Tag Archives: Pattaya

The Russian Walking Dead are taking over Pattaya Sin City

The Russian Walking Dead are taking over Pattaya Sin City, clogging up the streets,  like zombies,  walking three and four breast, multiplying, fearless of the traffic.

Russian Walking Dead
This picture is from the actual t.v. series The Walking Dead. I took segments from the t.v. series and inserted them in my video the Russian Walking Dead and mixed them up in my final you tube video

Pattaya Sin City is in Thailand.  There are hardly any sidewalks.  While the police are selling slivers of the road to street vendors.  Everything’s for sale here in Pattaya Sin City.  From women to the public safety which takes a backseat to the bribes the police can pocket.  After all, there’s a reason why Thailand’s roads are now the most lethal in the entire world.

Russian Walking Dead of Pattaya Sin City
So who really created the Russian Walking Dead? How about the Pattaya Sin City powers that be starting with the police? Notice how street vendors are allowed to set up their little shops right on the street.

But we must feel sorry for the poor Russians who comprise the largest Caucasian group of tourists to ever hit Pattaya Sin City.  There’s nowhere they can walk.  So they must take to the streets to become the Russian Walking Dead.  Which many of them will become.  Roadkill.  As squashed dismembered bodies.  Thanks to the total lack of police enforcement of Thailand’s traffic laws.

Welcome to the world’s most lethal roads

But we are not here to dissect causes of traffic fatalities.  We are here to have fun.  And that’s what this  Russian Walking Dead video is all about.

But who am I really satirizing?  If you really think that I’m poking fun at the Russians, think again.

But here they are, the Russian Walking Dead. Scurrying like rats dodging traffic.  But we all are here in Pattaya Sin City.   There’s a lack of humanity here.  And you have to watch this video to see it.

So do I really hate the Russians?

How could I hate the people who gave us Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, Lermontov and Pushkin?  These Russian writers were top notch.  With Tolstoy’s War and Peace generally acclaimed as the greatest novel that’s ever been written.  Not to mention some of the greatest classical music composers the world has ever known.  Such as Rachmaninoff,   Tchaikovsky, Korsakov

Russians are more avid readers than Americans.  By far.  I have far too many Russian friends to really be serious about calling them the Russian Walking Dead.  So let’s get back to this video.

How I produced this video, the Russian Walking Dead here in Pattaya Sin City?

I started off shooting video near my condo of Russians clogging up my street.  Walking and strolling down the pavement because not a sidewalk was to be found.  I then downloaded parts of the celebrated t.v. series, The Walking Dead.  From which I selected the choicest segments.  And that’s when I really started having fun.  As I pulled my film clips of Russians dodging cars and motorbikes into my video editing program.  And then added portions of the televised Walking Dead into my video. 

Then I started to really have fun as I added parts of the original Walking Dead soundtrack to my video. 

Well what can I say?  I am ting tong mak mak.  And I love being the kind of guy I am.   

Here’s a few of the choicest lines in this video.

“What are those?  (My Thai girlfriend asks me).

“I think they are Russians.”

“They are everywhere?”  Who?  The Russians.  Or is it the zombies?

“We must do something about these Ruskies”  (Hey, that’s my line).

“That noise.  Will that bring more of them?  There’s nothing we can do about it now.”  (from the television series soundtrack).

“We will just have to wait them out till morning.”

“The Question is how were these Walking Dead created?”  (my line again).

“Welcome to my world.  Welcome to my only world.  (from the soundtrack).

If you think I’m biased against Russians I invite you to read the following.

Andre Ward Sergei Kovalev fight was a draw

Is a New Boxing Golden Age upon us?

1 inch groups from the Ruger Mini 14 Rifle




Oldie but goodie Sexy Pattaya Drinking Street Video

Now with sound, this Sexy Pattaya Drinking Street Video features sizzling Kwan, Pulsating Mam as return to  the action in my four books books, “Death on the Wild Side”, “Welcome to the Fun House, “Dick Fitswell”, and “Extreme Guns and Babes” which you can buy now at Amazon.com

I have put this Sexy Pattaya Drinking Street Video on you tube many months ago.  That’s when I was first getting to know Kwann and Mam.  Who were both dancing at the Frog Bar on Pattaya’s Drinking Street.

Sexy Pattaya Drinking Street Video thanks to Mam and Kwan
This is one Sexy Pattaya Drinking Street Video. Thanks to Mam and Kwan in particular. This picture is of Mam. Who was probably the best dancer Pattaya Drinking Street ever had.

However I recently learned that You Tube had red-flagged me for possible copyright violation resulting in You Tube’s.  So You Tube  deleted the entire audio track for the whole video. This ruined the entire video.

I don’t think I violated anyone’s copyright  in this Sexy Pattaya Drinking Street Video and here’s why

I don’t think I ever violated anyone’s copyright for the audio in my video as the audio provides only the background music for the Drinking Street Beer Bar complex. Certainly the quality of this background music falls far short of the  original source material.  Because there is no way that the small LX-5 camera’s tiny microphone can reproduce acceptable commercial quality audio. Therefore it’s not commercially viable, and I wasn’t selling the video anyway. I finally decided to delete the existing video from the You Tube server and to replace it with a drastically reworked version of the old video. It’s only about 6 and a half minutes long now and the background music that triggered you tube’s censurers has now been chopped in little bits and pieces.

I have also plugged four of my books in this video. I’ve got close to 1.4 million views on You Tube for my videos. Many of them are well liked so why not? If someone likes the videos, there’s an excellent chance he will read one of my books.   I have over 1000 subscribers to my video channel.  But I doubt if many of them know that I am the same guy who has written and Published four books.

You will find more Kwan and Mam video here

Drinking Street Bars have 2 terrific Pattaya girls dancing

Pattaya Thai girl Mam is dancing on Drinking Street at the Frog Bar

More Pattaya Drinking Street Sizzling Kwan Video

Thailand Sexy Dancing at Pattaya Drinking Street

Dirty Chinese tourists at Pattaya’s Five Star Hotel Spa

I am constantly being offended by all the dirty Chinese tourists I encounter at Pattaya’s Five Star Hotel Spa.  Or any dirty tourists regardless of nationality.

A lot’s changed since I took this picture in 1979 the first year the Peoples Republic of China opened its doors to Americans. Everyone wore peasants garb in blue or green then and there was hardly a car to be found.  In those days one could have any color of bicycle one wanted so long as it was black.  But you had to wait a half a year to get one.

These are not dirty Chinese tourists
From my 1979 scrapbook Peoples Republc China…All Chinese dressed like this then.

When our bus would roll into town, people would flock over as if we were aliens from outer space.  This was the first year, China allowed Americans into the Peoples Republic of China.  And I was one of these first Americans.

But Thirty-four years later (last night) I wrote
The Centara Grand Mirage Beach Resort spa is magnificent, so much so that I feel very lucky to be here. And so are the pretty massage girls.  But I’ve got just 10 free massages and they are expensive compared to what one can get practically everywhere else.   I wouldn’t pay the 1500 baht for an hour’s massage here.  But like I said, I get ten free massages a year due to my taking out a one year’s fitness and spa membership.

There’s a large Jacuzzi and a cold pool next to it, a sauna and steam room. The place would do a Roman Senator proud.  Except as terrific as those old Roman bath houses were, there’s no way they could ever top this. Unfortunately, marring the beauty of this place are the despoilers, the defilers.  Who make about everything they touch worse for everyone else. These are the polluters who throw their towels, and used massage garments all about the place.  Which gives it a ghettoish trashy look that is absolutely undeserved.

A friend of mine thought it was the Russians trashing the place up, but I told him, “no way”. First, there’s not a lot of Russians who use the spa.  And when they do I don’t see all the liter left behind after they’ve left. Asians now, that’s another story. But unless I ask, I oftentimes don’t know  these despoilers come from. At first I thought they are rich Thais.  But the girls at the desk keep telling me they are dirty Chinese tourists. Turns out they are right.

The Spa dressing room

In the men’s side of the spa there are fourteen lockers in a room that’s around 20 feet wide.  At at either end of these lockers there’s a bin.   Hotel employees instruct hotel guests to throw their used towels and massage robes into these bins. There’s written instructions are on a little plaque just above the opening of each bin.

For me, it was pretty obvious what these bins are used for, but I must admit that the text on each plaque isn’t very readable.  Because the test is one shade of brown.  While the actual plaque itself is in another shade.  Which gives these instructions a subdued appearance that’s in good taste.  But which is not as noticeable as it should be.

Each time a man puts in for a massage he is escorted into the spa by one of the spa’s female employees.  Who then instructs him to wait until his masseuse arrives to take him over to the area he’s to receive his massage. The female employee shows the hotel guest the massage clothing he is expected to wear as she explains the whole procedure to him. She also gives him instructions where he’s supposed to put used towels and the massage clothing once his massage is over.

