There is nothing like living in the Pattaya Fun House.  I’m calling this place the Pattaya Fun House because I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.

From a small fishing village American Vietnam War soldiers visited for R & R, Pattaya’s grown to be Thailand’s largest metropolitan city outside of Bangkok.  There’s over a million people here.  Perhaps 2 million.  We have sensational shopping malls, restaurants galore of every stripe.  .  Pattaya is simply too much fun.  It’s so much fun that once you visit here you are never want to come back.

What separates the Pattaya Fun House from nearly all other cities on the planet is the huge proliferation of nightclubs, bars, and prostitutes that seems to have infected the entire area.   There’s all the go go bars.  Which are much alike American strip clubs.  Except there’s a lot more touchy feely in them.  And you can buy sex in them from just about any girl you want.

There’s over 100 go go bars in  the Pattaya Fun House

But this is only the tip of the iceberg.  There’s gotta be at least 2000 beer bars where you can buy sex.  And at least 10000 girls working these bars.  Then there’a all the pretty girls you find shopping in the 7-Elevens.  The places you can find available women are endless.  And in my opinion, Thai woman are the most beautiful women in the world.

But the great majority of such women in the Pattaya Fun House are not prostitutes in the Western sense of what prostitutes are all about.  Nevertheless, keep in mind that money is still the number goal for these gals.    Thai go go dancers and beer bar girls are very adept at getting their customers to believe that they actually love them.  The reality is most of them don’t.   While most Westerners who come to Pattaya Fun City searching for female companionship seem to lose their brains in the airport.

This is where the Pattaya Survival Guide bookstore comes in

Most men coming to the Pattaya Fun House are practically defenseless when they come face to face with a wily Pattaya bar girl.  Which is why Thais call such men “buffaloes”.  Your typical Western man who comes to the Pattaya looking for women, knows it all. Chances are he’s an older fella who believes he’s the perfect antidote to a bar girl’s problems.

He’s super falang (this is what Thais call Westerners).  The man can play basketball.  He can dribble the ball behind his back.  He can dunk the ball to perfection.  But of course I’m speaking metaphorically here.  The reality is he’s an older guy who likes to drink beer too much.  He has a fat belly.  But he’s done rather well in his home country and now he wants to spread his wealth around to a deserving bar girl and her family.  And all because he’s such a nice fella.  And certainly his new Thai bar girl girlfriend can see him as the man he truly is.

She’s not like all those Western women he reasons.  So like a sheep heading to its slaughter, he succumbs to all the seduction that awaits him.   Not realizing of course, that most of these temptresses started learning the art of seduction when they were seven years old.

For a  great introduction to Thailand’s  go go dancers check out Stephen Leathers Private Dancer.

This is one of the best books about Thai bar girls and Bangkok go go dancers I’ve ever read.  Stephen Leathers Private Dancer is free via this link to Stephen’s  website.  I urge you to read Private Dancer before getting involved with a Bangkok or Pattaya bar girl.

I

originally got my first copy of Stephen Leathers Private Dancer free of charge as a pdf.  But I must have bought 4 copies in paperback form since then.  I gave at least two copies away to those I felt were in dire need of the lessons to be learned in Private Dancer.   And I kept a copy for myself.    But don’t just buy Private Dancer.  Believe every word of it.

I have included Stephen Leathers Private Dancer in my Alpha Productions Survival Guide Bookstore  which I urge all readers here to visit

At the Alpha Productions Survival Guide Bookstore you will find the best selection of  books about Thai bar girls I have found.  But there are a lot of other books out there.  That pretend to give you the real scoop about the bar girls.  Many are poorly written.  I have found many authors writing such books to be absolutely clueless.  My list is a short one.

You will also find one of my own books at the Alpha Productions Survival Guide bookstore.  I have titled it, Welcome to the Funhouse.

What sets Welcome to the Fun House apart from the rest is I was on the committee running a condominium community of expats while writing it.

In Thailand.  So I got to experience firsthand a lot of the corruption that affects all falang (foreigners) who purchase condos here in Pattaya.

