “The Chinese are really stupid.” So when I ask her why, she tells me about how a Chinese guy once came into her bar, and when she asked the man what he wanted to drink, he told her, “Sorry. Cannot drink now. Must wait for Fearless Leader (our tour guide) who will tell me what to drink, whether he thinks my drink is poisoned or not and how much I must pay for the drink.  He will also tell us if we are safe here or not.  We always do what our fearless leader tells us to do.”

After a few minutes the rest of the tour group arrives, and at their head in walks the Fearless Leader.  Right off he strides up to Pen and asks, “You charge everyone in group 140 baht for beer,okay?  And you and I split the rest, fifty fifty, okay? Pen’s selling her bottle beer for 80 baht. This means the tour guide is wanting to get a sixty baht commission for each beer his group orders which means thirty baht for Pen and thirty baht for either himself or his bosses back in Beijing.  Pen, who’s an honest lady refuses, and the tour leader promptly orders his entire group away from the bar so he can take all his Chinese minions somewhere else that is willing to spill commissions into his rotten dirty hands.

Then there’s the five star hotel just down the beach from me. The other night, I was having dinner and drinks with my girlfriend and another Thai woman. It costs 900 baht for the all you can eat buffet and three hours of all you can drink. The hotel is at 70 percent occupancy and a large percentage of that is Chinese, but there’s not one Chinese eating here that night.  I’m told the Chinese tour guide had asked the hotel for commissions and the hotel refused. One can be sure that the tour guide took his group of subjects somewhere else that night, and that the restaurant had been all too willing to enrich his Chinese superiors from whatever rock they had crawled out from.

The solution for all concerned is to kick all the tour buses out from Pattaya and similar Thai cities. This alone will make the traffic situation infinitely better. The tour leader who no longer has a bus to confine his Chinese tour members to will from that point on be left without his main base which is the means to justify taking all his subjects to only those places he favors due to their willingness to pay him and his bosses commissions from their victims. The Chinese tour members will now have to arrange for their own transportation to whichever bars or restaurants they want to go to instead of those that have been cherry picked for them by their fearless leaders. And when it comes to such wondrous attractions such as Nong Nooch Tropical Garden, the Siracha Tiger Zoo, the Crocodile Farm, the Khao Kheow open zoo, Underwater World, etc. large tour buses are completely unnecessary. There’s a lot of tours one can get on in which the tourists are picked up at their hotels by mini buses that can easily negotiate the narrow streets here. There’s motorbike taxis and baht taxis that are willing to take their occupants nearly everywhere they want to go at very reasonable prices. Once a tour group arrives here, the truth is, the large tour bus it initially arrived in is as useless as tits on a boar. Meanwhile, all the Chinese who had been previously victimized by their tour guides will now have much more freedom of choice to choose for themselves the best entertainment spots, the best restaurants, and other top notch venues that Thailand has to offer. As it is now they get to have all those money hungry Chinese tour companies choose only those venues that are willing to pay commissions to the undeserving.

Best of the new crop of motorbikes for Thailand

With its larger diameter 16 inch tires, the Nouvo Elegance can survive floods better than bikes with smaller tires
With its larger diameter 16 inch tires, the Nouvo Elegance can survive floods better than bikes with smaller tires

This video compares eight excellent motorbikes to determine which motorcycle is the best all rounder for Pattaya Thailand driving conditions.  The bikes we chose from at Watchara Marine in the video were the Triumph Bonneville, the Yamaha Bolt, Yamaha R-3, Yamaha MT-3, Yamaha MT-7, the KTM Duke 200, Ktm 390, Yamaha N-Max 155, and Yamaha SR 400.

Nouvo Elegance carrying Laser printer
Besides dealing with the flood that nearly knocked my Elegance over, in the same week, I transported a universal power supply back to my condo, then the Laser printer in this picture. You can’t do this with a Honda PCX 150, the new Yamaha N-Max or any of the other motorcycles in this video due to the lack of bungee cord tie down hooks
So in the real world of Pattaya where the motorcycle gets used a lot more than the car, are these bikes really better than the 135 c.c. Yamaha Elegance? Watch the video and decide for yourself