I had just arrived in the locker room when one of the girls from the desk arrived with a new hotel guest.  Who was obviously Asian. The man never greeted me which was typical of most Asian guests.  But  I often talked with the desk girl who like most of the hotel’s employees goes out of her way to be friendly to the customers. I listened to her give the guest the usual instructions.  But the man could obviously speak no English at all.  Nor could he speak a lick of Thai.

So the woman delivered most of her instruction by gestures and pantomime. When it came to where he should put his used towels and massage gear she reached into the man’s locker, pulled out a massage robe and then she carried it over to the bin. I thought she had done a terrific job and told her afterwards. In the meantime she asked me, “Help me with him. He speaks no English.” So after she left I grabbed a towel and shoved it towards the bin to make it 100 percent clear where he needed to put his towels and used massage gear.

I then went over to the fitness center where I exercised for one hour.  When I reentered the spa I found that someone had turned  the beautiful small dressing room into a pig pen. My thoughts immediately turned to the Chinese man who by this time had just finished getting his massage.

But surely he couldn’t have done this much havoc all by himself? I asked myself. Certainly he had to have gotten some assistance from several of his dirty Chinese tourists friends at despoiling the place?

Well, we will see about that. If you and your fellow dirty Chinese tourists friends persist in trashing up everything around here that’s beautiful, then the least I can do is to give all of you a bad name for your rudeness, inconsiderate behavior, and your polluting the planet the rest of us live on.

But I had to be fair. I had to be 100 percent certain the man was guilty. Someone had strewn at least four used towels and massage robes  all over the spa.  Several on the bench the rest of us had to sit on while changing clothes, the rest on the floor. In the next room a hotel guest had carelessly cast a towel next to one of the ornate wash basins. To find out whether this particular Asian was guilty or not I went over to the towel bin next to the man’s locker. I looked inside the little closet and saw that there were a number of used towels inside.  But not one single massage robe.

So obviously this hotel guest had thrown everything around.  He might have even gotten a few extra towels and massage robes for good measure.  Just  to establish who was the boss. I then looked into the towel bin next to my locker.  And found that no one had disposed of his massage gear there either. Which meant that I was 95 percent certain that this Ex Red Chinese was one human pig indeed.

The pollution in our beloved dressing room had almost devastated me. So much so that I had to show what this derelict had done to the friendly desk girl.

I didn’t walk to the spa’s desk. I ran. Only to find the ex Red dirty Chinese fully dressed sitting in a chair near the desk girl.  No doubt he was waiting for his wife to come out of the woman’s section of the spa. The first thing I asked the desk girl was whether or not the   Chinese had gotten a massage or not. When she assured me that he certainly had, I immediately told her in Thai that the man was a pig. That he had desecrated the spa and that she should see for herself what havoc he had wrought. When she asked me if I knew for sure who had done it, I immediately looked over at the man.  Then I pointed at him and told her once again in Thai that he was one big pig.

The problem, and it is especially true about Five Star hotels, is that the customer is always right. This man in front of me was the most miserable excuse for a human being that I had ever laid eyes on. But he undoubtedly had a lot of money.  Otherwise he wouldn’t be staying at so expensive of a hotel in the first place. And the desk girl couldn’t say anything to him.  Because if she did her superiors would probably severely disciplined her.

The way a lot of these Dirty Chinese tourists think is

“These hotel employees can very well clean up after me.  I’m rich so I can tell these hotel minions to do whatever I tell them to do”.

Well, the girl at the desk couldn’t do anything, but I sure as hell could. So I walked over to the Chinese and pantomimed someone throwing things into a trash bin. So even though the man’s command of English amounted to just about zero he’d clearly understand that I knew what he had done.  And that I didn’t think much of him.

Well, I don’t know exactly what the man said, but it was very clear to me from the way he said it along with his facial expression that he meant, “So what! I refuse to clean up after myself. That is up to lesser mortals than myself because I can do whatever I want to anybody that I choose.”

If he had tried to pull this in the United States, especially when I was forty-five or younger I would have knocked him out of his chair on the spot.  Even if it meant risking his getting his Chinese mafia friends after me.

But never mind. I’d get my revenge. It’d simply redouble my efforts to avoid buying Chinese whenever possible.

Unfortunately, too often there’s no choice in the matter at all.   Even  in Thailand where people make only a couple of hundred dollars a month or so at construction and factory jobs. The problem is that the Chinese are only paying a hundred dollars or even less for labor. And oftentimes when they work in factories they are required to live on the very premises upon which the factory is located.  Where they must pay the landlord-factory owners rent which  cuts way back on their take home pay.

Chairman Mao would be convulsing in his grave if he could only see what’s come of his beloved Communist society. And that’s why I keep referring to this polluter as an ex Red Chinese. He is the living embodiment of what all true Communists despised. And what they tried to rid their country of and for whom millions died.

I had just gotten back from Macao and Hong Kong where I had recently seen rich Chinese by the thousands gambling and shopping away their ill begotten wealth.

The Casinos in Macao rival those in Las Vegas. Thousands of Mainland Chinese who have lots of money to burn frequent these casinos.

That was just two weeks ago and even then I thought about Chairman Mao, Zhou Enlai and all those devout Communists who had gone on the Long March and fought so hard to get the Japanese out of China.  Who then rid their country of Chiang Kai Shek and all his gangsters. Their whole Communist social experiment had turned into a complete travesty.

Actually Chairman Mao wasn’t exactly a saint. Not hardly. But he did have his little red book in which he exhorted all good Chinese to do things for the good of others.  He also had all his reeducation camps where he’d send Chinese he found to be especially offensive such as the turd I had just encountered in the five star spa.

I must admit I’ve gotten to be quite disappointed over all that’s happened in China since my first, and last visit back in 1979.  Some of the first Chinese students the government sent over to the United States actually came over to visit my farm.

My mother  headed a special voluntary English section for foreign students at Washington University in St. Louis. Her students came from everywhere.  Taiwan, Japan, Germany, Romania, and Mainland China.  Students who could polish their English language skills free of charge outside their normal college curriculum.  So they could learn from my mother and the teachers working under her who donated their time for free.

One of my best friends came from Japan.  Takoi was an engineering student getting his masters.  He would remain in the U.S. for three or four years. Meanwhile I was living on a farm in central Illinois, alone. And both my parents would keep bringing my mother’s students down to the farm.  Sometimes for an entire weekend. There was one Taiwanese group in particular who came to visit me several times.  So if anyone thinks I have it in for the Chinese, don’t even go there.

One man in particular  was in his thirties.  He was a college professor who I put to work helping me  put a new cedar shake single roof on an outhouse I had in my backyard.  I then had him help me build shelves in my machine shed. The man was from the People’s Republic then known as Red China.  In his earlier days the government had sent him to Chairman Mao’s reeducation camps during the Cultural Revolution.  The government put him to work cleaning out toilets to teach him his place.

Back then I had much higher hopes for China, then called the Sleeping Giant which was given fifty years to catch up with the rest of the world.

Immediately upon returning from China in 1979 I subscribed to a Red Chinese newspaper which I received monthly by snail mail from China to my farm. But now so much has changed and my whole perspective has become so much more negative.

 Most mainland Chinese I encounter here in Thailand are dirty Chinese tourists

I think of a restaurant owner friend of mine telling me that his worse customers by far all come from the Chinese mainland. To my complete disbelief he once told me how a group of them can come into his restaurant.  And that not even a pack of dogs could come in, eat off his tables and leave his place in such a disgusting mess as the Chinese can.

“Not the Hong Kong Chinese or the Taiwanese,” he kept telling me, “but the Mainland Chinese”.

I am unfortunately starting to agree with him. In the exercise room, they will often shout across the room at each other.  They speak in loud voices in the spa where a Japanese would recoil at such an abomination in a place that had been created for tranquility and calm meditation. And then there’s all that pushing and shoving in the lines I’ve encountered in my recent travels.

Thankfully, I did encounter some very nice helpful Chinese in our recent trip to Macau and Hong Kong.

But in general I see a lot of problems developing here in Thailand.  Particularly in Pattaya due to the huge explosion of Chinese tourism from the mainland. I have some very concrete solutions on how to minimize many of these problems.  But hey, I’m just a visitor here so what does my opinion count?

That’s another subject that if my advice were to be taken would bring in a better class of Chinese tourist while actually providing a more pleasant overall Thailand experience for most Mainland Chinese visitors. But I’ll just have to bring that up here at a future date. But when I bring it up I hope that a lot of prospective Chinese travelers read it.

As to the ex Red Chinese who got his massage last night, hey buddy, I do owe you one.

You might also want to One good sex tourist is worth 100 Chinese tourists

Marooned in Naklua Pen Bar with uncontrollable Pattaya bar girls

Four hours of unrelenting rain marooned us in Naklua Pen Bar with uncontrollable Pattaya bar girls.  With flood waters 24 inches deep there was no escape.

“This is the first time hurricane come to Pattaya,” Pen with a smirk.   I think you and Peter must spend night at bar,” she continued.

Peter and I had come to the bar five hours ago.  Driving our motorbikes.  But after five hours steady drinking we could see clearly now.  That there was no way out for us.  We’d just have to wait out the storm and suffer.  Luckily there was an ATM nearby.