When you are the one who has to hire Thai managers to look after your home and your neighbors condos.  When you are the one who must look after the money of your fellow condo owners.  And you constantly must deal with vendors trying to rip the condo owners off when repairs need to be made.  Or the Pattaya land office.  The police.  And Pattaya City Hall.  And you have to know your fellow condo owners.  Those who pay their bills on time and those who don’t.  You get a unique perspective about life in Pattaya as an expat that no one else has.

But now I am looking forward to writing Welcome to the Fun House II, or Return to the Fun House.  I will be writing it soon.

I just don’t know what to call my sequel to Welcome to the Fun House.  But I’ve been on this committee for over six years now.  And I’ve now been chairman of the Fun House for four years.  Call me big boss of the Fun House.  A lot has happened since I wrote Welcome to the Fun House.

There’s the beautiful Russian woman who mysteriously drowned in the Fun House swimming pool.  Except she didn’t drown.  Then there was the Great Embezzlement where our office girl kept depositing money in her pocket instead of our condo bank account.  There’s a few incidents with the police I had to personally deal with.  And bribery at the land office.  I am about to start “Welcome to the Fun House II.  I have even picked out the perfect cover girl for the new book.  She’s young, she’s mysterious. She has the shape of a model.  And she looks positively elegant in the right dresses.

Jack Corbett

The Jack Corbett Walking Street go go bars are the latest go go’s our gang frequents.   I’m giving up to 5 stars for our favorites.  With 5 stars being the best.   Bear in mind that I have not given any stars whatsoever for most of them.

Does this mean they are no good?  Not at all.  It just means we don’t go to them for whatever reason.  I’ve commented on certain go go bars as well.  But do take my comments with a grain of salt.  In fact take everything I’m  doing and saying here with a grain of salt.

The reason is it’s not my primary mission in life to be rating go go bars.  I might go to the once every two weeks or so just to be with the guys.  Who I refer to as “our gang”.  Another reason is, I find Walking Street go go bars to primarily be for tourists.  That is, for guys who don’t know any better.

These are the primary reasons  I take such an ambivalent attitude towards the Jack Corbett Walking Street go go bar list that follows

• The drink prices are much higher than they are at competitive venues such as Soi 7 and 8, Soi Six, etc
• Bar fines are typically 1000 baht and more.  Much cheaper elsewhere
• Walking Street go go dancers are typically asking 2000 baht and up for short time.  (this is on top of their bar fines).
• One gets typically better performance from the girls in competitive venues as mentioned above
• Go go bars typically move the girls from their customers (sitting at tables) to the stage to dance with great frequency.  This does not allow for much quality interaction between the customers and the go go girls.
• The Coyote dancer pestilence that’s resulted in go go dancers constantly hammering customers for drinks where the main goal is to sell as many ladies drinks in the shortest time possible
• Too much da da music.  This is the electro noise crap that is not even being played in America.  This is pure noise to the customers’ ears.

Now that you’ve read all my reasons for not going to the Pattaya Go Go Bars, here’s my Jack Corbett Walking Street go go bar list.

Angelwitch Pattaya

Annabelles go go Bar

Baby Dolls Pattaya

Girls are pretty hefty here at Baby Dolls

Bacchara Go Go BarFavorite place for Japanese and Korean tourists with the kind of prices those guys like to pay.  

Beach Club Go Go bar

 

Crazy House Go GoGood hands on action.  My gang has been pretty lucky here.  

Dollhouse Go Go

The Doll House is a lot of fun.  Great manager here.  Some very cute girls, and happy hour prices from 8:30-10:30.

Heaven Above Go Go Bar

The Lighthouse Go Go bar

Has some of the best lookers on Walking Street so great eye candy can abound here at the Light House.  But the girls are not as friendly here as they are at many other places, notably Crazy House and the Doll House.

Living Dolls Showcase Go Go Bar

Mistys Go Go Bar

Naughty Girls Pattaya Go Go

Pattaya Dream Girls Go Go

Peppermint Go Go Bar

Sapphire Club Pattaya

Secrets Night Club, Hotel and Forum

Tahitian Queen Go Go

The Sea Go Go Bar

Super Girl Used to like Super Girl a lot, and still do, but non relenting very loud da da music makes this place fit only for the phonologically impaired.