Well. that could be the point, the point being which bike is the most practical of motorbikes for Thailand where we get to drive motorcycles everyday,  so there’s a lot of fun and satisfaction to be had from owning and driving a motorcycle that’s par excellence in the mind of the proud owner.  And this video’s covering quite a few bikes that we can buy today in Thailand, and that are just small enough to be capable of squeezing through Pattaya’s traffic.  A Honda Forza won’t and neither will a Taiwanese Sym 400 because they are simply too large and bulky for the city traffic on Pattaya’s crowded streets.  And no, a Triumph or Yamaha MT-07 won’t slice and dice between cars as well as a Honda Wave, but it’s a lot easier than you’d think, which is why we are putting Triumph in this review.  But we’ve deliberately left out the biggest bikes that are on sale at Watchara Marine due to the fact that they are just too big and too powerful for Thailand’s road conditions in this writer’s opinion.

I used to have a BMW R-65, a 650 c.c. horizontal twin with a modest 50 horsepower.  A few years later I got my dream bike, a BMW K-100 RS, a bike that had 90 horsepower, 1000 cc’s and four cylinders.  It was very fast.  It was also 100 pounds heavier than the 650, and it had much narrower handle bars which made it very suitable for driving down the interstate at over 100 miles an hour, but made it much more cumbersome in city traffic where the 408 pound 650 handled like a dream.  So having a 1000 c.c. bike here in Thailand where most of my driving is in the city is just too painful to contemplate.  But each to his own.



The three point plan–how to stay ahead of women

Pattaya House of Sperm Body Massage
Oil massages are perfect for the man not wanting a personal relationship

Two men were responsible for the three point plan, the perfect fool proof blueprint for winning the battle of the sexes, Saint Perrier and my Father.

When Saint Perrier started giving me lessons on how to apply the three point plan, I was teaching school in Saint Louis. Saint Perrier became my only friend on the High School teaching staff. A black Afro American, Saint Perrier taught biology while I was teaching History and English. No fool, Saint Perrier, had developed the perfect concept on the planet for dealing with women–his three point plan which bore his personal guarantee for a lifetime of successful relationships with women.

“First, you gotta have a front program,” Saint Perrier said in a calm voice. “Now, your front can be your wife or your steady girlfriend. She’s the woman you can show off to all your friends, to your mother, and the entire community you are living in . She’s gotta be good looking, well dressed, well-spoken, and have good manners. Just think of her as always wearing a white dress.”

Then Saint Perrier’s voice picked up.  He became agitated. His eyes glistened with excitement. “Then comes your sneak program. Now this is the woman you keep in the closet. The last thing you want to do is to show her off to your family, and your wife or girlfriend can never know you have a sneak. You might not even want to have your friends ever see her. She can be good looking, and then again, she might not be. The main thing is whenever you fuck her you have a jiggerhouse fuck.”

“What on earth is a jiggerhouse fuck?” I asked.

“Well, it’s a wild motherfucking anything goes fuck,” Saint Perrier replied loudly, his face feverish with excitement.

“Now where are the best places I can find a sneak?” I asked.

“Oh anywhere. She can be a prostitute or someone you just met in a bar. She can even be your best friend’s wife, but if she is, you had better really keep her in the closet and never let her out. The thing is, you can have as many sneaks as you want. There is no limit to the number of women you keep around just for fucking”

“That sounds interesting,“ I replied.

“Then there’s the third aspect of the three point plan,” Saint Perrier said in a calmer voice, and that’s the homestead program.”

“So what’s that.”

“Your homestead is a woman who’s a number one friend. You confide in her about your front and your sneaks. If a button falls off your shirt, she sews it back on for you. When you visit her she makes a pot of coffee without even being asked. Maybe you are fucking her, but that’s not important, and chances are that you aren’t taking her to bed.”

It all sounded wonderful to me, but I must continue on to why having a three point plan for women is so important. My father explained it to me, and I never forgot either what he or Saint Perrier said.

Lessons from my father

“If you have only  one woman, you fall into a trap,” my father told me. “If there ever was a God, he created us to fall into the monogamy trap. You see, women like that because it gives them security but it’s no good for the man. If he becomes accustomed to having sex with just one woman, he starts to feel that she’s irreplaceable. He will probably wind up marrying her and having children, and then he’s really screwed.  Son, do you really want to get married and have to spend the rest of your life with only one woman?”

“Well, I don’t know, Dad. What’s wrong with that?