But is Peter man enough to stand up to these uncontrollable Pattaya bar girls?

Now there’s one thing that can be said about Peter.  He’s a dedicated man of principle.  The man’s Norwegian.  He’s one of those hard nosed tough Scandinavians running those factory fishing boats north of the Arctic circle.  Think Viking warrior of 800 ad. invading English monasteries.  Pillaging every valuable in sight.  While putting all the monks to the sword.  And you have a fundamental understanding of Peter.  The man’s on a ship for three months.  Then he spends three months in Pattaya boozing it up and sleeping with a different woman every night.   This man’s definitely worthy of his ancestors.

He’s as tough as nails.  But there’s no way he’s getting home tonight until the raging storm lets up. Luckily he’s got a cast iron stomach.  And luckily that in Norway he spends Twelve dollars for a can of beer.  Because it’s going to take a lot of alcohol to quench his thirst tonight.

Who says you have to go to Pattaya’s Go Go Bars for a great time? Real expats such as Peter claim Walking Street’s only for tourists who don’t know any better.

Peter’s started  out for just another typical night by his lonesome.   But my girlfriend is sitting just to my right, which is pretty good reason for my repeatedly telling one of the bar girls to stop what she’s doing to me.   But I have no choice.  Other than resigning myself to being a victim of uncontrollable Pattaya bar girls.  Girlfriend or no girlfriend.  Because the storm will completely drench us before we get 100 meters down the road on our motorbikes.

We are stuck here for the duration. This has been absolutely one of our favorite neighborhood bars going on something like 7 years now. England has its neighborhood pubs.  And the United States has its neighborhood taverns for the locals to hang out at.  But we are eternally grateful to have places like this close by to our condos.  Where the women are plentiful.  The weather never turns too cold.  So we can ride our motorbikes year round, drink as much as we want and never have to worry about the police giving us a DWI.

Want to see what a 4 million dollar Pattaya condo looks like?

4 million dollar Pattaya condo
Top floor, 1,200 square meters 9 bedrooms, with breathtaking views of Pattaya below it

Want to see what a 13,000 square foot 4 million dollar Pattaya condo looks like here in Thailand? Comprising 9 bedrooms, 9 plus bathrooms, with its own helicopter pad I just happened to wander into the place with my Nikon D-300. It’s the penthouse at Saranchou condominiums on Wongamat Beach. Which is out of my price range for sure.  And while I’m absolutely not involved in real estate sales or rentals but anyone is interested in checking this place out they can go to http://www.bigmangoproperties.com/.

Needless to say this 4 million dollar Pattaya condo is immense.  So immense that the original owner contemplated selling it as  two separate units.  For example a plastered wall hides a sliding door.. It is possible to remove the plaster.  And then the owner can then open the sliding door to which turns the two separate rooms a single vast unit.

For more pictures click here

Shangrila Now

I’m in Seattle now, looking out from the Days Inn parking lot at the nearby hotels all of them close to the airport and onto the street. It’s night time and I see all around me an emptiness in sterile surroundings compared to where I’ve just come from, and thankfully where I’ve been living for the past eight years. In contrast, the streets in Pattaya are alive being full of people from all over the world. There are restaurants everywhere. Thai restaurants, German restaurants, Russian restaurants, Swiss, French. You name it and Pattaya’s got it. And so many so closely packed together, and this is not to even mention as the bars, and all the street vendors peddling their goods up and down the street and into the bars, from women’s clothing, shoes, watches, street food, friend grasshoppers and other insects, street food, and gadgets of all kinds. Some of the vendors carry their goods on foot while others carry their small shops side car style mounted on small motorbikes. There’s Atms everywhere, and Family Marts and Seven Elevens, sometimes up to half a dozen of them all within two blocks of each other. I will enjoy renting a car here in Seattle and being able to drive in Washington and Oregon’s beautiful mountains, but I can’t wait to get back, and I’ve only been away for twenty-four hours. Who wouldn’t want to get back if they were already living in Shangrila?

Two nights ago I watched the movie Lost Horizon for the first time. Shot in 1937 this classic was about a small group of Westerners who are barely able to escape from a mob of Chinese bandits in Shanghai. Luckily the group is able to barely escape with their lives by getting on the only available passenger plane at the airport. Unknown to the small group of passengers, the plane’s pilot is overpowered by its new pilot who succeeds in hijacking the plane and kidnaps its passengers who he flies to a mysterious valley in the Himalayas. But he doesn’t quite make it. The plane crash lands in the mountains and the kidnapper is killed during the crash landing. Facing starvation with no hope of escaping the small group of passengers are rescued by an expedition of Tibetan porters who escort them through the hazardous narrow mountain passes to a beautiful city where the sun always seems to shine called Shangrila. At Shangrila the passengers find there’s more than enough gold for everyone living there. Shangrila has a mild climate, there’s no war, crime or envy there because there’s more than enough of everything because of the endless supply of gold that can be traded for whatever is needed from the outside world. The passengers soon learn that the residents of Shangrila live to be hundreds of years old, so long as they remain in Shangrila. One of the group is a terminally ill prostitute who’s been given less than a year to live. She will recover, however due to the miraculous life extending capacity of Shangrila. Meanwhile, two brothers fall in love with two of Shangrila’s female residents. Unfortunately, the younger brother falls for a woman who is possibly Shangrila’s only disgruntled resident, a beautiful Russian woman who appears to be still in her twenties but who is actually well up in her sixties. The Russian woman is able to convince first the younger brother, and then the older brother, that the leaders of the Shangrila community have lied to everyone, and that Shangrila’s ability to extend the human lifetime is a complete sham. Meanwhile the other passengers become so content with Shangrila that the two brothers are unable to convince them to leave. The Russian woman and the two brothers set out through the hazardous passes in the mountains with a group of sherpas they’ve hired to take them back to civilization. But the sherpas are all killed in an avalanche, and the Russian woman reverts to her true age. Without the strength to climb the high passes of the Himilayans she dies of exposure, and the younger brother commits suicide now that he’s learned the real truth about Shangrila. The older brother is barely able to get out of the mountains alive after being rescued by a group of Chinese, and eventually he is repatriated in England. For weeks he is unable to remember anything about what has happened but eventually when his memory returns he disappears. At the end of the movie there’s a lot of speculation that he went on a quest to once again find his Shangrila, and that eventually after a couple of years he finally found his way back again through the mountains. The men discussing his disappearance ask the man who’s just returned from a two year search looking for him, “Do you really believe in such a place as Shangrila?” to which the storyteller replies, “I believe it because I really want such a place to really exist. And for all of us, we must all forever hope that for each of us that such a place really exists.”

So what does this movie have to do with Pattaya and my having lived there for eight years? For one thing, right now I’m sitting here at 7:00 a.m. at a hotel near the Seattle about ready to get on my next flight, and I’m thinking how much I’d rather be living there than anywhere else. I also cannot think of many Westerners who’s lived there for very long who would trade it for anything. All those American, English, German, and other European expats dread the thought of ever having to move back to their home countries. I will admit, however to having one American friend who’d much rather be in the Philippines rather than in Thailand where he owns a condo. And I know of one Swiss, one Spaniard, and one Englishman who have either moved to Malaysia or who are hoping to go there in search of greener pastures. All of them, I think, are deluded.

The fountain of youth really exists in Pattaya although in a different way than most of us think of the fountain of youth or the way it exists in the Shangila movie, Lost Horizon. Last week while swimming in our condo swimming pool I encountered a young Russian man who at 29 had just gotten married last month and who had brought his wife to Thailand for their honeymoon. The man told me, “We Russians have thought it so strange to be seeing all these old European and other Western men all walking down the street holding hands with these very young Thai women and how the Thai woman oftentimes wind up living with all those old men. And then the more I thought about it, I thought, “Those old men back in their own countries are only just old men. They sit there doing practically nothing only being old men. And then they come here and suddenly all these young beautiful Thai women keep telling themselves that they are attractive, so what happens is all those old men actually start behaving a lot younger than they are, and they are having fun, and enjoying themselves.”

And of course, I’ve had many men in their fifties, sixties and even seventies tell me, “Look, back home you can’t get such women to even look at you, and if you try to have anything to do with them, they see you only as being dirty old men.” But what happens is all of those incurably old men come here and suddenly they start to feel as if they are twenty again. “Have sex with twenty year olds? No problem. Have a twenty or thirty year old girlfriend stay with you for years, again, no problem. Want to have another child only this time with a woman who’s twenty, thirty or even forty years younger than you? No problem at all. The woman’s all for it. So after all that once an older man starts to feel attractive and virile again, he actually starts to become the man he’s now thinking he’s become. His mind starts to operate a lot quicker now, his sex drive is completely restored, his step suddenly becomes more youthful and his confidence is brought up from rock bottom to what he had when he was just 18 before all the best looking women got snatched up and started having babies with other men.