Windmill Club

Very much hands on.  The Windmill’s a pervert’s paradise.  Not my cup of tea, but that’s just me.

This Jack Corbett Walking Street go go bar list is far from complete.  There’s a few new places on Walking Street now.  Tried out a couple, and didn’t care for them.

Pattaya Coyote dancers are taking over, and Walking Street is starting to resemble Singapore with huge price increases.

Ten years ago you paid a 500 to 600 baht bar fine.  And 1000 baht for short time with a go go girl and 1500 baht for long time. That meant all night. Now Walking Street go go girls are asking 2000 to 2500 baht short time. One of the main reasons for this price gouging is the invasion of Walking Street go go bars by Pattaya coyote dancers.

The reason Pattaya coyote dancers have recently come into fashion is the difficulty night club owners have keeping quality dancers. To overcome this difficulty many go go bar owners have been getting many of their dancers from a company. This company might charge an owner 15,000 to 20,000 baht per girl per month.

So if a go go bar acquires as few as ten Pattaya coyote dancers through an outside firm this might cost the club 200,000 baht per month, in addition to which the go go bar owner must pay a salary to his remaining girls that is already much pricier than what nearly all beer bar owners pay. That’s a lot of cash for the owner to pay.  So he will attempt to recoup it by requiring hefty drink quotas from his  Pattaya coyote dancers. Whereas years ago most go go dancers tried hard to get bar fines so they could get their 1000 to 1500 baht tips, today’s equation has changed.

High pressure sales tactics to get customers to buy high priced drinks has become the name of the game.  So if a man takes a coyote dancer home with him, he’s looking at a 1500 baht bar fine.  And this is just to take the girl out of the bar. After midnight, the bar fine will go down to 1000 baht. The go go bars impose such punitive bar fines as compensation to the go go bar owner for losing the services of his high pressure drink saleswomen.

So here’s what a customer is looking at. With the bar fine at 1500 baht, he still must bargain with the girl for how much tip he must pay her. So even if the customer and go go girl agree to a 2000 baht short time tip, he’s up to 3500 baht.  And this doesn’t even include the price of a single drink. So if he’s lucky and gets off with just a 500 baht bar tab, he’s still paying 4000 baht to bang the girl. For that kind of money he could have had three Soi Six girls.  And he will have a lot more fun drinking with them than he’d  have with high pressure Walking Street go go dancers.

If you ask me the choice is a no brainer. However, if a man must have a go go dancer, it is best to avoid the coyote scourge that is infesting the entire area.

For example, the bar fine is still 600 baht at Super Girls over on Soi Diamond just off of Walking Street.  And it’s the same price across the soi at its sister club, Super Babes. Except for two or three go go dancers in the club’s Jacuzzi who command a 700 baht bar fine.  But if one has his heart set on one of the bathing beauties, he should bare in mind one thing.  That is the girl who is in the Jazzuzi tonight will be replaced by another girl the following night.  While she will be on the stage as just one more of the go go bar’s regular dancers.

Meanwhile the price for a bottle of beer at the two sister clubs is 120 baht.  Which like the bar fine is identical to what the clubs charged eight years ago. Meanwhile nearby clubs are now asking 135 to 160 baht for a bottle of beer.  While most of these clubs are becoming more and more seriously afflicted by the coyote pestilence.

For some unfathomable reason several of my friends are still addicted by the Walking Street Go Go bars. But it’s over a year now and I’ve not seen even one of them bar fine a go go girl. I suppose they feel being gouged for drinks is a lesser evil than paying ridiculous prices for boom booming Pattaya Coyote dancers.

Other Pattaya coyote dancers stories you can find here

The Beautifl Walking Street Toilet Girl of Pattaya

Go Go Bars have become rip-off Pattaya Clip joints

Pattaya Go Go Bar Mamasans extorting commissions from their bar girls

Walking Street or Soi Six, Which is more satisfying?