“For one thing, she’s probably going to get fat on you. And after you are with her for a year or more, she starts to take advantage of you. That’s because you have gotten into a boring routine. But at the very beginning of the relationship you were getting brainwashed into believing:   No one else feels like her; and no one else is going to feel so good in the sack.  But after a year you have gotten so used to each other that both of you have fallen into a big rut.”

“So who’s the brain washer?”

“God.  He’s the villain here.  He wants you to settle down,  have a family, and make little babies to carry on the human species.  But as far as He’s concerned, we are all likes insects, copulating,  and  breeding, just to keep reproducing human spawn.   He doesn’t care about you.

“Well Dad, I think you have convinced me to never get married.”

“God, if there is a god, intended us to fall for just one woman, and that’s because he wants us to have children. So if you are going out with several women at the same time, you start to like one better than all the rest and you start going with only her. The key is to always have at least three women in your life.”

“That sounds like a lot of work.”

“Sure it is but it keeps you from falling into God’s trap. So you can never start liking one woman too much more than the others. So if that starts to happen you must start replacing the women who you have become bored with. That way you can have and keep having great sex for the rest of your life without becoming tied down.”

My neighbor in Pattaya  has the perfect three point plan

I never thought my neighbor living next door to me in Pattaya was very smart, but now I’ve started to change my mind. He’s got a girlfriend from Vietnam. She has a very white complexion, and if she dyes her hair a light brown you might even think she’s a girl from Europe or South American who’s moved to America. Her English is far better than most Thais and she’s really cute. So far he hasn’t moved her to Thailand from Vietnam so she’s only visiting him every three months or so and she never stays for more than two weeks. So he thinks about her a lot of the time, about how pretty she is, and how cute all his friends find her.

“That’s his front program. She’s soft spoken and polite. Then there’s his sneak program. Once in awhile he will pay a big bar fine for a Pattaya go go girl, but usually he’s after massage girls. Now the problem with most Pattaya massage girls is that most of them are butt ugly. The reason for this is that a woman has to work very hard to give a one hour Thai massage–if she’s giving a good massage that is.   And, pretty girls have a lot better things to do than to work hard.  But, a lot of girls offer oil massages with the object being to ejaculate the customer by hand. It doesn’t take much work. Because of the oil the massage girl doesn’t have to use much pressure to get the job done.  As for  my neighbor, he has all the time in the world for constantly driving around on his motorbike looking  all over Pattaya for the prettiest massage girls. I don’t go looking for them because there simply aren’t that many pretty ones around here and I don’t have the time to always be about looking for them down in South Pattaya where most of the girls with their oily semen soaked  hands ply their trade.

I’ve seen this neighbor of mine bring some really pretty massage girls back to his condo, and I’m still amazed over how he can find them. But it’s his homestead program that amuses me the most. It’s the girl who works in our condo office, and I’m sure that she will want to deny any personal involvement with my neighbor. But like him or not, she’s stuck with him. She works for we condo owners so whenever he comes into our condo office she must accommodate him because it’s her job to take care of all the condo customers.

“I’ve been down in the condo office talking to her, when my neighbor suddenly walks in to show her pictures on his cell phone of his latest bar girl and massage girl sex partners.” Then out it comes, “Which one should I like best?”  or “Which one do you think is cutest”, and “What should I do now that this one’s told me she has another boyfriend?” Now our office girl can really care less, but she’s gotta put up with him.

But it gets worse. You see, my neighbor is really cheap. So he will come down to our condo office to ask the office girl, “My printer has run out of paper. Can you give me some?” Or, “my ink pen’s run out of ink. Can I borrow one from the office?” Other examples of just how poorly equipped this guy really is are, “I don’t have a hammer. Can you have our maintenance man put up a picture for me?” And, “I don’t have a fan in my toilet. Do you have a small fan you can lend me?”

His requests are endless, and I think part of the reason he keeps going down to our condo office is that he finds Pooey to be pretty attractive. And unlike all the massage girls and bar girls he keeps bringing home with him, she’s got a really good mind, and a good sense of humor. (I mean you gotta to be putting up with him). Her English is good and she’s usually very logical, and in Thailand this is a quality that’s in very short supply.

So the other day I went down to talk to Pooey and I told her, “You know, my neighbor has the perfect womanizing program–The Three Point Plan. He’s got all those massage girls for sex and he has the Vietnamese girlfriend to show off to his family and friends, and then he has you, Pooey for his homestead plan. He asks you your advice on even how to put on his shoes, and he keeps asking you to lend him things from our condo office. I think he really likes you. He might even be in love with you.”