If I were to say that for every attractive Western woman there’s a hundred good looking Thai women, I’d be lying. I’d be lying because the ratio is more like 200 or even 500 to one. And it’s not only that, most of them, or at least the ones we are likely to meet in such places as Pattaya are available to all of those “Old Men”. There’s massage places everywhere, and it only costs six bucks for a one hour full body massage. And trust me, there’s nothing like a one hour or two hour Thai massage or oil massage where one gets a woman’s full 100 percent attention.

One can drive a motorbike everyday of the year here. Even if it rains and one gets wet on a motorbike one usually dries out in a hurry. And if a man wants to stay dry he can always carry along a light weight rain suit. Although many of us have cars as well, nearly all of us expats drive small motorbikes, and believe me, there’s nothing like driving small motorbikes to make a man feel like a little kid again.

Pattaya’s got great infrastructure. There’s an eight line highway all the way to the main Bangkok airport, a drive which usually take just an hour and fifteen minutes or so. There’s a lot of great shopping here and the place even has some excellent bookstores. It’s got great hospitals and in general health are that’s just a fraction of what it costs in the U.S. and it’s so much more efficient.

In the U.S. and in most of Europe if you go to a bar about all you have to look forward to is getting a DWI which involves spending a lot of money and probably having to spend at least one night in jail. Who needs that? Last week I put away god knows how many beers, and when I looked at my watch it was three minutes until 2 which his my curfew. After all, I do have a girlfriend and she expects me back at 2, so believe it or not I got home on my motorbike in just two minutes driving perhaps 4 kilometers. At that late hour the traffic was nearly non existent. The last thing I was worried about was cops because I have never seen a Thai policeman ever pull anyone over because he was drinking and driving. Now don’t get me wrong, I never drink and drive my car here because I feel it’s too risky. But on my motorbike the only person I think I’m possibly going to kill is myself and with the traffic so non-existent at the late hours I’m likely to be going home, I can drive that bike of mine as if it’s on rails with both of my eyes closed.

I’ve got a beach 150 yards from me and a great health club to exercise in. If the climate ever seemed too hot for me, I think I’ve pretty well acclimized myself by now. I’m flying to St. Louis in a few hours and I can practically guarantee you that St. Louis on August 1st is going to be hot and a lot more uncomfortable than it is for me in Pattaya. I’d say that if the year round climate where I live averaged just 3 degrees cooler that it would be just about perfect.

As it was for the people of Shangrila money really is no real object for me here. It simply goes a lot further than it does in the United States which enables me to have an even more comfortable lifestyle with access to infinitely more women, with far more night life and bars around me, and I’m still able to save a lot more money than I ever was before.

Is Pattaya perfect? No way. There’s hardly any sidewalks to be found, the place is awfully corrupt, and the ocean is a bit too polluted. But the corruption hardly ever affects me, and it’s still a beautiful ocean. If I want to swim in it all I have to do is take a 40 minute ferry ride to Koh Larn. As for the lack of sidewalks and all those amenities. Well…one could say it just makes life more interesting.

Tie Guys–Sexy Thai Drinking Street bar girl Video

The video’s from a bar we picked at Random on Drinking Street two nights ago. It all started when I gathered a small group of my friends together for dinner at Greg’s Kitchen on Drinking Street. Greg’s been a friend of mine for years. The friendship started while I was staying at the Skytop Guesthouse several times totaling 11 months while waiting for my condo to be finished. Greg’s Kitchen was just two doors from my lodging. Pete, an Australian, owned Skytop, and Pete loved to play pool. And so did Greg and Pete had a pool table just outside the Skytop front entrance so I saw a lot of Greg, and of course I often ate at his restaurant. But when Greg realized I had a very impressive professional camera, a Nikon D-1 X he wanted me to shoot all his food dishes for his menu. So every few days Greg would come over to Skytop to ask me to take pictures of several new dishes for his menu until I had taken pictures of every single dish he offered. I wound up eating a lot of Greg’s dishes for payment since Greg wanted to offer me at least something for all that work I was doing for him. The result was this large menu just outside his restaurant that passers by could read. Later when I started doing a web site for Skytop, Greg asked me to do a web site for him even though he already had a web site. And I’m still doing Greg’s web site. Then a couple of years ago, Pete died, and last January, his widow, Wan, closed Skytop down when the landlord jacked the rent up too much on her. Meanwhile Greg moved his restaurant to Drinking Street when his landlord started charging too much also. So now, Greg’s my only friend left from the “old days”.

If it had not been for Pete and Greg I would never have moved to Thailand so there’s a lot of nostalgia associated with Skytop and Greg’s, but Skytops no longer there. So two nights ago there must have been about ten of us altogether, eating at Greg’s and afterwards most of us hit the bars next door at Drinking Street. Our two German dinner companions were the first to leave as Ludwig was not feeling well, and Wolfgang wanted to look after him. And Lenny’s friend, “the Doctor” didn’t stick with us for long. The doctor found a young hottie right away and it must have been less than a half hour later that he bar fined her 1500 baht for a short time and we watched him disappear on his motorbike rental with the girl seated behind him. Big John had to do some work on his computer for his company so he left us early on. That left Billy Bob, Lenny, my girlfriend May May, and I over in the Drinking Street bars.

There wasn’t a lot going on at our second bar. But we saw a couple pretty girls dancing on the stage at another bar close by. Luckily I had brought my Panasonic LX-5 camera with me and I resolved to shoot some good video, and it sure wasn’t happening at the bar we were already at. So Billy Bob, Lenny and I went to next bar so I could get some good dancing video. And, what you see here is what we came up with. It’s not a good a quality as my camera can get but the lighting here at Drinking Street is horrendous and both the pictures and video wound up with a very pronounced red cast so I had to edit all that red out in my video editing program.

So who are the Tie Guys and why am I introducing them in the first place? It all started when Big Tom and Billy Bob wanted to differentiate our group of friends from all the other guys who are now flooding Walking Street, most of them, tourists. So Big Tom and Billy Bob started buying all these colorful ties which they’d then hand out to the members of our small group. Or maybe it was Big John who played a huge part in our all wearing these very noticeable ties as we caroused our way from one Walking Street go go to the next. Anyway I had nothing to do with the Ties, and when the guys would give me a tie to wear, the next time I joined them on Walking Street, I’d forget to wear my tie so one of the guys would simply offer me another Tie. I now have three ties that I got from the other Tie guys in my small bedroom.

Big John now lives in Pattaya something like 8 months out of 12 whereas Big Tom visits Pattaya for periods of two to three weeks several times a year. Billy Bob and I live here full time. Both of us are retired and both of us have been professional photographers back in the U.S. As for Big John, although he’s never been a professional photographer, he’s been a fan of digital cameras ever since they first came onto the market . That was over fifteen years ago. He’s the computer guru of the group, he’s a top notch computer programmer, and he even has a PHD in Computer Science. When it comes to computers, just call him God. Moreover he applies all his technical expertise with his cameras.

Big Tom’s almost the complete opposite of Big John. He’s over six feet six so he towers over practically everyone who is around him, and when he’s walking up the street with his Thai girlfriend he she barely comes up to his waist. The youngest in the group, Big Tom’s the biggest monger of the Tie Guys. I think he even keeps score of all the Thai girls he has sex with and he will often have a couple girls the same day. Meanwhile he will tell his Thai girlfriend, “Sorry, you cannot come with us, it’s a guy’s night out.” Big Tom’s a gun lover whereas Big John hates guns, but the one thing both men share is a huge love for beautiful sexy women.

As for Billy Bob, Big Tom often calls him, “Our Bait”. He’s the oldest guy in the group but he looks a lot younger than his chronological age, and much of the time he acts like he’s only sixteen. The Thai girls love him. That’s because most of the Thai girls we encounter are in their twenties, but they act more like they are thirteen or fourteen. So they view Billy Bob much the way a bunch of groupies will view a rock star. It’s as if he was Mick Jagger, who is by no means a young guy anymore, but Mick’s still got that certain panache. The reality, however, is that Mick Jagger’s got a certain coolness about him whereas Billy Bob is the antithesis of cool. Sometimes he can be almost a cartoon in human form. But back in a past life Billy Bob used to be a professional photographer who worked for magazines which often sent him to Europe on fully paid assignments.

Altogether, it’s a pretty talented group of guys, so from now on I want to clearly differentiate the “Tie Guys” from all those other guys shooting their pictures and videos as they drink and monger their way through Pattaya’s many bars and go go’s.

But back to Drinking Street. Billy Bob wanted to either go home or go elsewhere, and he lives in Central Pattaya not that far from Big John. I live in Naklua which is just north of Pattaya. Whereas Drinking Street is a bar complex that has a majority of Englishmen as customers, most of the bars near me in Naklua cater more to the German customer. So on the way back to my condo my girlfriend and I stop in at the TJ Bar. This bar is owned by a German and his Thai wife, and there are two things that distinguish it from most other bars. The first thing is that if you ever encounter a pretty lady at the T.J. Bar she’s bound to not be a lady. She will be a ladyboy who are Thai men who look like and act like women. Many of them have silicon breast jobs and a few of them have even had sex change operations. So there’s a few good looking lady boys at T.J’s which already proves that I have been here to long because here I’m saying that some males are really very sexy. Believe me, though, most expats get to be this way, and even men who have never remotely believed they were homosexuals before wind up actually prefering lady boys to Thai women. The other thing that distinguishes T.J’s from most other bars is its music. They play a huge assortment of American and English oldies here. Ironically it’s the Germans who enjoy all those oldies from England and America the most. The English don’t seem to care all that much about what’s playing and if you don’t believe me just listen to some of that godawful music they are playing at Drinking Street in this video.

After having a couple of beers here at the T.J. bar my girlfriend and I move over to the next bar, the Pen bar. Pen’s the owner of the bar which she’s had for over six years now. She’ s Thai, and we both like her a lot. But I’m not even half way done with my first beer when I hear a lot of commotion behind me. “It’s Per and two of his Norwegian buddies.” It’s already well past 1 a.m. The appearance of the three Norwegians causes my girlfriend and I to stay at the bar until after 3 a.m.

These guys are the descendents of the Vikings who used to rape, kill, and pillage their way through Europe during the Dark Ages. Per owns a condo exactly like mine three floors above me in my condo building and we’ve been friends for over seven years now. Rumor has it that Per has bar fined and taken every single one of Pen’s bar girls home with him at one time or the other. He’s a wild man who loves to drink and party and I will now freely admit that it’s Per who was the inspiration for Mickel “The Menace of the North” in my novel Welcome to the Fun House.

The second Norwegian has the same job as Per which is as an inspector for the Norwegian government of the fishing around the North Sea and the Arctic Circle. Both men spend three months on small Norwegian ships that investigate the fishing conditions in this sector of the oceans that are largely looked after by the Norwegian government. For them iti’s three months on, and three months off. So Per oftentimes spends three months at a time here in Pattaya before he must go back to Norway to resume his job responsibilities for his government.

Jonas is the third Norwegian and he’s the youngest. Per and the other man are in their upper forties now whereas Jonas is only thirty or so. All three of them love to drink. In fact, all of Per’s friends seem to value drinking above all else. Norway since it has found oil has the highest living standard in all of Europe if not the world, but alcohol is ungodly expensive there. I think it costs over ten dollars a bottle in the bars so that must be the reason why these modern day Vikings love to drink so much.

But they are so much fun to be with as well as being so warm and friendly. And of course all of them speak English very well. Still, Tie Guys they aren’t. They are here to drink, party and to sample Thailands beautiful women above all else whereas the Tie Guys like to leave permanent records of all their depredations for the rest of the world to see, such as this video. Expect to see more like it as time goes on as we continue to sample Pattaya’s unparalleled night life.

Celebrating Songkran, insane Thai water festival in Pattaya

cute Thaigirl blessing Billy Bob at Sonkran

The You Tube video presents 2 ways of celebrating Songkran in Pattaya, Thailand by two groups of expats. The first is my way, which is one of complete avoidance at the Centara 5 star hotel. The second is Billy Bob (Billy Bob does the Walking Street go go Bar reviews with Uncle Bufford in the Looking Glass Magazine at Alpha Productions) and Big John’s tactic of “damn the torpedoes. We are going to get wasted, take off our shirts, and join in with the hundreds of thousands who have congregated here to serve their water god. This high quality HD video is actually two videos in one. That is it is of two events occurring roughly 3 miles from each other at the same time. Let me explain. I took my video while wading completely around one of the swimming pools at the Centara Grande Mirage five star resort. This swimming pool is just one of a number of swimming pools in the Centara’s magnificent “Lost World” theme park. The pool is nearly a quarter mile in length. It meanders throughout the theme park, resembling a small river in an Amazon rainforest. There’s nothing like it anywhere. Hotel guests do miniature float trips here as they lazily ride down the shallow man made river on plastic inner tube like floats. Now a quarter mile stretch just to make the circumference of the River might sound like great exercise but it isn’t. This is because there’s a man made current which propels swimmers up to a mile an hour or so downstream without his having to move a muscle. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m wading chest deep the entire circumference of “The River” shooting my video with my Panasonic LX-5 camera. Meanwhile Big John’s got his Panasonic LX-5 over in Central Pattaya where he’s shooting his own videos with his teammate, Billy Bob. So there’s really two videos, one celebrating the complete insanity of Pattaya gone beserk celebrating this completely out of control Thai New Year’s Holiday while I’m over at the Centara enjoying the tranquility that is being experienced by all those very wealthy people who I don’t normally associate with.

Even before you watch the You Tube video you might want to get a little History on Songkran and how it has developed (I prefer the word regressed) into what it is today. It celebrates the Thai New Year that occurs in the first half of April, and which ends here in Pattaya on April 19th. In the past and even to a large extent today, Thais will sprinkle a small amount of water or dab a little mud concoction on anyone they enounter during the holiday. The key words here are “small” and “little”. Another key word that I’ll add will be “gently”. Today in most Thai cities the Songkran Holiday is celebrated for one or two days, and then it’s over. Sadly this is not the case with Pattaya, a city that has a huge expat population, and which has nightlife that even outstrips Bangkok, Thailand’s capital, a city of over twelve million. Compared to practically anywhere else in the world Pattaya is a city on steroids. It is a city that gives practically anyone complete license to do almost anything.

To give you just a single example of this, I have never, not once, seen a police officer stop a motorist for running a red light or driving against the flow of traffic. I’d say nearly half the Thais here in Pattaya will drive their motorbikes through a red light whenever they want, and that one way lines of traffic mean nothing to them. So whenever I driving my motorbike down the street I’m always meeting other motorcyclists driving right at me. Keeping in mind this is but one example of how people do whatever they want to do with their motorbikes and cars, you can fully appreciate how dangerous it is to drive here, particularly on a motorbike.

This year during the first three days of Songkran over 180 deaths were reported on Thailand’s motorways and streets. There would still be four days to come, and those would be the most celebrated days. During Songkran it is considered good fun to take an entire bucket of water and to splash the driver of a motorbike full in the face and chest. There’s no question that Sonkran kills a lot of people. However, the Thais did not plan it this way. What happened is groups of Eurotrash started to come here in ever greater numbers. These are that special class of Europeans called the Hooligans. To be even more specific, I will call these hooligans the soccer hooligans. Most of them are British. For years these hooligans have participated in British football (soccer matches) with the express purpose not of watching, but of participating “hoolignn style”, causing riots and a lot of blood shed. These people are troublemakers and they love to fight. To get a sense of how they go about their “football shenanigans”, watch a movie called “The Football Factory” and you will see why Spain eventually decided to clamp down on these Eurotrash once they had gone too far towards exporting their troublemaking style to Spain.

Pattaya represents fertile pastures to such hooligans, particularly during Songkran by offering them the opportunity to assault anyone they choose with impunity so long as they confine their assaulting with water. Keep in mind that the biggest day for Songkran in Pattaya is on April 19th and these hooligans start their pilgrimage on April 11th when they start throwing water all over anyone near Soi 6’s, 7, and 8 on Beach and 2nd Roads, and you can fully appreciate how completely out of control this holiday has gotten. This means among other things that anyone driving a motorbike down these two major roads that pierce Central Pattaya stand a good chance of getting wet and of having an accident. Meanwhile such hooligans have their numbers swollen by many bar girls working the bars on Soi Six, Seven, and Eight, who either don’t know any better or could care less even if they did. Even responsible Thais don’t appreciate getting doused with water for nine days straight and having their roads made unsafe for such long periods of time.

When you see this video you will notice that most of the Thais gently dab a little paste on the cheeks and foreheads of those they encounter on the street. Although many Thais have adopted the Hooligan style of completely dousing anyone within range with as much water as possible most of them haven’t emulated the Hooligan style of filling their high powered squirt guns with urine and ice.

So what has happened is that the Hooligans have been allowed to have a large amount of control over what goes on here. And no one’s about to try to stop them. So now that you have a little background about how Songkran is being celebrated in Pattaya today, I’ll explain how I’ve tried to avoid it.

My girlfriend and I both have one year memberships to the Centara Hotel’s Physical Fitness Center and Theme Park. It costs a great deal of money to join but for me, it’s worth it. I take advantage of the Fitness room an average of 5.5 days a week. The machines here are state of the art with some of them costing over $10,000 each. We can use the tennis courts for free at least during the say and these courts are second to none. Then there’s that magnificent theme park wtih Centara’s many swimming areas, and above all there’s that fantastic almost unbelievably surreal Amazon rain forest like river that you will be seeing a lot of in my video. Last year I decided to try to avoid Songkran by driving my girlfriend and I to Koh Chang which is Thailand’s second largest island. We went on the 13th of April only to find out that about half of Bangkok had also decided to drive to Koh Chang the same time we did. So what would have been at the most a five hour trip including the ferry ride to the island wound up taking us over nine hours. The Thais were celebrating Songkan all up and down our route. So while one municipality we’d be driving through was not celebrating Songkran on that particular day, the next one would and there would be all these pickup trucks along the way with their beds full of 55 gallon barrels of water and squirt gun armed riders squirting everything in sight. The traffic got so bad that it took us two hours just to get the last seven hundred meters to the ferry we eventually offloaded my Honda Civic. Then when we finally made it onto the island the sun had already set and we had to negotiate Koh Chang’s impossibly narrow mountain roads in the dark. To make matters worse every few kilometers of our last 26 kilometers on the island there would be groups of people running out into the middle of the road dousing all the cars. Once we finally got to our destination on the southern tip of Koh Chang we were home free and done with Songkran but it was a perilous journey getting there.