Daggers started to jump out of her eyes at me as she told me, “I could kill you Jack.”

Stop the Koch Brothers from stealing America. Vote Democrat

The two Koch Brothers
illustration: Victor Juhasz


From Inside the Koch Brothers’ Toxic Empire comes this picture of the two Koch Brothers who are injecting close to 1 billion dollars into Republican Party campaign coffers to  elect GOP  right wing radicals of their choosing.  Thanks to Citizens United, the Supreme Court Decision that has allowed unlimited campaign contributions from corporations, labor unions and similar organizations what we are facing is no less than the buying of America by the super rich and turning it into a toxic wasteland that will operate for the sole benefit of men like the Koch brothers.  It is important to stop this from happening, for nothing less than the future of the Democratic process is at stake here.

It is not just that the Republican Party has done nothing noteworthy other than to obstruct everything our president has tried to accomplish, and that the United States is rapidly becoming a mere shadow of its former greatness because of such deliberate obstructionism.  What is at stake here is the GOP is being given a greater than 50 % chance of capturing the U.S. Senate.  Among other things this would mean that if a U.S. Supreme Court position becomes vacant during the remainder of Obama’s tenure, is is unlikely that a Republican controlled Senate would approve any progressive appointee Obama might choose thus leaving him no choice other than to appoint a Conservative the GOP would approve.

Make no mistake, the Republican Party is no longer what it used to be.  Thanks to men like the Koch brothers it’s  been kidnapped by the Right Wing and forced to cave into its wishes.  This is not what most Americans want.  It is not what they voted for.  But this is what we are about to get–a toxic wasteland created by and for the super wealthy that will continue to sell out the rest of us.



Ko Tao Thailand police monkey business

Let us make no mistake here.  The arrest of the Burmese migrant workers who confessed to the murder of Hannah Witheridge and David Miller is all about saving face and the usual Thailand Police Monkey business that utterly transcends the slightest resemblance of serving and protecting anyone but themselves.   Has anyone reading this ever seen a Thai policeman ever give a ticket to a Thai motorbike driver who was 1.  driving recklessly, 2.  Driving through a red light, 3.  Driving the wrong way against the flow of traffic.  I haven’t and I’ve been living here for over 10 years.   The reason is unlike the civilized countries of the world where police are empowered to serve and protect,  Monkey Business is the business of Thailand’s police.   And it’s their monkey business that makes Thailand the second most dangerous country in the world to drive in.   So when it comes to investigating any sort of mysterious death that might smack of murder, one can expect to see the same monkey business prevail.   Let’s go back a few years to the mysterious deaths of three Russian women for two examples of such Thailand police monkey business.

The first is the murder of two Russian women, Liubov Svirkova and Tatiana Tsimbar on a Jomtien beach in 2007.   The horrific pictures of the two murdered Russian women were all over the Internet back then, and to those who know anything about the Thai emphasis on saving face, someone just had to be found to confess to the crime.  A suitable culprit was found in Anuchit Lamlert, a 24 year old Thai male, and the whole scene was re-enacted in the same manner as the murder of the two British tourists in Ko Tao.  But just take a look at the pictures of the crime scene.

Thailand police monkey business
Notice the lack of blood on the table cloth, chairs, sand, etc


Thailand police monkey business


Thailand police monkey business

Thailand police monkey business
Notice how neatly the glass, coke, bottle of whiskey and cell phone are lined up. I think the table would have had a much prettier appearance if there had been a bottle of champagne, glasses, and a white table cloth instead

Now look at this picture that shows the killer, Anuchit Lamlert, reenacting how he shot the two Russian women.

He’s shooting from behind his victims, yet not one of them is shown slumping over the table which has no blood on it either.  Furthermore there’s no sign of blood that might have spurted from one of the victims onto the other.  I don’t know about the rest of you viewing these pictures, but the whole thing looks pretty fake to me.

I bring you now to the unmysterious death of Hanna Ramnivova  Everywhere you look on the internet Hanna drowned in the swimming pool.  In a swimming pool that is less than five feet deep.  ”  So the case is closed, with no mystery and no axe stuck in the deceased to even hint at foul play.

“Police suspect she may have suffered cramp or a sudden acute illness which caused her to drown.”

Continue reading Ko Tao Thailand police monkey business