This time, I’d use the Centara Hotel to idle a lot of my time away for 2013’s Songkran. When I’d go out to dinner or breakfast I’d either have my girlfriend prepare my food for me in the condo or we’d go to a restaurant that was close-by as in next door. And when I’d go to the Centara I’d walk. There would be not one person trying to douse me with water on the beach. After all it’s far more fun to try to cause an accident to someone on a motorbike than to get someone wet who’s already wearing swimming trunks. It would take me less than ten minutes to walk to the hotel anyway, and if I drove a motorbike there along Soi Wongmat I’d be sure to get wet just about every time.

Meanwhile my two pals, Billy Bob and Big John decided to take their cameras right into the vortex of the action. If I were still a single guy I probably would have joined them–on the 19th, that is, during that last day of complete chaos. There was probably something up to half a million people celebrating that day, and I must admit that it’s a perfect opportunity for meeting lots of women one might never encounter again. One just strips down to his swim trunk. I’d never wear anything else, but I would oftentimes take a towel along, which would immediately get soaking wet but as the afternoon becomes evening and the air starts to get a little chill in it even a wet towel provides some measure of warmth.

So here it is…..two Songkrans, with each of them experienced in completely different environments. Which one would you prefer?

One night in Pattaya’s go-go bars proves Thailand is “Amazing”

Because my neighbor Lenny is headed back to San Diego in a couple of days we decided to meet for dinner down on Walking Street and hit a few go-go bars. For this mission for which I’d leave my girlfriend back at the condo I also needed to have my good friend Ross along as well. So we all met at the Beer Garden at 7:45 and sat at a table overlooking the Gulf of Thailand. I had the Lasagne and a couple of beers, the Lasagne running 190 baht which is $6.33 which is more than reasonable considering the terrific atmosphere of the place. The Beer Garden is owned by a New Zealander who goes by the moniker Pattaya Pete, who one of our waitresses told me has not been at the restaurant for quite awhile.

Now Pattaya Pete is an exceptional guy, not being greedy the way so many restaurant owners are who have restaurants that front directly on the Gulf. Let me give you a couple of examples of this. I belong to a health club at the Centara Hotel which is roughly half a mile down the street from my condo. The Pattaya Centara Grande is a five star hotel which is one hotel out of a chain located in Hua Hin, Bang Kok, Trat, and Krabi here in Thailand as well as in Singapore and other cities in Asia. In the front of the Centara is a theme park that has a number of swimming pools for one thing and this theme park stretches out to Centara’s beach on the Gulf of Thailand. Among other things, one of the pools is called “The River”. I once waded around the River’s entire length and paced it off and found it to be roughly 360 yards long throughout its meandering course. I believe the River is modeled from a tropical rainforest. It has a tunnel that is 90 yards long. There are cliffs along the sides of the River and there are pedestrian walk bridges overhead. I will often swim its entire length, not once but two or three times although I don’t think swimming the River is the greatest exercise in the world. This is because of the artificial current that sweeps swimmers along its entire length that give me an estimated speed of say 2 miles an hour even if I’m barely moving my arms and legs. Most of the hotel’s guests do not swim the River. Instead they float its length on clear colored plastic rafts.

My membership at the Centara Fitness Center gives me free access to Centara’s magnificent tennis courts, but its inside the health club where I spend most of my time. The health club has a wide assortment of exercise machines costing up to $15,000 each. Lately I’ve been putting my own music on a usb device which I plug into a usb receptacle on the treadmill or elliptical machine. Last night I brought in two of my USB devices one with the music on it, most of it Golden Oldies, the other with the Pimsleur Thai language course. I did lesson 10 (out of 30) while doing one hour on the elliptical before switching to the music USB. It costs over $1000 for an annual membership for two but my girlfriend and I believe its well worth it and spend a couple of hours in the health club 5 to 6 days a week. But I’m digressing here. I was talking about the Beer Garden down on Walking Street and Pattaya Pete and after that I must go on about the go go bars.

The point I’m making is Pattaya Pete is not a greedy person and his business is now paying off in spades because Pattaya Pete unlike most Thais takes good care of his customers. When you join the Centara you get a plastic card with your picture on it. Among other things you get 15 % off on all food and beverages except for during Centara’s Happy hours in its bars. My girlfriend and I used to go to one of Centara’s restaurants called the Flame for its terrific salad bar buffets. We’d order a Chilli or grilled chicken for roughly 330 baht or whatever was cheapest on the menu and that would get us the salad bar at no extra charge. But when I paid $1200 for my 1 year health club membership Centara started doing its salad buffets as stand alones but charged 450 baht for them and if you”d get say the chilli, you’d have to pay extra for the salad buffet, so my 15 % discount turned out to be worthless. Another example is another of Centara’s restaurants,the Oasis, which used to charge 160 baht $5.33 for an excellent club sandwich. It wasn’t long that the hotel restaurant upped its prices to 280 baht or $9.33 for the same sandwich while increasing its prices on nearly all its dishes for a similar amount. So it doesn’t amaze me that most of the hotel’s restaurants are practically empty most of the time. But that’s typical Thai management for you that hasn’t figured out yet about the economic principles of supply and demand. The thinking here is that if you don’t sell many meals you increase the prices of those meals thinking that’s going to get you more money. Thankfully not all Thai managers think that way, but most of them do.

There is that restaurant down on the beach next to Centara. I went there with some friends and my girlfriend where I paid 350 baht for my spaghetti and on top of that the restaurant was charging a 10 percent service charge. But here at Pattaya Pete’s Beer Garden I was having a much better meal, the spaghetti for 190 baht, and with no service charge. So I had commented to one of my waitresses, “This place seems pretty empty now that low season has hit, but I’ll still bet you have over 100 people here. And during high season, the last time I was here I’ll bet you had 150 people here.” I had even heard that Pete used to let Thai women come into his place and at a certain time he had a special happy hour for them during which they got their first drink free. So what happened is Pete wound up getting a lot of free lancers coming into his restaurant and this got a lot of men coming in who wanted prostitutes to take home with them but who were unwilling to pay the bar fines charged in the Walking Street go-go bars. So now, a man who comes to the Beer Garden not only gets the terrific atmosphere of this large open air establishment that juts right into the Gulf of Thailand, it also has great prices for food and drinks, and all these free lancers to pick from if he’s so inclined. So it’s no small wonder that there’s always a big crowd here.

Our first stop was at the Lighthouse, a go go bar that has two rows of small tables on both sides of a long narrow stage on which about 15 go go dancers were showing off their stuff. Like most go-go bars, the Lighthouse has two shifts of girls taking their turns on the stage so there’s about thirty girls working here and in the case of the Lighthouse, many of them are drop dead gorgeous. YOu will never find such an assortment of beauty in the United States, and I don’t care where you go, even if it’s the most elite, expensive strip gentlemen’s club in your city. Ross turned to me and said, “It’s all the fish heads and rice these girls have been eating that does it. I love it here. This is the best place on earth.”

Lenny’s seated to my left and Ross is on my right. The beer here is 135 baht which is getting close to five bucks a bottle. Draft beer is cheaper but it seems like every time Ross and I get down to Walking Street and order draft beer that we get sick. So we always get the bottled beer now, both of us believing that the go go bars are not washing their glasses properly. Right off Lenny spies a terrific looking girl on stage while Ross and I are commenting on another girl who is equally attractive. Ross calls out to a waitress to get the girl off the stage for him so that he can buy her a drink. A couple of minutes later the girl is sitting between Lenny and me. She looked on the tall side up on the stage. Many of them do because of the high heels they are wearing and because you are often looking upwards at them. But sitting next to me this girl appeared very petite and without an ounce of flab on her, like a Thai version of Barbie Doll. Lenny bought the girl a drink, which surprised Ross and me because normally Lenny is pretty cheap, but then again, at go go bars it’s av-requirement that you call a girl off the stage.

For a moment another very pretty girl appeared only two feet in front of the two small tables we sat at. Suddenly one of the waitresses asked us if we wanted her to sit with us. Ross was quick to tell the waitress, “My Owl Kap,” which means “No thank you.” as I gave both women a sign of disinterest.

“it’s a waste of money to buy girls drinks here,” said Ross. It’s a show club and I’ll bet that girl sitting next to Lenny will be asking 4000 baht and she won’t be doing any long times either. Well, 4000 baht is around $130 U.S. or so and that doesn’t even count the bar fine one has to pay the go go bar.

“Yep…..and as soon as the girl leaves you after you have her over for the short time she’s likely to be going to a Thai karaoke bar where she is going to give your money to some young Thai guy who she’s going to pay for sex.” Either that or she’s going to be coming back here hoping to do another short time with someone else or hitting one of the go go bars like Tony’s disco or Lucifers and do a short time with someone she meets there who’s not about to pay a barfine.

We agreed that neither of us would be throwing our money away, not even to buy a girl a single drink. Not here, anyway, and me, if I did barfine a girl where would I take her? Even if a walked her down to a nearby short time hotel someone who knew my girlfriend might see me with a go go girl in tow and she’d be very quick to tell my girlfriend as soon as she got the chance. But i also found the idea of giving my money to some Thai guy to be pretty disgusting.

Meanwhile Lenny was negotiating with the pretty girl sitting next to us. She was willing to do a short time with him she said but when he tried to explain to her that he wanted her for long time and where we lived in Naklua she acted as if she had no idea where Naklua was. Ross commented, “She doesn’t care where Lenny takes her, she only cares about getting a short time done as quickly as possible.”

On the way to the next go go bar once we were all out on the street, Lenny told us the girl was willing to do a short time for 2000 baht which Ross told him was a much more fair price than he thought she’d be charging. That’s around sixty dollars. However Lenny also told us the bar fine was now 800 baht at this go go club and that adds another $27.00 to the price so the whole thing would be about $90. But with the American dollar going down as much as it has been lately we are getting up to more like $100.00. I told Ross I’d probably be able to get the girl down to 1500 baht or even 1000 baht. Here’s the way I’d do it. First I’d not take any girl out of the Lighthouse or any other go go bar unless I was paying her a price that I was comfortable paying. I used to go to the hottest go go bar in Pattaya. I’d go there a few times without paying any of the girls but finally I offered one of the girls 1000 baht for short time back at my condo. She went for it. Later when she was out with another customer I bought another girl a drink, a girl who knew the girl I had been paying 1000 baht to and I offered to take her back to my condo for 1’000 baht, but first I told her this is what I was paying the first girl. The second girl agreed to my price and I took her back to my condo for 1000 baht plus the bar fine of 600 baht. I continued to do this until I had bar fined six different girls all at the same go go bar and each time I approached a girl I would tell her, “This is what I pay all the girls, 1000 baht.” Thing was I knew all the girls were talking to each other and they all knew I was a 1000 baht man. Meanwhile most of the customers at this club were Japanese or Korean and I can say with absolute certainly that they were paying several times as much as I was paying.

Lenny almost went back to bar fine the girl. Instead, we went to Roxy’s just up the street. Here the beers were once again 135 baht for a bottle. Ross was immediately approached by one of the prettiest girls in the place who simply followed us to the table we were being escorted to and took a seat next to him. He bought her a drink and for awhile she snuggled up next to him. But after fifteen minutes or so she was called out onto the stage and she never returned to our table, and probably because she asked him for a second drink and he had refused to buy it for her. Then Ross and Lenny noticed one of the more attractive girls sitting with several of the other girls near the stage and both commented, “She’s making signs at the other girls. I’ll bet she’s deaf.”

Ross got a waitress to ask the girl to join us at our table. He bought her a drink, and she was, as suspected, completely dead and dumb. The girl asked the waitress for a pen and then she brought out a piece of paper. On it she wrote, “I am deaf.” This started a series of paper exchanges with Ross replying to the girl and the girl in return replying to her as they passed the paper and pen between them. She was a pretty little slip of a girl with clever eyes. All three of us agreed that there were advantages to having a girlfriend who was deaf and dumb. “It would almost be like the Stefford wives,” I told Ross.

Our next stop was Spanky’s a go go bar where a lot of “Spanking” went on. The club had these clubs that looked like cut down baseball bats but they were soft and flexible so it didn’t hurt at all if you struck someone with one. But they’d make a noise that sure made it sound like one’s victim was getting a real shellacking. Before we even got in the door one of the girls took my hat off my head, told me she’d be coming back to me wearing it and then she disappeared into the dressing room. A few minutes later she took a seat next to me and I ordered a drink for her. Later she asked for a tequila and since I was already thinking about tequila and all the tequilas I had drunk with all those strippers I used to drink with back in the U.S. I ordered one for both of us, then another.

Rather than get into what was going on, suffice it to say that the girl was all over me and the more tequila she had drunk the more she lost her inhibitions. It was time to leave and go to the next place. Which was Baby Dolls.

Well let me tell you, there sure were a lot of godawful girls in there. None of them approached us although later on one girl came over from the stage and took a seat next to mine at the small table next to us. But she just sat there remote and disinterested so I let that well alone. The music was terrific at Baby Dolls however.

One thing about most go go bars is they play their music for their girls and not for their customers. So they wind up playing all this syntho music which isn’t music at all being computer created garbage and they also play a lot of what I call Da Da music. that’s music consisting of two, which is not even three beats as in “Da Da Da Da……then more quickly now, “Da da da da. The loudness of the notes either increases or decreases and so does the frequency but it’s all linear and just two beats. It’s complete crap. This is one of the reasons all my German friends won’t go go the go go bars. Germans just won’t put up with it. Their tastes are simply too refined. In fact, as it turns out, it’s Germans who are the biggest fans of old English and AMerican songs dating back to the 1960’s Which is ironical because most of my English and American friends don’t care what is playing at all. Here at Baby Dolls they were getting their music right.

But it was time to leave. I had promised my girlfriend I’d be back by 2 a.m. and we had only forty-five minutes before I’d have to catch a baht taxi back to my motorbike which I’d then drive down the backstreets back to my condo. Ross and I chose the Silver Star as our last place.

Taking seats right up against the stage, we ordered our beers and then Ross commented, “It’s getting close to closing and the girls have all turned into zombies.” Then he added…..”These girls are all the rejects from all the other clubs” But some of them were pretty good looking. It’s just that they were all acting as if we weren’t even there. But I had caught the eye of one of the girls who was sitting by herself away from the stage. By this time Lenny had long ago left us. But after a few minutes the girl who had been sitting alone who I had my back to now that I was sitting in front of the stage brushed by me a couple of times jostling me as she walked past me. I just kept jostling her back, just hard enough to make it clear that I was doing it on purpose. Then I told her in Thai, “Your hair is yellow. You are Russian.” This started even more flirting back and forth but she never came up to me to sit next to me, nor did she ask for a drink. Had it been much earlier in the evening or if I had stayed later, one way or the other she would have been sitting next to me. But as it turned out another girl, one of the most attractive girls in the whole place came up to me as I sat next to Ross. My mind now blurs thinking how it started, and really it doesn’t matter, but I started feeling the girl’s stomach which was flat as a board and then I told her she was same same me, and that I was not fat and then I had her feel my stomach as I took up from my chair.” Then she started pushing herself up against me and putting her arms around me until our bodies touched all the way up and down from our breastbones to our knees as we held each other tight.

Then she took a seat next to mine and I kept telling her how pretty she was but I had a girlfriend back waiting for me at the condo and I had to be back at 2:00. A few minutes later I left her after saying goodbye both to her and the other girl I had been flirting with.

It took just five minutes for the first baht taxi to pull away from the curb and to pull away filled with passengers and for the taxi that was next in line to back up to take the spot that had been occupied by its predecessor. A group of people who had been waiting their turn got on. In an instant this taxi was filled as well and I wound up standing on the step that had been mounted just below where the pickup truck’s bumper would normally had been. It costs just 10 baht to go anywhere up or down the line the baht taxis followed. In this case the taxis were all going as far as Naklua which meant 10 baht would be taking me all the way to the Tavern Restaurant where I had parked my motorbike. Baht taxis were converted pickup trucks which had two long bench seats facing each other in their beds. Over the heads of he passengers fiberglass roofs had been mounted to protect the occupants from the rain. On the bottom of the roof within easy reach of the passengers were three or four buzzers which looked like little doorbells. The baht taxis operated like buses traveling up and down their routes letting off each passenger when he pushed a doorbell. This is a great deal for thirty cents which would be paid by each passenger as soon as he dismounted from the pickup bed after which he’d walk over to the driver’s window and hand over a ten baht coin, or if he didn’t have the correct amount he’d hopefully receive his change. I mentioned hopefully because some unscrupulous drivers will tell a passenger that he doesn’t have any change so if the customer pays him say a twenty baht note, he will pocket the entire amount.

I’ve been pick pocketed twice on these baht buses. The modus operandi is as follows. Usually two or three individuals will get on the taxi who clearly do not belong in that particular place at that particular time. For example, there will be an attractive 15 year old girl with an older woman who’s usually downright ugly and old enough to be more than old enough to be the girl’s mother. But say it’s 1 o’clock in the morning. The older woman and the young girl clearly do not belong in that time at that place. One expects for example to see Westerner’s returning to their hotels or condos. So there might be single guys going home along or couples, even groups who have been going to the entertainment spots together. There might be a single Thai guy, or a girl wanting to go home to bed who’s been working somewhere in a bar or selling movies or clothing or whatever while going from bar to bar hawking her merchandise to the customers. There might be even two bar girls going home together or going to a disco where they can hopefully pick up customers. But an old bag of a lady with a 15 year old girl? They just don’t fit in here at 1 a.m. They certainly have not been shopping together because all the shopping centers and markets have closed down a long time ago.

And that’s exactly what happened to me one of the times I was being pick pocketed. The way it went is this young girl came over and sat right up next to me, almost against me. She had been carrying some sort of a coat or blanket and she put it up on top of her lap and then she started rubbing her hand around under the blanket. Then the old bag who was with her came over from where she had been sitting across from us and two passengers over and the old bag sat on the young girl’s lap. I even thought to myself, “they are trying to pick pocket me, and here’s how it’s working. The old bag comes over to upset my concentration. Meanwhile the girl will get her hand into my pocket.

One friend of mine, a Norwegian had been pick pocketed by a small crew of thieves. A lady boy sat across from him and engaged him in conversation as the lady man’s accomplice sat up next to my friend. My friend was distracted by his conversation with the lady man and didn’t even feel the accomplice pull his wallet from his pocket. Knowing what had happened to my friend I was now on guard, expecting to be pick pocketed, but I wanted to catch them in the act. I could sense the girl’s hand beneath the blanket near me up against my upper leg. And I kept waiting to feel her hand go down into my pocket but I never felt a thing. She was so good that even though I was waiting for it I never felt anything and suddenly my wallet was gone, the young girl and her much older companion got off the taxi with one or two people who were traveling with them and that was that.

One night I was returning back from Walking Street with two of my friends when four girls got on the taxi who once again did not fit in with coming out of nowhere in Naklua at 1 a.m. Once they boarded the taxi and took their seats my friends and I started talking about pick pockets while all of us were very careful so as not to let the girls sit anywhere near us. Within five minutes all four girls got off the taxi, but not one of them paid the driver. Later, when I paid the driver the 10 baht taxi fare I got a close look at his eyes and I knew he was a hard man with dishonest eyes. Clearly he was in on it, knowing only too well who the girls were and what they were up to.

So here I was standing on the rear step of the baht bus when Ross comes up next to us driving his motorbike. We exchange a few words and then Ross passes us on his way home. The man standing on the step next to me asks, “Do you know that man?” I tell him that Ross is an American friend of mine who’s been drinking with me all night.”

“Why does he drive a motorbike and you riding the taxi?” the man asks.

“Well most of my friends are not as smart as me,”i tell the man. I know that most of these drivers around here are complete idiots, some of the worse in the world and I’m scared to death of them. Especially at night and especially when I”m drinking. So I’ve left my motorbike up the street which I’ll pick up in a few minutes and drive once I’m out of the traffic. Actually I own a car and a motorbike.

The man agrees with me. And when I ask him where he’s from he tells me he’s Russian and he’s from Siberia where it gets awfully cold.

I know all about Siberia I tell the man. You Russians sent your famous writer, Dostoevsky to Siberia.” I then tell the man that I’ve found Siberians to be the most friendly out of all the Russians I’ve met and how I know from History how it was 25 Siberian divisions which turned the tide against the Germans during the battle for Moscow during World War II.

At this point the two Russian women are smiling a lot and making a comment or two. In no time the bus approaches the Tavern Restaurant so I have to get off the taxi and say goodbye to the Siberian and the two Russian girls.

Amazing Thailand and Pattaya’s the most exciting city in the entire country. One moment I’m cussing all the Russians who are clogging up my street who don’t have the common sense to realize they are not on a sidewalk but on a street meant for cars and that standing out in the middle of the street is not the place to be holding a conversation. And most of them can’t speak one word of Thai and no more than five words of English, those being “Me Russia. No speak English.” But that afternoon I”ve got a beautiful shapely Russian woman exercising next to me on the elliptical machine next to mine. Then after encountering one unsmiling Russian face after the other I meet someone like this Siberian, who speaks excellent English and super friendly to boot.

I get back to my condo at ten minutes to two. My girlfriend is in the large bedroom with the light on watching television waiting for me.

My reply to “Why are Thai women so sexy”

This came from The Looking Glass Magazine Forum as my reply to a new member to the forum that I created at http://www.alphapro.com/forums2.htm

(My reply was to this) I love Thai women because they are very skinny and fit. Thai food is healthy and they don’t eat much fast food. Another thing about them is good skin. And finally, they know how to take care of man and please him. Femininity is the sexiest thing about any woman

You have made some good points here. Sadly, there is a tendency here in Thailand towards fatness. Thai women,in general like most women everywhere, do not like to exercise. Now it might be different back home in the village, but here in Pattaya nearly everyone owns or has access to a motorbike. So most Thais will not walk with the exception of those Thais who will jog or walk for exercise. But this is a relatively small percentage, same as it is in the U.S. or elsewhere in the world. Meanwhile more and more Thais are getting addicted to the kinds of fast foods readily available in the 7-11’s here, Family Marts etc as well as to a lot of Western foods. My girlfriend,for instance, loves Spaghetti and Pizza. However, a lot of Thai women are quite willing to cook, and I do mean everyday. And a good Thai woman is very talented at cooking. They do not view this activity as something men should do. It is just something women are expected to do and they prefer going to the local markets where the produce is fresh and cheaper than the supermarkets. Also…being the social people they are they seem to enjoy eating in groups, and when they do, it’s not pizza they are eating…it’s Papaya salad, otherwise known as Pok Pok, which is pretty spicy and therefore promotes good metabolism.

So it’s a mixed bag here. It seems fatness is spreading all over the world from the U.S. This includes even China and Thailand and this is largely due to the natural human inclination not to exercise, the introduction of a lot of sugars into diets that were formerly largely sugar free, a growing addiction to Western food, substitution for walking with motorbikes and cars now that other countries are becoming more prosperous, and the proliferation of 7-11’s, Family Marts and similar convenience stores where processed foods are immediately available.

Still….Thailand has in my opinion the absolutely most beautiful girls on earth, and Pattaya has a huge concentration of them. Meanwhile the U.S. in particular has become the land of fat. It’s gotten to be so bad in the U.S. that even reputable magazines such as “Time” and “Newsweek” are coming up with articles that claim that exercising on a regular basis does no good and that going to the gym on a regular basis might actually encourage people to indulge themselves into eating that special desert afterwards or having that extra martini. Now this is complete rubbish. I have noticed that Russian women (many of whom are also godawful fat) who do exercise take their exercise much more seriously than most Americans do. When they get on the treadmill or elliptical machine they get on it and stay on it for forty minutes or an hour and it’s no nonsense all the way. There’s none of this getting off the treadmill to answer a cell phone call or to continue to go through the motions of exercising while talking on the phone. But I’ve seen Koreans, Taiwanese and Thais do it. And that is a huge reason why so many Russian women have such gorgeous bodies. For that matter a lot of Russian men take their exercise very seriously, but from what I’ve seen the men seem to prefer strength building exercise such as free weights and strength building machines instead of aerobic forms of exercise. Ever wonder why the Russians did so extremely well in the Olympics and usually trashed Americans when it came to sports requiring great strength? Its not because the Communist system created a lot of inhuman robots which it then filled with testosterone. Russians in general simply take their exercise more seriously than Americans. When they go to the gym, they go there to exercise, not to see and to be seen or not so that they can go home and brag about how often they go to the gym, but somehow it never seems to get results.

As far as Thai women being far more feminine than Western women, I agree with you absolutely. And this is no myth. This is based on my personal experience after living in Thailand for more than six years now and having had four live in Thai girlfriends, the first one for 7 months, the second girl for 19 months, the third for 10 months and my present girlfriend now for over 3 years. Western women cannot have their cake and eat it too. They must decide….do I want to be sexy and attractive or so I want to compete with men? Most of them have chosen by their own free will to choose being manlike over being feminine and sexy. So sorry girls, if I and so many men like me have chosen to take my male libido elsewhere in the form of outsourcing. It’s because our libidos have for some time existed in a state of suspended animation.

What I have seen in my Thai girlfriends and Thai women in general is they view personal appearance and sexiness as a worthy goal in itself–perhaps even the greatest goal of all. They revel in shopping for good looking attractive clothing and then they will spend hours putting it on, trying different garments and even shoes in front of the mirror asking me, “Am I sexy or not?” They enjoy it when I call them cute. Whereas many Western women might consider it offensive if I call them cute because they might take this as my not taking them seriously. They shower at least twice a day, and never, not once have I ever been around a Thai woman who smelled bad. In fact, they view people from other nationalities as being dirty because of a lack of personal hygiene, notably people from India and oftentimes even Chinese. And as far as taking care of the man, most of them do tend to do that. I think it’s largely on account of their being culturally brain washed. That is they learn early on that it is a woman’s job to do ALL the cleaning and the cooking and doing the dishes the laundry, the ironing. This is women’s work and it’s the man’s job to do other things.

But now that I’ve said all these nice things about Thai women…BEWARE. Because like all women or for that matter people everywhere in the world, people are not created equal. There are good and bad, and there’s plenty of bad to go around here, even in Thailand.